I had a very strange day today, with body positivity interwoven throughout it. Allow me to put my discombobulated musings into words.
If this is the post that introduces myself… maybe go to this one instead. Weirdly enough, I do not want my appearance, my weight, to be a defining quality in the eyes of others. Please: define me by my love of music first.
Let’s start with my love of music, as it started my day today, in a way: I dreamed of Brendon Urie from Panic! at the Disco. It was strange, I don’t remember if I was his employee, or we just became friends, all I know is that somehow we were hanging out and getting ready to get on a plane. A waitress brought him a plate with two cookies, and without hesitating, he gave me one. I told him how I listed two of his band’s songs on my list of favorite songs of all time, and he seemed genuinely touched by the sentiment. Nice, right?
Then I woke up and checked Twitter. Not as nice. The FIRST tweet I saw was someone complaining about going to the doctor’s for a foot injury, asking her followers what THEY think the doctor asked her first when she walked into the office. I was expecting a long, thoughtful conversation about healthcare. I thought the first question asked ran along the lines of “What’s your insurance?” and not “What can we help you with today?” I was wrong. The first comment given to this writer I follow on Twitter related to her weight. The comments followed a similar theme: doctor told them to lose weight, even if their appointment dealt with non-weight related concerns.
To see so many people lamenting the same problem had me baffled. When I was a child, my pediatrician regularly told my mother that I needed to lose weight, to lower the risk of pre- Type 2 Diabetes. At that time, my only form of exercise consisted of running to class after spending too much time at my locker. After high school, I started going to the gym, and no other doctors asked about my weight after that. Even when my weight wavered on the “obese” by BMI standards, I’d like to think my cardiovascular health kept doctors at bay.
Granted, I’m not at the doctor’s office much. Maybe that feeds into it too!
Anyway, reading this thread gave me a shock first thing in the morning. I sent it to a friend who has equally struggled with body image and weight issues. They volleyed back with skepticism, suggesting that the doctors in the threads in question did their jobs by cautioning their patients about the inherent risks of being overweight.
It’s interesting to note that I regularly see people on the internet sharing the belief that their weight/health should be something between only them and their doctor (ie, not feedback given in Instagram comments). That’s a fair point, but not if the same people then throw words like “fatphobic” and “ignorant” when their doctor tells them their issues will likely be resolved with weight loss!
I find it almost comforting? I think? For all that I don’t enjoy the way that I look, for all that I feel terrified of jumping on a scale, I haven’t been at a point of receiving a word of caution (with regard to my weight) from a doctor as an adult. It’s also a privilege to say that I don’t go to the doctor’s office enough to risk it, since I’m generally a healthy person (without an invisible illness)!
I felt confused by that thread. It wasn’t even 8 AM.
More confusion came around noon, when I took a work break to go to the grocery store. I saw an Instagram post of a screenshotted Twitter thread. Yes! ANOTHER Twitter thread! The screenshots discussed diets and calorie restricting, and how neither of them work in terms of health. The actual caption felt like a better summation of the point: health does not always equal thinness. Lose weight if you want to, but ask yourself why you want to, because diet culture is prevalent everywhere we turn.
That one REALLY slapped my brain in two. I thought about it as I got dressed, got in my car, drove to the store, and walking into the grocery store. Something about that post brought me back to when I read Megyn Kelly’s book, in which she referenced Doctor Phil’s line: “The difference between you and someone you admire is that you settled for less.”
When I think about the majority of the people I see who vocally, loudly, declare that their fatness is not a problem and that the world is the one with the problem, I agree… to some extent. People should be able to go to lunch and order whatever they want without someone at a neighboring table rolling their eyes. Clothing merchandisers not providing well-fitted plus-sized clothing miss out on a humongous profit. No one should catcall insulting size-related comments from a car window at people quietly walking down the street. It cost zero dollars to keep your mouth shut.
However. I still do not want to be their size. At my current size, I wheeze going up a flight of stairs. I have difficulty crossing my legs like a feminine lady. Instead, I sit criss-cross applesauce! In my body now, I struggle picking out clothes to wear on the weekends. In the summer heat, my thighs chafe quickly and painfully. I cannot comfortably wear dresses or shorts to theme parks. It is genuinely embarrassing.
These are all factors that exist outside social stigma directly or indirectly felt by people in my circle. These factors all exist, and even with height disparities, I’m still smaller than a lot of them, and healthier. My own problems would probably be exacerbated if I gained an additional 40+ pounds!
And then, it was night.
I put on Youtube to play in the background while I took care of some tasks after dinner. My playlist had a documentary from E! that discussed the lengths Hollywood stars go to look their best. The documentary came out in the early 2000’s. It felt very surreal to see that Jennifer Lopez was named for bringing curviness out of the shadows and into the mainstream. Granted, the world at that time was coming out of heroin-chic and into Playboy curves, but when you think about J-Lo now, and the word “curvy,” do they fully match? It was also weird to see Jennifer Aniston on Brad Pitt’s arm. I digress.
The documentary pointed out the various lengths of diet and exercise actresses, and actors, go to sustain their beauty. Eating disorders came up for about thirty seconds. The taboos of choice were colonics and weight loss surgery, which are both now part of the mainstream conversation for weight loss! The message was that everyone struggles with it, and some rely on extreme measures to maintain it, but actresses like Monique and plus sized models like Kate Dillon Levin pave the way for a fuller-figured tomorrow.
According to THAT documentary, Jennifer Aniston doesn’t eat a lot of carbs. That’s not the life for me. Top model Carol Alt eats a raw food diet. That is also not the life for me. So even the people whose bodies I admire are achieved in ways I don’t see myself capable of emulating! In this world of health and fatness and fitness and beauty, are things made up of only extremes?
What everyone lacks, including myself, is balance. Yo-yo dieting is not balanced. Eating too little does not qualify either, nor does eating too much. I have therefore unlocked the clear path to health: moderation. The key to being of sound mind and body is to aim for balance. Eat well, but eat to energize. Indulge in the good stuff, but not every day. Find a workout that doesn’t feel like a workout. Be active. Live life, and you’ll live long.
Anyone will also tell you that health is also dependent on sleep. It’s past 10:30 now, so goodnight to everyone except Brendon Urie. Where’s our plane going? The moon?