Today is Easter Sunday! On this day, this one dude everyone liked pulled the biggest prank of all time by COMING BACK TO LIFE. Or something. I don’t know. I’m Jewish.
While things are at the bare minimum today because of all the lockdown regulations, the few times I’ve made it to the store, I’ve seen the pastel paint, the flower decorations, and yes, the Easter candy. While I haven’t been able to really enjoy Easter as a Jewish woman, I will say: Cadbury eggs are pretty neat. I haven’t had one in years but that filling is FUN.
Anyway, considering this holiday and my classic journey to a healthier lifestyle, I thought it might be a good idea to name my closest “frenemy”: chocolate.
Chocolate and I go way back. Halloween candy, comfort in Cathy cartoons, and a hand to hold on happy and sad occasions. We’ve had our good days, like cocoa powder in breakfast smoothies and treating myself to dairy free cookie dough, but we’ve also seen “I’m going to eat this entire bag of Hershey Kisses because no one’s around to stop me” days. It seems like chocolate and I are the best of friends and the greatest of foes.
I find myself so often hating myself for eating chocolate, but I think that the more I punish myself, the worse it gets. So rather than look at chocolate as something negative, today I will be praising this delicious treat. Thus, I give you: my favorite ways to eat chocolate.
- Hershey Nuggets. What is it about these bad boys that makes me so giddy? Perhaps it’s that they’re so small, the sweetness has nowhere else to go. I also really like the silver wrapping. I like the shiny aesthetic.
- Chocolate Chip Cookies. This has only really taken form in the past year. I blame my office cafeteria, which regularly has soft, thick chocolate chip cookies. As well, I’ve been to Levain Bakery in NYC twice in the past year, and I literally almost bought a ticket to NYC a few weeks ago for the sole purpose of getting one of those cookies. I’ve baked them twice in quarantine.
Image from Giphy. It’s Cookie Monster. I can only presume it’s from Sesame Street. - Brownies. Any and all context. I don’t bake them enough, because Aaron’s more of a cookie guy, but if you put them in any flavor of ice cream, I’m listening.
- M&M’s. Maybe I like that it’s got the same letter as my name, maybe I like how easy and fun they are to eat, or maybe I love the memory of shotgunning M&M minis in the checkout line of the grocery store with my mom. Whomst can say. All I *can* say is that I would love to, one day, have a photoshoot where I am photographed in a bathtub filled with M&Ms.
Image from Giphy. Vintage M&M’s Commercial. - Nutella. Nutella. Nutella. I’ve just met a girl named Nutella, and suddenly that name will never be the same to me… I love West Side Story and this cocoa hazelnut spread. I will put Nutella on anything. Pancakes, toast, bananas, strawberries, ice cream… I cannot, nor will I ever, be stopped. I have told myself that when I decide to (if I am blessed with the ability to) bear a child, I will be the most healthy pregnant woman, eating for two only the healthiest and purest substances on earth. I still intend to do that… save for Nutella. Maybe I’ll find an organic, vegan version that is less artificial, but even then, this substance will forever be a part of my life. I’m against a Nutella free life, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
- Frosting. I completely blame this on Jeffree Star. Jeffree enjoys eating fast food and frosting straight from the carton, because he has a metabolism higher than Mt. Everest. I however, would put my metabolism somewhere between the Marianas Trench and where the Titanic shipwreck currently lies. Hence, he has toothpick legs, so much so that you could use them to skewer my cocktail weenie legs.
- Donuts. If I had to eat myself to death, it would be with donuts. There is this one chocolate filled donut at Dunkin that makes me feel happy. A lot of times, the average person probably thinks “Oh, I shouldn’t eat this, I don’t need it,” when they eat a donut. I am one of those people, except for this donut. The first time I ate this donut I thought to myself “Wow, I am very happy I ate this.” I love donuts.
- Reeses Cups. It was the winter of 2018, when something inside of me snapped and suddenly I had eaten an entire bag of fun sized Reeses cups. It was not fun, and yet, I cannot be stopped when it comes to a Reeses Cup. I love Reeses Cups.
What? This clip of me eating a Reeses Cup on Jimmy Fallon? Wow, I’m breathtaking. Just kidding, it’s Wonder Woman Gal Gadot. Click the image for the clip in full. - Smores. I know I already said Hershey’s earlier, but Smores hit on another level. It’s a sandwich from heaven. My two favorite desserts are Smores and Key Lime Pie!
- Oreos. The cream. The cookie. Dip it in some milk. Swipe some frosting on it. Dunk it in Nutella. You get the idea. Oreos are my life. I love Oreos. I… love them.
Stephen Colbert having an emotional breakdown… but with exquisite taste.
I feel like I could say I saved the best for last, because I would combine any of these with the coup de grace that is:
National Chocolate Day is October 28 this year, and International Chocolate Day is July 7. I might have to revisit this entry on either or both of those days. Until then, my dear sweet chocolate: I love you. Forever.