Over the weekend, my sister, mother and I settled in for a Saturday night movie together. We opted to watch Election, which had been on my list for a while but I never remembered when looking for something along that line of “high-school/coming-of-age”. I think Election falls more under the category of political satire, but I think it qualifies as both a coming-of-age film and a political satire.
Since a recurring theme in my posts this month has been a topic surrounding women, what with it being Women’s History month, I wanted to vent about this movie. Throughout the movie I could barely contain my eye rolls and disgust at some of the behavior in the film, most of it from Matthew Broderick’s character.
The COVID-19 lockdown continues! While the governor of my sunshine state has yet to implement a full-on statewide shutdown, mayors of major cities have implemented similar policies like curfews and closing all non-essential businesses. As I’ve stated a few times now, my office is remote until mid-April. That’s assuming this lasts only as long as they think it will.
Image from Reddit, based off “Dinner Party”. The Office. NBC. 10 April 2008.
The remote work enables me to have a new lifestyle for the foreseeable future. I used to wake up at 5AM to workout and look presentable before leaving for work at 6:55 in the morning. Nowadays I’m rolling out of my bed at 7:57 to start my 8AM workday in my PJs.
I don’t want that, though. I want to take the time to have a concrete morning and more sleep.
I want my morning routine to have the following:
Water
Yoga
Meditation
Workout
Skin Routine
Shower
SOME makeup
So let’s pretend this is my every day routine:
I wake up at 6am and immediately brush my teeth and put on workout clothes. I go downstairs and drink a glass of water, then stretch my legs and meditate for five to ten minutes. After that I do my workout (which is about thirty minutes of work), then feed the cats at 7am. Until 7:30 I either walk my kitchen (gotta get my steps!) or do some yoga. I’ll have another glass of water and then pop in the shower. When I get out of the shower I wash my face and put on the bare minimum makeup (eyebrows, mascara, liner if I intend to leave my house later, and chapstick). It takes about ten minutes to straighten my hair, so I’ll straighten my hair and then put on something cute but cozy. I’ll head downstairs at 7:55 to turn on my computer and have one more glass of water prior to logging on to start my workday!
Last Sunday I hopped online to document the latest information/thoughts on COVID-19, or the “Coronavirus.” Cases in America are rising, though things seem to be deescalating in other countries. That said, things are deescalating because countries are shutting down everything non-essential. Trade from other countries has essentially ceased. Movie theatres are closed until further notice. Everyone is focused on containment. America is doing their best, but there are still plenty of people partying it up down here for Spring Break. Meanwhile, my company is going full-remote, with only the absolute essentials working in office, until April 17.
I’m one of the lucky ones, as some people are out of work and headed to the unemployment line so they can keep their lives afloat while their non-essential jobs are placed on hold. It’s overwhelming to think about at times. I don’t know what’s happening with teachers, as public schools are shut down until things clear up more (though some schools are staying open as a shelter and providing food to students in need). It is a truly scary time.
The nation is working hard to keep things moving: the CDC is working ’round the clock to get enough tests and vaccine trials. Money is being injected into the economy to help things from collapsing too much. Local governments are implementing total lockdowns to keep people safe. My own county has a sunrise/sunset curfew, with all restaurants being take out and delivery only.
The masses are reacting in their own way: yelling at people for going outdoors and living life normally (the main exception seems to be that it’s okay to go get takeout from your local small business). Celebrities are having hit-or-miss moments of “doing their part” online.
The hits: John Legend, Shawn Mendes, and Lin-Manuel Miranda, among others, are doing livestream concerts. Jimmy Fallon has been doing his late-night show, to the best of his ability, from his house. Josh Gad (Olaf from “Frozen”) has been reading children’s books on his Instagram. Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, among others, have donated millions to food banks in both the United States and Canada. Though not technically “celebrity,” companies like Disney and NBCUniversal are releasing their movies on Digital Demand and streaming so people can actually enjoy them. Is it probably just a way to not miss out on their box office boons? Sure. And yet, I will benefit. They put “Frozen 2” and “The Invisible Man” on streaming. I’m set.
The misses: Evangeline Lily posted that she dropped her kids off at their extracurriculars and carrying on with her life, because she “values her freedom.” Many people thought that was selfish (to the point that Sansa Stark herself, Sophie Turner, hopped on Instagram live to encourage people to not be selfish and to follow the rules to stay indoors, with a sly dig at Evangeline’s “freedom” values). As well, both Sam Smith and Ellen DeGeneres received criticism this week for sharing their frustrations on social media, essentially saying “We’re all in this together, I’m miserable and feeling trapped too.” I’m pretty sure it’s a lot easier to be trapped in your house when your house is a 7 million dollar mansion with a pool, fitness center, and movie theatre. Simultaneously, much to my dismay, Gal Gadot released an Instagram video of an a capella rendition of “Imagine” (by John Lennon), sung by her and a few other celebrities. Kind of hard to hear “Imagine no possessions” from a multi-millionaire. That’s the kind of thing that led Lennon to be assassinated. My gentle sweet Wonder Woman, no. I know of all things you believe in love, but God bless, this was not it. Still looking forward to “Wonder Woman: 1984.” Love you.
A notable phenomenon has been the hypothetical situations that people have posed during this required quarantime. There are two options: you will either emerge having been productive, written that novel, dieted while saving money on your food rations, or eat all your quarantine snacks three days in and spend your time watching Netflix and Hulu, emerging looking like you’re straight out of Wall-E.
I personally want to find my happy medium. I have finished the first season of “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” and I’m slated to watch “Stranger Things” tomorrow with a friend. A happy plus: Google Chrome has an extension called “Netflix Party,” where you can share screens and watch movies together. I watched “Confirmed Kills” with two friends yesterday, and have scheduled another “movie night” for next Friday. Fun fun!
That said, I am, again, one of the lucky ones who still has work. I will be spending eight hours a day at work, like normal. That said, things have slowed down somewhat. I can use lulls to read, write, and walk laps around my kitchen. I wish I had a treadmill.
I want to emerge with a tight hair and makeup routine, and know how to add individual lashes. I also kind of want to learn French finally. Polish my Spanish, learn French, basic Italian. I know it sounds ambitious, but they’re saying this quarantine could last until July. That’s over three months! I’m also hoping to get better at home workouts, which have never been my strong suit. I don’t want to live off processed food and lose any healthy habits I actually have.
Image from Tenor. “Frank’s Pretty Woman.” It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia . FX. 15 September 2011. TV.
During this time of isolation, I have no excuse to not indulge in some personal growth and mental development. I should not emerge in a thick wave of cheeto-dust. No matter how tempting that sounds. To quote Thomas Paine, “These are the times that try men’s souls.” To quote Shakespeare’s Richard III, “Now is the winter of our discontent”. To quote Salvador Dali, “Whoa, things are getting so weird that it looks like those clocks are melting.”
Today is Wednesday, March 18, and COVID-19 has led to the shutdown and lockdown of major cities and public businesses. People across the world are encouraged to stay in their homes and away from crowds. My office is remote for the rest of the week and will likely stay that way until the end of next week. Schools are closing nationwide. Restaurants are serving at half-capacity with a strong preference for delivery and pickup. I went for a quick grocery trip today and the store was clear of paper products, rice, and frozen waffles. Also someone took all the good vegan food, which I think was pretty rude.
That said, one of the biggest patterns we’re seeing is that fitness centers are either at limited hours or completely closed. My gym, for example, is shut down for the rest of the month. I’m getting over being sick, so I haven’t worked out at all since Sunday. That said, I’m ready to get back in the game.
Keeping with the spirit of Women’s History Month, I follow a few fitness/healthy lifestyle influencers that are (or at least, appear to be, I’ve never met them) fun, optimistic, and yes, very much in shape. I’ve seen a few of them release a few “at-home” workouts to keep the spirits (and gains) high. Lack of access to the gym shouldn’t get in the way of your goals!
Here’s a few of my favorite workout women (and a link to a workout that will whoop some butt)!
Whitney Simmons. This cutie patootie has been at the top of my list for a WHILE. She has been open about every aspect of her fitness journey, from her life as a high school athlete turned cut from the college team. When I first found her videos she had recently quit her job to pursue Youtube and fitness full-time. She’s since partnered with Gymshark, one of the leading athletic wear companies in the Western hemisphere, including a limited edition line that sold out in minutes, and kickstarted 2020 with the launch of her own fitness app. She is super optimistic and a great role model! She’s also VERY good at makeup, I wish I could do my eyebrows as well as she does.
Nikki Blacketter. I first discovered Nikki in my Pinterest account. I thought she looked like the actress who plays Jordan on “Scrubs,” (Christa Miller), and I thought “Wow, how old is this photo?! She’s pretty in “Scrubs” but WOW! Isn’t she in her fifties?! She looks incredible!!” It wasn’t her, but it was Nikki! I fell down a rabbit hole of her videos, and not only is she super fit, but she once competed in weight lifting competitions! She’s also partnered with Gymshark (and considers Whitney a best friend), and is a pretty avid gamer. She also has a fluffy white cat named Max. He seems like a good boy.
Keltie O’Conner. Oh, Canada! Keltie has played every sport from here to Ontario, and has taken on every fitness challenge out there on Youtube. She wound up on trending after sharing a video of a crazy transformation following Tom Brady’s crazy intense diet (Tom Brady, the football player… married to model turned advocate, Gisele Bundchen. FORESHADOWING). She is a Golden lab in human form, and even when talking about serious topics like mental health, she always has a smile. She ends all her videos with “Go pet a dog!” She spoke recently about feeling crazy anxiety when she first started out on Youtube. Now she’s modeled in Nike ads. A glow up if ever there was one.
Alexis Ren. They used to call Gisele Bundchen “The Body.” Gisele will forever be the queen, but I would argue that if Gisele is the body of the early 2000s, then Alexis Ren is the body of the mid 2010s. She gained popularity on Tumblr and Instagram, and her popularity exploded when her then-boyfriend Jay Alvarrez shared videos of their desirable travel diaries across the world. Think skydiving, backflips off of cliffs, and yes, blue-ass water. Alexis has since gone on to compete in “Dancing with the Stars,” along with landing the cover of “Maxim” and “Rookie of the Year” award from “Sport’s Illustrated.” She spends most of her time (when not working) traveling and advocating for green environmental causes. Beautiful soul to match the bod!
As an added bonus: Allie Michelle, one of the Woman Crush Wednesday of last week’s entry, is offering free classes on meditation and breath-work for the masses trapped at home! Mind and spirit counts just as much as the physical body!
People are concerned about going stir-crazy and getting flabby on the lockdown snacks (it’s me. I’m people. I baked massive cookies last night). These ladies are keeping calm and carrying on, and so should we all!
Earlier this year there were, as they say, “rumblings.” A virus had developed in China, a common cold that seemed more serious than the sniffles. At first people shrugged it off, but not for long. Tourists began arriving from the affected areas into the US and Europe, and soon, COVID-19, or “Coronavirus,” began to present itself across Italy, the UK, and eventually, the US.
Millennials did what we do best: made memes and took advantage of quickly dropping in price international flights. Places that are typically packed with tourists soon became ghost towns.
Taken from KnownYourMeme. Twitter user DijahSB.
Things escalated quickly as more and more cases began appearing in America. The president went from “This is just a more aggressive common cold” to “this is a national emergency and we’re shutting down the borders.”
Over the course of the past three days, companies have put employees on remote work, emptying out offices until further notice. Disney, Universal Studios, and Seaworld are closed until the end of the month. Schools have closed. Hospitals are on high alert. Experts are declaring “social distancing,” IE, everyone stay indoors and don’t interact with anyone until this all ends.
Pharmacies, grocery stores, and anywhere else you can think of are depleted of water, frozen foods, and hand sanitizer. Oh, and toilet paper. For some reason people got into fistfights over toilet paper. I blame Chuck.
Image from Giphy. “The End.” Supernatural. The WB/CW. 1 October 2009. TV.
It’s gotten to the point that most of digital society is saying “Take advantage of those shows that you’ve been meaning to watch on Netflix. Don’t go to bars because of the lack of crowds. Don’t risk infecting people.” Jerks like me are only too happy to oblige. That said, it makes me think about all the things I want to enjoy when the “social distance” period ends. I want to walk the Brooklyn Bridge. I want to visit the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston. I want to visit the Riverwalk with Aaron. I can’t wait to go and enjoy public places with people I love. I was one of the people who contemplated “Wait. Buy a cheap flight. Go see ‘Mean Girls’ on Broadway.” or “Go fly to Boston and hang with the girls.” It didn’t last, because I’ve since fallen ill to the actual common cold.
In times like these, I will be nursing myself back to health and expressing gratitude for the fact that I am healthy and able-bodied. People like me will likely recover from coronavirus if infected by treating ourselves to cold medicine and bedrest like any other common cold. Those with heart, lung, or compromised immune system issues do not fare so well. It’s heartbreaking and scary. I am staying indoors and away from the gym until I feel 100% and even when I feel better, I will be sticking to the treadmill until the COVID-19 virus settles.
I am personally looking forward to watching the following:
Big Little Lies
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Stranger Things
Elite
I will also be finishing up the years of paperwork I need to do, from finishing my Thank You notes, my name-change paperwork, and (ugh) my taxes. I can’t wait.
If you’re reading this, wash your hands, air-hug, and stay indoors. Don’t panic. If everyone does their part, we will all emerge from this wiser and healthy.
Image from Tumblr. Atlantis: The Lost Empire. Directed by Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise, performances by Florence Stanley, Michael J. Fox, James Garner, Cree Summer, Don Novello, and Phil Morris. Walt Disney/Buena Vista Pictures, 2001.
March is International Women’s History Month! I prefer “Her-story” month, of course. With that in mind, on this Woman Crush Wednesday, I give you five women that I enjoy, appreciate, and aspire to emulate. These are all modern women that I do not know personally, but think are amazing. I’m adding this clarification so I don’t have to give a ten-paragraph essay on why I love my mom.
That’s the Mother’s Day entry right there.
1. Demi Lovato – Demi Lovato is a musician, actress, and mental health advocate. She first rose to popularity when I was a tween and I was a total “Lovatic.” I loved her music and her personality. I always felt like I didn’t fit the standard preppy mold, so seeing her rock Converse and a bomber jacket made me feel cool… and want a bomber jacket. I finally got one last year. Dreams come true. She has been open about her struggles with her own mental health. She went to rehab when I was a junior in high school, but not long after that she began a six-year streak of sobriety. Unfortunately, the people she trusted to keep her safe didn’t do that great a job, and she relapsed and returned to rehab two years ago. She’s since returned to acting with a recurring role on “Will and Grace” (and an upcoming movie called Eurovision with Will Ferrell), and has announced an album, from which she’s released two brutally honest tracks about her life. She is smart, talented, and honestly, funny in a way that only a person who is fully aware of herself can be. I will personally body guard her and pounce on anyone who tries to ruin her day.
2. Allie Michelle – Allie Michelle is twenty-three and already making a name for herself. She started her journey as a yoga instructor, but has since published two books of poetry and started her own sustainable clothing line. She publishes her journey around the world in Bali, Greece, and all those Eat, Pray, Love places that one girl you went to high school with went to and you look at her Instagram photos and think “Maybe I should go there… flights are eighteen hundred dollars?!” I admire her free spirit, grace, and wisdom.
3. Mindy Kaling – What? Me? A fan of “The Office?” Yes. Mindy Kaling wrote an off the walls off-Broadway play about the lives of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck as they were living in Boston, trying to become actors and writers with her close friend Brenda Withers. It got enough buzz to land Mindy in the office of Greg Daniels, who placed her into the writing staff of the first season of the NBC reboot of “The Office.” Her job quickly became both behind and in front of the camera as audiences developed an affinity for her as the perky Customer Service employee Kelly Kapoor. She published her first book “Is Everyone Having Fun Without Me? and Other Concerns” when I was in college, and I believe I read it all in one sitting (or at the very least, read half of it, let college destroy me for two weeks, and then visited the second half in one sitting). Her second book is called “Why Not Me?” where she details her life post-“The Office” as a woman in Hollywood. The title of the book comes from a question she was asked about her confidence, and how she could believe in herself. She prescribes in the book to work hard, be smart, be brave, and believe you deserve it. That’s my edict to success, thanks to her.
4. Jameela Jamil – A teacher turned Radio 1 Host turned actress turned feminist advocate. True, the majority of her fans fell in love with her as Tahani in “The Good Place.” Now that she has a bit of a platform, she regularly speaks on social justice reform for women, people of color, and people with disabilities. She has been open about her privilege as a slender, traditionally beautiful woman, and is always encouraging body neutrality, a movement in which you do not even consider how you look and instead focus on the things that actually matter: being happy. She has started an Instagram account/mental health movement based on this mentality called #iweigh. She believes photoshopping should be illegal and regularly calls out social influencers for advertising appetite suppressants and detox teas. I genuinely enjoy her as a person. She believes that progress is about learning and relearning what is okay to do and believe in terms of the disenfranchised. She has said that now that she’s put it out there in the world, it’s time to put it into legislation. I’m all on board with less Facetune making me feel terrible about myself. Let’s do it.
5. Tina Fey – This woman. Will never. NOT. be on my Woman Crush Wednesday list. SNL head writer, actress, and yes, created “30 Rock” based loosely on her experiences at SNL. People often hail “30 Rock” as one of the greatest television shows of all time. They are not wrong. She is what made me want to work in TV, work at NBC, and thanks to her and maybe Sarah Palin, I stopped feeling like a total uggo in glasses. Thank you, Tina, for paving the way for all of us. And for showing me that wide-frame glasses are a thing. This is a scene from “30 Rock,” in an episode that she did not write, but did win an Emmy for her performance. I suspect it was entirely for 1:35 – 2:20.
I’m so grateful for these, smart, accomplished game-changers. There are many others that I did not mention (GAL GADOT. THIS IS TARGETED AT GAL GADOT) that are equally incredible. Thank you for inspiring me.
I had the opportunity to study abroad in London in the spring of 2015. I spent five months walking the streets of London, visiting museums and meditating in Regent’s Park. I spent all my extra money putting myself on planes, trains, and ferries across the country and continental Europe. I went on a lot of great trips but a favorite memory was my solo trip to Liverpool. Growing up I was a big Beatles fan (still am, of course), and I wanted to spend the day learning all I could about the Fab Four up close in their hometown. I woke up before the sun to board a train to Liverpool, arriving in town at around 9 AM. I had only my phone to guide me through the city, and I stopped at a local diner to have the breakfast of champions: pancakes and a cookies and cream milkshake.
I think I waved at a child who was impressed that I had a milkshake for breakfast.
Eventually I meandered over to “The Beatles Story,” a museum on the main dock of Liverpool dedicated to the band. I remember seeing the massive line of people who hadn’t pre-ordered their tickets. I thought to myself “Pfft. Amateurs,” as I walked past them to exchange my pre-purchase ticket for access into the museum. It was a “long and winding” museum that took you through their history from their humble beginnings all the way through to John Lennon’s “Imagine” period. There were guitars, original album pressings, Yellow Submarine figures, Eleanor Rigby’s tombstone… they even recreated the club where The Beatles first started to play and gain popularity! You weren’t allowed up on the makeshift stage though, I remember wanting to get up there and pretend to be a rock star. It was very surreal to see all of that history for four of the greatest musicians. Did you know Ringo voiced the narrator on Thomas the Tank Engine + Friends? Wild!
The museum concluded with an all white room with the piano John used to write “Imagine.” I teared up as they played the classic melody on loop. If you look closely, there’s a pair of his glasses on the piano.
There was a neat cafe and sitting area with Beatles lyrics all on the walls. I want to recreate that wall in my house one day. Or at least, something similar. I then boarded a bus that took me around Liverpool and showed me a few legendary Beatles locations. We saw Penny Lane (yes, THE Penny Lane), John’s childhood home, and Strawberry Fields, among other cool places. We also stopped off to go see Paul’s childhood home, where we were greeted by the caretakers of the house. They were locking up because they had just let in Mike… as in, Paul’s brother, Mike. I was. Shook. Chills!
This is me being a goofy goober hanging on the fence that leads to Strawberry Fields. John would climb the gate and his Aunt Mimi would shout for him to get down or the police would hang him. His response? “There’s nothing to get hung about!”
The tour concluded at The Cavern, where the Beatles first performed. Back then, they were still the Quarrymen. They were first found by Brian Epstein in the Cavern, who signed as their manager and rocketed them into stardom within months. We could get a free postcard in exchange for the ticket from the tour. I bought my first beer in that club! I was on borrowed time by then, because I needed to catch an early evening train back to London. I listened to the band and soaked up the surreal reality of that moment, in all its glory, and downed almost all of my beer and ran outside to find the train station.
M’ first pint! I looked like a total loser just vibing by myself. It was a great day. I was happy. But let it be known that I do not like beer.
I was twenty years old, in a city I’d only been in for seven hours, half drunk off my first “pint”. I ran around for ten minutes in a blitzy blurry haze, not wanting to waste money on a cab to the train. It was less than a mile away, according to my map! I just couldn’t read the map.
Eventually I gave up and hailed a cab… I was in it for roughly two minutes. I had literally been around the corner. I was overwhelmed and it was dark, okay?!
It was a 3-pound trip but I gave the driver a fiver, forgetting that you don’t tip in England. I remember he had a smile in his voice when I said “Keep the change” and he said “Oh, thank you!”
I raced up the stairs, at 5:18, with a train leaving at 5:21 (give or take). My tipsy dumb self still turned at the top of the stairs and yelled “LIVERPOOL I LOVE YOU! GOODNIGHT!” to the city below and then sprinted to the correct train track. I got on and the train actually departed a few minutes late.
Remembering that day brings back really good memories. I had only spent a day in Liverpool but I remember really liking it, winding and rainy and all. I remember thinking “If I ever need to escape it all and hide, I’m moving to Liverpool.” So if I ever vanish without a trace, assume I’m there. I hope I can go back someday without a timeframe to keep in mind.
I didn’t remember this but I just googled it: George Michael bought John’s piano and gave it to the museum when it went on auction, because he feared it would be put in storage by a random collector. What a guy.
I will close this storytime with this incredible line from a mildly good movie:
Happy Thursday! I have had a long week and I am READY for the weekend. I will charge through Friday with a smile, but I thought I would share a little bit about who I am with a rousing game of “Would You Rather” or “This or That”. Here’s a few fun bits about me!
Vanilla or Chocolate? Chocolate, every time.
Brownies or Cookies? Cookies!
Hot or Cold? Cold.
Pizza or Tacos? Pizza!
Rock or Pop? Rock… but most people would qualify my favorites as pop-punk so who can really say?
Action or Comedy? Comedy!
NYC or LA? NYC. Come on, easy answer.
Beach or Mountains? Beach, but more like mountainous beach, like Hawaii or Costa Rica.
Short hair or Long hair? On me, long hair. On guys, short hair.
Cats or Dogs? Both both both both all the animals please.
Movies or TV? TV!
Travel to the future or the past? The past! I’d go back and stop some of the “crimes of the century” before they happened, prevent a few literal disasters… and go see “The Empire Strikes Back” in theatres so I can see the first reaction to the plot twist.
Be invisible or fly? Fly!
Nights Out or Nights In? Nights In.
Star Wars or Star Trek? Star Wars!
Fancy car or fancy house? Cool house.
Speak to animals or speak every language? Speak to animals!
Workout class or hit the gym? Hit the gym!
Have a secret garden or a secret library? Secret garden.
Young at heart or old soul? Young at heart.
There you go! Twenty lil tidbits about Mallory Joy Brunet. Ask your friends some of these! You might be surprised what you get back.
I read four books this month! I am grateful for the extra day of this month; while it is technically one-2 days shorter than the average month, it is a Leap Year! Leap Day William gave me an extra day to finish the last book of the month before he vanishes back into the ocean for another four years.
I think that my reading strategy might need a reboot; I feel like I didn’t enjoy the last book of the month as much because I was so focused on finishing it today. Nevertheless, I DID finish it today, but I think that I should make more of an effort to read daily and finish each book at a more leisurely pace.
1. The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. This was one of the books frequently mentioned by the zen social media influencers I follow (the ones who seem to live their lives by waking up to a beautiful coastal sunrise, doing yoga, eating a smoothie bowl, reading and exploring their coast of choice, then having a vegan potluck, repeat for eternity with bits of poetry thrown in for good measure). I like poetry, so I figured I’d give this book a read! It’s a series of prose poetry fables in which the prophet Al Mustafa has lived in the city of Orphalese for a dozen years, and when a ship finally arrives to take him on his way, the townspeople ask for his wisdom on all parts of life. He delivers them and thanks them for what they have taught him. He provides straightforward answers on the big questions: how to live, how to love, what is evil, what is good. I thought a lot of the ideals professed by the eponymous prophet were beautiful yet simple, but felt one passage was a bit like victim-blaming: “Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.” I guess it depends on where this is applied. You can complain your day away or you can go out there and continue to be your best despite when the world wants to cut you down and make you feel small.
Bridesmaids. Dir Paul Feig, performances by Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig. Apatow Productions and Relativity Media, 2011.
A few significant quotes I liked:
“And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.”
“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”
“And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.”
2. No Lifeguard on Duty: The Accidental Life of the World’s First Supermodel by Janice Dickinson. I fell down a rabbit hole of “America’s Next Top Model” reruns, in which Janice Dickinson was a frequent judge. Brutally honest for better or worse, Janice was offered the opportunity to judge by Tyra Banks after Tyra read this book. Janice was indeed one of the first models to really conquer the world with her beauty, though her story is not one of infinite glitz and glamour. She came from a broken family and endured a series of failing relationships and alcoholism. Her beauty was not immediately recognized in her time, as the world was enjoying the trend of skinny American blondes. Her tenacity was eventually rewarded and soon she became, in her words, the world’s first supermodel (though this is debated, as others before her time had been given the term “supermodel” even if not famously). Her story is funny, if a bit sad. She reminds me of Rose McGowan and Leah Remini (both of whom wrote memoirs I’ve read in the past two years). Beauty abounds, but what’s truly arresting is their fierce strength.
Image from Google Images. “America’s Next Top Model.” The CW .
Quotes I liked:
“The funny thing is, most people don’t even know what makes them happy. I mean, seriously. Think about it. Ask yourself what makes you happy. Friendship? Good sex? A hot car? Health? Money? Freedom? And when something makes you happy, does it really make you happy for any length of time?”
“Being upset never did shit for anyone. Being angry, on the other hand—that could work wonders. If you used it right.”
“I don’t need another person to complete me, amigo. I need to complete myself. And I don’t need another person to make me happy; I need to make myself happy.”
3. Open Book by Jessica Simpson. A new release from a woman I consider to be a game-changer, Jessica Simpson was the first celebrity whose career I really watched almost from the beginning. She was introduced as a sort of antithesis to the sexy images that Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears had begun to cultivate in the late nineties (as she details in the book, Jessica was part of the group to audition for “The Mickey Mouse Club” and promptly choked after having to follow Christina’s audition). What started as touring the Bible Belt with gospel sets turned into a full-fledged pop music career and one of the first ever reality show series with “Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica”. Despite her vocal talents and on-camera ease (she was very much in on the dumb-blonde jokes at her expense, whether we knew it or not), it became clear that all anyone cared about was her looks. From her “Dukes of Hazzard” body to an unfortunate spiral from a bad-angle viral photo of her in “Mom jeans,” Jessica experienced vitriol from EVERYONE. Between her relationships with various men and relationships with her own self image, Jessica has been to the brink of the abyss and back, coming out stronger and more at peace with herself now than ever. I laughed and cried listening to her tell her stories. She had an unfortunate homophobic rumor spread about her when she was younger, and while I think her experience was much worse than mine, something similar had happened to me. I wished I could’ve pulled 11 year old Jessica Simpson and 11 year old me into a group hug. She inspires me that even on your worst days, if you keep pushing through it, what you’ll get in the long run will be worth it’s weight in gold (for Jessica, literally: she had to pay crazy alimony to her ex-husband, but made it all back, in her words, “give or take a billion”).
This was my month’s “Audible” contribution, but this time I had the forethought to quickly scribble random notes indicating lines I liked while driving. Funnily enough, the ones I saved were all lines from other people that inspired her!
“The best competition is always our own selves.” –Celine Dion
“I know it is hard to understand, but sometimes painful things like this happen. It’s all a part of the process of exploration and discovery. It’s all part of taking a chance and expanding man’s horizons. The future doesn’t belong to the faint-hearted, it belongs to the brave.” — US President Ronald Reagan, when addressing the nation after the Challenger explosion
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” — Joseph Campbell
4. I’m Fine… And Other Lies by Whitney Cummings. I don’t know how it happened, but one of Whitney Cummings’ stand-up bits popped up in my “autoplay” on Youtube. I found myself laughing and realizing “Oh, this is the woman everyone has been telling me about forever!” I feel like my friends, podcasts, and every other mass media source told me “WATCH THIS GIRL. SHE IS FUNNY.” Her book had come up in my Amazon recommends, and I figured that was enough of a sign from the universe! Her book is full of stories, ranging from horrifying doctors visits to dating pro-tips. As the book went on, I realized that she ended almost every chapter with some way of phrasing (and including the phrase) “I’m fine.” She’s not fine. I think she’s been through a lot, from toxic relationships with her family, boyfriends, and herself. It made me appreciate the fact that I met Aaron so soon. I didn’t have to deal with literal psychopaths for boyfriends. Either that or Aaron is a very convincing psychopath. But where would HE be hiding a drug problem or a second family? If it ever happens, I’ll return here with an explanation for such a wildly convincing bamboozle. Whitney does admit that she knows that she isn’t fine, but that that’s okay. She’ll get there. I think that’s what we’re all doing, consciously or not: we’re not okay, but for the most part, a lot of us try to get there.
Quotes I liked:
“Alcoholism doesn’t just apply to cartoon bums pounding bourbon from brown paper bags, it can be used to describe overusing anything to anesthetize discomfort: eating, drinking, fighting, cheating, gambling, worrying, shopping, or in my case, controlling. And by controlling, I mean micromanaging circumstances so everyone is comfortable so there’s no conflict. Why? So I can feel safe, ya silly goose. This behavior kept me safe as a child, but made me annoying as an adult.”
“Turns out jokes are like knives. You can use them to cook a beautiful meal or to straight-up stab people.”
“Protecting people from the aftermath of their choices isn’t thoughtful or benevolent; it just takes away their ability to grow.”
I think this month I want to make my reads almost entirely based on health and wellness, so I can keep my eyes on the prize vis-à-vis my promise to commit to certain resolutions this month. That said, I downloaded a rather famous memoir about a writer from the nineties who struggled with substance abuse… so maybe if I consider it as a what NOT to do, that will count? I kind of want a theme for each month of reading now. Aaron thinks that one of the “themes” should be fiction, since I tend to read memoirs and self-care stories and rarely dabble in fiction. I have TV for that, though!
For now, it’s thirty minutes until the new month. I will be 1/6 of the way through the year. To quote “The Prophet,”
“Ready am I to go, and my eagerness with sails full set awaits the wind.”
