Month: September 2020

2020 Resolutions Check In – September!

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In two days, we’ll be in the final quarter of the year! How wacky for us to go from the final third to the final fourth just like that? I’ve seen multiple tweets about how fast this month flew by and I am very much in agreement. October 1, things will take a turn for the spooky once again… but hopefully, some fun spooks in lieu of the daily horror that awaits outside or in the news.

Without further adieu, let’s review!

1. Read 52 books – By this week’s reading post, I believe I will have three months (give or take) to read half of the books I wanted to read to land this goal. Call me crazy, but I think I can pull it off with the right focus!

2. Do pull ups – I hit a stalemate on this goal. I unfortunately think I’m too heavy to properly pull myself up all the way. I’m going to keep trying but I’m feeling less optimistic this month!

3. Spend LESS. TIME. SCROLLING – I have had better months and I have had worse months. I spend way too many hours on my phone. If anything I should be channeling that habit into something more constructive, like only being able to scroll while on a treadmill or on a walk (SAFELY, not in traffic!), so I’m not in full sloth mode and melting my brain.

4. Write 104 Blog Posts – Nailed it. Crushed it. Gonna keep crushing it. <- I wrote this last month. Still applies! Yahoo! <- I wrote this last month, too! Still applies! Double yahoo! <- We got ourselves a triple yahoo!

5. Romantic trip with Aaron from Dec. 26 2020 – Jan. 2 2021 – Not only do we have plans for our end-of-year vacation, but we have a wedding in the Keys in the middle of December! We’re staying at a nice hotel with a lovely pool. It’ll be a lovely tip-top way to be together. I’m counting the days! I love weddings!

6. Stop engaging in schadenfreude – I did relatively well with this this month! I found a new gossip channel that I find amusing, but I’m practicing discernment on which videos I view. I’ve actively avoided an “event” (something like a scandal, but not quite as salacious) this past week. I’m hoping to keep this focus (or lack thereof) in the future!

7. Take better care of my skin – I am seeing SOME results! I feel like my scarring isn’t as prominent. I am worried about a breakout that I have right now, but I did spend part of my weekend in the scorching hot sun in a mask. I’ll take situational, quick-clearing breakouts over my seemingly permanently uneven tones any day!

8. Go stargazing – About a week ago, a perfect triangle was formed in the sky by surrounding planets! I dragged Aaron out to see it with me and we were pleasantly content to look at the sky for ten minutes. I suggested that we go stargazing on the eve of our anniversary, since things will be far less muggy and buggy! I hope we have that date night, but if not, there’s plenty of amazing opportunities for us to watch the sky this month!

9. Get a new job – I had an interview! It went well! I didn’t get the job, but I made it far into the process and got some interview practice out of it. I press on, applying to jobs until something sticks!

10. Do a handstand – I am genuinely proud of myself for how this is going. I think I’m at the point where I can get up all the way, or pretty close, but then I psych myself out before I can hold my legs up right. I want to film myself at the gym to better track my abilities, but I’m too shy!

11. Go see two of my favorite performers – I know this will not be happening, and I’m okay with it. I’m mentally creating a list of live performances I want to see next year, whether it’s Broadway, ballet, comedians, or musicians. More on this with my 2021 resolutions!

12. Lose weight – I am making progress here. I think. I hope.

13. Give Aaron a great 26th birthday – Mission accomplished! Now on to the anniversary this month.

14. Be a better friend, wife, sister, daughter and granddaughter – I think I did a decent job this month with all of it! I called my grandmother, emailed my grandfather, and spent a weekend with my family. On top of that, I got my dad a great birthday gift. I had a friend visit for an hour earlier this month, and I’ve been present for my friends that don’t live near by as best as I can. That said, one of my best friends decided to leave Facebook and since I’m not much of a texter I haven’t spoken to her much. We send random things on Instagram to each other, but that isn’t the same as messaging her full on paragraphs of daily anecdotes. Being on Facebook isn’t good for her mental health, so I really should just pull my own weight and make the effort to text her.

15. Be happy – I had a rough start to this month. I was feeling really down and in the dumps. This month I’ve felt a little bit better, but not by much. I want to be better and feel better, and I know that has to come from within in order for it to be real! I think I need to make this a bigger priority in the upcoming month.

Some victories, some failures. I think that’s just life! I do think that working on that last one on a more personal level will give me a more positive outlook on my goals and handle my losses better. I am so grateful for the life that I have, and I need to remember all of my little blessings on the bad days. Especially on the bad days. Game on.

michaelscottendofgame
Taken from Pinterest. “Dunder Mifflin Infinity, Part 2.” The Office . NBC. 4 October 2007.

An Experiment in Makeup, Part 5: Bella Hadid

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Today, we continue the quest for a more polished full face of makeup. And boy oh boy, was today’s venture a QUEST. Today’s look is inspired by Bella Hadid, and guided by Snitchery.

First of all: Who is Bella Hadid?

Bella Hadid is the daughter of former model (and Real Housewife) Yolanda Hadid. She is the younger sister of Gigi Hadid. Good lucks clearly run in the family, as Yolanda, Bella, and Gigi have all found success within the world of fashion modeling. Bella initially started out as a photography student at the Parsons School of Design, but dropped out to focus on her career! Since her career has taken off, her unique, “snatched” face has been the subject of envy (not to mention much scrutiny– many say that her look is the work of a plastic surgeon, rather than the genetic powers that be).

It’s true, her form of contour is prominently across the Instagram accounts of almost every influencer. The actual look is called the “Fox Eye” look, and you are guaranteed to look like you’re on your way to kill James Bond.

This look took me about an hour and twenty minutes to complete, so let’s just jump on in, shall we?

The Materials:

Notes on the Procedure:

My lighting has improved! I purchased a ring light to provide better application of this look (and makeup looks to come). The tutorial I followed didn’t go in depth into foundation/concealer coverage, so I elected to follow my instincts in that respect, as inspired by my first trial. As well, the eyebrows portion of the tutorial calls for a brown shadow and for the ends of your natural brows to be shaved. I instead used concealer to erase the “tail” of my natural brow, and used the brown pencil attached to my brow brush wand. Penultimately, the artist points out ways to elevate the look to the next level. I will indicate these steps with a note in the procedure below; I completed all “Next Level” suggestions in this trial. Lastly, the Lip instructions called for a darker, neutral color, but I went for a bright red lip instead. I think this made the different tones pop!

The Procedure:

  1. Apply moisturizer.
  2. Spray face with Hydrating Milky Mist.
  3. Apply small amount of translucent powder with powder brush.
  4. Apply setting spray, and let dry.
  5. After setting spray dries, apply primer.
  6. Once you have finished priming, apply concealer to your discolorations.
  7. In regards to your under eyes, sweep a line of concealer up towards your hairline, almost like a wing beneath your eyes.
  8. Let concealer sit for about two minutes, then cover with foundation (do not pat or blend the concealer, just cover completely) using your makeup sponge. Take special care to sponge that wing beneath your eyes prior to foundation application.
  9. Contour: Using the flat, buffer brush, apply your bronzer (or darker shade of contour) to your forehead and across your cheekbone. Blend.
  10. With that same brush and dark color, swipe right beneath your cheekbone and down towards your jaw, like a skeleton. Blend the swipe going up and towards your hairline.
  11. Using the flat brush, add the shade lighter than your foundation on the cheek side of your face (close to your jaw and ear, as opposed to beneath your eyes). Line towards your mouth.
  12. With the same brush and light shade, sweep under the corner of your eye and out towards your hairline. Think Black Swan. Blend out, not up.
  13. Brows: Using a brown shadow, draw the bottom line of your eyebrow going up with a tail.
  14. Follow the line at the top. Finish with brow gel and adding that same light color beneath the eyebrow to clean your edges.
  15. Apply concealer gently, blending if needed with the small makeup brush, to the natural tail of your eyebrow to polish that lifted brow look.
  16. Eyes: Line your waterline with white eyeliner.
  17. Using the bronzer or darker shade from steps nine and ten on an angle brush, map out where you want your eyeliner wing to be.
  18. Once mapped, blend/dust up into the crease with a clean fluffier brush.
  19. Using your bronzer shade on the angle brush, map out your eye line towards your nose, as though you’re extending your tear duct.
  20. Go over this line with black shadow, buffing/blending as you go. Using a white color (I used my white eyeliner from step 16), follow the tear duct line on your bottom eye corner, to further extend the tear duct.
  21. Add this same white color right under your brow.
  22. Using your fluffy brush or pencil brush, add bronzer on two thirds of the outer eye and drag up into the wing effect.
  23. NEXT LEVEL: Add black after the bronzer for more dimension.
  24. Lashes: Add mascara on the outer half of the lower lash.
  25. Apply fake lashes.
  26. NEXT LEVEL: Cut a pair of lashes so it’s only about 1/3 of the width of your eye.
  27. Add layer of Mascara.
  28. Lips: Apply lip balm.
  29. Apply concealer into the corners of the mouth. Pat in with your finger.
  30. Fill in your cupid’s bow in a straight line  with a lip liner that matches your skin tone. You can go SLIGHTLY darker, but not lighter.
  31. Diffuse into your lip balm.
  32. Overline your lips with a slightly darker lip liner.
  33. Fill in with matching liquid lipstick.
  34. Blush: Add a orange blush, dusting on top your contour and slightly towards the center of your face and up to your hairline.
  35. Highlighter: Apply highlighter with your finger until it looks natural on your cheek, brow bone, cupid’s bow, tip of your nose, up the bridge, and on the chin.

The Results: 

The Person The Before The After
Eleanor Barnes, aka “Snitchery” snitcherybellabefore snitcherybellaafter
Me mebeforebella meafter1

Analysis:
Holy heckin’ bob, my face. Melania Trump called, she wants her face structure back! The contouring in this process was unreal. I also felt like the eye look was very flattering. I also impressed myself with how I pulled off the lifted brow look. It took some finessing on my end, but it’s something I would try again! I also feel like using only a third or so of a false lash is the way to go. It gives the lift I like to my eyes, without overwhelming my eyes with false lashes that don’t always stick or a lash “glue” that smudges, and stays smudged, for days after the look is wiped off my face. My main concern falls, again, to my lips. I love the lip color that I chose, but I feel as though my bottom lip looks great but my upper lip just vanishes. Eleanor has bigger natural lips than I do, but the difference isn’t massive. I feel like I need more practice to get that incredible shape that she manages to accomplish every time! The look is great on camera, but in person it is a tad much. Aaron said the overall look was nice, but he isn’t a big fan of a bright red lip as it is. When I blotted to get rid of excess color after having lunch, he much preferred that end result.

Conclusion:
This was a fun look that stayed pretty for an entire work day, with the exception of my lip color, which began smudging almost IMMEDIATELY after taking a drink or eating. I think that’s just par for the course in liquid lipstick! It is the sand of the makeup world (it gets everywhere). I will work on a lighter, more wearable version of this look that will be nice in person. I will certainly keep the lash look and contour technique in my back pocket for the future. I mean, look at my cheekbones! I could cut glass with those!

Wanderlust Bucket List, Part 2

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Last year, I wrote a post about the places I most want to see in the world. Since then, I’ve been on a honeymoon and spent hours of COVID-19 lockdown time in bed, scrolling Pinterest. With these combined efforts, I wanted to take a second stab at this list! I’m certain there will be some overlap between the two lists, and by no means do I no longer want to visit the places mentioned in the first list. That said, these places are on my radar more prominently now, and some, dare I say, top the total list!

Currently, I most want to visit:

  1. Hawaii. I feel like all the girls on Instagram who have lives I want all have this US state in common. I actually think all of them live on Kauai, specifically! Between the mountains and tropical forests to the breathtakingly beautiful beaches, I have added a very specific trip in mind: I want to go to Hawaii, for a week, by myself. I want to get an AirBnB, rent a bike, and ride my bike every day to a different beach and swim for six hours. Eat fruit out of bowls made from a coconut. That’s what I want most right now, honestly.

    napali_coast
    Taken from Pinterest. Kevin Russ on Instagram: “From the trail today on the NaPali Coast. Kauai, Hawaii.”
  2.  Japan. I’ve recently discovered a desire to make my way to this lovely island! That said, I’ve targeted a few specific places to visit. For example, there’s a mountaintop resort that rests above a sea of clouds during the day! Then there’s the big cities like Kyoto and Tokyo, hotspots like Mt. Fuji, and eat real authentic Udon. At the tippity top, I want to walk to Chiringashima Island at low tide. It seems like a once-in-a-lifetime experience!

    mtfuji
    Image from Tumblr, taken from Pinterest. Cherry Blossom and Mt.Fuji, Japan

     

  3. Portugal. Basically, I just find pretty images on Pinterest and read the caption to find out where they are. After one too many photos of Lisbon, Portugal has been added to my list. I honestly don’t know much about it, only that it looks beautiful. I’ve got more research to do here, and I’m quite looking forward to that!

    lisbonarchitecture
    Taken from “Architecture Digest” through Pinterest. Portugal: Make your 48 hours in Lisbon truly memorable. Pallavi Mehra, 3 Aug. 2019

     

  4. Netherlands. I’m pretty sure this was on my list last time! I went to Amsterdam with my mom five years ago, and had a brief layover between flights with Aaron at the end of our honeymoon. This is one of the prettiest places in the world, to me. The canals are tranquil, the local food is tasty, and everyone there seems relatively clean and happy. I think it’s the bikes! Regardless, I’ve seen the city in the spring and in the fall. I’d like to see it in the winter. I’ve added, specifically, to spend Christmas in Amsterdam once in my life. I can just tell that it’s beautiful then.

    amsterdam
    Taken from Pinterest. Uploaded by Adriana Maarleveld.

     

  5. Canada. I know that this one was on my previous list! Just goes to show you that I can be consistent sometimes. I want to go back to Quebec (the last time I went, it was for a concert. I was there for maybe four hours. I didn’t have any money with me. My friends got dinner and I just sat there. Ya hate to see it), Vancouver (I went as a kid), and see all the places I haven’t been to yet. Last year I mentioned Whistler, but I want to add Banff, Bay of Fundy, and really all of the Canadian Rockies! Sounds fun, eh?

    LakeLouise
    Lake Louise Sunrise Photograph by Pierre Leclerc. Taken from Pinterest.

     

  6. Greece. I have now been to Greece! We went to Corfu on our honeymoon, but of course, that’s merely the tiniest dent. I have a trip mentally planned with my best friends where we start in Athens, go to Crete, then go to Mykonos, Paxos, and Santorini. I foresee beautiful beaches, fresh pita, and just three girls being able to dance, jive, having the time of your life. Mamma Mia!

    paxos
    Taken from Pinterest, “Heather on her Travels.”

     

  7. The Philippines. Tropical island with turtles. I’m in! More specifically, Cebu and Apo Island, Taal Volcano Lake, and the Underground River in Puerto Princessa. I’m thankful to have Pinterest to help me find these places! But something tells me I’m going to want to get my SCUBA license first!

    coronpalawan
    From Pinterest. Coron Palawan: The most beautiful island in the world.

     

  8. Australia. I feel like my inner desire to just surf and bike around Australia has grown stronger. If I get my SCUBA license to visit the Philippines, then I better use it to get to the Great Barrier Reef (or at least, what’s left of it). Before I’m thirty five? Maybe? Hopefully?

    pinklagoon
    From Pinterest/Boredpanda.

     

  9. China. There’s so much to see! The Great Wall, the terracotta soldiers, the colorful Reed Flute Cave… anywhere I can have a scenic view with some Dim Sum is all good in my book. Step one: learn Mandarin. Step two: hope that it’s enough, through the various versions of the Chinese language, to get me across the country.

    reedflutecave
    Reed Flute Cave! Taken from Flickr/Pinterest, courtesy of Christian Ortiz.

     

  10. Washington state. They say there’s no place like home. It makes sense to therefore add a place in the continental US to my list! People in Washington have been posting TikToks of their rainy, mountainous hikes. It makes me miss Vermont, but long for something similar but different. I’m also reading a book right now that takes place primarily in Washington… Forks, Washington. More on that later.

    wallacefalls
    From Pinterest, courtesy of The Mandagies. WALLACE FALLS HIKE IN WASHINGTON IS EFFORTLESSLY ONE OF THE BEST TRAILS YOU’LL TAKE THIS WEEKEND!

    Mountains, cities, and islands… all over the world. Check back with me in five years to see where I’ve been! Hopefully, when lockdown ends, I can start planning a trip to one of these places. Or all of them. Preferably, all of them.

     

     

     

Stretches, Stands, and Strolls: My Current Workout Regimen

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My routine these days consists of only leaving my house to go to the grocery store and to pick up food from a restaurant, to protect myself from the throngs of people who are considering face mask requirements as a light suggestion! I don’t really leave the house for much else… except a workout!

My gym opened its doors again at the beginning of the summer, much to my contentment. I waited a few weeks to feel safe, but since then, I’ve been back at the free weights during the week! They have limited equipments, spacing requirements, and the standard wipes for cleaning after using machines and weights (which, let’s be real, we all should have been wiping down our equipment before this COVID nightmare!). I keep myself and others safe, keeping myself to one section of the gym for the majority, if not all, of my workout!

As I mentioned previously, I’ve also been taking walks before or after my workday. It’s a great way to have some quiet me time!

Here’s a mini-breakdown of what I’ve been up to, in terms of keeping active in 2020:

Cardio: It’s all about the step goal, baby! I’ve been shooting for 15k steps a day. That said, some days I’ll do 10k steps a day, but I’ll tack on some miles on the bike to go with it! Oh yes. I GOT A BIKE. Aaron has taken to his bike like a fish to water, going for a crazy fast ride four times a week. He goes hard on his own, but he’ll join me for my more leisurely cruises, too! I like to get about eight and a half miles on my rides. My ability to complete my cardio varies, though! As much as I love pacing my kitchen watching TikTok videos, it’s a challenge to do that for hours on end to get up to 15k steps! Let’s also not forget that Florida’s title as the “Sunshine State” is misdirecting, as it tends to rain from 3PM – 4:30, 5:30, or 6:30 at night! I do what I can with what I have.

Strength: I’m at the gym roughly four days a week! The hours at my gym are minimal during the week, and they’re only open for four hours on Saturdays and closed on Sundays. With current safety conditions, I have to reserve a space in the weight room in order to access the free weights (I have left early/skipped a day because I felt uncomfortable with the amount of people in the weight room).
Currently, I’m focusing on my upper body and core, with little focus on my lower half, since that gets enough focus on my walks and bike rides! I start out stretching before I even leave my house, just to wake my body up before I dive into the heavy stuff. I start with bicep curls and shoulder presses to complete that warm up, and I typically use ten pound weights (though I’m working up to feeling comfortable using fifteen pounders!).
After that, I’m at the big squat rack… but not squatting. I use the barbell bar to work on my upper body through elevated push-ups and pull-ups. That’s when I get my pull-up practice done! From there, I do some ab work, and despite having a round tummy, I can see some definition of abs! It makes you wonder what my body would look like without the presence of the fat on my stomach. Hm. Hello Darkness, my old friend.
I finish off my strength workout with some serious dedicated time to my handstand resolution. My day is framed based on how well I do. I basically don’t leave the gym until I have a smile on my face from my attempts.

Granted, some days are better than others. Some days I have a great workout. Some days the only exercise I get is walking from my bed to the computer to the couch and back to bed (granted, those days ARE few and far between). I push myself to work hard, and feel strong, like Wonder Woman or a Jedi (I asked myself at the gym today: does my Star Wars obsession have an end date? I don’t see one in sight).

Though there are the obvious physical benefits to the workouts I do, the real reward comes from the focus on myself. Between the feeling of accomplishment when I do well at the gym, and the quiet time I have on my walks, my mind turns inward often, where I can find little moments of zen. When I bring myself back to the real world, the sky is a perfect purple or the moon is shining on a nearby pond. This time is healing, in every sense of the word.

That said, nothing gets me out of bed and into gym clothes like a feeling of alertness from a good night’s sleep. It’s 8:42 PM, and it’s time to read and rest!

Mallory’s Monthly Reads: Two Audiobooks!

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This feels like a cop-out version, because I really only finished two books that I already started prior to this month! That said, I read what I read (and I will finish what I started).

  1. From a Certain Point of View – This is a compilation of short stories in the “Star Wars” canon. Basically, it’s the plot of Episode IV (technically the first movie, AKA not a prequel or a sequel), but told through the eyes of minor or previously unknown characters in the saga. Some of the highlights for me were “Born in the Storm,” which was the story of a stormtrooper rebelling against the Empire; “Eclipse,” which describes Alderaan in its final moments; and “Master and Apprentice;” which was from the perspective of Qui-Gon Jinn (who I don’t really consider a minor character anymore, but… for intents and purposes he is). Because I listened to the audiobook, I had an appreciation for “The Luckless Rodian” and “Added Muscle,” which were from the perspective of Greedo and Boba Fett, respectively. “The Luckless Rodian” was narrated by Neil Patrick Harris, and “Added Muscle” was narrated by Sir Jon Hamm! He’s not a real knight but he could be. I’d allow it. There’s going to be a second compilation later this year for Episode V, and I KNOW I will be enjoying that!
  2. Bygone Badass Broads – Yes. I FINALLY FINISHED this book. It took me less than thirty minutes. I already wrote a post about this book, but I’m going to share some love for Angela Morley. Born Wally Stott, Angela was a composer and conductor, becoming a household name in the UK for BBC Radio listeners. She transitioned between 1970 and 1972, and came back stronger than ever. She went on to compose and arrange music on both the stage and screen, and collaborated frequently with John Williams. That’s right, in this tiny compilation of amazing women throughout history that we may not know, I found a woman who contributed to the life-changing score of “Star Wars.” She was nominated for an Academy Award in 1976, and was the first transgender woman to receive such a nomination. Bad. Ass.

I hope I read more this month, but in the meantime, both of these books were great! I’ve actually made a list of all the books I want to read (or, ahem, finish) by the end of the year. Fingers crossed I make it!

Monthly Resolution Wrap Up – August

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August. Not my finest month.

If anything, I’m celebrating that I think this was my worst month. What a relief! I got my worst month done, and now the rest of the year can be great! Right? Right?! I’m right.

1. Read 52 books – I finished two books this month, and I’m working on two more right now! If I finish them by this weekend I’ll feature all four in a monthly reads post.

2. Do pull ups – I am excited that this resolution is slowly getting there. I’m feeling my muscles getting stronger and more capable each day. I’m steadily pushing and I think I’m going to make it by the end of the year. I really do!

3. Spend LESS. TIME. SCROLLING – I don’t think I tracked this a lot this month. I feel like it wasn’t overly bad, but I wouldn’t give myself a gold star? I should really start paying attention to my device metrics to see how much time is spent each week on certain apps (Instagram seems to be the biggest time suck. I also spend inordinate amounts of time on TikTok but allegedly that’s getting banned in the United States by the end of this month? I’m not going to blame Baby Yoda, all I’m saying is that 2020 started going south right around the time “The Mandalorian” ended).

4. Write 104 Blog Posts – Nailed it. Crushed it. Gonna keep crushing it. <- I wrote this last month. Still applies! Yahoo! <- I wrote this last month, too! Still applies! Double yahoo!

5. Romantic trip with Aaron from Dec. 26 2020 – Jan. 2 2021 – A distressing development: my mother cancelled our vacation for the end of the year. Very sad. BUT. She rebooked a beach resort vacation in the same timeframe! I will still be “of the sea” with Aaron to begin 2021. My 2021 New Years Resolution is going to include a new iteration of this resolution where he and I go all out for our two year anniversary. Hopefully by then this pandemic will be over and we’ll be back to a normal, no-fines-for-leaving-the-state society.

6. Stop engaging in schadenfreude – I think I did okay this month? I genuinely can’t remember. I know I did better than I did in July. I know I watched a few schadenfreude videos/read a few Twitter threads, but that’s it. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being better.

7. Take better care of my skin – I went to a dermatologist! I got a prescription! I still have hormonal acne on my jaw and cheek and a few bad boys on my back and I’m hoping it’ll go away in a month otherwise I’m gonna lose my marbles!

8. Go stargazing – I have yet to seriously go stargazing. Aaron doesn’t like bugs but doesn’t want me to go to a dark place at night by myself. However, twice in the past week I’ve gone on a walk early in the morning while the stars are still out and it’s just… sometimes the sky feels like I’m in a dream. I’m not saying I got this done (I told Aaron I want a date night stargazing, and now that it’s September it better start cooling down and getting less buggy it better happen), but I have taken a moment (give or take twenty minutes) to just be in awe of nature.

9. Get a new job – I have kamikaze’d my way through job applications this month. Just full on Han Solo charge, knock out ten in one day, throwing my name out and seeing what happens. Do I have a new job? No. But I have new job prospects and I remain optimistic.

10. Do a handstand – Last month I said I was doing L-handstands against the wall. I have LEFT THE WALL. I have been practicing just kicking up on my own and almost every day I get further up, and further into a better stance! Some mornings I have left the gym feeling like air punching the world because I’m so proud of myself. That’s pretty neat.

11. Go see two of my favorite performers – This is still not going to happen and I’m very very bummed. I don’t think I’m an entitled fan, but if my favorites don’t look back at 2020 and think “I owe it to the people who suffered to give them what they want: live performances at relatively decent prices,” then they should reconsider. I’m just joking! OR AM I?!

12. Lose weight – WOW. What a dumpster fire of a month for this. I felt super sad about it. I FEEL super sad about it. I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m letting myself down and that’s so not Raven. I can do better. I AM better. Oof. No.

13. Give Aaron a great 26th birthday – Mission accomplished! I wonder if I should keep mentioning this one, since it happened and I can’t go back and redo it or improve on it. Meh. It’s a part of the list and it will stay on the list.

14. Be a better friend, wife, sister, daughter and granddaughter – I hung out??? With a friend??? Yes! I did! I saw a friend in person for the first time since lockdown this month. It was just for an hour, sitting on my porch and catching up on life. It felt so good to see a friend that I might? Do it again? Another friend wanted to go to this one restaurant where they make insane milkshakes with me when I felt safe to associate with other humans. Now’s as good a time as ever!
See, you look at sentences like that and then item 12 and you gotta think “Wow, the disconnect.” I know I do.
Aaron and I have been going on walks and bike rides together. I’m so grateful to have him as my husband and my partner through the dumpster fire that is 2020. I went home earlier this month and spent time with my family, but I feel like I’ve been on a different wavelength than them since. I also haven’t spoken to my grandparents in a month. I wanted to go visit with them, since I technically could be in the same house with them/quarantine for two weeks as the law requires, but that would still be too risky. I was so ready to go be with them and yet I didn’t call or email once. What is wrong with me?

15. Be happy – It’s weird. I thought this month was my lowest month of the year, but looking at my resolutions, this was a relatively solid month. I think that the family thing, the weight loss, and the job situation all just made me feel so low that I look at the month (maybe as an extension of myself) as a failure. I can’t tell if me being hard on myself is a good thing or a bad thing. Am I disappointed, because I know I can do better? Am I setting myself up for failure by having unrealistic expectations? Either way, the sad feelings don’t really invigorate me to try harder, so maybe just being sad about it is just a waste of time (gee, this sounds familiar).

I feel good about September. These will not be famous last words!

I love you three thousand.