The Glam Girl Manifesto

I believe my last post was two weeks ago. That said, what if I told you that I wasn’t NOT writing, but in reality, working on a long overdue, always wanted, but never took the time to complete, project?

I give you, the mind baby of years and the birthed child below: the Glam Girl manifesto.

I am not the only one who has looked at these magazines advertising workout, beauty, and health tips from the toppest of the top Models and thought “Oh shoot, I should try that.” You do that enough over the years, and some things are new (the power of loose powder), some things are familiar (Prep H can do more than treat the obvious and the equally obvious), and some things are so gloriously overstated that you think they’d sink in by now (you’ll know it when you see it).

I made special priority to focus in on my current #WomenCrushWednesdays: Gisele Bundchen, Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Candace Swanepoel. How perfect is it that today is Wednesday?

There’s also a few random cameos from other fabulous icons of the runway and the red carpet, and a section of general ideas from various nutritionists, dieticians, and makeup artists to the legends. To that, I owe credit entirely to byrdie.com, wherein I fell down so many rabbit holes that I’m surprised I didn’t wind up in a Mad Tea Party. It’s still going, by the way, I saved some more articles to browse at my leisure later. A “journalist’s” work is never done.

That said, I did eliminate SOME excess. I don’t think I included any specific products because there were some obvious product sponsorships (the aforementioned ladies are all current and former Victoria’s Secret models, so was I surprised to see that they all promoted VS fragrances? Not that they shouldn’t, it’s literally their job and “Bombshell” is bomb).

All right punks, let’s do this.

Gisele Bundchen
Who is she? Brazilian, mostly retired supermodel, who has since become an accomplished author and environmentalist advocating for saving the world for the future generations. If sports mean anything to you, she’s also married to current and longtime GOAT, Tom Brady. He cute, I won’t lie. She, however, was nicknamed “The Body,” and was featured in Vogue’s editorial “Return of the Curve.” Victoria’s Secret Angel, obviously.

Makeup – Less is more. Natural all the way! When doing a smokey eye, use beige or gold eyeliner in the inner corner to prevent eyes from looking too far apart. Blush only on the apples of the cheek and nose (NOT BELOW CHEEKBONES).
Skincare – Cleanser and chemical peels. She advocates a HEALTHY DIET, with a good balance of fats, protein, and W A T E R . Moisturize to keep from skin deterioration and premature aging.
Hair – She doesn’t brush her hair much, to keep those sexy waves. She uses detangling hair conditioner to keep things unruly.

Adriana Lima
Who is she? THE Victoria’s Secret Angel, if you ask me. During her final walk in the 2018 show, her fellow models jokingly but not jokingly lowered their heads in reverency, one mumbling, “bow to the queen.” Present in more than a handful of Super Bowl commercials and probably even more fantasies than the VS Fantasy Bra, she has piercing blue eyes and a megawatt smile.

Makeup –  Good red lip and LOTS of mascara. Products that can be both blush and lipstain are ideal! Another fan of “less is more,” she’ll go barefaced with lotion and shimmer powder/bronzer. Pro tip: Moisten eyeliner pencil to get a more precise line.
Skincare – Soak skin in pads dipped in ice cold coconut water
Hair – Avocado mask and flaxseed oil, once a week
Diet –  Portion Control, Blackberries, blueberries, and steamed veggies.
Exercise – Jump Rope

Alessandra Ambrosio
Who Is She? I know we’re mad at Victoria’s Secret right now, okay? I KNOW. Their sizes don’t accommodate the average American woman, and their head of marketing could use a healthy dose of reality (or at the very least, a look at what is considered sexy these days). But just for one glimmering moment, I want the focus to not be on the politics, but rather on the girls who make the VS show so iconic. The TRUE Angels. Alessandra has been along for the ride since the dawn of Gisele and Adriana. Equally Brazilian, and equally beautiful, iffen you ask me (but no one did. Why are you here again?)

Makeup – Natural, with minimal color on cheeks and lips (lip balm with nude liner, or a two in one blush/lip product). Bronzer for a sun-kissed look, playful eyes on special occasions!
Skincare – Exfoliating Mask, toner, hydrating cream, vitamin C serum
Pro Tip – Sleep! Lots of it!

Candace Swanepoel
Who is She? VS Angel, but she’s different! She’s not Brazilian, she’s… South African.

Makeup – Cheek and Lip Stain (I’m noticing double-up products are a pattern!). Laura Mercier Eye Brow Pencil
Skincare – Body scrub of coconut oil, sugar, and coffee.
Hair – Coconut and Argan oil.
Diet – Beauty smoothie: coconut oil, flaxseed oil, banana, protein, some kind of antioxidant fruit like blueberries or strawberries or some nut butter. Avoids meat, prefers vegetarian
Destress – Yoga and meditation
Travel Tip – Brazil nuts and almonds (good for hair and nails), protein bars, and fruit are better than whatever the terminal food court has to offer.

Again, these were my MAIN homeskillets. Now let’s check out some other pro-tips from other models, past and present, and a brief few who can only be described as iCONic.

Lindsay Ellingson – Yoga! Inversions (where your legs are above your body and the weight lies on your arms) draws more blood to the face, creating a more flushed glow.
Gabrielle Union –  Drinks a gallon of water a day. Homegirl has not aged since “Bring It On,” so I believe it.
Miranda Kerr – Uses a spoon instead of an eyelash curler. Aloe vera for your skin! Eats fresh berries, kale, cucumber, baby spinach and celery (possibly this was the contents of one juice. I didn’t write that down clearly. That’s on me).
Kourtney Kardashian – Water water water! Sunscreen is a must. Tinted foundation is a never.
Jaime King – Use your fingers when applying concealer.
Adria Arjona – Use aloe on scars. Coffee, sugar and honey makes for a great monthly scrub.
Lais Ribiero –  Take your makeup off before bed and de-puff under eyes with cucumber mask 1x a week
Julie Ann Luna – Use face masks RIGHT after a hot steamy shower to lock in moisture
Rosie Huntington Whitley – Facial massages! Click HERE for how to do this right.
Emily Ratajkowski – Use lipstick as blush.

Now it’s time for the specialist pro tip, or what I’m calling “A Smarter Person Would Have Written their Names Down but Once Again these are the Unsung Heroes who make the Genetically Gifted Hobos into Hotties and What They Say about Being Healthy.”

Makeup Tips
Loose powder — Finisher, dry shampoo, in between mascara coats
Lip balm — Use it as a highlighter, eye shadow softener, or a cream blush
Facial mist — Softens harsh lines or cakey texture
Bronzer — Sweep on both cheeks AND eyes for stronger but subtler glow
Clear Wax Brow Pencil — GREAT lip liner

Diet
Ginger Tea – Grate a chunk of ginger into hot water, add honey and lime to taste.
Good foods – Tropical fruits like pineapple and papaya. Lean meats like poultry and high-fat fish. Veggies. Simple starches like rice, potatoes, and yams. Cucumber. Put it in water, eat it raw. CU. CUM. BER. 

Bad foods – Dairy, Alcohol, Packaged foods that suggest low fat/sugar. It’s a TRAP. Gluten and baked goods like bagels, muffins, and pastries should be avoided too. Ditto cereal, yogurt, chips, crackers, and soda. Just don’t have fun ever. You idiot.
Prepare to be shocked  – Water.
Protein bars – Despite earlier advice, protein bars aren’t real. 

It’s 50/50 sugar and fat. If you’re going to eat one, pick one that markets it honestly.

Additional Healthy Pro Tips

60 minutes of cardio 6 days a week will get you ready and raring to go.

Epsom Salt Bath – Pour 12 pounds of Epsom salt into a hot bath, then soak for twenty minutes. Wash off in cold water. Wake up without water weight. If you say so, sport.

Preparation H the night before on the back of your legs tightens skin

Biggest protein meal should be dinner, not breakfast/lunch.

While compiling this information, I also decided to give myself personal goals and mini-ideas on how to manifest these tips.

Lazy non productive days – no screens. Reading and writing and creativity. Eat what I want, but self care and no makeup is the priority (inspired by Emily Ratajkowski and Nina Dobrev).
Yoga in the mornings and the evenings, ten minutes each (inspired by Lindsay Ellingson).
Twelve days before the wedding: No dairy, bread, or alcohol. Avoid late night starches, too!
Go on a fitness quest — find classes nearby that I like. And I like:

• Boxing
• Tennis
• Dance (I’d love to do ballet, hip hop… maybe even a bit of pole dancing and heels! Those always look so cool)
• Rock Climbing
• Cycling

Along with that, I want to try Pilates!

So what did we learn today?

Lean protein and veggies are your best friend. Dairy is your nemesis.
Dual action cheek and blush are your friends, too! But also, less is more. I met ya halfway there.
Oh, and also… don’t forget: WATER.

Like I said, I’ve been down this rabbit hole for a few weeks, so I can say that a face mask post shower feels glorious. I can also say that putting blush down your nose is a scam and you just look sunburned. I am unskilled but still learning.

There you have it! A brief, but mostly scam-free, resource on how to be as beautiful as runway models and Hollywood starlets. And in the end, isn’t that more important than accomplishing financial success and personal happiness?