August. Not my finest month.
If anything, I’m celebrating that I think this was my worst month. What a relief! I got my worst month done, and now the rest of the year can be great! Right? Right?! I’m right.
1. Read 52 books – I finished two books this month, and I’m working on two more right now! If I finish them by this weekend I’ll feature all four in a monthly reads post.
2. Do pull ups – I am excited that this resolution is slowly getting there. I’m feeling my muscles getting stronger and more capable each day. I’m steadily pushing and I think I’m going to make it by the end of the year. I really do!
3. Spend LESS. TIME. SCROLLING – I don’t think I tracked this a lot this month. I feel like it wasn’t overly bad, but I wouldn’t give myself a gold star? I should really start paying attention to my device metrics to see how much time is spent each week on certain apps (Instagram seems to be the biggest time suck. I also spend inordinate amounts of time on TikTok but allegedly that’s getting banned in the United States by the end of this month? I’m not going to blame Baby Yoda, all I’m saying is that 2020 started going south right around the time “The Mandalorian” ended).
4. Write 104 Blog Posts – Nailed it. Crushed it. Gonna keep crushing it. <- I wrote this last month. Still applies! Yahoo! <- I wrote this last month, too! Still applies! Double yahoo!
5. Romantic trip with Aaron from Dec. 26 2020 – Jan. 2 2021 – A distressing development: my mother cancelled our vacation for the end of the year. Very sad. BUT. She rebooked a beach resort vacation in the same timeframe! I will still be “of the sea” with Aaron to begin 2021. My 2021 New Years Resolution is going to include a new iteration of this resolution where he and I go all out for our two year anniversary. Hopefully by then this pandemic will be over and we’ll be back to a normal, no-fines-for-leaving-the-state society.
6. Stop engaging in schadenfreude – I think I did okay this month? I genuinely can’t remember. I know I did better than I did in July. I know I watched a few schadenfreude videos/read a few Twitter threads, but that’s it. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being better.
7. Take better care of my skin – I went to a dermatologist! I got a prescription! I still have hormonal acne on my jaw and cheek and a few bad boys on my back and I’m hoping it’ll go away in a month otherwise I’m gonna lose my marbles!
8. Go stargazing – I have yet to seriously go stargazing. Aaron doesn’t like bugs but doesn’t want me to go to a dark place at night by myself. However, twice in the past week I’ve gone on a walk early in the morning while the stars are still out and it’s just… sometimes the sky feels like I’m in a dream. I’m not saying I got this done (I told Aaron I want a date night stargazing, and now that it’s September it better start cooling down and getting less buggy it better happen), but I have taken a moment (give or take twenty minutes) to just be in awe of nature.
9. Get a new job – I have kamikaze’d my way through job applications this month. Just full on Han Solo charge, knock out ten in one day, throwing my name out and seeing what happens. Do I have a new job? No. But I have new job prospects and I remain optimistic.
10. Do a handstand – Last month I said I was doing L-handstands against the wall. I have LEFT THE WALL. I have been practicing just kicking up on my own and almost every day I get further up, and further into a better stance! Some mornings I have left the gym feeling like air punching the world because I’m so proud of myself. That’s pretty neat.
11. Go see two of my favorite performers – This is still not going to happen and I’m very very bummed. I don’t think I’m an entitled fan, but if my favorites don’t look back at 2020 and think “I owe it to the people who suffered to give them what they want: live performances at relatively decent prices,” then they should reconsider. I’m just joking! OR AM I?!
12. Lose weight – WOW. What a dumpster fire of a month for this. I felt super sad about it. I FEEL super sad about it. I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m letting myself down and that’s so not Raven. I can do better. I AM better. Oof. No.
13. Give Aaron a great 26th birthday – Mission accomplished! I wonder if I should keep mentioning this one, since it happened and I can’t go back and redo it or improve on it. Meh. It’s a part of the list and it will stay on the list.
14. Be a better friend, wife, sister, daughter and granddaughter – I hung out??? With a friend??? Yes! I did! I saw a friend in person for the first time since lockdown this month. It was just for an hour, sitting on my porch and catching up on life. It felt so good to see a friend that I might? Do it again? Another friend wanted to go to this one restaurant where they make insane milkshakes with me when I felt safe to associate with other humans. Now’s as good a time as ever!
See, you look at sentences like that and then item 12 and you gotta think “Wow, the disconnect.” I know I do.
Aaron and I have been going on walks and bike rides together. I’m so grateful to have him as my husband and my partner through the dumpster fire that is 2020. I went home earlier this month and spent time with my family, but I feel like I’ve been on a different wavelength than them since. I also haven’t spoken to my grandparents in a month. I wanted to go visit with them, since I technically could be in the same house with them/quarantine for two weeks as the law requires, but that would still be too risky. I was so ready to go be with them and yet I didn’t call or email once. What is wrong with me?
15. Be happy – It’s weird. I thought this month was my lowest month of the year, but looking at my resolutions, this was a relatively solid month. I think that the family thing, the weight loss, and the job situation all just made me feel so low that I look at the month (maybe as an extension of myself) as a failure. I can’t tell if me being hard on myself is a good thing or a bad thing. Am I disappointed, because I know I can do better? Am I setting myself up for failure by having unrealistic expectations? Either way, the sad feelings don’t really invigorate me to try harder, so maybe just being sad about it is just a waste of time (gee, this sounds familiar).
I feel good about September. These will not be famous last words!
I love you three thousand.