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Mallory’s Monthly Reads – National Poetry Month!

Posted on May 3, 2020December 28, 2021 by admin

The month of April is National Poetry Month! I’ve mentioned it before, as I’ve participated in that month-long poetry writing challenge for the past two years. With that in mind, I sought out to read poetry collections this month! I didn’t fare so well. I read two poetry collections that I loved, and didn’t end up finding two more poetry collections to read for this month. Instead, I “read” (Audible) a series of personal essays by a slam poet author-turned-musician, and started another collection of feminist essays on modern interpretations of women in the media. As of this morning I was still “reading” the latter two, but I’ll only be proceeding with one. Read on for the why:

1. Inquire Within by IN-Q. I first discovered In-Q (a stage/pen name, real name Adam Schmalholz) on an episode of the new-age podcast I follow, “Your Own Magic.” While on the podcast he recited a few of his poems and I truly loved his rhythm, so I started looking for other performances of his work. Not only has he done several Ted Talks’ worth of poetry, but he’s an accomplished songwriter and has written a few bangers of my generation (chief among them being “Love You Like a Love Song” by Selena Gomez!). Inquire Within is his first published book of works, and was only released at the end of last month. I got the book on Audible, because again, I love his performance style! He approaches his subjects with honesty, and a lot of his poems are autobiographical and based on stories in his life. A few of his poems that I liked from this collection were “For Mom,” “Say Yes,” “Bipartisan,” and “Silence.” My favorite was “Forgiveness,” which was a piece about getting a tattoo inspired by his Jewish upbringing. Delicious plot twist.

Here’s one of his Ted Talks:

2. Egghead: Or, You Can’t Survive on Ideas Alone by Bo Burnham. I think most people my age know, respect, and love Bo Burnham. He was one of the first people to share his “art” on Youtube, only to then make it past the home screens onto Comedy Central, HBO, a few Netflix specials, and writing/directing a critically acclaimed coming-of-age film that honestly nailed the nightmarish pubescent experience. Of course, what can be expected from the guy who sat on a keyboard in his tiny childhood bedroom room, lamenting that his whole family thinks he’s gay? In 2013 he published Egghead, which included several poems that were featured in his stand-up routine around the same time. I finally sat down and read it all in one sitting this past month, and I loved it. Bo’s last comedy special came out in 2016, and it’s still uncertain if he will ever do stand-up again (he’s said that performing live gave him terrible anxiety). He has a special place in my heart and I think/hope that his fans love and appreciate him enough to want more, but not ask for it. There was a movie that was set to come out last month called Promising Young Woman, and he was set to co-star in it. It got pulled from theatres because of COVID-19, but I hope it circles back around later this year. Bo aside, it looked like it was going to be an awesome movie (potentially even a new favorite for me). Anyway, I loved Bo, and his poetry collection made me smile a lot. A few of my favorites from this collection were “Him,” “Different,” and “Letter.” I think my favorite was “Listen.”

Here’s some of his poetry from the book that he used in his stand-up:

3. You Play the Girl: On Playboy Bunnies, Stepford Wives, Train Wrecks, & Other Mixed Messages by Carina Chocano. This is a manifesto on how women are gaslighted, manipulated, and depicted in and by mass media. It dissects (through some personal anecdotes) famous depictions of women, ranging from the eponymous Stepford Wives to Samantha Stephens from “Bewitched.” I think this one is going to take me some time to finish. Each essay feels long, even if it’s maybe five pages. I think it’s just because the subject matter is draining. Women deserve more, and while scared/entitled men may disagree, women are often sabotaged by other women! What the heck, ladies? All I wanted was for Margaery, Danerys, and Sansa to team up with Arya to defeat Cersei Lannister. And what I got was… not that. We could’ve had it ALL, dangit. I DIGRESS. I might just do two essays a week and see where that takes me. If I proceed in that way, once I finish, I will come back and discuss it more at length.

4. Keeping This Mum by Undisclosed Artist. I wouldn’t say I’m gutless, but I avoid speaking out of turn. I found Undisclosed Artist in a recommended TedTalk list and to be honest, I loved it. I found that he was an accomplished slam poet, and had a series of essays published that featured the praise of a composer I admire on the cover. This composer admired this artist so much that they had collaborated on a track together. Undisclosed Artist is now a rapper that was set to tour this spring, but the tour got cancelled because of Covid. Anyway, I decided that, similarly to IN-Q, I would download the Audible of Undisclosed Artist’s essay collection/memoir, because I enjoyed his diction. While listening to his stories, I started getting a weird vibe from him. I don’t want to say “pretentious,” because I don’t think that’s right, but it’s close. That said, something about the stories he told, and the way he told them, had me thinking that he was kind of a creep. A certain kind of creep that goes after girls, not women, and likes/has to be the smarter person in the relationship. The kind that wouldn’t necessarily be surprising to become a professor that sleeps with his students because they’re consenting adults and it’s not illegal, so who cares?
I know nothing about this guy, and for all I know, I could meet him one day and he could be a truly compassionate, intelligent, and respectable man. I would hate to form (or at least, form publicly) this opinion of him as a shady character. I have no evidence to suggest that he’s a shady person in real life, so I’d prefer to keep his name out of my mouth. I hope that my intuition is in overdrive, because the world could use another intelligent man with good choice of words.

This month contains Star Wars Day (May the Fourth, like “May the Fourth be With You”). Between “The Clone Wars” being Aaron’s favorite show right now, all nine films in the Skywalker Saga being released on Disney Plus on Monday, and my desire to buy a lightsaber, I’m really vibing on Star Wars right now. As such, my intention is to read several Star Wars novels this month (including Carrie Fisher’s memoir from her time filming Star Wars. Rest in peace, my cinnamon bun icon). I think the reason that I had trouble reading four books in a month the past two months was because the nonfiction subject matter bummed me out and drained my desire to continue. Maybe I could use a break from the nonfiction and self help and switch gears to some fiction. With that in mind, may the force be with me!

April Wrap-Up: 2020 Resolutions Checkpoint

Posted on April 30, 2020 by admin

I almost titled this “April Wrap-Up: How Pathetic Are We?” I think that that the humor of “My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” has me leaning heavily on my tendency to self deprecate. I don’t like when my friends speak negatively about themselves, even in a joking way, so I should give myself the same courtesy!

The end of April symbolizes the end of the first third of the year. If you love trilogies, that means that we’ve just finished the original! MAYBE this could be like the first three Toy Story movies, where the first one was groundbreaking and fresh, and then the second and third ones were equally heartwarming and had better animation because technology improved.

Seriously, though – I wanted to make this a benchmark, a lap completion, to hype up my intentions for this “third” of the year (and hopefully the rest of the year).

So once more with feeling: let’s take a look at the new years resolutions for 2020.

1. Read 52 books – I finished two poetry collections this month, and I’m finishing two other books now. I keep wanting to put four books in a month, but I think I’ll feel better about the goal if I give myself a few days’ flexibility, especially since I start my books late from fatigue so far. So while my next entry will be in May, I will have roughly read four books this month.

It’ll make sense in three days, okay?

2. Do pull-ups – I mentioned this month, and with quarantine things haven’t changed: my body is a bit out of luck right now with the gym being closed from COVID-19 and the doors in my house being too tall for a pull-up bar, but I did a push-up challenge that really built up my muscles, enough that Aaron noticed! I have to keep it up, but I’m taking a week or so off of the strength training right now after a squat challenge taken too far annihilated my lower back. Down not out, I pinky swear!

3. Spend LESS. TIME. SCROLLING. – I am awful at this. I put TikTok on my phone and it didn’t help. I will be better about this in the future. I want to find a way to start small. No scrolling in bed on school-nights?

4. Write 104 blog posts – I’ve been doing a great job with this! I want to keep doing well here.

5. Romantic trip with Aaron from Dec. 26 – Jan. 2 2021 – I haven’t heard/seen this trip get cancelled yet! COVID better not come for this trip, it’s in DECEMBER. That’s more than enough time for everyone to get better, right?

6. Stop engaging in schadenfreude – This is mostly better! I’ve avoided the online gossip of people who were often the center of my schadenfreude, to the point of actively saying “take this off my feed” in my Youtube recommends.

7. Take better care of my skin – Skin is looking good! I seriously can’t wait to get back into my facialist for the micro-dermabrasion. I can’t do that at home. I’m hoping that when quarantine ends this will only continue to get better!

8. Go stargazing – I WANT TO DO THIS BUT COVID. I WILL GET THERE.

9. Get a new job – Whooooo boy. I made some decent strides in the past week alone, to the point that I’m terrified it’s actually either going to happen really soon or never happen. I will keep trying and keep breathing while I do it.

10. Do a handstand – Again. Doing my best with the circumstances. I haven’t given up on this one, I tried it the other day and I felt it in my arms!

11. Go see two of my favorite performers – No change here. Just kidding! Dear Evan Hansen was officially cancelled. They haven’t taken Hamilton away from me yet, though. I think I’m going to reschedule Dear Evan Hansen for November or August. Fingers crossed I haven’t set myself on fire by then!

12. Lose weight – Still trying. Still failing. Still feel bad about it. We’re not self-deprecating. We’re going to keep going. We feel good about this. Who is we? I don’t know.

13. Give Aaron a great 26th birthday – Because of COVID conditions I can’t super seriously plan this right now. Conditions are getting better though, so hopefully, I can not only plan his birthday by this time next month but also plan a great anniversary trip to Vermont/Disney for our 1 year!

14. Be a better friend, wife, sister, daughter, and granddaughter – I have been doing a great job of keeping in touch with my friends during this lockdown. Ditto with my parents and my sister. I spoke to my dad on the phone the other day and sent an email to my grandpa to tell him I love him. I feel like I will never say “I love you” enough to any of these people. I hope I’m doing a decent job on this with Aaron, because I live with him. With COVID he’s just here. All the time. We get to spend almost every minute together and I genuinely think it’s making us happier. Isn’t that nice? I think it’s nice.

15. Be happy – I’m in a very zen state now. I have my job, I have good friends, I don’t have to wear confining clothing all day at work or commute to work, I get to bake and write a lot, and I get to snuggle with my cats all day. I’m genuinely content. I think I will feel better though if I do a better job of reading more, reaching out more to my grandparents, and uh… item 12. Just. Item 12.

With that, I’m going to chug some water, get the last of my steps, and WHY DOES MY HOUSE SMELL LIKE SOFT PRETZELS?

Fashion Favorites: Film and TV

Posted on April 26, 2020April 26, 2020 by admin

If I hadn’t established so more clearly, I truly enjoy movies and television. Along with that, while I’m not the most stylish person, I do have my style preferences and sense of fashion! The more I grow attached to characters on TV, the more I notice how they carry themselves, and how they’re presented. How a person, or a character on the screen, dresses, says so much about their personality and background. Compare, for example, how Rachel Berry (the perky if naive head of the glee club) dresses in relation to how Santana Lopez (the quick-witted to the point of hostility cheerleader) dresses on the tv show “Glee.”

Rachel Berry has actually remained a big style inspiration for me. She started off in mostly sweaters with coordinated skirts and flats, but eventually, as she grew up and headed into the world of adulthood and college in NYC, her tastes matured into outfits that were flattering but not provocative, and classically stylish. That’s exactly how I want to dress now!

First, let’s take a look at a few specific outfits/wardrobe choices that have stayed with me, from past and present:

Anastasia’s blue ballgown, from “Anastasia.” I’ve literally put wearing this dress on my bucket list. I loved the tulle cape paired with the elaborate jewelry and long white gloves. Add the sparkly hairclip updo and it’s my favorite look from any animated film.
Robin Scherbatsky’s rehearsal dinner dress from “How I Met Your Mother.” In the final season of “How I Met Your Mother,” Robin gets married (I’ll keep the groom secret in case you’ve never seen it). The whole season takes place over the entire wedding weekend, and as a result, Robin spends two episodes in the most breathtaking gold strapless dress with shiny swirl accents. It’s a design from L’wrenn Scott, and I believe it was from, or at least inspired by, the Autumn/Winter collection she titled “Allegory of Love.” I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t think about this dress. It’s completely out of stock, but I fantasize about finding it one day in a fashion warehouse.
Rebecca Bunch’s Michael Kors handbag, from “My Crazy Ex Girlfriend.” Anna Wintour once said that she rarely carries a handbag. I’m the same way; all I really need when I go somewhere is my phone, since I keep my ID in a pocket on the back of my phone case. That said, a good bag is a good handbag. The moment I saw this bag I realized “My God. I must have that bag.” I’m very anti-leather, and I believe this bag is patent leather. Still, I can recognize a good, everyday purse that can hold sunglasses, a checkbook, and all of your secrets.
Andy Sachs’ black Paris power suit, from “The Devil Wears Prada.” I have such a fondness for this movie! Anne Hathaway’s character Andrea “Andy” Sachs starts out this film with clothes that are presentable, but not stylish. If you’re the assistant to Miranda Priestly, the head of the fashion world, that’s not going to cut it! With the help of art director Nigel Kipling, Andy undergoes a makeover worthy of a Madonna-backed montage. Near the climax of the movie, Andy prepares to go to meet with Miranda while wearing an all black jacket and skirt combination. Nigel comments, “Who put that together for you?” to which Andy admits it was something she picked for herself. Nigel smiles at her with pride, realizing she has come into her own, style wise. I couldn’t agree more.
Renata Klein’s “Women in Power” suit, from “Big Little Lies.” I firmly believe 2018/2019 was the season of Laura Dern. She’s always been incredible, but she received a long and painful term on the Hollywood blacklist after playing a love interest for Ellen Degeneres in an anti-LGBTQ Hollywood. Now that Hollywood has begun to slowly but steadily open its eyes to the possibilities of non-heterosexual relationships, it seems she’s come back stronger than ever in back-to-back iconic performances as Nora Fanshaw in “Marriage Story” and Renata Klein in “Big Little Lies.” Renata Klein had one of the most iconic lines in season two of “Big Little Lies,” as she spits out, through gritted teeth, “I will not, NOT be rich.” The beginning of this season sees her posing in a power suit as iconic as she is, shiny and red. She smiles confidently toward the camera, and that look is the definition of the article for which she’s being featured in: “Women in Power.” I have no use for this power suit yet, but I will find my own version of it when I take my own rightful place as a woman in power. For now, I will live vicariously through Laura Dern, as should we all.

These were all incredible style choices within the context of each character’s story. A princess, a New York lawyer with taste, a powerful woman. To be fair, all of these women are strong women!

Nowadays, my fashion preferences are a little more lowkey. I’m a big plain white tee shirt with blue jeans kind of girl. I think streetwear fashion is veering more towards the world of less-is-more! That said, I can’t promise to not go full “Devil Wears Prada” when I make it to the big leagues. This is still one of my favorite movie scenes of all time.

Lockdown Life: Staying Alive

Posted on April 23, 2020 by admin

It’s been over a month since quarantine began, and people have started to protest and demand that life return to normal. I feel so terrible for the people who have lost their jobs since this started. What’s wild is that the protesters I’ve seen have been demanding people return to work so they can get their hair done, go to restaurants, and socialize again. I don’t see anyone protesting to say they miss their jobs and their paychecks. It feels very privileged. I feel like people don’t realize that people are dying from this thing.

Speaking of privileged, my life hasn’t changed much since the outbreak. As a result, as much as I miss the normalities of being with friends and going to Disney, I’m in a chill bubble and content to sit and wait this out until it’s safe to visit my grandma again. A lot of people are in the same situation for me but are not taking this experience… well.

Rather than talk about my favorite things this month, I want to dedicate this post to the things that are keeping me sane during this quarantine. I am keeping my cool and feeling happy thanks to the following things:

1. Deleted scenes of “The Office.” If it weren’t obvious, my favorite television show of all time is “The Office.” It ended seven years ago (wow), but it’s probably the most watched television series on Netflix. I have probably seen it a hundred times by now, and yes, hundreds seems like a small number, but if I’ve watched the show almost every day for ten years… excuse me, it’s time for me to do math.

Okay, if I’ve watched the show 350 days out of the year, for an hour a day, for ten years, I have watched 3,500 hours of “The Office.” Yikes. But not yikes, because it makes me happy!

As a result, I still love it, but I know the episodes practically by heart. In the past month, particularly in the past week, I’ve found compilations of deleted scenes from the show. It’s like watching the show for the first time all over again! It just brings a smile on my face.

2. Baking. It’s not exactly helping my goal to be healthy, but I’ve been taking the whole “studies say baking relieves stress” theory to heart. I’ve made incredible chocolate chip cookies, dulce de leche cookies, and today, I made fried Oreos! I have plans to make “slutty” brownies (I hate that name. Why did we call them that? You could bring these to your bake sale and then your step-grandparent is all “Wow, these are great! What do you call these?” What do you say to that) this Friday, and when they run out I am making M&M cookies. I feel inspired.

3. “Crazy Ex Girlfriend.” Did I start watching this only three days ago? Yes. Do I want to forsake all other forms of entertainment until I finish it? Yes. This show has everything: musical numbers, Jewish moms, that one Disney prince who CANNOT BE TRUSTED. It’s truly remarkable and funny and I love it and I don’t wanna go to sleep until I finish this season. Unless it ends with a cliffhanger. Gosh I hope it doesn’t end with a cliffhanger.

4. “Couch to 5K.” I am “fittish,” which means I work out a lot and would probably be unstoppable if I cared enough to change my diet to match my healthy tastes. I like to walk the treadmill and get cardio from the elliptical and this “gazelle” machine that’s like a stairmaster/elliptical hybrid. What do those things have in common? They’re cardio machines. I don’t have access to such equipment. To get in my cardio, I started jogging with “Couch to 5K.” It’s about thirty minutes, three times a week, of fresh air and exercise. I get to listen to music and think about everything and nothing. I gotta be honest, it feels great!

5. Writing. Between journaling and “escapril,” I feel so creatively channeled into my mind. I’m being honest without being dark. It’s refreshing!

I feel very lucky to be in a situation where I still have my job (which has been busy as of late), my health, and almost 8 years’ worth of long-distance friendshipping. As the Nutella topping, I have Aaron. Getting to have lunch with him and give him hugs throughout the day makes everything even better. I am feeling so grateful to have him through all of this. I have great people in my life. Them, plus these distractions, are making my life livable.

I hope that people respect the current quarantine limitations. I want everyone to return to their normal, but the more we don’t take the rules seriously, the more exposed we will be to COVID-19, and then we will be in lockdown for months. WAY more months than need be. I hope people find better ways to pass the time than yelling at the doctors treating the patients. Or at least, some self-esteem. The most photographed protesters are people with ugly hair (objectively ugly, like too long or natural roots). Hair isn’t everything. Stay safe, love yourself, and please, stay inside.

Because if anyone messes with my “Hamilton” tickets or my end-of-year cruise I will be forced to riot.

Self-Love: An Interview with Me

Posted on April 19, 2020 by admin

Under COVID-19, life has sort of hit a standstill. Routine and repetition are the norm, and there isn’t much room for change. That said, I have not much that’s new and exciting to report on in my life as of late! With no new subject or ideas as this lockdown drags on, I thought I’d take some time to discuss my favorite topic: me!

Behold: A self-love interview.

Q: What are 10 things you are really good at?
A: Baking, trivia, applying nail polish, problem solving, writing, organizing spaces, staying optimistic, making jokes, Pictionary, and Charades!

Q: What are 5 physical features you love about yourself?
A: I have a really nice smile! I also have pretty eyes, considering they’re brown (as opposed to hazel, blue, green, or some other fun color). Along with that, I have long eyelashes and good natural eyebrows. Lastly, I’ve been told multiple times to not change my hair color, because my natural color is so pretty!

Image from Gifer. “Recall Vote”. Parks and Recreation. 14 November 2013. NBC.

Q: What is your ideal vision of your “dream life?”
A: I wake up at 5 AM. I have a green juice and go to a workout. I come back and get my kids ready for school, feeding them breakfast before I take a shower. I put on a well fitted suit and simple, pretty makeup before kissing Aaron, who works remotely from our NYC penthouse apartment, goodbye as I leave for work. We live on the Upper East Side, so it’s a twenty minute walk from our home to 30 Rockefeller Plaza, where I work as the Vice President of Programming for NBC. I have a gorgeous corner office and have breakout sessions and production meetings on how to retool our current programming for better ratings, as well as meeting with potential talent on creating new content for our Thursday Night lineup. Twice a week I have a business lunch, and twice a week I have lunch on my own to give myself some private time for myself. Once a week I have lunch with Aaron! I start my work day at nine and on most days, I end at six, walking in the door at six-thirty to have dinner with the family. After dinner, I sit with the kids and Aaron to help them with their homework, or we go on a walk as a family with our dog. Once we get home, the kids have an hour to play and get washed up for bed while Aaron and I have an hour to ourselves. After bedtime, Aaron and I read or watch a show together before bed, preferably with lights out at 9PM for a full eight hours of sleep!

Q: What are ten positive affirmations you love?
A: I am loved. I am safe. I am happy. I am content as I am. I forgive you. I love you. I praise you. You are bold. You are brilliant. You are beautiful.

Q: How can you love yourself more?
A: Three ways I can love myself more are by making more healthy choices in my life, staying conscious of my actions, and forgiving myself when I do not act perfectly.

Q: What do you love most about your life?
A: Right now, I have a remarkable consistency in my life. I have a steady job, good friends, and a wonderful family. I have a husband that I love. I have people that I love and a job that I’m good at doing. I have my health and I have easy access to life’s necessities. That makes me feel very blessed.

Q: Describe yourself positively in ten words:
A: Ambitious, creative, clever, daring, friendly, kind, loving, compassionate, optimistic, and strong.

Image from Pinterest. “The Return.” The Office . 18 January 2007. NBC.

Q: What’s standing in the way of your happiness and what can you do to fix that?
A: The only thing standing in my way is myself and time. I know eventually I will have my dream job, but I feel like I won’t be truly happy until I get there. To get my dream job, I have to work my way up to it! You can’t go from answering phones to president overnight, it takes time and effort. I think I have to forgive myself and recognize that it will all happen in time, and until then, I should embrace the now, and appreciate the time I have in this place in my life.

Q: What are five good habits to start next month?
A: Whitening my teeth twice a week. Yoga for ten minutes a day. Read every night. Practice a new language three times a week. Call my grandparents once a week.

Q: Write yourself a thank you letter.
A: Dear Past Mallory,
Thank you for looking out for future Mallory. Future Mallory wants to just enjoy her life, and that means that you have to do all the work. Future Mallory is so grateful for you taking care of business. Please know that everything she does is in celebration of everything you do. Please know you’re doing wonderfully. Keep going. You can do it! Thank you for all you do!
–Present Mallory

A bit unconventional, if not honest!

“Hey Baby, What’s Wrong?” 30 Rock . 9 February 2012. NBC.

Stuck In My Head: Music on Repeat this Week

Posted on April 17, 2020 by admin

Halfway through the month, and we’re on high alert for returns to normalcy vis a vis: COVID-19. More and more it’s appearing that slowly, different states will open up their businesses, public spaces, and more as death tolls and diagnosis counts decrease. However, this is predicted for the beginning of next month, leaving us in lockdown mode for another two weeks, give or take.

I have been coping the best I can, by thinking positively and enjoying the upsides: no plans to make (or cancel), no need to wear makeup, and I get to spend most of my time with Aaron or with our cats. As well, I’ve been enjoying the extra time spent writing!

Between the poetry of the month and the indoor, at-home workouts, I’ve added some new music, particularly in the past week, to my daily lineup. It ranges from the calm, morning yoga flow songs, to the punchy, race-to-the-finish line jams, with a couple of “in my feelings” tunes thrown in to massage my creative muscles.

1. Mirror Lake – Angus MacRae. I heard this song in a very touching scene of the show “Fleabag.” It’s soft piano and ideal for Savasana.

2. Mystery of Love – Sufjan Stevens. Another quieter piece, a “remixed” version of this song appeared in my autoplay recently. It’s inspired a few poems this month. It’s also inspired me to watch “Call Me By Your Name” this weekend. I read the book and loved it last year, and I think I’ll love the movie, too.

3. Blinding Lights – The Weeknd. This song is a perfect way to transition your eighties bops to your 21st-century bops. I’m pretty sure if you took it’s backing track and added it beneath the lyrics to “Take on Me” by A-Ha, it’d be an astonishing mashup. You know. If done RIGHT.

4. Boss B*tch – Doja Cat. I’m not sure how I found this song. It could have been TikTok? Have I mentioned TikTok here? Whoooo boy. It’s a whole other world down there. Anyway, Doja Cat exploded onto the scene last year but I’ve only just caught onto it. Her breakout song “Say So” was everywhere, and this follow-up was on the soundtrack for the Harley Quinn movie that came out this year. It’s very good for walking around like you own this place, whether this place is your bathroom putting on your makeup, or starting up your morning workout.

5. Creep – Michelle Branch. Technically, she didn’t write this song, it’s a cover of a Radiohead song. I still love the Radiohead version, but something about this version is even more… creepy. It’s helped me get into a darker headspace when writing. I kind of love it. I found it in a trailer for “You,” which I’ve discussed at length here.

6. Get You the Moon – Kina, feat. Snow. This WAS introduced to me by TikTok. To condense it: TikTok is a video sharing app, only you share micro videos that last no longer than a minute or so. People upload based on various trends that circle the app. A fairly recent one was dropping glitter (or other aesthetically pleasing things) in slow motion while this song’s hook played in the background. Sometimes it was done ironically with silly things, but the song was still pretty to me.

7. Freedom! ’90 – George Michael. I regularly jam out to this when I’m putting away the dishes. I will scream along to the chorus with reckless abandon. I just wanna be Naomi Campbell. I also want to remake this music video with modern supermodels, but I think there’s no need to mess with perfection. Also, so few can hold a candle to the original icons.

8. Show Yourself – Idina Menzel and Evan Rachel Wood. This song plays at the climax of “Frozen 2,” and it’s a fan favorite from the movie. I won’t spoil it, but part of it makes me cry tears of joy. Sometimes I work out to it, sometimes I just listen to it and cry. Depends on the day.

9. My Oh My (feat. DaBaby) – Camila Cabello. For a while, my favorite song to repeat over and over was Camila’s first huge hit, “Havana.” I also broke the “replay” button on her duet with Shawn Mendes last year, “Senorita.” This song is equally catchy, fun, and good for either working out or giving yourself a kiss while doing your makeup. You really ARE that cute.

10. Lay All Your Love on Me – ABBA. Another bop I’ve known for years, but it’s recently started popping up when I listen to showtunes. I think it’s a great song to work out to, put away dishes, or fantasize about declaring your love for your man while running around the beaches of Greece. Also Meryl Streep is there. Gosh, what a fun movie that was.

I think your mood can be altered instantly with the right music. It can turn a frown upside down, or put you in touch with your soul in the moments you need it most. In times like these, when all we have is ourselves, “if music be the food of love, play on.”

^That’s a “Twelfth Night” reference.

Naming the Enemy: My Love of Chocolate

Posted on April 12, 2020April 13, 2020 by admin

Today is Easter Sunday! On this day, this one dude everyone liked pulled the biggest prank of all time by COMING BACK TO LIFE. Or something. I don’t know. I’m Jewish.

While things are at the bare minimum today because of all the lockdown regulations, the few times I’ve made it to the store, I’ve seen the pastel paint, the flower decorations, and yes, the Easter candy. While I haven’t been able to really enjoy Easter as a Jewish woman, I will say: Cadbury eggs are pretty neat. I haven’t had one in years but that filling is FUN.

Anyway, considering this holiday and my classic journey to a healthier lifestyle, I thought it might be a good idea to name my closest “frenemy”: chocolate.

lutzchocolate — Image from Google/CityTV. “Nothing Left to Lose.” *30 Rock*. Lauren Gurganous & Nina Pedrad. 5 April 2012. *NBC.*

Chocolate and I go way back. Halloween candy, comfort in Cathy cartoons, and a hand to hold on happy and sad occasions. We’ve had our good days, like cocoa powder in breakfast smoothies and treating myself to dairy free cookie dough, but we’ve also seen “I’m going to eat this entire bag of Hershey Kisses because no one’s around to stop me” days. It seems like chocolate and I are the best of friends and the greatest of foes.

I find myself so often hating myself for eating chocolate, but I think that the more I punish myself, the worse it gets. So rather than look at chocolate as something negative, today I will be praising this delicious treat. Thus, I give you: my favorite ways to eat chocolate.

Hershey Nuggets. What is it about these bad boys that makes me so giddy? Perhaps it’s that they’re so small, the sweetness has nowhere else to go. I also really like the silver wrapping. I like the shiny aesthetic.
Chocolate Chip Cookies. This has only really taken form in the past year. I blame my office cafeteria, which regularly has soft, thick chocolate chip cookies. As well, I’ve been to Levain Bakery in NYC twice in the past year, and I literally almost bought a ticket to NYC a few weeks ago for the sole purpose of getting one of those cookies. I’ve baked them twice in quarantine.
Image from Giphy. It’s Cookie Monster. I can only presume it’s from Sesame Street.
Brownies. Any and all context. I don’t bake them enough, because Aaron’s more of a cookie guy, but if you put them in any flavor of ice cream, I’m listening.
M&M’s. Maybe I like that it’s got the same letter as my name, maybe I like how easy and fun they are to eat, or maybe I love the memory of shotgunning M&M minis in the checkout line of the grocery store with my mom. Whomst can say. All I *can* say is that I would love to, one day, have a photoshoot where I am photographed in a bathtub filled with M&Ms.
Image from Giphy. Vintage M&M’s Commercial.
Nutella. Nutella. Nutella. I’ve just met a girl named Nutella, and suddenly that name will never be the same to me… I love West Side Story and this cocoa hazelnut spread. I will put Nutella on anything. Pancakes, toast, bananas, strawberries, ice cream… I cannot, nor will I ever, be stopped. I have told myself that when I decide to (if I am blessed with the ability to) bear a child, I will be the most healthy pregnant woman, eating for two only the healthiest and purest substances on earth. I still intend to do that… save for Nutella. Maybe I’ll find an organic, vegan version that is less artificial, but even then, this substance will forever be a part of my life. I’m against a Nutella free life, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
Frosting. I completely blame this on Jeffree Star. Jeffree enjoys eating fast food and frosting straight from the carton, because he has a metabolism higher than Mt. Everest. I however, would put my metabolism somewhere between the Marianas Trench and where the Titanic shipwreck currently lies. Hence, he has toothpick legs, so much so that you could use them to skewer my cocktail weenie legs.

via GIPHY
Donuts. If I had to eat myself to death, it would be with donuts. There is this one chocolate filled donut at Dunkin that makes me feel happy. A lot of times, the average person probably thinks “Oh, I shouldn’t eat this, I don’t need it,” when they eat a donut. I am one of those people, except for this donut. The first time I ate this donut I thought to myself “Wow, I am very happy I ate this.” I love donuts.
Reeses Cups. It was the winter of 2018, when something inside of me snapped and suddenly I had eaten an entire bag of fun sized Reeses cups. It was not fun, and yet, I cannot be stopped when it comes to a Reeses Cup. I love Reeses Cups.
What? This clip of me eating a Reeses Cup on Jimmy Fallon? Wow, I’m breathtaking. Just kidding, it’s Wonder Woman Gal Gadot. Click the image for the clip in full.
Smores. I know I already said Hershey’s earlier, but Smores hit on another level. It’s a sandwich from heaven. My two favorite desserts are Smores and Key Lime Pie!

I feel like I could say I saved the best for last, because I would combine any of these with the coup de grace that is:

Oreos. The cream. The cookie. Dip it in some milk. Swipe some frosting on it. Dunk it in Nutella. You get the idea. Oreos are my life. I love Oreos. I… love them.
Stephen Colbert having an emotional breakdown… but with exquisite taste.

National Chocolate Day is October 28 this year, and International Chocolate Day is July 7. I might have to revisit this entry on either or both of those days. Until then, my dear sweet chocolate: I love you. Forever.

Escapril – How I Write

Posted on April 9, 2020April 10, 2020 by admin

It’s April! I’m ready for some showers to bring May flowers. This time last year, I participated in a 30 Day Writing challenge called “Escapril.” It basically involves writing a poem every day for the month of April to celebrate National Poetry Month. I had so much fun participating in 2019 so I was eager to do so again this year! This time around I’m facing different challenges but also experiencing different strengths. For instance, last year I struggled to find motivation to write, and this year so far, on more than one occasion (or prompt), I’ve been writing bits and pieces of three poems’ worth of content, and have to narrow down what I like best! Last year I was teaching myself basic editing on Photoshop, because I liked to add a certain aesthetic to each concept. This year I’m playing more with colors and shapes to make it look a bit more clean. That extra step makes it feel both more authentic, and more concrete!

Here are a few tips I’ve found have made a difference in what and how I write:

1. Find your mood. There’s no right or wrong way to feel when writing. Your art should be a reflection of what’s coursing through your veins. Don’t try to force an emotion. If you’re feeling angry, write angry. If you’re feeling happy, write happy. I find that breaking down that filter is the best way to get yourself in the right frame of mind to create. It’s relatively easy to pull back if you go too far, and even that is rarely necessary. Don’t be afraid of what you feel. Breathe it in and grab a pen (or a computer, or your phone… you get it).

2. Find your motivation. Luckily enough, I have a list of prompts to work off of for “Escapril.” What I get out of step 1 helps with step 2; it’s not enough to have a prompt, you need to find how you connect to it. If the prompt is love, what does your mood tell you? Do you love love? Do you think it’s a curse? What do you feel? Why?

3. Stay in it… however you can. I free associate too easily, so I can look at a prompt and reconnect it to something that’s familiar. For example, this week one of my prompts was “Obsession.” My first thought was “You,” which I coincidentally am obsessed with now. With that, I turned on a playlist inspired by the main character, who in turn inspired the poem. Having that extra layer of motivation helps supercharge my brain, and really tap into the subject. Turn on music. Draw it out first. The rest will come more naturally than you think.

4. Remember it’s what you write. Not what others think of what you write. Yoko Ono is currently sitting in a billion dollar apartment in the greatest city in the world after spending the majority of her professional life being hated for what she put into her art. Do you think she cares what the critics think? While getting a second opinion to help you can be beneficial, it shouldn’t be the be-all, end-all. If you rely too much on other people to better channel your thoughts, your thoughts might not even become your thoughts at all. No matter if you’re a musician, painter, writer, actor, dancer, criticism from other people should play a small role in what you create. At the end of the day, all that matters is what you think of your art… unless your art is illegal. Break art laws. Not real laws. Punching a pedestrian in the mouth without their consent is not an art piece. Your criticism should be all that makes a difference to you.

5. With item 4 in mind… take criticism seriously. If you’re not going to look at your work and think “Oh, I could say this instead,” or “This phrase could be better,” then you won’t grow as an artist. Granted, if you can look at what you’ve written and think “Oh, this is perfect,” then I salute you. Personally, there are plenty of times where I’ve gotten it right on the first try, but there have been plenty more times where I haven’t quite nailed it, and going back and fixing a few things has brought my thoughts to a new level! It all goes back to my first point: use your thoughts. If your brain is telling you, “what about THIS metaphor,” give it a try. Who knows? You may hate it and find that what you wrote in the first place was perfect after all.

I am not legitimately published, nor am I an expert. I’m just an English major.

I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to read Jane Austen, and then I didn’t.

— John Mulaney, “Kid Gorgeous”

I have no clout whatsoever, but this has been my approach, and save for the cripplingly low self-esteem that I think clouds the mind of anyone who creates anything, I feel good about what I make. I feel even better knowing that the more I create, the more I learn, both about myself and the craft of writing (yeah, I said it. CRAFT. C R A F T. SEE ITEM 4, LOSERS).

I hope if you’re reading this, you’ll take some time for you and create something today. You never know what can happen!

Mallory’s Monthly Reads – Bygone Badass Broads

Posted on April 5, 2020December 28, 2021 by admin

As I mentioned in my previous entry, I didn’t manage to finish any books last month. That said, I got halfway through one, and more than 80% of the way through another. The former was Prozac Nation, which I liked but it was very depressing. The latter was Bygone Badass Broads: 52 Forgotten Women Who Changed the World by Mackenzi Lee. Lee’s book was an anthology about incredible women throughout time who aren’t as well known as Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Cleopatra, or Gloria Steinhem. In the process of reading this book, I learned about a bunch of awesome women that I had never known existed! Here’s just three of the women mentioned in the book who blew me away:

Khutulun: Here’s an obscure “Parks and Rec” reference: When Leslie is invited to an event ceremony for women in government, she is accompanied to the luncheon by April, who fangirls over a Mongolian woman named Khongordzol, who grew up in a hut of ice and mud, only to then become her town’s mayor, police chief, and top wolverine wrangler.
“London”.Parks and Recreation, written by Michael Schur. 26 September 2013. NBC.

Khutulun didn’t wrangle wolverines, but she was still pretty badass. She was the daughter of one of Mongolia’s most powerful leaders. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree, as Khutulun was an equally fierce warrior. She fought alongside other soldiers, and demanded that any man who wanted to marry her should be able to defeat her in wrestling. If they couldn’t defeat her, they owed her horses. It is said that by the end of her life she had had over ten thousand horses. She remained undefeated in wrestling, but did eventually marry a handsome man (though not much is known about him). Marco Polo was a huge fanboy of hers, being one of the few to document her story.
King Christina of Sweden: Christina became queen at the age of six. Yes. She was the apple of her father (the king’s) eye, and he made sure that his daughter would inherit the throne if anything were to happen to him before she had the chance to properly transition into the role. Christina was educated as though she were a royal male, learning multiple languages, studying hours a day, and impressing all with her wit. She was a great patron of the arts and even performed in plays. She was very anti-womanly pleasures, like becoming a wife and subservient to a man. That said, she had a very close female friend who may have been (definitely was) a romantic partner. Christina’s refusal to marry, along with her frivolous spending and provocative behavior, contributed to her eventually abdicating the throne and converting to Catholicism. She was then exiled, but she eventually returned to Sweden before settling in Italy. She lived a life of scandal and rebellion, but is one of the few women buried in the Vatican after being so beloved by multiple popes. Maybe it’s just because she was in a movie called Vicki Christina Barcelona, but I kind of want to see Scarlett Johansson play her in a movie.
Hail Caesar! Directed by Ethan and Joel Coen. Performances by Scarlett Johansson, Josh Brolin, and George Clooney. Universal Pictures, 2016.
Sarah Breedlove (Madam C.J. Walker): Sarah was America’s first female billionaire. Born the first free child into a family of slaves, Sarah was orphaned and worked from a very young age, receiving very minimal teaching by way of a formal education. Now in a new world where former slaves were now considered “people”, Sarah (who eventually took on the name Madam C.J. Walker after her husband Charles Joseph Walker, with deriving the French title of Madam for beauty pioneers) noticed a lack of products for hair and skincare for the African-American community. She eventually began her own line of products, starting her own business and selling door-to-door while teaching other women how to care for their own hair. As her business expanded, she employed and provided education programs targeted to helping black women achieve economic independence. She took advantage of her position as a prominent business woman to give back to her community, playing a prominent role in creating leadership opportunities for other African Americans and even joining the executive board of the NAACP. She was quite philanthropic and donated thousands to charities and orphanages, among other endeavors. Days after reading this chapter, a miniseries on Sarah’s life premiered on Netflix, with Octavia Spencer portraying Madam C.J. Walker.

This book had plenty of other great women’s stories, and I hope they all get their due in the future. They say there’s nothing but reboots and remakes in Hollywood now. With all the talent in tinseltown now, combined with the contents of this book… there’s potential for years’ worth of Academy Awards, Tonys, and stardom. These women are worthy of a legacy.

lookatthematerial — “Viva La Flav.”*Flavor of Love*. Starring Flavor Flav. 12 March 2006. VH1.

Falling Not Failing: My 2020 Resolutions

Posted on April 1, 2020April 30, 2020 by admin

I am feeling quite disappointed in myself today. It is March 31st, with a new month on the horizon, and I REALLY missed the mark on my 2020 resolutions this month. I’d love to blame it on the lockdown and social distancing, but as Brit Hume once said, “Winners take responsibility. Losers blame others.”

I think today I want to look at my resolutions and reflect on why I didn’t meet my goals. This hurts me more than it hurts you, dangit!
1. Read 52 books – I started two books this month, and finished none. I decided to make all my books this month to be about women, by women, for women. I feel like a bad feminist for not getting this done.

via GIPHY. Saturday Night Live. “Weekend Update.” 2017. Performances by Tina Fey, Michael Che, and Colin Jost. Produced by Lorne Michaels.
2. Do pull ups – I spent the first half of this month tackling this head on, but then COVID happened, and my gym closed. Unfortunately, all my doors are too tall for me to place a pull-up bar in the doorway. I’ve been working my arms, back and shoulders doing home workouts to split the difference, but I’m not sure how effective it is.
3. Spend LESS. TIME. SCROLLING – This got SO much worse! You’d think with all the time at home I’d spend more time that I now have on more creative endeavors. No. BIG swing and a miss.
4. Write 104 blog posts – I managed to keep this one going!
5. Romantic trip with Aaron from Dec. 26 2020 – Jan. 2 2021 – Assuming this lockdown doesn’t last until December, all is still well here.
6. Stop engaging in schadenfreude – While there weren’t any intense rabbit holes, I definitely poked my head in more than once.
7. Take better care of my skin – My skin looks good! The skincare I have seems to be working for now.
8. Go stargazing – Haven’t gone yet. Too cold. COVID curfew.
9. Get a new job – In the beginning of the month, I churned out applications to each job I mildly had the ability to do well. I need to keep this up, but I think my timeframe isn’t as realistic with the whole world in a big freeze.
10. Do a handstand – I hope I can keep working on my upper body strength to pull this off, but I’ve also found a new way to work up to this goal.
11. Go see two of my favorite performers – Broadway shows are on hold during the lockdown. If we’re not out by July, and I miss my Hamilton date, I will riot.
12. Lose weight – No change at all, between me doing well and then cancelling it out with bad habits.
13. Give Aaron a great 26th birthday – My brain has hatched a few ideas for this.
14. Be a better friend, wife, sister, daughter, and granddaughter – I made a lot of effort towards this goal. I am adjusting pretty well to this lockdown, but a lot of my friends are going stir crazy and anxious. I think I’ve done a good job of being present for them. I went home and surprised my family with a visit this past weekend and I think that made a big difference! I’ve been working to strike a balance of being there for my friends who need it, while also giving Aaron quality time. However, I only called my grandfather once in the past two weeks. He and my grandmother don’t have company with them right now at all because none of us want to accidentally give them the sickness, and I can’t believe that I didn’t make more time to call them or write them or something.
15. Be happy – In general, this month was okay, but I definitely feel crummy today. I had a rough start to my morning and things didn’t get much better from there.

I know I will feel better when I’ve accomplished my goals. I feel so tired at the end of the day that I just want to do nothing. I just stare at my phone until I get up and go to bed. I hate feeling so numb to the world, and I know that when I have kids I’ll have to spend that time in the evening checking homework and doing carpool and providing my kids with love and attention, while still being a good supportive wife and sharing some of that time to just be with Aaron.

I want to take this as a learning opportunity to shift towards a more promising way to get past these bigger missteps:

Read 52 books. I will read these books. I bought them and I will finish them. To that effect, I will have something to write about as far as my monthly reads for March. Coming soon! In April, I will be focusing mainly on poetry. Poetry collections aren’t really three hundred pages of tiny type, they’re more nuanced but shorter. When I finish my four books this month, I hope I can revisit at least one of these books.
Spend LESS. TIME. SCROLLING. I need to enable a rule about this. Maybe a few. Here’s a challenge: I can only scroll from sunrise to sunset. No more spending hours in bed scrolling!
Stop engaging in schadenfreude. In my bouts of schadenfreude, I never felt satisfied. I recognized (and then stopped) in the moment, “Hang on a second, this isn’t making me happy.” I felt frustrated or angry. I need to let it go.
Lose weight – I am at an unhealthy weight. Forget looks, I don’t feel good. I feel sluggish and weak. I need to put more stock into what I eat and how I keep active.
Be a better friend, wife, sister, daughter, and granddaughter – I will contact them twice a week every week in April.

I am a big believer in “there is no failure, only failure to try.” I have not abandoned my resolutions, even if I haven’t done as well with them as I would like. I will fall seven times, but stand up eight!

CALL TODAY:

Author: admin