A week from tomorrow, Aaron and I fly out to Vermont for our wedding. Commence me freaking out over things that I cannot control.
Let me be clear: I am not freaked out about marrying Aaron. I’m most sure of him! That said, I feel this moment from “How I Met Your Mother” (season 4, episode 5, “Shelter Island”) best encapsulates how I feel:
Lily: You wait for the next crisis, you solve it, you’re a hero.
Ted: Yeah, but what if there’s no next crisis?
Lily: She’s a bride. There will BE a next crisis
–CUTAWAY CAPTIONED “LIKE FOUR MINUTES LATER” —
Ted: There’s a next crisis!
In the past week there’s been confusion over vows, hiring a videographer at the last second, a missed line in the contract for the DJ indicating we never ordered a photo booth, and tonight I’m worried there won’t be enough time for everyone to dance long enough!
I blame the sun for setting so early but also not early enough for us to get this ceremony done by 5.
BOTH my parents have told me that feeling stressed is normal at this time, but also silly. This day shouldn’t be about pleasing everyone, it should be about Aaron and I celebrating our love for each other. Everything else is just extra. But come on, everyone’s flying to Vermont for the whole weekend! I want it to be a night everyone remembers as being good and fun.
Whoosh. My brain feels wired. I wish I could just focus on the honeymoon and Aaron and not “what if there isn’t enough ABBA?” I should know by now THERE WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH ABBA.
My writing hasn’t been on this blog, but I’ve been doing free verse poetry when inspiration hits, so I haven’t completely neglected writing. I’m ready to be consistent, even though I’ve said that a million times a million months ago. The timing feels right, though, to start now.
Tomorrow is Erev Yom Kippur. Most Jewish holidays start the night before, at sunset. I’ve noticed that I always think of sunsets as beginnings more often than endings, and I wonder if my Jewish upbringing has anything to do with that!
Yom Kippur is a time of renewal, purification, and detox. We fast to break from our daily routine and reflect on the past year, on our mistakes and our failures, our successes and triumphs. Typically, I abstain from work and school to take a day to pray. In the past I’ve slept after services, but it’s felt more like a distraction from hunger than restful. This year, I’m not spending the day in a service, since I’m basically taking a month off of work starting next week between my wedding and the honeymoon.
With that in mind, I’m starting the reflection part now.
I think I’ve said this in my blog somewhere, but Aaron was not a part of my plan. Personally, I think that our paths are predetermined, and that while I may have had a plan in my head, I didn’t have much control over the execution of it. I don’t want to go all woo-woo mystic, but I’ll say this: the life I thought I would lead diverged the day I fell in love with him.
Sometimes, when we disagree (I say disagree, because he’s never legitimately gotten angry with me. Ever.), I think about what I would do if he vanished from my life (as in, packed his bags and we went our separate ways). On a silly note, I imagine going out and dancing all night, binging pizza in my underwear, and singing the typical break-up songs in a karaoke bar.
More realistically, I think about those silly moments as lasting a week, maybe, then carrying on with a bruised heart but clearer eyes on the goals I had before we met. Grateful for the memories, but ready to make new ones. I realize now that’s not the best way to think of my ambitions. I haven’t abandoned them for love; I chose Aaron because I thought he would be the ideal person to have at my side as I chased them down, and I’d be the ideal person to be at his side for his ambitions. I still think of us that way. In fact, I’m closer to my dreams now with his support.
I don’t see why my initial plan has to change because he’s a part of my life. It was silly for me to think that the steps in my journey would have to change because I had someone riding shotgun.
I wanted to make a list of the things I’d do regularly if I were still single. Truthfully, none of them have to do with being stereotypically single, it’s all “being my best self”:
Work out more
Eat a vegan diet
Expand my film knowledge
Cook healthy
Learn new languages
Go to museums
Read at night
Write at night
None of these things can’t happen because I’m engaged. I don’t know what part of my brain decided that, or why they did that.
This is the year I reset. Retool. Rekindle. Restore.
It’s raining outside and it’s 10:33 at night on a Monday. I want to write down another list of things, but make it a list of little things that bring me happiness.
Rainy nights
Rainy mornings
Warm bathmats and towels
Cool mornings
The smell of fire pits
For a girl so food-driven, it’s funny to think that there’s no food mentioned there. I think that bodes well for me.
I promise it won’t be almost a month until next time. I might even be back tomorrow. If not, I promise to be writing elsewhere.
I believe my last post was two weeks ago. That said, what if I told you that I wasn’t NOT writing, but in reality, working on a long overdue, always wanted, but never took the time to complete, project?
I give you, the mind baby of years and the birthed child below: the Glam Girl manifesto.
I am not the only one who has looked at these magazines advertising workout, beauty, and health tips from the toppest of the top Models and thought “Oh shoot, I should try that.” You do that enough over the years, and some things are new (the power of loose powder), some things are familiar (Prep H can do more than treat the obvious and the equally obvious), and some things are so gloriously overstated that you think they’d sink in by now (you’ll know it when you see it).
I made special priority to focus in on my current #WomenCrushWednesdays: Gisele Bundchen, Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Candace Swanepoel. How perfect is it that today is Wednesday?
There’s also a few random cameos from other fabulous icons of the runway and the red carpet, and a section of general ideas from various nutritionists, dieticians, and makeup artists to the legends. To that, I owe credit entirely to byrdie.com, wherein I fell down so many rabbit holes that I’m surprised I didn’t wind up in a Mad Tea Party. It’s still going, by the way, I saved some more articles to browse at my leisure later. A “journalist’s” work is never done.
That said, I did eliminate SOME excess. I don’t think I included any specific products because there were some obvious product sponsorships (the aforementioned ladies are all current and former Victoria’s Secret models, so was I surprised to see that they all promoted VS fragrances? Not that they shouldn’t, it’s literally their job and “Bombshell” is bomb).
All right punks, let’s do this.
Gisele Bundchen
Who is she? Brazilian, mostly retired supermodel, who has since become an accomplished author and environmentalist advocating for saving the world for the future generations. If sports mean anything to you, she’s also married to current and longtime GOAT, Tom Brady. He cute, I won’t lie. She, however, was nicknamed “The Body,” and was featured in Vogue’s editorial “Return of the Curve.” Victoria’s Secret Angel, obviously.
Makeup – Less is more. Natural all the way! When doing a smokey eye, use beige or gold eyeliner in the inner corner to prevent eyes from looking too far apart. Blush only on the apples of the cheek and nose (NOT BELOW CHEEKBONES).
Skincare – Cleanser and chemical peels. She advocates a HEALTHY DIET, with a good balance of fats, protein, and W A T E R . Moisturize to keep from skin deterioration and premature aging.
Hair – She doesn’t brush her hair much, to keep those sexy waves. She uses detangling hair conditioner to keep things unruly.
Adriana Lima
Who is she? THE Victoria’s Secret Angel, if you ask me. During her final walk in the 2018 show, her fellow models jokingly but not jokingly lowered their heads in reverency, one mumbling, “bow to the queen.” Present in more than a handful of Super Bowl commercials and probably even more fantasies than the VS Fantasy Bra, she has piercing blue eyes and a megawatt smile.
Makeup – Good red lip and LOTS of mascara. Products that can be both blush and lipstain are ideal! Another fan of “less is more,” she’ll go barefaced with lotion and shimmer powder/bronzer. Pro tip: Moisten eyeliner pencil to get a more precise line.
Skincare – Soak skin in pads dipped in ice cold coconut water
Hair – Avocado mask and flaxseed oil, once a week
Diet – Portion Control, Blackberries, blueberries, and steamed veggies.
Exercise – Jump Rope
Alessandra Ambrosio
Who Is She? I know we’re mad at Victoria’s Secret right now, okay? I KNOW. Their sizes don’t accommodate the average American woman, and their head of marketing could use a healthy dose of reality (or at the very least, a look at what is considered sexy these days). But just for one glimmering moment, I want the focus to not be on the politics, but rather on the girls who make the VS show so iconic. The TRUE Angels. Alessandra has been along for the ride since the dawn of Gisele and Adriana. Equally Brazilian, and equally beautiful, iffen you ask me (but no one did. Why are you here again?)
Makeup – Natural, with minimal color on cheeks and lips (lip balm with nude liner, or a two in one blush/lip product). Bronzer for a sun-kissed look, playful eyes on special occasions!
Skincare – Exfoliating Mask, toner, hydrating cream, vitamin C serum
Pro Tip – Sleep! Lots of it!
Candace Swanepoel
Who is She? VS Angel, but she’s different! She’s not Brazilian, she’s… South African.
Makeup – Cheek and Lip Stain (I’m noticing double-up products are a pattern!). Laura Mercier Eye Brow Pencil
Skincare – Body scrub of coconut oil, sugar, and coffee.
Hair – Coconut and Argan oil.
Diet – Beauty smoothie: coconut oil, flaxseed oil, banana, protein, some kind of antioxidant fruit like blueberries or strawberries or some nut butter. Avoids meat, prefers vegetarian
Destress – Yoga and meditation
Travel Tip – Brazil nuts and almonds (good for hair and nails), protein bars, and fruit are better than whatever the terminal food court has to offer.
Again, these were my MAIN homeskillets. Now let’s check out some other pro-tips from other models, past and present, and a brief few who can only be described as iCONic.
Lindsay Ellingson – Yoga! Inversions (where your legs are above your body and the weight lies on your arms) draws more blood to the face, creating a more flushed glow. Gabrielle Union – Drinks a gallon of water a day. Homegirl has not aged since “Bring It On,” so I believe it. Miranda Kerr – Uses a spoon instead of an eyelash curler. Aloe vera for your skin! Eats fresh berries, kale, cucumber, baby spinach and celery (possibly this was the contents of one juice. I didn’t write that down clearly. That’s on me). Kourtney Kardashian – Water water water! Sunscreen is a must. Tinted foundation is a never. Jaime King – Use your fingers when applying concealer. Adria Arjona – Use aloe on scars. Coffee, sugar and honey makes for a great monthly scrub. Lais Ribiero – Take your makeup off before bed and de-puff under eyes with cucumber mask 1x a week Julie Ann Luna – Use face masks RIGHT after a hot steamy shower to lock in moisture Rosie Huntington Whitley – Facial massages! Click HERE for how to do this right. Emily Ratajkowski – Use lipstick as blush.
Now it’s time for the specialist pro tip, or what I’m calling “A Smarter Person Would Have Written their Names Down but Once Again these are the Unsung Heroes who make the Genetically Gifted Hobos into Hotties and What They Say about Being Healthy.”
Makeup Tips
Loose powder — Finisher, dry shampoo, in between mascara coats
Lip balm — Use it as a highlighter, eye shadow softener, or a cream blush
Facial mist — Softens harsh lines or cakey texture
Bronzer — Sweep on both cheeks AND eyes for stronger but subtler glow
Clear Wax Brow Pencil — GREAT lip liner
Diet Ginger Tea – Grate a chunk of ginger into hot water, add honey and lime to taste.
Good foods – Tropical fruits like pineapple and papaya. Lean meats like poultry and high-fat fish. Veggies. Simple starches like rice, potatoes, and yams. Cucumber. Put it in water, eat it raw. CU. CUM. BER. Bad foods – Dairy, Alcohol, Packaged foods that suggest low fat/sugar. It’s a TRAP. Gluten and baked goods like bagels, muffins, and pastries should be avoided too. Ditto cereal, yogurt, chips, crackers, and soda. Just don’t have fun ever. You idiot.
Prepare to be shocked – Water.
Protein bars – Despite earlier advice, protein bars aren’t real.
It’s 50/50 sugar and fat. If you’re going to eat one, pick one that markets it honestly.
Additional Healthy Pro Tips
60 minutes of cardio 6 days a week will get you ready and raring to go.
Epsom Salt Bath – Pour 12 pounds of Epsom salt into a hot bath, then soak for twenty minutes. Wash off in cold water. Wake up without water weight. If you say so, sport.
Preparation H the night before on the back of your legs tightens skin
Biggest protein meal should be dinner, not breakfast/lunch.
While compiling this information, I also decided to give myself personal goals and mini-ideas on how to manifest these tips.
Lazy non productive days – no screens. Reading and writing and creativity. Eat what I want, but self care and no makeup is the priority (inspired by Emily Ratajkowski and Nina Dobrev).
Yoga in the mornings and the evenings, ten minutes each (inspired by Lindsay Ellingson).
Twelve days before the wedding: No dairy, bread, or alcohol. Avoid late night starches, too!
Go on a fitness quest — find classes nearby that I like. And I like:
Boxing
Tennis
Dance (I’d love to do ballet, hip hop… maybe even a bit of pole dancing and heels! Those always look so cool)
Rock Climbing
Cycling
Along with that, I want to try Pilates!
So what did we learn today?
Lean protein and veggies are your best friend. Dairy is your nemesis.
Dual action cheek and blush are your friends, too! But also, less is more. I met ya halfway there.
Oh, and also… don’t forget: WATER.
Like I said, I’ve been down this rabbit hole for a few weeks, so I can say that a face mask post shower feels glorious. I can also say that putting blush down your nose is a scam and you just look sunburned. I am unskilled but still learning.
There you have it! A brief, but mostly scam-free, resource on how to be as beautiful as runway models and Hollywood starlets. And in the end, isn’t that more important than accomplishing financial success and personal happiness?
Today is August 25! I’m headed into the final third of the year, and I thought I’d take a look at some of my New Year’s Resolutions and see how they’re coming along. I think that I’m still working on all of them, and I’ve made progress with all of them to a degree. Let’s see!
Do an unassisted pull-up: I’m getting there! I’m at 45 pounds assisted, and I can do about five.
Do a handstand: Marvin Clods. Glen Close. Not even close. I WANT to complete this by the new year, but I’m so close to my wedding that I’m scared to fall and break something. I’ll get back into this with the last two months of the year. We’ll see what happens!
Make mindfulness a regular practice: Better, but not great. I’m not meditating but I find myself focusing more on my choices and my actions. Self awareness. It’s a start but I agree it could be better.
Make style changes: Yes! High waisted bottoms, cute sneakers, and long cardigans to look casual but cute. Like Kendall Jenner but not a genetic lottery winner. It’s going great!
Do something new: If NOTHING ELSE — I ate gator this year. It was all right! I also did a SoulCycle class, and I’ve done spin before but not SoulCycle. It was fun but they don’t have it in Orlando yet! Rude. I’ve done a couple other things I haven’t done before too but quite frankly I can’t remember. I should have written down every time I did something new. I’ll be more cognizant the rest of this year. I’m going to Italy, does that count?
Take a Career Step: Yes, but no. I’ve told my supervisor directly that I want to move to the Golf Channel/TV corporation side of things, and he’s open to me making that transition by the end of the year! Hopefully I can get to that by the beginning of next year, so I can get my foot in and do some grunt work during the golf season of 2020 and the summer Olympics!
Go Stargazing: Not yet. I’ve looked at the stars and had a nice time, but I haven’t taken a night to just lie out with a blanket and think about life. That said, we’re moving to a nice neighborhood with lots of parks! Maybe a star-gazing date night is in our future.
So we’ve established: Dents have been made, but more damage is there to be done! Revisiting makes me more invigorated to keep working. Let’s do this like Brutus!
Living in Orlando was the opposite of what I thought my future held. When I graduated high school, I was ready to head up north and take on NYC after college and climb my way up the corporate ladder. Life happens when you’re making other plans.
Aaron got a great job in a town outside of Orlando a month before our graduation from UVM, and I was certain of my future with him. I begrudgingly returned to Florida, assuaging myself with the positives: I’d be closer to my mom and Aaron decided that with our close proximity to the parks, a Disney Annual Passholder membership was imminent.
It’s been three years since our graduation, and we’ve lived separately and together since. We started out in Orlando suburbs but now live in a neighborhood so close to the parks that we hear the fireworks at night as we get ready for bed. We tend to go at minimum once a month, though often more. It’s surreal to think that a vacation that families save up a year to provide their kids is just a typical Saturday for us. We are so very very lucky.
After being a Passholder for nearly two years, I know the parks like the back of my hand. I know all the tricks, how to maximize your time, and will give you random fun facts while you wait in line. Truthfully, my first job out of college made me really sad and I often felt like it crushed my soul. I would go to Disney World and get a little bit of that spark back, get a sense of what it feels like to be happy, before going back to work on Monday (repeat for a little over a year). Now I’m out of that job and even closer to the parks and it truly does spark joy in my heart.
So you can imagine my disappointment when this tweet, and the corresponding Facebook post, made it’s rounds on the internet last month:
I don’t particularly love the language used in this post, but if it’s good enough for a toddler mom to share, it’s good enough for a childless millenial to post. Am I right?
There was a lot that bothered me in this post, but I actually started to think about the root of the “problem”: a lot of millenials have been flocking to Disney lately. And my question is: why?
I have never taken a sociology course (though I think I accidentally sat in on the first five minutes of one after mixing up the building names for a different class my junior year at UVM), nor have I done any legitimate research. This is all conjecture, one childless millenial’s theory (or theories):
There’s a lot of millenials out there. Statistically speaking, the generation born between the late eighties and the mid-nineties is the largest since the baby boomers of the fifties. Thanks for the prosperity, Reagan, I assume, because your success sure made for a lot of baby happy parents. There may just be an influx of millenials in all public spaces because there’s just a lot of us. If you don’t like us at Disney, I promise you, we’re at Universal, Legoland, the Tate Modern, the Eiffel Tower, we are in your favorite juice bar both ordering and serving you an acai bowl. We are on the other end of the phone, repairing the internet browser connection for you while simultaneously troubleshooting your printer. We are in your daughter’s classroom, teaching her how to read. Mind your manners. Or should I say:
Millenials hit the technological goldmine: our tiny tot years had VHS tapes. Music went from tape players to Walkmans to iPods. Our tween years had the internet. Our teens and twenties had (and have) social media. We have more access to shared Disney content than any other generation. What’s more…
The sixties, seventies and eighties saw a bit of a slump for Disney. It wasn’t until 1989’s The Little Mermaid that Disney started to get it’s magic back. With releases of the classics on aforementioned VHS tapes, we could spend all day singing to Cinderella and Snow White. Then came the true evolution of the Disney “Renaissance”: Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, Toy Story (and Toy Story 2), Mulan, and Tarzan were all released in the 1990s. We watched them in theatres and then they were popped into our VHS players for us to watch over, and over, and over again. Personally speaking, my mom had CDs of Disney music ranging from the most recent triumphs to the earliest tunes. On hot summer days, she’d play the CDs on our home speaker system so we’d be listening to Disney music by the pool. My privilege may be showing, but you get my point: our generation not only had the most access to Disney, but more quality Disney content was provided to us than that previous generations.
Remember how I said this is all solely conjecture? Here’s my biggest doozy:
The previous generations were old enough to recognize what happened when the planes hit the towers. All millenials could recognize that some scary people with hate in their hearts destroyed some special buildings, and that a lot of people died. Our parents were scared. Family members flew out to foreign countries in camouflage and didn’t come back. Getting on planes took way longer. Grown-ups were just different.
To me, it makes perfect sense that my generation has a stronghold on Disney. It is a crystal clear marker of happier times, of apple juice and dress-up. Playing in the pool (or lake, or ocean) pretending you were Ariel, or wanting to shoot a bow and arrow like Mulan, wanting to grow big and strong like Hercules, wanting to be smart like Belle, wanting to be king, like Simba. Our hopes and dreams, our peace of mind, is tightly connected to Disney.
I feel as though a lot of the same people who would agree with this frustrated mom would likely support the notion that millenials are special snowflakes who got participation trophies and live their lives with kiddie gloves on and a helmet. While some millenials do still have their training wheels (I’m not ashamed to admit that I’d be much worse off were it not for the support system I have), a lot of others work more than one job to stay afloat. Most have thousands of dollars in student debt. It’s likely that a lot of them will be renting until their forties. Some are still feeling the aftershocks of prejudice that is only just now being slowly washed away, and some are still living in the harsh reality that if change is coming, they won’t be alive to see it come to fruition. It’s tough growing up in general, and I’m sure that every person on both sides of the argument can agree with that. Millenials just happen to have found comfort in the memories of their childhood.
Disney World is a truly magical place. It inspires hope, unites families, and reminds you that while emotional maturity makes you a grown-up, you can always be young at heart. One of my favorite traits about me is my childlike sense of wonder. I’ll ask the silly questions, I’ll get some answers, I’ll laugh and smile and sing the songs. Happiness is such a beautiful thing. I will always feel at home in Disney, and I’m not embarrassed by its place in my heart.
A fellow Disney fan posted this note on Facebook, and I think it rings true for me and the other “childless millenials” that roam the parks:
To my fellow millenials: grab hold of your dreams, and make them come true.
To the frustrated, tired mom of Aiden: I’ll gladly wait with him for a pretzel, and gently teach him that patience is a virtue if he gets cranky in line. In the meantime, you should sneak over to Tom Sawyer’s Island. In my experience, it’s pretty quiet, and you can get a quick nap in before the afternoon parade. We’ll bring you a Mickey ice cream while we’re at it.
I will be straight up — I love movies. I’ve only known a few people who genuinely don’t enjoy movies or have the audacity to say “I don’t watch TV,” so enjoying them doesn’t make me a special person. That said, I’ve gotten lost in both the world of production and the final outcome a lot, starting from my formative years. I’ve wanted to have every part in a film crew at least once, so it made sense for me to do film analysis in college.
Here’s the thing though– I felt like a lot of my film analysis classes were underwhelming. It felt like the same three people offered the same opinions, and my global film class was all based on indie movies and not films that defined a genre. I was hoping I’d be watching Miyazaki and Fellini, and while I got ONE Iñárritu film I just felt short changed (no offense to my professor, because she was super nice and let me talk). Each week, we’d be asked what we thought of each movie, and the same three people would just repeat “Oh that was the greatest movie ever, SO important, SO impactful,” and I would just turn to them, notice no other hands, then raise mine and say “I’m sorry, these were fine movies, but this isn’t the greatest thing ever put into theatres. I was bored and unimpressed.”
Which brings me to my man Quentin Tarantino, and his latest film “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.” A few weeks ago I posted that “Inglorious Basterds” is one of my favorite movies, and I stand by that. Well scripted, incredible acting, perfect degrees of suspense with a delicious payoff.
That said, “Once Upon in Hollywood” felt like an amalgam of a lot of the problems I have with Tarantino, and the way he’s heralded in the media.
Tarantino comes off, at least in his interviews and his films, like the ultimate troll. He knows that a lot of people hate his work for both the gratuitous violence and the way he treats women (save for “Jackie Brown” and “Kill Bill”). With that, he cranks it up a notch, beats Jennifer Jason Leigh in the face, and basically takes a trip to Costco to buy ketchup at a discount to create a Jackson Pollak painting as a template for how bloody his action scenes should be. When people ask him why, he says why not, with the cheekiest grin. He delights in being thatguy and to that, I do salute him. He is unapologetic in being himself.
I wouldn’t call him untalented, either. Again, I loved “Inglorious Basterds” and thoroughly enjoyed “Django Unchained.” I genuinely don’t understand the hullaballoo of “Pulp Fiction,” and I literally cried during “The Hateful Eight” because I couldn’t believe how much I hated it. I got mad at my dad for driving me to the movie theatre to see it.
Up until “The Hateful Eight,” though, I thought that Tarantino could do no wrong (I appreciated “Pulp Fiction”‘s impact, even if I thought that it was just all right). Even after I saw that movie I thought “Hey, no one’s perfect. He’s gotta have at least one stinker.” Turns out I was not alone in that sentiment, but others called it the best movie of the year.
In the time between “The Hateful Eight” and “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,” I could discover all the reasons one would hate Tarantino: his use of the “n” word (his own use of it and the abuse of it), his violent tendencies, his misogynistic undertones (including and not limited to his close partnership with Harvey Weinstein), and yes… the foot thing.
The first thing that threw me off my game during “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” was that rumor about him having an obsession with feet. I had never noticed it, though I will concede that the scene with Diane Krueger’s reveal in “Inglorious Basterds” is a hint to it, when you put it in that context. Now, I don’t know if this is just Tarantino doing Tarantino and taking it up to eleven, but almost EVERY female character in that movie was barefoot, ranging from Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie could do any movie and I’d see it) to a greasy Dakota Fanning as Squeaky Fromme (“She is… DIFFICULT.”) to Brad Pitt’s jailbait love interest “Pussycat,” played by Margaret Qualley. At a certain point the line has to be drawn. I’m not drawing a line, it’s more like a note that says “Hey man, you good, or…?”
Secondly and MOST importantly, to me, is that the phrase “Written and Directed by Quentin Tarantino” is iconic and means you’re in for a good time. A long time and a good time. He’s a fantastic director, and every frame is truly a painting. That said, I feel like his movies (and yes, I do mean all of them), have scenes that are just… there. You could crunch those scenes down to thirty seconds and not lose any of the plot or artistry. “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” was no exception.
Half of Rick Dalton’s scenes were unnecessary. SO much exposition, SO much unneeded dialogue. We get it: his character has seen more successful days and his craft is waning because he’s an alcoholic. That’s literally an hour of a movie with multiple plot lines.
This is NO SHADE TO MY BOY LEO. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.
As well, almost the entirety of the Bruce Lee sequence was unnecessary. Now if that was all just a reason for us to get Brad Pitt working on a rooftop in only a pair of jeans reminiscing on his reason for not getting hired to stunt for this day’s set, then fine. I’ll allow it. He is in wonderful shape. Good for Brad. Yay Brad. Five stars for Brad.
Spoiler alert: the gist of the scene is that Brad Pitt’s character, Cliff Booth, is deadly strong and could have killed Bruce Lee on a shoot had someone not intervened. People took issue with this scene because of the depiction of Lee as arrogant (“My fists are lethal weapons” is a loose paraphrase of one of his lines). According to those close to Bruce Lee, he kept to himself because he was scared already of being a minority in a predominantly white industry. It’s sad knowing that he was borderline self conscious of his own talent out of fear of discrimination and racism. You could revise that whole scene into thirty seconds of Cliff CAUSING the trouble, egging Lee to punch him, and Lee sheepishly refusing but then agreeing because it’d be a fun scrap. Boom! Cliff proves he can take and deliver a punch in thirty seconds, Lee’s ego remains intact, no one’s offended, and we prove that Cliff is a troublemaker who can’t be trusted onset.
There’s also a brief mention that Cliff probably killed his wife. Reviews have taken issue with the speculation regarding whether or not he killed his wife or it was an accident or it’s a rumor (most are using it as cannon fodder to support the theory that Tarantino is a sexist who delights in abusing women). I don’t think it’s that deep, and yet…
Later in the movie (more spoilers), Cliff visits where the Manson family resides in an abandoned film ranch, and beats up a hippie for stabbing a tire on his boss’s car. I personally think it would have been a fun payoff to have rumors buzz for the first hour about how strong Cliff was, but not actually getting a chance to see it until that one moment where he bludgeons the guy to a pulp to repair the tire. Now that we know that he stands a chance against Bruce Lee, it’s less fun. BUT that’s one gal’s opinion, whomst am I to judge Tarantino’s choice there?
The long, drawn out scenes with unnecessary monologues and dialogue feel like the result of a writer who was never told “Hey, this isn’t very good.” I saw a tweet that someone shared, exasperatedly commenting “Not another first draft that made it to screen” in reference to this movie. I kind of agree. There’s just 1-3 scenes too many in each Tarantino film.
To me, it just feels like Tarantino takes the criticism as a personal attack (he’s lashed out at interviewers before who question his choices), rather than an artistic perspective. To that point, I feel like Tarantino’s work is often polarizing. Those who love Tarantino defend his every move. If you insult or disparage his work in a film class, a film forum, or just tweet about it on Twitter, you can expect some nasty feedback.
I didn’t hate this movie: everyone’s acting was sublime. Leo DiCaprio and Bradd Pitt are QUITE the dynamic duo. I hope Margaret Qualley gets more opportunities to shine, because I particularly liked her. Leo DiCaprio’s plotline involves a scene with a young child actor named Trudi Fraser. Her portrayer, Julia Butters, must be protected at all costs. I will build an orb around her to protect her from the world. I’m pretty sure she could handle the world without blinking an eye but I still won’t stand for anyone bullying her ever. The scenery/cinematography is stunning. Tarantino’s use of Margot Robbie is exactly what it should have been, even if I was disappointed by it (I wanted her to have more screen time, but the whole point of her side of the story is that Sharon was just starting out her career. She had so much potential, but we barely got to see it before she was murdered).
The ending is ten of the most satisfying minutes I’ve experienced in a movie theater, though I will admit, if you have no idea who Sharon Tate is or the significance of the Manson Family murders, you will be very confused by the movie’s ending. To that effect, “Inglorious Basterds” and “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” both provide an amazing “What if…?” scenario, but in truth, reality is stranger than fiction. Demented monsters destroyed because they could.
Tarantino has said that he wants to retire by 60, and though this is uncertain, he’s said before that he wants to make ten really good movies before retiring. It looks like his next will be his last. A lot of current rumblings say his finale will/should be a horror film. I would very much look forward to that; I personally think that today’s cinema is headed towards a new era of dark humor and black comedy. Tarantino’s dialogue is good and he writes strong characters. I think the wheels are in motion for this black comedy/funny horror boom, thanks to movies like “Get Out” and “Midsommar”, but I think that at this rate, the slingshot’s in hand and the projectile is is in the rubber slot. If Tarantino decides to shoot, he’ll leave behind a legacy. Ready… aim…
When I was sixteen years old, I took an environmental science class to test out of a science requirement, after I scraped by in biology freshman year and had to retake chemistry sophomore year. While in that class, we discussed sustainability, and a part of that conversation meant watching a documentary called “Food, Inc.” where they go in depth into what your food is made of and what it’s like in factory farming.
Not to get too graphic, but they literally kill baby chicks to make chicken nuggets. As in, throw them into grinders while they’re still alive. I was horrified and disgusted and didn’t want to eat meat for a while.
That summer, I went to Spain on a group trip and was left to my own devices to feed myself for about a month. I avoided beef and poultry and stuck mostly to pasta and fruit during the day, treating myself to hake (a type of fish) and tuna pizza when I felt like it. At the end of the summer, we all went to dinner where I had some cheese wrapped in ham.
Have you ever had food poisoning on a transcontinental flight? I have. Just thinking about it makes me dry heave. I genuinely can’t remember the last time I had pork. Pig meat was the easiest for me to say farewell to, between my semi-Kosher upbringing and the movie “Moana.”
THAT IS THE FACE OF BACON. YOU WANNA EAT THAT LIL’ ANGEL? Aaron indulged my love for this little wonder and got me a stuffed plushy of Pua that I just sat cuddling with and I thought to myself: why eat these little sweethearts when you can snuggle with them?
I got food poisoning again about three years later when I ate a meatball pizza in my dining hall. Beef and I got beef!
I had gotten the pizza as a treat for myself for getting into the study abroad program I wanted in England. The following semester I walked through London to get to class on time, and it was awesome! I was living on a shoestring budget during that time. I often thought to myself, “If you only spend a minimal amount of money on food, you can use the extra money to go on another weekend trip!” I fed myself on around $20 a week, eating mostly bananas and pasta. I’d go to Pizza Express every once in a while but on one such trip, I had a hot fudge sundae and spent the following evening in pain. When I could finally move, I grabbed a pen and scribbled: “NOTE TO SELF. YOU ARE LACTOSE INTOLERANT. GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD AND STOP NOW.” My trips to Pizza Express mostly ceased after that, and I started to prefer burrito bowls from Chipotle over takeaway from… everywhere else!
I lost a lot of weight that semester, and when I got back to the US, I decided to give that vegan thing a try. I’d fallen down multiple rabbit holes on Youtube about the vegan lifestyle, and I decided to see if it was right for me. For about a year, I ate fruits, vegetables, and plant based alternatives to the foods I loved. There were plenty of hits (ALMOND. MILK.) and plenty of misses (Daiya cheddar shreds. After a while I just couldn’t take it), but I learned a lot about cooking and what I liked to eat!
These days, I’m not vegan. I still have my animal/environmentally friendly preferences (like cruelty-free makeup and requesting only “pleather” products), but I also will enjoy most fish, poultry, dairy, and occasionally eggs. I genuinely can’t remember the last time I had pork, but I know I’ve had beef at some point in the past year. I just genuinely can’t remember when it was.
From an ethical standpoint I feel guilty a lot of the time. Heck, I feel guilty just writing out that I’m not vegan! I don’t like assigning labels, but come on. Everyone knows where our food comes from at this point, and factory farming is really hazardous to the environment. Not only that, but the dairy industry is really mean to cows.
From a health standpoint, my dairy tolerance is still minimal. I can do a pint of Halo Top, but a four cheese pizza is just a death sentence. I blame my return to cheese and regular eating of fish to a lack of discipline (of course sushi tastes good, but gosh, at what cost)?
I think the human population should try to eat one vegan meal a day (I accomplished this three times this week so far!). I think just that one move of having a smoothie for breakfast or a big bowl of spaghetti and tomato sauce for dinner would make a world of a difference. I am living proof that not everyone wants to eat plant based 100% of the time, but I think that seven meals a week would make for a healthier, happier planet.
Here are a few of my favorite Vegan options:
Gardein products. Their Orange “Chicken” and Meat(less) Crumbles are a staple to my diet. The Meat(less) Crumbles are great as a protein source for a plate of pasta or to bulk up some tacos!
Mac and “Cheeze”. If you come in thinking you’re going to have that Velveeta golden goodness, you will be confused. “Cheeze” bases can be made of a variety of things, but personally, I love a good cashew sauce. I’ve used a butternut squash base before, too, and that sauce is good enough as a thick soup! Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
Pesto. I know what you’re thinking: “Doesn’t pesto contain Parmesan cheese?” It certainly does, unless you make it yourself! Just a bit of garlic, pine nuts, avocado, basil and olive oil. Here’s the plot twist: NUTRITIONAL. YEAST. I will sing the praises of “Nooch” until the cows come home. Add a bit of that instead of Parmesan and you are made in the shade. Heck, I’ve even made pesto without nutritional yeast and didn’t even notice a difference.
Bananas. They’re a controversial fruit, but they’re my absolute favorite. Eat them as is, or freeze them to use as a thickener in a smoothie! I like making a nice ice cream bowl with two bananas, some cocoa powder, a splash of almond milk, and some peanut butter. The calorie count can get pretty high, but this one’s more about the ethical implications. Plus, with the nutrients in the bananas, milk and nut butter? You can TOTALLY have ice cream for dinner!
Vegan Harvest frozen pizza from “American Flatbread.” “American Flatbread” hails from Vermont, and I’ve been to their location in Burlington a handful of times. It made my heart skip a beat when I found their vegan pizza in the frozen section of Whole Foods. If you haven’t figured it out, I take my cheese very seriously, and I take my vegan substitutes for cheese even more seriously. THIS is the pizza for you. PS: If you live in the Burlington area now and want another vegan pizza to try, Leonardo’s Vegan Salvation is the best vegan pizza I’ve ever had in my life.
Eggplant bacon.
I can hear you doing this to your computer!
But trust me on this one. It’s like a cleaner, prettier version of what bacon already is. I haven’t made this at home yet, but a vegan restaurant in Burlington called Pingala makes a great batch. HIGHLY recommend trying eggplant bacon if you ever have the chance.
Dairy Free Chocolate Salted Fudge Truffle ice cream from Haagen Dasz. This has kicked Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food out of the position of my favorite ice cream flavor. A GAME changer kids, though no love is lost between me and the dairy free flavors Ben and Jerry’s provides. They walked so Haagen Dasz could run. Halo Top does make a few vegan flavors, but I’m thinking it’s high time they add more. Fingers crossed their next one is Vegan Red Velvet!
Honestly, I could continue this list for another seven items, but I think I’ll save that for another post. My point is that eating plant based options can be fun, and certainly can be tasty! One bite really can make a difference. I recommend giving “one vegan meal a day” a try, if you can! Depending on what you choose, it isn’t as pricey as it seems. If all else fails, Oreos are vegan.
This post makes me want to try harder with my own vegan lifestyle. I think maybe I’ll make vegan mac n cheeze for dinner this weekend!
Britney Spears wrote “Toxic” about social media and this is an undisputed fact even though I’m pretty sure the closest thing society had to social media when that song was written was blogging (Update: Livejournal had been around for less than five years and Friendster was just beginning, and Myspace was founded in August of 2003).
I went on a deep dive of some of the people I follow on social media, and they’re all women living a more fabulous life than me. Beautiful, blonde, and living in chic homes in places with skin clearer than my future. At this point, I can’t tell if I’m following them in an aspirational way. I feel like when I see their posts, I just think “Wow, they’re so pretty and happy on the coast of France. I wanna be pretty and happy on the coast of France.” That doesn’t motivate me to go do work, it kind of just makes me feel sad that I’m not pretty and happy on the coast of France.
At what point do I clean out and only follow people that make me happy? I feel like if I pretend these people don’t exist, I’m living in ignorance. Contrariwise, being so focused on their presence is sucking the joy out of my scrolling.
I guess the bigger compromise would be that I spend less time scrolling through social media! That way, I spend less time on a screen, and that alone will decrease the amount of time that I see them. I’m trying to eliminate social media past a certain point in my day, as well as start browsing later. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve had to cut down my morning workout because I check my phone in the morning and lose track of time scrolling through Instagram and Twitter! I can be ready in ten minutes for the gym, but when I decide to scroll a little bit before brushing my teeth, I’ve been up for thirty minutes but still in my PJS!
I was definitely feeling the melancholy over the filtered perfection this weekend. I’m sure these women have their bad days where they don’t cry pretty tears or their makeup isn’t perfect. The catch-22 is that even when the girls display their bad days it comes off more performative than authentic. It feels more like they’re trying to compel their audience to lean in closer, you know? I have off days too! I’m just like you! Call me crazy, but while you were sitting in the back of a pickup truck on a spontaneous ride to a mountain waterfall, I was sitting in rush hour traffic. The average person doesn’t get to do that.
I guess I’m also envious that these girls have created this reality for them. They live in a world where they sleep till six so they can choose to watch the sunrise, then either go for a workout or make a nice meal. Sometimes they do both, and a yoga session, before settling down to start their work day at 9. I’d love an extra hour of sleep to get in a workout and show up for my workday with perfect hair and makeup. Even moreso, have no set start time with my day and just go wherever the breeze told me. Climb a tree or swim in the ocean and live only on island time, judging the hours in my day based on where the sun lies in the sky.
I want to be the working girl who gets things done, but I also want to live on the beach and just dream away the hours. I don’t know which one would fulfill me more! What I know for sure, though, is that looking at the girls who do live their lives like that certainly doesn’t fulfill me. Poison paradise indeed! It’s time I find a balance between dreams, reality, and chasing them at the right speed.
I’m always on the go! This time last weekend I was taking off from New York and headed back to Orlando for my 8AM workday Monday. Since then, I’ve been booked on another trip back in September, and there are now tentative (leaning towards affirmative, in my head) for another trip in November. Between that, Miami in September, Vermont in October, and my Italian sojourn in November, I’ll barely have time to be at home!
I haven’t met a person who doesn’t have at least some affinity for traveling. Sure, plenty of people have their grudges against airports, and we all have SOME “the person I sat next to on my flight was weird” story, but nothing beats a nice hotel with fresh, clean bed sheets.
I’ve been so many places in my life, and there’s still so many I want to go to at some point. Here’s a few places that top my list of where I want to go next (excluding spots on my Europe trip in November):
Paris. I’ve already been twice, but I only got a taste of everything. I took a picture in front of the Notre Dame, but I didn’t go inside of it. It’s a city of fashion, food, and art, and I truly only had about three days total for both trips. I want to enjoy a croissant inside a quiet corner cafe on a rainy morning. Is my Audrey Hepburn showing?
Australia. If reincarnation is a thing, I truly hope I am borne again as a blue-eyed blonde surfer from Melbourne. I would love to spend my mornings on the beach, only to take my surfboard out to catch waves until the sunset. I’ve never been to Australia but my inner-nature girl craves shark diving off the Great Barrier Reef and climbing mountains to get to waterfalls. I think I’d spend two or three days exploring Sydney, then just find a new beach or mountain to explore every other day before getting swallowed whole by a large snake or spider.
Bali. Every influencer is doing yoga in the jungle, eating acai bowls out of coconuts and enjoying salt-soaked serenity in Ubud. But retreats cost like five thousand dollars and the average Balinese citizen doesn’t have much and apparently doing that “healing in nature” thing doesn’t really help them. I still want to go, but I think I’ll wait until I can do it the way I want, and then matching the overall price of the trip into a charitable donation to an organization that will help their economy. Or maybe they LIKE their simplistic non-Tesla lifestyle? I don’t know, I haven’t thought it through.
Norway/Sweden/Finland. I want to do a whole Nordic fjord trip, travelling fjords through ice cap villages. I would love to see the Northern Lights!
Similarly…
Iceland! This narrowly missed the “honeymoon” choice. I want to visit the Blue Lagoon so much. There’s so much “neature” in Iceland. Very aesthetic.
Scotland. This one was another strong contender for the honeymoon! Aaron got to visit Scotland last year as his first foray into Europe with his family, and I’d love one of our next trips to be a return for him and a virgin voyage for me. I’ve done Ireland, England and Wales, but I missed Scotland. I’d love to visit Belfast, Glasgow and Edinburgh, but I really want to visit the Scottish Isles, too. It’s real “Desktop background” beauty.
Whistler. I was fortunate enough to go on a handful of ski trips when I was younger, but it was always in Colorado or Utah. They were great trips, but I’d love to go to Canada for my first “grown-up” ski trip. I want to visit all of Canada too! I’ve been to Vancouver once before briefly (too young to really remember), and I went to a concert in Montreal five years ago. I’ve still got plenty to see!
Stowe. Did I say ski trip? Did I say that I went to the University of Vermont but never went skiing? Embarrassing, I know. I went to Stowe to investigate the potential for hosting my wedding, but while it ended up not as my choice, it made me so happy to even walk the canvas. I could picture the smell of smoky air that would come from post-ski fire pits, where people would take off their skis and enjoy a hearty bowl of chili before heading back out to the slopes or heading back to their lodge for a dip in the hot tub. That’s what I remember most about my ski trips as a kid! Stowe is one of the best spots in the US to ski, so I better go get proof for myself!
Austin. I did a layover in Dallas for three hours once when I was little, but that’s the extent of my time in Texas. Aaron’s family is from Texas (and he was born and raised to the age of six in San Antonio), and they have fond memories of Tejano music and Big Red. Austin now has a great music scene, art, and some of the best barbecue you’ll ever have. Get me a cowboy hat and a nice horse to tend to, stat!
Switzerland. Picturesque mountains and Swiss chocolate. I don’t think I’d require much else in life to be happy, honestly!
I know I’ll get to all of these places one day. Who knows, maybe in ten years I can say I’ve been to all of these places! I’ve already seen so much of the world, and I’m so grateful. This list has barely scratched the surface, I haven’t even included my desire to see bio-luminescence! All I need is the money and the time.
I have kept a list of my favorite movies and my favorite songs on my phone since I was 18, in case anyone ever asked. I was going into college and I thought “What’s your major?” was the stupidest question I ever heard. I didn’t have one picked out yet, and thought that no one would want to talk about their bio classes or their math formulas. Do those things really set souls on fire? As well, even if it’s a bit more of a selfish thought, would I really connect with someone about that sort of thing?
At any rate, I recently watched “Almost Famous” for the first time in a while, and I have always said that Almost Famous is my favorite movie.
Ten years later, it still is. I know the average feminist would say that parts of it are degrading to women, but the average feminist would say that Harry Potter isn’t feminist because of the Bechdel test even though every modern feminist was molded and shaped by Hermione Granger.
Political tea aside, “Almost Famous” is perfectly written, perfectly acted, and has one of the greatest soundtracks to any movie.
That said, I want to take a look at my other nine favorites, and see if they don’t need reevaluating. Let’s deep dive!
NOTE: No animated Disney exists on the top ten. They have a league of their own. It’s deserved.
2. Psycho — This movie truly triggered my fascination with the macabre, after reading “The Face on the Milk Carton” and watching (and being terrified by) an episode of “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit” where the perp was a cult leader. The camera work, the plot twist reveal, and maybe the nostalgia of it all , knowing it was the first “slasher” movie and all, it’s still one of my favorites. I haven’t watched it in a while though, and I think I should.
3. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off — There’s probably at least five Buzzfeed videos talking about how Ferris is a bad person or a bad friend or a sociopath or something similar. Some people think Jake Paul is a sociopath, but cutting class to go to a museum, eating at a fancy restaurant, being in a parade and then destroying a car is a pretty low key Team 10 vlog. I think the reason why John Hughes’s coming-of-age films are so classic are because they were honest. There’s nothing cliched about Cameron and Sloane talking about their futures. Ferris’s antics may be a hyperactive version of that ONE friend, but we all have that manic fun kid who acts impulsively, lives his life to the fullest, and often does it all with a smile on his face and a song in his big dumb heart. And that “Twist and Shout” rendition can’t be beat.
4– The Breakfast Club. Damn John, back at it again with the relatable teen angst. I think, like Ferris Bueller, it’s an accurate way to depict what it’s like to be in a high school. I think it should be required viewing for everyone. I dont think that would be a cure all for bullying, but I think (hope) it would encourage everyone to recognize that we all have our own struggles that no one knows. In the words of the epic dance sequence, “We are not alone.”
5 — Forrest Gump. This movie is perfect and beautiful and American modern cinema at its finest. Alan Silvestri’s music inspired me so much that when I think of the motifs of the soundtrack, I’m instantly brought back to being a young eighth grader, sitting on the dock of my Appalachian summer camp, wishing the guy I liked would notice me. It idealizes some tough times in America but it’s pure at its core.
6 — The Devil Wears Prada. THIS. FREAKING. MOVIE. It is the millenial’s “Working Girl,” as we struggle through trying to make it in a world we dont understand under the heels of a “dragon lady”. True fans know that Miranda was not the true villain.
7 — Casablanca. I was going through a classic movie binge when I made this list, and its always stuck with me. Fantastic one-liners and a tough love story.
8 — The Parent Trap. This movie introduced me to London and The Beatles. I love this movie and will watch it almost every time it’s on tv.
9 — Inglorious Basterds. Hans Landa is without question one of the greatest villains in cinematic history. The writing, the acting, and yes, my Semite wish fulfillment of killing Nazis, make this a no-brainer. I will forever request whipped cream with my strudel.
10 — My Week with Marilyn. I love Marilyn Monroe. She was beautiful, smart, compassionate, and the world didnt give her enough time. This story of how one man saw beyond the pretty, aloof icon, into the real human who just wanted to be loved, is a lovely period piece that I would watch every week.
Truthfully, my list doesn’t need to be changed THAT much. If anything, I would remove one of the John Hughes movies or Casablanca and replace it with Black Swan. I think Black Swan is compelling, captivating, and brilliant. It belongs in my top 10. As well, Girl, Interrupted has been floating in my top 20 for years and I thought it should be higher on the list.
1 — Almost Famous
2 — Psycho
3 — The Breakfast Club
4 — Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
5 — Inglorious Basterds
6 — My Week with Marilyn
7 — Black Swan
8 — The Parent Trap
9 — The Devil Wears Prada
10 — Girl, Interrupted
I like my updated list, eight years later! I’m writing this from a plane, after having another terrible migraine yesterday. I will probably need to adjust formatting later.
And maybe this list again. I’m watching “Us,” for the third time since it came out in theaters. I think it’s my favorite movie of this year… and maybe more.
