Yesterday, I felt overwhelmed. It suddenly hit me:
- BFF #1 – Got a new job that pays a higher salary than mine, despite working less time, and moving to a nice new apartment.
- BFF #2 – Left the job she hated to start a new job she loves.
- BFF #3 – Is about to get hired for a new position where she’ll be making more than twice my income.
- BFF #4 – Just bought a new apartment
- BFF #5 – Has discovered a new passion that is bringing him unparalleled happiness.
And then there’s me.
It was a lot to take in. I think I’ve done well emotionally with quarantine conditions, but something about this week had me taking stock in my life. One of my new year’s resolutions was to be happy. I don’t feel happy.
So, I took a minute to feel those feelings. I don’t ignore feelings, I just don’t let them weigh me down for too long. There’s no cupcakes at a pity party, and if there’s no cupcakes, what’s the point of having a party?
After a minute (okay, longer than that), I made the resolution to move forward and get things done. I know I will feel better when things get done. On the top of my list is my biggest roadblock: finishing “The Once and Future King” by TH White. I keep not reading this book even though I like it, and it’s keeping me from feeling like I can accomplish anything else. I woke up this morning realizing that if work is quiet, I could finish it.
Then work was not quiet. Work was stressful, and people were cranky at me, and I wanted to throw my laptop into the surface of the sun.
So I’ve made a decision. Currently, I am reading two massive books. I need to finish these two massive books before I can resume applying to jobs that will make me feel more fulfilled. To worry about books, work, and my body image is a lot to put on my head and my heart. I need to learn to slow down, and take things one day at a time. That starts today.
