It’s a quiet Saturday. Aaron is still sick, but getting better. I’m mostly staying productive, but I really want to just sleep and do nothing.
That said, I went to my float therapy session yesterday and WHOA. What a surreal experience. They put you in a tank that has about a foot of water in it, and the water is an Epsom salt/saline solution. They put on lights and relaxing music for the first ten minutes, then everything fades so it’s just you and the float water. They consider it sensory deprivation. Then you just float for an hour in the dark and mostly silence until the lights come back on to signal the end of the session.
After such a stressful two weeks, I was looking forward to having an hour to just unwind and breathe quietly. Unfortunately, my mind was so used to being stressed that I spent a lot of the session stressing. My mind couldn’t stop thinking, I would jolt at any background noise, and I felt like my body just couldn’t let go of tension. That said, after literally telling my body to calm down and letting my thoughts drift, I eventually fell asleep! It wasn’t long before the lights came back on and I had to step out to rinse off all the salt.
When I came home, I had dinner and almost immediately fell asleep. It was a great way to relax my muscles and let go of everything. I would go back and do another session now that I know what to expect.
I had a great workout this morning, then came home and had a nap before I went to the store. The grocery store was kind of off today, to be honest. I felt like everyone was invading my space. There were people right behind me, people cutting in front of me, and at one point I went to an empty check-out line and wanted to thumb through the latest “Cosmo” magazine. Before I could even think about buying that or the “Shape” magazine next to it, the checkout lady called for my attention and threw me into a state of confusion. As well, the person who took care of my bags got really into my personal space and made me feel uncomfortable. It wasn’t anything in particular, just the energy made me sprint to my car, even though he was pushing my cart. I could have pushed the cart myself but he went for the handles before I could do anything and at that point I didn’t want to be rude.
At any rate, my shopping trip was more expensive than I wanted it to be. I blame the additional ingredients I needed for this week, and next week, and the week after that… because I’m doing Whole30. Whole30 is a “fad diet” in which you eat clean for 30 days. That means 30 days of no grains, legumes, peanuts, dairy, desserts, and extra sugar, among other things. I decided to give it a try, what with my biggest trigger foods being cheese, chocolate and thick bread. I wanted a fresh start after eating poorly for all of December and most of January.
I didn’t realize it would be this hard.
The bread part is tough, as is the dessert. But you know what’s tough? Not being able to make desserts using “Whole30” compliant foods. Not being able to eat rice. JUICE is frowned upon unless being used as a base in a smoothie. I had to find lite and full-fat coconut milk and both had a preservative that Whole30 doesn’t allow.
I don’t know what it is, either, but looking at Whole30 forums bums me out as well. Everyone who provides confirmation of what is and isn’t compliant seems grouchy.
Probably because they haven’t eaten anything fun or indulgent in eight years.
That said, back in London I ate plenty of pasta and bananas daily. I can’t remember the last time I had a banana as a snack and not a smoothie base. It’s nice. It’s also nice to eat what I want and not count calories. Not counting calories is so liberating! I haven’t done that in so long. Literal years.
There’s good and bad to it. The coconut milk thing really bothered me today, as did having to pay extra for Whole30 compliant mayonnaise and coconut aminos instead of soy sauce. As does not being able to have hummus. I miss dessert.
Friends say that the cravings end after two weeks, and I’m looking forward to that. I’m also looking forward to not having dreams where I eat chocolate chips by the handful and/or shotgun cotton candy.
In other news, my mom has asked Aaron and I to expand our registry for the wedding. It’s so weird to think of creating a shopping list for people to buy things for me. I guess, in the grand scheme of things, if I do put something ludicrous on my list, no one has to get it for me. I think that’s what I’m going to do tonight– fold my laundry and make a list of things that I want in my house for the rest of time forever.
I’m gonna leave this thought with Tommy Haverford himself:
