My name is Mallory. Nice to meet you!
Month: August 2020
Staying Positive After a Tough Day
Yesterday, I felt overwhelmed. It suddenly hit me:
- BFF #1 – Got a new job that pays a higher salary than mine, despite working less time, and moving to a nice new apartment.
- BFF #2 – Left the job she hated to start a new job she loves.
- BFF #3 – Is about to get hired for a new position where she’ll be making more than twice my income.
- BFF #4 – Just bought a new apartment
- BFF #5 – Has discovered a new passion that is bringing him unparalleled happiness.
And then there’s me.
It was a lot to take in. I think I’ve done well emotionally with quarantine conditions, but something about this week had me taking stock in my life. One of my new year’s resolutions was to be happy. I don’t feel happy.
So, I took a minute to feel those feelings. I don’t ignore feelings, I just don’t let them weigh me down for too long. There’s no cupcakes at a pity party, and if there’s no cupcakes, what’s the point of having a party?
After a minute (okay, longer than that), I made the resolution to move forward and get things done. I know I will feel better when things get done. On the top of my list is my biggest roadblock: finishing “The Once and Future King” by TH White. I keep not reading this book even though I like it, and it’s keeping me from feeling like I can accomplish anything else. I woke up this morning realizing that if work is quiet, I could finish it.
Then work was not quiet. Work was stressful, and people were cranky at me, and I wanted to throw my laptop into the surface of the sun.
So I’ve made a decision. Currently, I am reading two massive books. I need to finish these two massive books before I can resume applying to jobs that will make me feel more fulfilled. To worry about books, work, and my body image is a lot to put on my head and my heart. I need to learn to slow down, and take things one day at a time. That starts today.
An Experiment in Makeup: Part 4
In today’s section of the experiment, we have:
- BETTER LIGHTING
- BETTER RESULTS
- PROMISE OF A BETTER TOMORROW, TODAY!
To quote the millenial’s Walter Cronkite, “Let’s just jump into it.”
Today’s look was inspired by this Snitchery video in which she presents a “no-makeup” look. She provides the context that the makeup looks she usually put together and shares on Instagram looks great on camera when filming, but a lot of the time it looks too caked to look good in person. In this video, she explains how she does her makeup when she’s going to be with people, hanging out at home. This is her version of “Hello, I am awake.”
I would say this version of “Hello, I am awake” is a better version of what I do when I want to say “Hello, I am awake.” The purpose of this experiment/series was to elevate my “Hello, I am awake” look, without looking too caked or taking too long, so this video felt like a good way to focus in on this overall goal!
Materials:
- Moisturizer (the brand I used)
- Concealer (the brand I used)
- Small makeup sponge (I couldn’t find the exact sponge! This is kind of like the one I used, and I suspect it might be a better version, too)
- Makeup Sponge (the brand I used)
- Foundation (the brand I used)
- Setting powder (the brand I used)
- Brow pencil (the brand I used)
- Brow gel (the brand I used)
- Fluffy powder brush (this is not the exact brush, but it is the exact brand I used and the brush head looks fairly similar)
- White eyeliner pencil (the brand I used)
- Matte bronzer (the brand I used)
- Black eyeliner pencil (the brand I used)
- Angle brush (could not find the exact one online, but Posh cosmetics was the brand I used)
- Crease brush (the brand I used)
- Pony tail brush (the brand I used)
- Fake lashes (the brand I used)
- Big powder brush (the brand I used)
- Reverse contour color (the brand I used)
- Blush (the brand I used)
- Blush brush (this is the brand I used, but it looks like the shape of the brush and the brush I actually used are different. Proceed with caution)
- Lip Liner (the brand I used)
- Lip moisturizer (the brand I used)
- Liquid lip (I used a lipstick pencil instead, the brand I used)
Notes On My Procedure:
Yesterday, I was having a blissfully quiet day at work when my coworker informed me there was a Zoom (videochat) meeting in an hour. For this meeting, we were REQUIRED TO BE ON CAMERA. My bare face (complete with breakout) and messy wet hair would not do. I decided to play around with the Bella Hadid tutorial steps, since I felt it would be the most dramatic look that would translate well on camera. I put together this look looking in my webcam! It was then that I discovered that the natural lighting of my workspace and the camera of my computer were a much better environment for makeup application. My makeup looked great, so great that I almost wanted to go to dinner that night just so it wouldn’t go to waste. Naturally, of the eight people on the videochat, only half of us were on video, so it wasn’t even necessary. Hmph.
Today’s look was put together with much better lighting than usual!
Procedure:
- The base: moisturizer only. No primer!
- The face: apply concealer/foundation only where needed (a process called “spot concealer”). Apply where there is discoloration! To conceal under eye discoloration: Just put a few dots of concealer in the bottom outer corner of your eye. Blend out and up, towards your hairline. YOU DO NOT NEED FULL TRIANGLES UNDER YOUR EYE. After blending out and up, blend into the corner of your eye. I used step 9 from part 2 of this experiment to “spot conceal” conceal my acne. Stipple in setting powder after applying foundation (as opposed to after the entire face of makeup).
- The brows: Go for natural, hairlike strokes! Pencils over pomade for this look. Add a bit of clear gel to keep the hairs in place.
- The eyes: the footage from the video was lost, but Eleanor (Snitchery’s name IRL) explained that it was a “watered down version of her Bella Hadid” eye look. I’ll go more in depth on this process in part 5 of this experiment.
- The lashes: fake lashes come into play in this look! The video was sponsored by Glamnetic, so she used (and praised) their lashes. I did not use Glamnetic lashes, but I don’t have the words to say how much magnetic false lashes are a GAME CHANGER.
- The contour: Using your fluffiest brush, stipple bronzer along the outer part of your forehead. As opposed to going all the way into the middle of your face, go gently all the way around the perimeter of your face. With a dense brush, add some light color beneath where you typically contour (think of it as inverse contour).
- The cheeks: Choose a blush that’s a pinky/orange version of your skin tone. Apply from the inside going up from in to “snatch” your face like Bella Hadid, or go all the way across your face (cheek and nose) to get that “e-girl” look. I applied up from in, with a dash across my nose to give me a sun-kissed glow.
- The lips: Using a demi-matte lipliner, fill in your “gaps” (the space between your lips and where you overline your lips). Moisturize your lips. Add your corresponding lip color (liquid lip was used in the video, I used pencil lipstick) in two or three dots on each lip, and then pat it out with your finger.
- The highlighter: Choose something that isn’t very reflective. Rather than using a pointed brush, use a fluffy brush and gently fluff in circles where your highlighter needs to go.
The Results:
| The Person | The Before | The After |
| Eleanor Barnes, aka “Snitchery” |  |
 |
| Me |  |
 |
Analysis:
Aaron mentioned multiple times that I looked pretty today! That said, I feel like this look didn’t look all that natural. I think you could tell that I put on makeup. Despite using a lot less foundation, I still look like I put on a lot of foundation. It definitely succeeds in an “elevated” version of the “I am awake” look I was going for, but I wonder if I can go even further. This was the best my lashes have looked, and I wore them for roughly ten hours today without smudging and getting the lash applicator liner on my eyelid!
Conclusion:
I am prepared to do more with less! I am excited to keep improving my technique. I will for sure be employing false lashes on the regular. I’m comforted that I can still repair the “uneven” skin tone I have with less product. I think I’m slowly getting better at making my lips look fuller, but while my lips looked great on camera, I feel like in person I looked like Jynx from Pokemon. Overall, I’m making great progress, but I still have a long way to go.
Coming Up Next:
While out and about with Aaron today, I stopped in at Ulta and picked out a few products… chief among them being a certain makeup brush that is necessary to pull off the Bella Hadid makeup look. Oh yes. Part 5. Let’s get snatched.
Late Night Jam Sesh? Late Night Jam Sesh.
It’s 10 PM on a Wednesday. Do you know where your kids are?
If you’re my mom, you do. One’s tucked into bed, falling asleep to a “Gossip Girl” rerun on the other side of the house. One’s probably brushing his teeth, or enjoying a pre-bedtime chapter-read with his girlfriend in her house in the Hamptons. And then there’s me, heading into her third hour of non-work related screentime.
I have a good defense! I’ve been applying to jobs since 8PM (and a little bit earlier than that, if you consider tackling a few during work lulls). Sometimes I wonder if everyone struggles with the same questions I do:
- Am I qualified for this job?
- Does everyone use this vocabulary?
- Do they actually read cover letters?
- Why do we need to put our resume in twice, as a resume and a profile?
“Would you fill out one form?”
“Yes. Fine. Yes. How many times are we filling out the form?”
“You’re doing it once, three times. We use all three of them.”
“But why doesn’t the pen just go through, and it’s a copy of all three of them?”
“But sometimes that doesn’t work as well. And the numbers get smudged. You would think in this day and age–”
“FINE FINE FINE FINE. TURN THE POWER BACK ON.”
–Portlandia, Season 3 ep. 11, “Blackout”
I wanted to take a minute to bask in the splendor of my productivity. I had lots of fresh fruit today, a lot of good sugar, and felt very energized to get things done. I woke up this morning for a walk, then did a strength training workout at the gym. It was a quiet day at work, so I was able to stay on task while simultaneously doing some job-hunting and other research. I actually finished my workday at 4PM and decided to take that hour to go for a nice long bike ride! It was such a nice day to get on a bike. I used to love bike riding when I was in college. It feels good to go so fast that you don’t need to pedal, you just let the wheels go and it’s almost like flying.
Aaron and I ordered dinner tonight from a local restaurant, and I had a REALLY good veggie burger. It feels good to do well.
In the spirit of that, I’m thinking I want another early morning walk tomorrow, and it’s 10:26. Time for shut-eye!
An Experiment in Makeup, Part 3: Unfortunate Circumstances, and a Revelation
In my last post, my intention was to go for the Bella Hadid inspired makeup look. However, CHAOS STRUCK.
After a nice long day out, Aaron and I intended to go to a house tour and dinner before settling in for the night. Our tour was at 4:15, so we had to leave by 3:45. I thought that starting my makeup at 3:00 would be enough time!
I was wrong. At 3:38 I was just barely finishing my eyes, with no time for my lips, fake lashes, highlighter, or blow dry and style my hair (I figured a high ponytail with hoop earrings would tie the look together). Aaron insisted we leave on time, so I decided to cut my losses. Ten minutes later I had full on contour, a wave of mascara, and lipstick, with a dress and sparkly earrings. Aaron said I looked pretty, which was nice, but IT WAS ONLY HALF OF A LOOK.
To top it all off, we arrived at the development for the tour on time, only to not be allowed in because the realtor company didn’t let the security know we were coming. They didn’t even pick up the phone when the gate called the house! The audacity! I RUSHED for nothing!
That said, I decided to turn things around and take advantage of a full face of makeup. One of my other makeup experiments was testing the four looks depicted in “Why YOU should change your ENTIRE lip routine to fit YOUR face.” I wanted to test with a full face of makeup, because I felt as though having a bare face with a full lip would be incongruous and throw off my opinions of each look; there I was with a full face of makeup, and no place to go! After we got home from dinner, I assembled the materials, and got to work.
Materials:
- Vaseline Petroleum Jelly (link to product here)
- Sephora Bright Future Concealer in Shade 08, Palmier (link to product unavailable)
- NARS Precision Lip Liner in Rosebud (link to product here)
- NARS Velvet Matte Lipstick Pencil in Do Me Baby (link to product here)
- Almay Color & Care Oil-in-Stick in Raspberry Rush (link to product here)
- Sephora Easy on the Eyes Pallette, shade 30 (link to product unavailable)
- Too Face Chocolate Soleil Matte Bronzer (link to product here)
- Laura Mercier Smudge Brush (link to product here)
- Sephora Rouge Gel Lip Liner (link to product unavailable)
- Bite Beauty Outburst Longwear Lipstain in Sangria Slush (link to product here)
Note on My Procedure:
This procedure suggests a natural, moisturizing lip balm. My lip balms are often drying or too sticky, so I elected to use Vaseline petroleum jelly. In small amounts, I find it takes on color and isn’t too gummy or sticky.
Procedure:
This video contained four “looks” to sample. They will each be enumerated below:
Look 1: The “Natural” Look
- Apply your base, lip balm.
- Apply concealer into the corners of your mouth. Pat in with your finger.
- Fill in your cupid’s bow in a straight line with a lipliner that matches your skin tone (you can go a shade darker than your skin tone, but not lighter). Diffuse into your lip balm.
- Fill in the “gaps” (ie, the overlining sections of your lips with no pigment) with your lip liner.
Look 2: The “IG Baddie” Look
- Complete steps 1 – 3 of the “Natural” Look.
- Overline your lips with a slightly darker lipliner.
- Fill in with matching lipstick.
Look 3: The “IG Baddie” Look, Improved
- Take your neutral lip liner and draw a “U” shape along the sides of your mouth, top and bottom.
- Apply lip balm. REALLY moisturize the lip. Go for something tinted! (for this step, rather than Vaseline Petroleum Jelly, I used the Almay Oil-in-Stick).
- Apply liquid lipstick in dots, then pat in with your finger (I used NARS Velvet Matte Lipstick Pencil, rather than liquid lip, see notes).
- With a small brush,dust a bronzer from the corners of your mouth up into the middle.
Look 4: The Vintage/Flapper Goddess
- Using a deep red color (with either a pencil or a brush), draw a straight line up to the top of your cupids bow, and then straight down to the bottom of your lip. Repeat on other side of your mouth, so your upper lip looks like mountains!
- Using that same red color, draw a straight line (following your lip line, not over lining) down your bottom lip.
- Fill in with a matching deep red.
- Bonus tip: ombré a black shadow into the corners of your mouth for a dramatic finish.
Let’s compare the before and after!
| The Person | The Before | Look 1 | Look 2 | Look 3 | Look 4 |
| Eleanor Barnes, aka “Snitchery” |  |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Me |  |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Analysis:
Obviously, Snitchery’s natural lip shape is fuller than mine (she also briefly had fillers, but I believe she had them taken out at this point). She also has professional lighting on her side, along with a stronger hand at makeup. That said, I found that “drawing in” my cupid’s bow looked almost, obvious? I felt you could tell where my lip was and my cupid bow space was filled in to match. I think that the “IG baddie” look covered it best, but the vintage, flapper lip looked good too. I’m lucky that bright red tends to go with my skin tone the most!
If you click through my photos, you may notice a pattern. Are you ready for an earth shattering discovery?
My lips… ARE UNEVEN.
Yes! The left side of my lip is slightly fuller than the right. I have an angular right side, and a “poofed” left side (I say “poof” lightly because let’s be real, my lips aren’t very prominent).
Because I was at home, and Aaron was working on a project, I didn’t get his take on EACH look. What he saw of look 2, though, he liked! That’s a good as I can take it.
Conclusion:
I feel like my lips are a problem area. I will probably devote more time into finding a way to making them look more proportionate, rather than matching everyone else on Instagram! Also, I think I might benefit by looking at how people who do their makeup professionally daily look in real life, and how their lips look in person compared to what I see on Instagram. Filters are ruining what I consider realistic expectations!
Coming Up Next:
There was an additional bonus to the circumstances that led me to going for the “lips” practice instead of the “Bella Hadid” practice: Snitchery uses a flathead brush to apply bronzer and contour. She also uses a certain palette that both she and Tana (from my previous post) rave about for contouring. That said, the designer/creator of said palette has been out partying like crazy while her state is still in lockdown! Super selfish, not cool. I don’t want to give her my money. I might use this as an opportunity to find a new contour palette. The tutorial requires use of a lighter shade, and the palette I have has light shades, but they don’t have any staying power on my face. With that in mind, part 4 will be “Why YOU Should Change Your ENTIRE Makeup Routine.”
Album Listen: folklore
Ya know, for a girl who:
- Turns on Spotify to start her day every day
- Owns more than one guitar
- Gets on her childhood piano every time she goes home
- Has been writing songs since she was 11
I don’t talk enough about music in this space. It is genuinely the ribbon that has weaved itself through my life, in the background and center stage at different points. I could go through my history with music, from my mom taking me to buy that piano to my dad helping me pluck out notes on a guitar, to singing “Don’t Stop Believin'” at a summer camp talent show. The hits, if you will. Instead, I will focus today on the girl who guided me through my musical journey: Taylor Swift.
I first heard of her in middle school, when her debut album was gaining popularity through the Myspace world. 2006. Two. Thousand. and Six. Fourteen years later, here she is, almost all grown up (do we really have it all together in our thirties? Whomst can say) with every place to go.
We’re in a pandemic (have I mentioned that yet?). In the time in isolation, Taylor wrote folklore after releasing Lover last year, a shorter turnaround time than her usual distance between records. The album is quieter, mature, and quite honestly, stunning. It sounds like dawn and feels like courage.
I listened to it all the way through tonight (after listening to a few of the tracks on my own). Here are my thoughts on folklore, song by song.
the 1
This song opens with a stunning piano melody, the first of many on this album. It’s still weird to hear Taylor swear in a song, but it brings levity. The song hits my soul (Taylor usually does). She talks about the roaring twenties and a lost love, with a line that pierces: “You know the greatest loves of all time are over now.” This album isn’t as self-referential/autobiographical as her previous albums are, according to the album’s prologue. This song could be about anyone, even someone that doesn’t exist. I feel like the song plays homage to “The Sun Also Rises” by Ernest Hemingway.
cardigan
I heard this song before I sat down to listen to the whole album. It’s the first single off the album, and it deserves it. The music video is stunning, considering they had minimal resources at the ready in quarantine. This one also has a stunning piano melody. This song made me reflect on how Taylor has grown up in front of my eyes (and I’ve grown up with her, too), mostly because of the oft-repeated line: “When you are young, they assume you know nothing.” We’re not thirteen anymore, tracing hearts around our crush’s names in a notebook. We’re writing their names next to ours on wedding invitations.
the last great american dynasty
This song was a highlight! It’s a story. I love songs that tell stories. It’s the story of Rebekah Harkness, a socialite who moved to Rhode Island to marry an oil man after her first marriage ended. Together, they bought a gorgeous house named “The Holiday House.” Her second husband died of a heart attack, after which point she “had a marvelous time ruining everything,” from cleaning her pool with expensive champagne and playing cards with Salvador Dali. Her presence was scandalous to the town. That said, she lived her best life, and thirty years after Rebekah died, Taylor bought the house. Coincidentally, she bought the house to be closer to her then boyfriend, a Kennedy. I actually thought the song would have been about Jackie and JFK, but, I was much more excited about the actual story. Taylor’s presence in the town wasn’t warmly welcomed, either. Well, I like Rebekah, and I like Taylor. Party in Rhode Island. Let’s do it.
exile
BON. IVER. I could just stop there. I think this song appeared randomly in my “Recommended” list on Youtube. I promptly broke the replay button listening to this song. “exile” is another strong piano melody with a beautiful bridge/outro. It is possibly my favorite song on the album. Bon Iver and Taylor have great harmonies together!
my tears ricochet
Apparently, this was the first song Taylor wrote for this album. At first, I thought it was about a relationship, but the more I listened to the lyrics, the more it seemed to be about Scooter Braun and Taylor’s departure from her first label and inability to own her own music. Honestly? Rude. In my notes, before I figured this out, I wrote “she shouldn’t be crying over him.” I STAND BY MY SENTIMENT REGARDLESS. I love the line “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace.” The bridge of this song sounds like something out of “1989” or “Speak Now.” And I LOVE it.
mirrorball
This one sounds like it could be in a nineties teenage romantic comedy. It sounds like “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer. A classic. C L A S S I C. I think this song could be about Joe Alwyn, her boyfriend, or rather her relationship and its place in her life. The lyrics sound like everyone loves to watch her, but look away when she crumbles, but even when she does, she always wants him to look at her. I felt like this was pretty, but there were too many metaphors. She’s a mirror ball, a dancer on her tiptoes in high heels, a trapeze artist, and I would have liked if she picked one. That said, it would have gone against the theme of reflecting “every version.” I feel that, too.
seven
This song is about a friend from Pennsylvania (where Taylor lived before moving to Nashville). It’s written with fondness for being young, when problems were easier to solve (family life stinks? Okay let’s move to India, done!). I hope, if this friend is real, she is out there and feeling okay. Growing up is hard.
august
Okay STAY WITH ME HERE. Apparently this song is part of a “love triangle” within the album. I didn’t notice it when I was listening to it, but listening to it again, it makes perfect sense. The song is from the perspective of a girl experiencing a summer love. Part two comes later, and it’s a doozy. This song is peppy, happy, and feels like summer love! It fits right in with other songs by Taylor, and if you told me it was a song on “1989” or “Fearless” I would have believed you.
this is me trying
This song opened with a drumbeat, which is new on THIS album! It’s about a girl in a relationship, owning up to the fact that she isn’t perfect and she’s trying (eh?) to be better. It deals with alcoholism, and I genuinely don’t think this is about Taylor. I would like to know who’s story it is, though! This song had another good bridge. There’s a lot of good bridges here. It’s like New York.
illicit affairs
So, at first, I thought this was a metaphor for Taylor’s relationship with Joe, and how they have to hide their relationship from the world. It’s not. It’s about an affair. She utilizes the line “million little times,” and it reminds me of her song “Death by A Thousand Cuts” from “Lover.” This song makes me angry and upset (WHO CHEATS ON THEIR PARTNER JUST BREAK IT OFF YOU LOON), but it’s so pretty and she uses the word MERCURIAL. I LOVE the word MERCURIAL.
invisible string
Truth time: I missed the meaning of this song entirely the first time I heard it. It’s a reference to the Red Thread of Fate, an ancient belief that lovers are tied together with invisible red strings. The song is about all the little steps, heartbreaks, and stories lead you to that person tied to the other end of your string. For that, I love this song. It sounds like 2006 Taylor Swift, but like she’s a grown up version of her. I know that sounds silly (Wow, this Taylor Swift song sounds like Taylor Swift), but in my head IT MAKES SENSE.
mad woman
OKAY. HM. THIS ONE. WHAT A. OKAY. Taylor Swift rears her beautiful feminist head. She SWEARS. Le gasp. I couldn’t tell if this was about Kanye, or Scooter Braun, or Trump? I think it’s subtly about Scooter, but it could just be about all of them, and more. Earlier this year, a documentary came out about Taylor, and it includes a vignette of her decision to be more politically active, instead of just the pretty girl who plays the guitar and sings songs about boys. I think this song is about that choice. Much like Taylor, it’s quietly strong. That said, the song builds at the end, until it sounds like a march. A women’s march? We gonna fight? Should I grab my bat? I’ll go buy a bat.
epiphany
This song hurt my heart. It starts off sounding like something you’d hear in a pretty church service, but it’s about war, or rather, bloodshed. She was inspired by her veteran grandfather, but the song is about being a doctor during COVID-19. They don’t teach you how to handle a pandemic in med school. It made me cry. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a doctor right now, or ever, when people are dying and they beg you for help and you don’t know how to help. How do you get past that?
betty
Country boy, I love you… not. This is the third part of the “love triangle” in the album, told from the perspective of the cheating boyfriend, James. He reflects on his bad choices, and how much he’s hurt the eponymous “Betty.” He goes to her house to apologize and beg him to take her back, but he sees that she is thriving without him. This song has guitar and harmonica, and it sounds like “Tim McGraw” from the first album Taylor wrote. I hope it’s modern-day Taylor reaching out to 2006 Taylor to let her know that she is bigger than the boys in homeroom who break her heart.
peace
I think this song is about Joe Alwyn, her boyfriend. It feels like the shortest album on the song (even though I don’t think it is), and it leaves me wanting more, in a good way. That said, if Taylor’s earned anything, it’s privacy (and the fact that she has to “earn” it is depressing).
hoax
Purposefully, Taylor and Aaron Dessner (who co-wrote and produced the album with her) chose this song and “the 1” to bookend the album. This makes sense, musically (it has a nice piano melody), but I at first wondered why end the album on a sour note, when the song preceding it was about loving someone worth it. Dessner explains that between “peace” and “hoax”, you get the feeling of accepting love at its best and its worst. That’s life… and he’s right.
Stray Thoughts:
- All the piano melodies! I loved the frequent use of piano.
- The indie feel was so strong. I love anything that sounds like it could have been on the “Twilight” soundtrack.
- Apparently the love triangle songs were “cardigan,” “august,” and “betty.” I thought “illicit affairs” before “cardigan,” but “cardigan” is the triangle from Betty’s perspective.
- I missed a handful of nuances about this album, but I think that just means I need to listen to it six more times.
- I want an FX miniseries about Rebekah Harkness
Overall, I would say this is probably (definitely?) my second favorite Taylor Swift album. The emotions, the honesty, and the way it was stripped down, was absolutely perfect in every way. My favorite album of Taylor’s is “1989,” but I had that album during the roughest emotional healing time of my life, so I clutch it like a security blanket of strength. Is it time to let go? I don’t know. I better listen to this album seven more times just in case.
Thanks for this one, T-swizzle. You are my favorite.
Guilty Pleasures (or, Do you, booboo)
I’ll be the first to say it: I get writer’s block all the time. In fact, I’m pretty sure that 97 percent of writing anything is sitting down, realizing you have no idea what to say, and then falling down an internet rabbit hole instead. Rinse and repeat at least seven times before you get anywhere close to started. That said, I give myself the opportunity to succeed: I open up my laptop and wait. If nothing comes, I can always trust Pinterest for “blog post ideas”. Sure, sometimes they can be a bit generic, but there’s nothing wrong with a good list of how-tos or life hacks from YOUR perspective! That’s what makes you YOU.
However, I regularly see these suggestions (or some variants on the subject) for post ideas:
- Be organized and do this!
- 5 ways to cut that bad habit
- Simplify your life in three easy steps!
- X is hurting you. Here’s how!
- Be fit and healthy by doing these ten things!
Posting about those topics always makes me feel weird. Granted, I’ve dabbled in the occasional workout post and written a whole Glam Girl Manifesto on healthy hacks that models and influencers use to look and feel their best. But that’s all sponsor-tested, publicist approved by the goddesses that run the Kardashian empire (the devil works hard, but Kris Jenner works even harder). Who am I to tell you how to live your life?
This brings me to my main point: early on in high school, I stopped supporting the idea of the “guilty pleasure.” Maybe it was because I was teased for loving the Jonas Brothers, or enjoyed spending hours watching reruns of “That 70s Show.” At a certain point, I felt so sick of being told that what I liked was pablum, or stupid, or less than worth my time, or not worthy of being liked at all.
First of all, the people who say that certainly have a lot of nerve. I could go on and on about the inflated sense of self-importance, the superiority complex, that those kind of people have (and I’m sure there’s a research paper about it somewhere, if not thirty), but it doesn’t matter.
Secondly, one of the most wonderful things about this world is that all of us are different, and no two people are the same. There’s no wrong way to be happy. I think everyone gets one vice, and they shouldn’t have to feel guilty about it. If your way of unwinding after a long day is three episodes of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” then go for it! If you’re outside the intended demographic for Marvel comics but a new edition each month is what keeps you going throughout the week, then go for it! If you work out five days a week and eat a vegan diet 30 days, but that 31st day you need an ice cream sundae, I will go BUY YOU ALL THE LACTAID YOU NEED.
I feel like we’re all so quick to judge what people like. I gotta tell you, shutting down people’s passions just makes you a buzzkill. If you think someone’s hobby is weird, you should keep it to yourself.
Granted, there are limits to the “no guilt in guilty pleasures” rule. Your vice has to be something that makes you feel good in the short term, without having the potential to devastate you in the long term. Cracking open a cold one with the boys every Sunday is fine. Cracking eight cold ones three times a week? Not so much. Your vice shouldn’t be an inherent danger to yourself, and it definitely shouldn’t be a danger to the people around you (you need a new stress reliever if the way you relieve stress is by coming home and yelling at your family about it). Truly toxic vices are symptoms of a bigger problem, and indulging them is more like denial than a coping mechanism.
So that’s where I stand. I don’t think I can tell anyone that being tidy is better, being healthy is better, being organized is better. I think we all know that. I think that if we set our own expectations based on barometers that other people set, we’re setting ourselves up for failure. We should only be setting standards for ourselves to meet. Allow yourself to be your own judge and jury. We should all stop the shaming of other people’s indulgences. If we all enjoyed the same thing, life would be pretty boring! We’re in month six of quarantine, and being bored in the house and in the house bored just proves that life can get boring quickly. Have that glass of wine. Enjoy that Monday Night Football. Order the dessert. Just live your life the best you can, and remember that everyone else is going on their own journey. The best thing you can do is be supportive, and share what works for you in times of stress.
There’s nothing to feel guilty about an innocent recommendation!
An Experiment in Makeup: Part 2
Two months later, and it’s time to experiment! I am completing a different look with each post.
In this post, I am breaking down the makeup look as described in Tana Mongeau – trying EVERY SINGLE viral Tik Tok beauty hack blackout drunk.
She is way more experienced at makeup than me, and also has fillers and filters at her disposal to make herself look even better. She also is four years younger than me, more money than me, and a less stressful job than me, so she doesn’t have the same aggravations that I have that make my face so sad.
Materials:
- Jade Face Roller (the brand I used)
- Gua Sha Stone (the brand I used)
- Moisturizer (the brand I used)
- Translucent Powder (the brand I used)
- Setting Spray (the brand I used)
- Primer (the brand I used)
- Concealer (the brand I used)
- Beauty Blender Makeup Sponge (the brand I used)
- Foundation (the brand I used)
- Brown Eyeliner Pencil (the brand I used)
- Contour Palette (the brand I used)
- Nude Eyeshadow Pallette (the brand I used)
- White Eye Liner (the brand I used)
- Mascara (the brand I used)
- Magnetic Lashes (the brand I used)
- Lip Plumper (the brand I used)
- Neutral Lip Liner (the brand I used)
- Tinted Lip Glow (the brand I used)
Notes on My Procedure:
There were several products that were used in the video that I did not have at my disposal. These steps were eliminated. The purpose was to test TikTok makeup tips, so an additional step was added to include a separate TikTok makeup tip. I will note where indicated. Tana filled in her brows offscreen, but I use my eyeliner to fill in my brows. It’s close to my natural color!
Procedure:
- Roll your face using a jade face roller.
- Use facial ice globes under your eyes (I skipped this step as I do not have this product).
- Apply Pixie Hydrating Milky Mist (I skipped this step as I do not have this product).
- Gua Sha stone your neck down, then gua sha your inner to outer cheek.
- Apply Moisturizer.
- Apply translucent powder all over the face, but not too much.
- Apply setting spray.
- After setting spray dries, apply primer.
- Apply concealer to individual pimples/correction spots (this was inspired by this Tiktok).
- After two minutes, apply foundation.
- Apply concealer in bottom corner of your eyes, then create a winged effect with your concealer at the bottom outer corner of your eye.
- Apply concealer in a line going up the sides of your cheek from the corner of your mouth (think “Joker” esque smile).
- Contour your face (in this video, Tana was testing a contour palette that she didn’t love, and then applied a powder over it to adjust for herself. With that, I just followed my instincts, using the shades Vanilla and Java in my palette, as well as this general how-to for applying contour).
- Fill in your brows (Tana also used her brow pencil to apply fake freckles, then used concealer to create an eyebrow ‘scar’ on her face. I skipped this step).
- Apply white shadow in the corner of your eyes, and then matte nude colors on your eyelid (In Naked Reloaded palette: white shadow = Bribe, matte nude colors = Blur across eyelid, Boundaries in crease. I also added a bit of Angel Fire right in the bottom center of my eyelid, to add a little shimmer just for me).
- Take a dark matte shadow (shade from my palette: End Game) and wing liner into your eye. Blend.
- Add white eyeliner in your waterline.
- Add mascara.
- Apply fake lashes (Tana’s video was sponsored by THIS lash brand, so these were the ones she used).
- Add lip plumper.
- Line your upper lip straight across your cupid’s bow.
- Add lip gloss and top with tinted lip glow.
Let’s compare the “before” and the “after”!
| The Person | The Before | The After |
| Tana Mongeau |  |
 |
| Me |  |
 |
Analysis:
There’s an obvious difference in MY after compared to Tana’s. That said, she has professional lighting and, as stated previously, a better hand at makeup. She was apparently drunk while filming, so the fact that she has a stronger makeup hand when inebriated compared to my bright and sunny morning hand is… disappointing? I don’t know. I do think my face looks slimmer (from contouring) and my skin tone looks more even (from concealer rand foundation). I do not think my lips look fuller, which is the intention with connecting your cupid’s bow at the top. The BIGGEST note I have is that the lashes make all the difference in the world.
I did not use the same brands of products that she used (with a few exceptions), and I don’t think that my tools would make the look better. That said, she had good things to say about the palette she used to fix her contouring, as well as the lip products she used. I might try the lip products in the future!
How does it fare in the wild, you may ask? I asked Aaron for feedback, and this was his response (with the caveat that yes, I always look pretty, and I don’t need to wear makeup for him to like me, etc.):
- The lip shape was throwing him off a little.
- I should play around to make it more natural.
- The white liner on the waterline is to make your eyes look bigger. Aaron said my eyes didn’t look bigger, but they did look brighter!
Once I had practiced more… - The “After” photo had Aaron saying I looked pretty all day. That’s all I need to hear.
Conclusion:
Tana Mongeau has her flaws and problematic past (some would also say problematic present), but her makeup almost always looks good. The purpose of this experiment is to elevate my every day look with something that looks more eye-catching, that falls neatly between “she is awake” and “she straight up drew a new person on her face.” I would use the lip tips in the future, as well as the concealer tip. Also… fake lashes are an absolute game changer.
Coming Up Next:
How to look SNATCHED like Bella Hadid! I have tried working on the contouring skills mentioned in this video, and I like the results so far. I’m excited to see where this one goes!
Mallory’s Monthly Reads – June/July
Okay! I went in with the intention of reading seven books this month, so I would have eight to discuss today!
I got through three and a half. SO. I’ll be adding a few more “monthly” reads throughout the rest of the year in hopes of catching up with my 52 books in a year goal.
Of the four books I read, three were GREAT. One was just okay. I think those “just okay” books are what slogs me down in my goal. If I’m not enthusiastic about what I’m reading, then I won’t want to read it. The whole point of this goal is to get more pleasure out of reading and if I’m just not interested in this particular story, why would I take the time to read it?
It goes back to my resolve last month to only read books that grab me in the first two days. I’ll be putting this into practice this month! Until then, let’s dive in to my summer reads:
1. A New Model: What Confidence, Beauty, and Power Really Look Like by Ashley Graham and Rebecca Paley. This is Ashley Graham’s memoir (rather, her life thus far). This book was published in 2017, so it hadn’t covered the past three years of work (including a podcast and a Vogue cover with her husband while pregnant with their first child), but it included her childhood in the mid-west, her journey in the fashion industry, and her philosophy/work ethic. She is one of the first prominent plus-size models in the fashion industry (though I think she’s fed up with the phrase “plus-size”), and is an advocate for more women outside the high fashion standard joining the runway. She talks in the book about struggling early with her sense of self, and becoming a party girl in the early years of her career after moving to New York. She quickly grounded herself (she talks of having a strong relationship with her mother) and established herself as a must-have in the community. She is now represented by IMG Models, one of the biggest agencies in the world!
Here are a few lines/reflections from the book that I loved:
“My mother, assistant, glam squad, and anyone else I spend a lot of time with have to talk positively about themselves, because if they don’t, I check them quickly. (My manager, my agent, my assistant, my publicist, and my book publisher are all curvy women: does that make me biased? Or does that just mean we are really the majority?)”
“You are good enough to make whatever you want to achieve possible. You just need to find your talent and passion—then put a heck of a lot of work into it.”
“Beauty doesn’t last, but how you [make] people feel will.”
2. Born Round: A Story of Family, Food and a Ferocious Appetite by Frank Bruni. This was ANOTHER memoir, one of a writer from a large but loving Italian family. Frank Bruni struggled with his weight as a kid, and fluctuated back and forth between strong and slender from swimming to large and in charge from too much takeout. I certainly felt a kinship with him to a degree. Sometimes your body image takes over how you live your life. I’ve made choices based on how I feel about how I look, how I’ll feel when presented with an opportunity involving food, and denying myself stupid things out of fear of my love of food taking over for me. It’s not a great feeling! That said, I think that he struggled a bit more romantically based on his body image (he would put off dates because he didn’t like his body and didn’t want to risk looking fat on a date!). I’ll also add that dating probably wasn’t SUPER easy when you’re gay and it’s the nineties/early oughts. His reporting got him on Air Force One in the Bush administration, and later took him to Italy as a correspondent! Having just gone to Italy last year, reading this part of his book made me nostalgic. To boot, he wound up as the food critic for the New York Times! A food addict’s dream… and nightmare. That said, apparently it was during this time that he kept the most consistency in his body image journey. It gives me hope!
I found myself saying “Wow, relatable” during quite a few parts of this book, but here’s a few highlights:
“She’d spot another set of stickers on another car and read them aloud, too: “Harvard, Oberlin . . . Fairfield Community College.” She’d pause before the last school, which she’d mention in a lower, sad voice. “Ouch,” she’d add. “Somebody didn’t come through.” I continued to swim so that I’d come through.”
“There are some things you enjoy doing, and there are other things you enjoy having done. And that second kind of enjoyment lasts longer.”
“Vanity’s an erratic ruler, governing some things so ruthlessly that others escape its scrutiny altogether.”
3. Queen’s Peril by E.K. Johnston. That’s right guys, it’s another Star Wars book! In May, I read Queen’s Shadow, which described Padme’s transition from Queen to Senator. Queen’s Peril is the story of Padme’s first few months as Queen of Naboo. Not only do you find out about her own decisions and ideas to be a good queen, you hear about her handmaidens and how they all become friends, and learn to impersonate Padme when the time calls for it. The book serves as both a prequel and is in media res (I hope I used that right… where’s my ninth grade English teacher when I need her?) with The Phantom Menace. As a result, there were a few moments when I thought to myself “Oop! They said the thing!” or “Oop! That’s the thing from the movie!” and “Oop! That’s Anakin!” The final moments of the book are the last scene of A New Hope from Leia’s perspective, and it was so satisfying. Between the strong female friendships and the solid writing, I sort of want this book to be adapted into a movie. Everyone says (rightly) that Millie Bobbie Brown looks like a young Natalie Portman, and I think she’d be an amazing Padme. We shall see. I don’t have any quotes from this one, because it was an audio book. I have just discovered the “clip” tool on Audible, and I think that’s sort of like the “highlight” feature on my Kindle. Time will tell. I like “reading” while I get my steps. It’s a great way to start my morning!
4. The Ride of a Lifetime: Lessons Learned from 15 Years as CEO of the Walt Disney Company by Robert “Bob” Iger. Bob Iger is the current CEO of the Walt Disney Company. He intended to step down earlier this year, but is currently running to keep things afloat in the COVID-19 world we live in now. He has served as President, COO, and CEO of the Walt Disney Company, and ran ABC Television and ABC prior to these roles. In his time leading the company, Disney bought Pixar, Marvel, Lucasfilm, and 21st Century Fox. Bob was also instrumental in the building of Disney Shanghai, which exceeded expectations in its first year. One of the things that stood out to me was that during his presidency, over the course of roughly 24 hours, Bob had to respond to the Pulse Nightclub shooting (after discovering that Pulse was the second target, since the shooter initially went to Disney Springs but was frightened by security), open the new park in Shanghai, and be hands-on in the death of a toddler at the Grand Floridian Resort. That’s a tough day at the office. Nonetheless, Bob carried out Disney business with empathy, an open mind, and an eye on the horizon. His time wasn’t without flaws, but he has been known for his kindness among employees and colleagues. I definitely got that from the book. The end of his book included a full appendix of takeaways for the average person looking to be successful (the eponymous “lessons”). That’s a real sport right there. If you weren’t paying attention while you read (it happens, even to me… but not with this book), he made a Cliff’s Notes! I’m eager, as a Disney fan, to see how he stays involved post-pandemic (if he wants to participate still, that is. He could be excited to retire completely!), and how his successor, Bob Chapek, handles the Disney legacy.
I took a LOT of notes in this one! I won’t list them all, but here are the big ones that stuck out the most:
“Sometimes, even though you’re “in charge,” you need to be aware that in the moment you might have nothing to add, and so you don’t wade in. You trust your people to do their jobs and focus your energies on some other pressing issue.”
“Simply put, people are not motivated or energized by pessimists.”
“Fear of failure destroys creativity.”
“Empathy is a prerequisite to the sound management of creativity, and respect is critical.”
“Managing your own time and respecting others’ time is one of the most vital things to do as a manager.”
“Nothing is a sure thing, but you need at the very least to be willing to take big risks. You can’t have big wins without them.”
“No matter who we become or what we accomplish, we still feel that we’re essentially the kid we were at some simpler time long ago… wherever you are along the path, you’re the same person you’ve always been.”
Okay, there were a lot more for this book, but I wanted to save some to reflect on in a separate way. As someone who loves her company, and someone who loves Disney, I admire some of the ways that Bob approaches his leadership. He touched on how ambition can be counterproductive, how you can get so caught up in wanting more at your job that you start to do your actual job less. He had this to say:
“It’s important to know how to find the balance—do the job you have well; be patient; look for opportunities to pitch in and expand and grow; and make yourself one of the people, through attitude and energy and focus, that your bosses feel they have to turn to when an opportunity arises. Conversely, if you’re a boss, these are the people to nurture—not the ones who are clamoring for promotions and complaining about not being utilized enough but the ones who are proving themselves to be indispensable day in and day out.”
I think that I’m indispensable at my job. I work hard, I go the extra mile, and my tenacity makes for quick problem solving. I have a one-on-one meeting with my supervisor this week. I might use that as an opportunity to go over how I feel about work, and how he sees me as an employee. I don’t think he’d have anything negative to say about me, but if there’s more that I can and should be doing, I better do it!
Lastly, I briefly mentioned this in my last post, but Bob had this to say about goal-setting:
“Priorities are the few things that you’re going to spend a lot of time and a lot of capital on. Not only do you undermine their significance by having too many, but nobody is going to remember them all.”
That stuck with me, too! I want to be better about not overwhelming myself with things to do, and then either doing them at a 2% level or not at all. I bet that setting myself up for success means focusing most on the things that matter.
It’s just a nicer way of Ron Swanson’s iconic line: “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
Ron Swanson and Bob Iger. Capitalist icons.
Now, I’m off to ride my bike, and then maybe listen to the half of the book I need to finish. Spoiler alert: it’s another Star Wars book.