Make your own path… but THESE roses aren’t worth smelling.
As a Christmas gift, Aaron got me a subscription to Traveler by Conde Nast! Nice, right? My intention for this entry was to highlight some of the gems from this month’s editions. However, the mail is being a little “b” and it’s not set to arrive anytime in the foreseeable future! How rude, right? I WILL eventually receive it, read it cover to cover, and provide a full-fledged analysis like I’m sure it deserves. For today, I wanted to keep things in the same vein of traveling!
In my twenty-six years on Earth, I’ve been on a quite a few flights, packed quite a few suitcases, and learned quite a few lessons along the way. From food choices to flight habits, I implore you to learn from my mistakes, laugh at my pain, and think twice the next time you head into the unknown!
1. Never order something new the night before your flight. When in Rome, do as the Romans do! However, if you’ve never had andouille before in your life, stick to the plain spaghet instead. It’s terrible to have an unsettled stomach, period. It is a far, far worse thing to have an unsettled stomach on a flight. It’s a nightmare to have an unsettled stomach on a long flight. In high school, I went to Spain, and had a ham-and-cheese dish the night before heading home. I had spent the summer not eating much meat in general, and I’d rarely eaten ham at that point in my life. The timeframe between arriving at the airport in Barcelona at 6 AM, to landing in Madrid, to walking through the airport to board the flight back to the US, is a blur of nausea, embarrassment, and… my body exploded. Take that how you want. By all means, try all the things if you’re somewhere new! In my experience, though, play it safe on the last day. Your body will thank you later… as will several flight attendants who don’t want to know what happens when they deny someone more than one barf bag.
2. Never use an open-top tote. All your bags should zip. None of this button nonsense. Even with a zip bag, make sure everything STAYS zipped. If you can quickly reach a hand into your bag to grab something, so can someone else. On the same trip as item one above, I felt and witnessed someone pickpocket me! Yes! Thankfully, because I felt my bag brush against my leg, I whirled around just in time to see the leacher quietly slip my things under his jacket. I pried it from his hands and he immediately fled while I yelled some “colorful” things in his direction. Fun fact (really really sad fact): It happened while sliding my metro-card at the metro entrance, but the door was jammed, with him behind me and his accomplice next to him in the next turnstile. Once my passport and my wallet were back in my hands, I vividly remember being so scared that I ripped open the turnstile doors to let me out and away from him. Imagine the Hulk, or a mom lifting a car to save her baby. In that moment, that was me. I feel proud of how I handled that situation, but if I hadn’t had the instinct to look down at my bag in that moment, I could have been in serious trouble! Don’t make my mistake!
3. Don’t eat fast food on your trip. There is no reason for you to eat KFC in Austria. How dare you? You can have a Whopper any old time at home! If you’re only there for a week, support local restaurants. I promise that a burger in a pub isn’t much different than a burger in a bar. I will admit that while studying in England, I had a weekly Chipotle bowl, and McDonalds, more than once! MORE THAN ONCE. I cannot believe my own silliness. However, I was a student on a budget who didn’t want to cook or walk anywhere late at night. Six years ago. When Postmates was something only cool Youtubers could do. Don’t be like me. Make your own meals if you’re on a budget (lord knows I was then), or go out to someplace fun. If you’re really feeling daring, try something new! I will never forget the wonder of my first bite of pistachio gelato in Taormina. Can you imagine what my life would be if I had just gone to Haagen Dasz?
4. Don’t disappear. When I was eight years old, I told my mom that my sister and I were going to get ice cream across the street from our hotel in Colorado. We ended up in a forest area building a tiny snowman by a creek. It was a nice time! However, we didn’t notice how long we’d been gone, and by the time we got back it was dark outside. My mom and dad had been freaking out that their kids were gone. My bad. I was a child. I would “wander off” many times after that, and to be honest, it was selfish. If you’re on a solo trip, yes, it is all about you and finding independence. But we’ve all seen at least one creepy movie about someone who got tortured by being dumb on vacation. This isn’t meant to be funny, it’s meant to be real. It is a BAD idea to not leave word about where you’re going, especially if you’re going somewhere with someone you haven’t met before this trip. Don’t let your mom be woken up by a nightmare phone call. WhatsApp someone where you’re going, and who you’ll be with, just in case. Leave a trace. And keep your phone charged.
5. Don’t forget that you’re a person. We all tend to let loose on vacations. As we should! It’s our time to enjoy and not think about the stress of our everyday lives. However, it’s not okay to lose your sense of reality when dealing with other people. Remember that in other places, people have different expectations of etiquette and style. You will stick out like a sore thumb in a lot of places if you’re loud, brash, and sloppy. That’s more of a rule for life, but it especially matters when you’re in a foreign country. When I was in England, I had remembered that a British friend told me that people in the UK dress well, even just to run errands. I spent the first few weeks walking around in sloppy clothes, with my hair unkempt, in an oversized/inappropriate jacket. I got dirty looks! At first I was offended, and then I realized that I was the one coming off as culturally tone deaf. All I had to do was wear a slightly better jacket, and people ignored me. Some people even asked me for directions! Something about putting on a nice blue jacket told people that I not only was normal, but I BELONGED. It’s crazy how something little can go a long way! All in all, smile, try not to point, and leave your mustard-stained shirts for chilling in your hotel room. You don’t need to wear a tuxedo everywhere, but pretend your boss might bump into you on the street. Unless you’re in Orlando. No one cares what you do in Orlando, just don’t scream in the Hall of Presidents at Magic Kingdom. Weirdo.
It’s fun to remember all the wacky events of my previous adventures. I’m so grateful for every whoops and every win. I don’t take any of the experiences I have for granted, and I always come back having learned something new or experienced something beautiful. Traveling is certainly a luxury none of us can afford right now (unless you’re on TikTok, then going to the Bahamas in a pandemic is ESSENTIAL. You dopes), but once things improve and I can get blow the dust off my passport, watch out world! Mallory’s coming for ya!