This month, I’m trying something new. I want to set goals for the entire month to help me progress on my personal goals for the entire year. I have six months to get things done, and I want them all done.
I know that some odds are stacked against me: it looks like we’re headed towards another shutdown, which will put going to the gym on hold (which won’t stop my workouts, but will hinder my pull-up goal), and will lead to further job freezing (which will lead to my top priority of getting a new job on hold). I really hope that after all of this, 2021 is a year of prosperity for the world. I hope people go to more restaurants, spend time with their families, and do the dang thing, because life just isn’t that long.
I won’t let the coronavirus (or “Miss ‘Rona” as people who cope with the unending certainty of life with humor have termed it) stop me dead in my tracks. I will keep biking, even if the concrete beneath me turns into hummus.
Here are my six goals for July:
Read all the books I didn’t read last month this month, and four more. I want to do an eight book, “Summer reading” wrap up post at the end of the month.
Stick to my current weight loss plan. I’ve been at it for a few weeks, and I FEEL like it’s working. I want to come back at the end of the month and say “I’ve kept going.” If it’s not as effective at the end of this month, I’ll switch, but I don’t want to switch until then. I often get jaded and quit. Quitters never win, and winners never quit… but those who don’t win and don’t quit are stupid.
Clean out my closet. It will make me happy to finally go through my clothes and see what fits and what doesn’t. It’s going to be a brutal job, but I’ll put together a “capsule wardrobe” of essentials I will keep even if they don’t fit just so I don’t have NOTHING to wear as my progress continues. I’m thinking that will be twelve mix-and-match items. I know I have a drawer of pants that don’t fit anymore, and quite frankly, I think the fact that I can’t shut my drawer is more aggravating than the fact that it’s filled with pants that are too tight.
Call my grandmother twice, call my grandfather once, and email my grandfather once. My communication with them should be so much better than it currently is.
Hold an L-hold on both legs for forty-five seconds (for my handstand resolution), and dead-hang for fifteen seconds (for my pull-up resolution).
Facetime chat with my three “friend groups.” I have a lot of great friends in my life, and for all that Zoom has been having its day with family chats during lockdown, because I’m so used to long-distance friendships, I’ve barely hopped on camera to say hi to my friends! I think this month I can change that.
I’m eager to come back July 31st with these results. I’m committing: Check in post on July 31st on these goals SPECIFICALLY. Go-go-gadget goal setting!
Today, I’d like to take a look at my current ideas, plans, and growth potential, in a way that doesn’t reflect on my New Year’s Resolutions and my typical end-of-month check in. It’s not so much a life-update, but a statement of intention.
With that, let us salute… to General Breakdown.
Slapsgiving “How I Met Your Mother.” Written by Matt Kuhn. 22 Nov. 2007. CBS.
COVID-19: More and more people are rebelling against the face mask… and more and more people are begging them to not. Most restaurants are operating, as is my gym, and movie theatres are planning on reopening next month across the country. Social distancing is being practiced, and wearing face masks are required in most places. I am hoping that people will be strict on the face mask policy. Spikes in cases are being seen with the reopening of society, but that’s too be expected. We can only hope that it doesn’t expand too much.
Makeup Experiment: I’ve been working on the makeup, sharpening each look to make it look better with practice. I’ve had very positive results with contouring, lip reshaping, and better foundation coverage. Along with that, I tried one of the tutorials for eye makeup earlier this week and it was IMPRESSIVE. I am excited to see the end result!
Fitness Goals: I’ve completed Couch25K, and I’ve continued to do a 5K twice a week. I’d like to bump it up to three. I discovered at the gym that running on a treadmill is so much different than running on the road. I am not good at running on a treadmill! I’d like to change that. On a similar note, I’d like to start reincorporating strength-training into my routine. I’d like to go to the gym to muscle train three to four days a week, at least the three days where I do my 5K runs. On the non-5K days, I want to do bodyweight strength training at home, and then start Couch25K on the treadmill at the gym. I think that will put me in even better shape!
Quarantine Productivity: It’s been mostly non-productive, and here’s a kicker: I’m okay with that. I want to focus all my energy into two or three things, not ten. I do want to learn new languages, and new skills. That said, I set out to hit fifteen thousand steps a day while I’m twenty six (excluding sick days). At my pace, that’s about two and a half hours of stepping! This past week I managed to hit fifteen thousand steps by taking a walk almost every day after work. It was lovely! If I take an hour to enjoy dinner, do some chores and relax with Aaron, along with taking an hour long walk, that gives me about an hour and a half of free time. If I use that half hour to wash my face, that gives me an hour to kick back and enjoy some “me time.” That will really help my mental sanity. Maybe I’ll take another look at those goals if we have to go back into a hardcore lockdown. Never say never!
American History: I just want to take this down for prosperity’s sake. The Black Lives Matter movement has gone full force. There are riots and protests and marches demanding justice and police reform. The police officer who killed George Floyd was charged with murder, but Breyona Taylor’s killers remain at large (one has been fired. For killing a woman. He was fired. Not arrested. Fired). That said, yesterday was June 19th, or “Juneteenth,” a day commemorating the day that slaves in Texas were told of their freedom, by way of the Emancipation Proclamation… two years prior. It’s looking like it might become a federal holiday! I would like to see that happen, in exchange for Columbus Day. Most people on the “left” side of the things are in opposition to our president, Donald Trump, and his handling of the demand for police reform. Many are eager to vote him out in November. The current frontrunner is Joe Biden, who was Barack Obama (our previous president)’s vice president. Joe Biden has a past of both being too handsy with female associates (even one going so far as to accuse him of assault), but was also an instrumental part of sexual and domestic violence reform as a senator. I’m interested to see how the coronavirus impacts the election season this year. I keep seeing a Biden ad when I pull up Youtube videos, and in the ad the subtitles say (I’m paraphrasing), “I am asking you to vote” when Biden clearly says “I am asking you for vote.” A lot of people say Biden is too old to be president, and that ad makes me concerned, too. Like… you didn’t want to get another take of that? That says more about Biden’s team than Biden, though. I want to see Biden’s sexual assault allegations addressed, and I want to see how President Trump evaluates his time as president the past four years, and how he wants the next four to play out with him continuing with a second term as president. We will see.
And that’s what you missed on “Glee!” OH, SHOOT. “GLEE.” Lea Michele, best known for playing Rachel Berry on “Glee,” was outright declared a “diva” and borderline racist. After tweeting out support for the BLM movement, a woman of color who was part of the supporting cast called her out for micro-aggressive behavior and bullying her on set. Two other women of color who co-starred with Lea subtweeted confirmations of witnessing this behavior. Lea apologized for previous actions, but other stories trickled out of occasions where she was unkind, condescending, or rude to other people in her line of work. A few weeks ago I shared how much I loved Rachel Berry’s wardrobe on “Glee,” and I always had a soft spot for Lea Michele. After hearing these stories, I am bummed. I figured that she would have some sort of superiority complex, for being the little girl with the big voice. A rightfully earned ego, like Mariah Carey. Being aware of her talent and expecting excellence at all times was something that would make sense. THIS out-pour of unkindness was not what I had expected. I hope she turns the other cheek!
That’s it for a check-in/life update. I’ll see how things progress!
We’re almost at the halfway point in the year! I want to celebrate all my little victories but at the same time I can’t help but feel like this year, in terms of goal-setting, is no more special than last. That said, I set these goals for a December 2020 end date. Let’s reflect on how we’re doing 5 months into the game:
1. Read 52 books – I have finished two books this month and am listening to an audiobook. I genuinely think that I will get four books in by the end of the month. I said I was going to read Star Wars books for the month of May, and I have, but I think I’m also going to read other Star Wars books later in the year. I really liked them. I’m falling down a Star Wars rabbit hole and honestly, it’s about time.
2. Do pull-ups – Quarantine is making this tougher than it needs to be, but I’m trying harder to work my body out to get this done by the end of the year. I’m emotionally prepared to have to start from square 1 when my gym opens back up and I have access to a pull-up bar.
3. Spend LESS. TIME. SCROLLING. – I actually feel like I made a modicum of progress here! I told myself that I can only scroll when I’m doing my steps, and it’s worked! Along with that, I’ve been staying off the phone while re-watching “Community” with Aaron. I still have a long way to go but I feel like I’ve taken a step towards being better about this.
4. Write 104 blog posts – I think twice this month I’ve thought “… Oh, right! Gotta write!” I’ve maintained my consistency, though. At least I’m staying on top of this here!
5. Romantic trip with Aaron from Dec. 26 – Jan. 2 2021 – As restrictions are slowly lifted, I’m keeping things optimistic about this end of the year trip not falling through from spikes in cases. Fingers crossed!
6. Stop engaging in schadenfreude – I’m still on the right track here. I fell victim to rabbit hole twice this month, but I think it was just for ten minutes at the most both times. Twenty minutes on something that I used to spend hours on is pretty good!
7. Take better care of my skin – Skin is still improving, thankfully! I hope that my shoulders and back continue to heal with my face. I can put foundation on my face, but if I want to wear a bathing suit, it gets really awkward when I have acne on my back and chest. I feel like this has improved in the past few months too!
8. Go stargazing – There’s still a nighttime curfew in lockdown, but we’re heading into June! It’s warm and if we get anti-bug candles, it could be a dang nice night.
9. Get a new job – I have nothing new to report here, and I’m really hoping that changes soon.
10. Do a handstand – I didn’t work on this at all this month. It’s still on my list. I haven’t given up and I won’t.
11. Go see two of my favorite performers – So fun fact, an email was sent out two weeks ago saying that all dates before Labor Day Weekend have been refunded. I would say this is the only resolution that might not come true, based on my scheduling, that I can blame on quarantine and not my own failures. They say life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans, and whomever they are, they’re not wrong! I hope I can reschedule for November or December, but if not, I think next year is going to be a great year.
12. Lose weight – Physical progress? Not so much. Mental progress? Very much so. See you next month.
13. Give Aaron a great 26th birthday – Well well well! The Disney parks will be opened by his birthday. Wheels are back in motion! I’m thinking dinner at his favorite restaurant and a new lightsaber at Hollywood Studios. Yay!
14. Be a better friend, wife, sister, daughter, and granddaughter – I think May has been my best month for this. I had a great Skype call with my best friend where we talked about life and how much we mean to each other. I’ve been supportive for my friends going through big transitions and crazy circumstances in light of what’s happening in the world, and sending funny TikToks along the way! Aaron and I have really grown so much as a couple since quarantine started. I think we fall more in love and feel more happy every day. As far as family goes, I went home for Mother’s Day for an extended weekend and spent a whole night gabbing with my brother and sister, and even went jogging with my mom. My dad and I talked on the phone earlier last week, and I spoke to both of my grandparents on the phone this month. It was my grandmother’s birthday this month, so I sent flowers, helped my mom make her a birthday playlist, and sent a photo album (that I made myself!) of wedding photos and she loved it. I should keep this up next month! I love the people in my life!
15. Be happy – I am so lucky. I feel so loved and so grateful for what I have. I am still doing my best, and working to accomplish my goals. I wish I could bring the peace I feel in my heart sometimes and give it to other people. The world is scary and I’m so thankful for the security blanket I have.
It’s been over a month since quarantine began, and people have started to protest and demand that life return to normal. I feel so terrible for the people who have lost their jobs since this started. What’s wild is that the protesters I’ve seen have been demanding people return to work so they can get their hair done, go to restaurants, and socialize again. I don’t see anyone protesting to say they miss their jobs and their paychecks. It feels very privileged. I feel like people don’t realize that people are dying from this thing.
Speaking of privileged, my life hasn’t changed much since the outbreak. As a result, as much as I miss the normalities of being with friends and going to Disney, I’m in a chill bubble and content to sit and wait this out until it’s safe to visit my grandma again. A lot of people are in the same situation for me but are not taking this experience… well.
Rather than talk about my favorite things this month, I want to dedicate this post to the things that are keeping me sane during this quarantine. I am keeping my cool and feeling happy thanks to the following things:
1. Deleted scenes of “The Office.” If it weren’t obvious, my favorite television show of all time is “The Office.” It ended seven years ago (wow), but it’s probably the most watched television series on Netflix. I have probably seen it a hundred times by now, and yes, hundreds seems like a small number, but if I’ve watched the show almost every day for ten years… excuse me, it’s time for me to do math.
Okay, if I’ve watched the show 350 days out of the year, for an hour a day, for ten years, I have watched 3,500 hours of “The Office.” Yikes. But not yikes, because it makes me happy!
As a result, I still love it, but I know the episodes practically by heart. In the past month, particularly in the past week, I’ve found compilations of deleted scenes from the show. It’s like watching the show for the first time all over again! It just brings a smile on my face.
2. Baking. It’s not exactly helping my goal to be healthy, but I’ve been taking the whole “studies say baking relieves stress” theory to heart. I’ve made incredible chocolate chip cookies, dulce de leche cookies, and today, I made fried Oreos! I have plans to make “slutty” brownies (I hate that name. Why did we call them that? You could bring these to your bake sale and then your step-grandparent is all “Wow, these are great! What do you call these?” What do you say to that) this Friday, and when they run out I am making M&M cookies. I feel inspired.
3. “Crazy Ex Girlfriend.” Did I start watching this only three days ago? Yes. Do I want to forsake all other forms of entertainment until I finish it? Yes. This show has everything: musical numbers, Jewish moms, that one Disney prince who CANNOT BE TRUSTED. It’s truly remarkable and funny and I love it and I don’t wanna go to sleep until I finish this season. Unless it ends with a cliffhanger. Gosh I hope it doesn’t end with a cliffhanger.
4. “Couch to 5K.” I am “fittish,” which means I work out a lot and would probably be unstoppable if I cared enough to change my diet to match my healthy tastes. I like to walk the treadmill and get cardio from the elliptical and this “gazelle” machine that’s like a stairmaster/elliptical hybrid. What do those things have in common? They’re cardio machines. I don’t have access to such equipment. To get in my cardio, I started jogging with “Couch to 5K.” It’s about thirty minutes, three times a week, of fresh air and exercise. I get to listen to music and think about everything and nothing. I gotta be honest, it feels great!
5. Writing. Between journaling and “escapril,” I feel so creatively channeled into my mind. I’m being honest without being dark. It’s refreshing!
I feel very lucky to be in a situation where I still have my job (which has been busy as of late), my health, and almost 8 years’ worth of long-distance friendshipping. As the Nutella topping, I have Aaron. Getting to have lunch with him and give him hugs throughout the day makes everything even better. I am feeling so grateful to have him through all of this. I have great people in my life. Them, plus these distractions, are making my life livable.
I hope that people respect the current quarantine limitations. I want everyone to return to their normal, but the more we don’t take the rules seriously, the more exposed we will be to COVID-19, and then we will be in lockdown for months. WAY more months than need be. I hope people find better ways to pass the time than yelling at the doctors treating the patients. Or at least, some self-esteem. The most photographed protesters are people with ugly hair (objectively ugly, like too long or natural roots). Hair isn’t everything. Stay safe, love yourself, and please, stay inside.
Because if anyone messes with my “Hamilton” tickets or my end-of-year cruise I will be forced to riot.
It’s April! I’m ready for some showers to bring May flowers. This time last year, I participated in a 30 Day Writing challenge called “Escapril.” It basically involves writing a poem every day for the month of April to celebrate National Poetry Month. I had so much fun participating in 2019 so I was eager to do so again this year! This time around I’m facing different challenges but also experiencing different strengths. For instance, last year I struggled to find motivation to write, and this year so far, on more than one occasion (or prompt), I’ve been writing bits and pieces of three poems’ worth of content, and have to narrow down what I like best! Last year I was teaching myself basic editing on Photoshop, because I liked to add a certain aesthetic to each concept. This year I’m playing more with colors and shapes to make it look a bit more clean. That extra step makes it feel both more authentic, and more concrete!
Here are a few tips I’ve found have made a difference in what and how I write:
1. Find your mood. There’s no right or wrong way to feel when writing. Your art should be a reflection of what’s coursing through your veins. Don’t try to force an emotion. If you’re feeling angry, write angry. If you’re feeling happy, write happy. I find that breaking down that filter is the best way to get yourself in the right frame of mind to create. It’s relatively easy to pull back if you go too far, and even that is rarely necessary. Don’t be afraid of what you feel. Breathe it in and grab a pen (or a computer, or your phone… you get it).
2. Find your motivation. Luckily enough, I have a list of prompts to work off of for “Escapril.” What I get out of step 1 helps with step 2; it’s not enough to have a prompt, you need to find how you connect to it. If the prompt is love, what does your mood tell you? Do you love love? Do you think it’s a curse? What do you feel? Why?
3. Stay in it… however you can. I free associate too easily, so I can look at a prompt and reconnect it to something that’s familiar. For example, this week one of my prompts was “Obsession.” My first thought was “You,” which I coincidentally am obsessed with now. With that, I turned on a playlist inspired by the main character, who in turn inspired the poem. Having that extra layer of motivation helps supercharge my brain, and really tap into the subject. Turn on music. Draw it out first. The rest will come more naturally than you think.
4. Remember it’s what you write. Not what others think of what you write. Yoko Ono is currently sitting in a billion dollar apartment in the greatest city in the world after spending the majority of her professional life being hated for what she put into her art. Do you think she cares what the critics think? While getting a second opinion to help you can be beneficial, it shouldn’t be the be-all, end-all. If you rely too much on other people to better channel your thoughts, your thoughts might not even become your thoughts at all. No matter if you’re a musician, painter, writer, actor, dancer, criticism from other people should play a small role in what you create. At the end of the day, all that matters is what you think of your art… unless your art is illegal. Break art laws. Not real laws. Punching a pedestrian in the mouth without their consent is not an art piece. Your criticism should be all that makes a difference to you.
5. With item 4 in mind… take criticism seriously. If you’re not going to look at your work and think “Oh, I could say this instead,” or “This phrase could be better,” then you won’t grow as an artist. Granted, if you can look at what you’ve written and think “Oh, this is perfect,” then I salute you. Personally, there are plenty of times where I’ve gotten it right on the first try, but there have been plenty more times where I haven’t quite nailed it, and going back and fixing a few things has brought my thoughts to a new level! It all goes back to my first point: use your thoughts. If your brain is telling you, “what about THIS metaphor,” give it a try. Who knows? You may hate it and find that what you wrote in the first place was perfect after all.
I am not legitimately published, nor am I an expert. I’m just an English major.
I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to read Jane Austen, and then I didn’t.
— John Mulaney, “Kid Gorgeous”
I have no clout whatsoever, but this has been my approach, and save for the cripplingly low self-esteem that I think clouds the mind of anyone who creates anything, I feel good about what I make. I feel even better knowing that the more I create, the more I learn, both about myself and the craft of writing (yeah, I said it. CRAFT. C R A F T. SEE ITEM 4, LOSERS).
I hope if you’re reading this, you’ll take some time for you and create something today. You never know what can happen!
I am feeling quite disappointed in myself today. It is March 31st, with a new month on the horizon, and I REALLY missed the mark on my 2020 resolutions this month. I’d love to blame it on the lockdown and social distancing, but as Brit Hume once said, “Winners take responsibility. Losers blame others.”
I think today I want to look at my resolutions and reflect on why I didn’t meet my goals. This hurts me more than it hurts you, dangit! 1. Read 52 books – I started two books this month, and finished none. I decided to make all my books this month to be about women, by women, for women. I feel like a bad feminist for not getting this done.
via GIPHY. Saturday Night Live. “Weekend Update.” 2017. Performances by Tina Fey, Michael Che, and Colin Jost. Produced by Lorne Michaels. 2. Do pull ups – I spent the first half of this month tackling this head on, but then COVID happened, and my gym closed. Unfortunately, all my doors are too tall for me to place a pull-up bar in the doorway. I’ve been working my arms, back and shoulders doing home workouts to split the difference, but I’m not sure how effective it is. 3. Spend LESS. TIME. SCROLLING – This got SO much worse! You’d think with all the time at home I’d spend more time that I now have on more creative endeavors. No. BIG swing and a miss. 4. Write 104 blog posts – I managed to keep this one going! 5. Romantic trip with Aaron from Dec. 26 2020 – Jan. 2 2021 – Assuming this lockdown doesn’t last until December, all is still well here. 6. Stop engaging in schadenfreude – While there weren’t any intense rabbit holes, I definitely poked my head in more than once. 7. Take better care of my skin – My skin looks good! The skincare I have seems to be working for now. 8. Go stargazing – Haven’t gone yet. Too cold. COVID curfew. 9. Get a new job – In the beginning of the month, I churned out applications to each job I mildly had the ability to do well. I need to keep this up, but I think my timeframe isn’t as realistic with the whole world in a big freeze. 10. Do a handstand – I hope I can keep working on my upper body strength to pull this off, but I’ve also found a new way to work up to this goal. 11. Go see two of my favorite performers – Broadway shows are on hold during the lockdown. If we’re not out by July, and I miss my Hamilton date, I will riot. 12. Lose weight – No change at all, between me doing well and then cancelling it out with bad habits. 13. Give Aaron a great 26th birthday – My brain has hatched a few ideas for this. 14. Be a better friend, wife, sister, daughter, and granddaughter – I made a lot of effort towards this goal. I am adjusting pretty well to this lockdown, but a lot of my friends are going stir crazy and anxious. I think I’ve done a good job of being present for them. I went home and surprised my family with a visit this past weekend and I think that made a big difference! I’ve been working to strike a balance of being there for my friends who need it, while also giving Aaron quality time. However, I only called my grandfather once in the past two weeks. He and my grandmother don’t have company with them right now at all because none of us want to accidentally give them the sickness, and I can’t believe that I didn’t make more time to call them or write them or something. 15. Be happy – In general, this month was okay, but I definitely feel crummy today. I had a rough start to my morning and things didn’t get much better from there.
I know I will feel better when I’ve accomplished my goals. I feel so tired at the end of the day that I just want to do nothing. I just stare at my phone until I get up and go to bed. I hate feeling so numb to the world, and I know that when I have kids I’ll have to spend that time in the evening checking homework and doing carpool and providing my kids with love and attention, while still being a good supportive wife and sharing some of that time to just be with Aaron.
I want to take this as a learning opportunity to shift towards a more promising way to get past these bigger missteps:
Read 52 books. I will read these books. I bought them and I will finish them. To that effect, I will have something to write about as far as my monthly reads for March. Coming soon! In April, I will be focusing mainly on poetry. Poetry collections aren’t really three hundred pages of tiny type, they’re more nuanced but shorter. When I finish my four books this month, I hope I can revisit at least one of these books.
Spend LESS. TIME. SCROLLING. I need to enable a rule about this. Maybe a few. Here’s a challenge: I can only scroll from sunrise to sunset. No more spending hours in bed scrolling!
Stop engaging in schadenfreude. In my bouts of schadenfreude, I never felt satisfied. I recognized (and then stopped) in the moment, “Hang on a second, this isn’t making me happy.” I felt frustrated or angry. I need to let it go.
Lose weight – I am at an unhealthy weight. Forget looks, I don’t feel good. I feel sluggish and weak. I need to put more stock into what I eat and how I keep active.
Be a better friend, wife, sister, daughter, and granddaughter – I will contact them twice a week every week in April.
I am a big believer in “there is no failure, only failure to try.” I have not abandoned my resolutions, even if I haven’t done as well with them as I would like. I will fall seven times, but stand up eight!
The COVID-19 lockdown continues! While the governor of my sunshine state has yet to implement a full-on statewide shutdown, mayors of major cities have implemented similar policies like curfews and closing all non-essential businesses. As I’ve stated a few times now, my office is remote until mid-April. That’s assuming this lasts only as long as they think it will.
Image from Reddit, based off “Dinner Party”. The Office. NBC. 10 April 2008.
The remote work enables me to have a new lifestyle for the foreseeable future. I used to wake up at 5AM to workout and look presentable before leaving for work at 6:55 in the morning. Nowadays I’m rolling out of my bed at 7:57 to start my 8AM workday in my PJs.
I don’t want that, though. I want to take the time to have a concrete morning and more sleep.
I want my morning routine to have the following:
Water
Yoga
Meditation
Workout
Skin Routine
Shower
SOME makeup
So let’s pretend this is my every day routine:
I wake up at 6am and immediately brush my teeth and put on workout clothes. I go downstairs and drink a glass of water, then stretch my legs and meditate for five to ten minutes. After that I do my workout (which is about thirty minutes of work), then feed the cats at 7am. Until 7:30 I either walk my kitchen (gotta get my steps!) or do some yoga. I’ll have another glass of water and then pop in the shower. When I get out of the shower I wash my face and put on the bare minimum makeup (eyebrows, mascara, liner if I intend to leave my house later, and chapstick). It takes about ten minutes to straighten my hair, so I’ll straighten my hair and then put on something cute but cozy. I’ll head downstairs at 7:55 to turn on my computer and have one more glass of water prior to logging on to start my workday!
Last Sunday I hopped online to document the latest information/thoughts on COVID-19, or the “Coronavirus.” Cases in America are rising, though things seem to be deescalating in other countries. That said, things are deescalating because countries are shutting down everything non-essential. Trade from other countries has essentially ceased. Movie theatres are closed until further notice. Everyone is focused on containment. America is doing their best, but there are still plenty of people partying it up down here for Spring Break. Meanwhile, my company is going full-remote, with only the absolute essentials working in office, until April 17.
I’m one of the lucky ones, as some people are out of work and headed to the unemployment line so they can keep their lives afloat while their non-essential jobs are placed on hold. It’s overwhelming to think about at times. I don’t know what’s happening with teachers, as public schools are shut down until things clear up more (though some schools are staying open as a shelter and providing food to students in need). It is a truly scary time.
The nation is working hard to keep things moving: the CDC is working ’round the clock to get enough tests and vaccine trials. Money is being injected into the economy to help things from collapsing too much. Local governments are implementing total lockdowns to keep people safe. My own county has a sunrise/sunset curfew, with all restaurants being take out and delivery only.
The masses are reacting in their own way: yelling at people for going outdoors and living life normally (the main exception seems to be that it’s okay to go get takeout from your local small business). Celebrities are having hit-or-miss moments of “doing their part” online.
The hits: John Legend, Shawn Mendes, and Lin-Manuel Miranda, among others, are doing livestream concerts. Jimmy Fallon has been doing his late-night show, to the best of his ability, from his house. Josh Gad (Olaf from “Frozen”) has been reading children’s books on his Instagram. Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, among others, have donated millions to food banks in both the United States and Canada. Though not technically “celebrity,” companies like Disney and NBCUniversal are releasing their movies on Digital Demand and streaming so people can actually enjoy them. Is it probably just a way to not miss out on their box office boons? Sure. And yet, I will benefit. They put “Frozen 2” and “The Invisible Man” on streaming. I’m set.
The misses: Evangeline Lily posted that she dropped her kids off at their extracurriculars and carrying on with her life, because she “values her freedom.” Many people thought that was selfish (to the point that Sansa Stark herself, Sophie Turner, hopped on Instagram live to encourage people to not be selfish and to follow the rules to stay indoors, with a sly dig at Evangeline’s “freedom” values). As well, both Sam Smith and Ellen DeGeneres received criticism this week for sharing their frustrations on social media, essentially saying “We’re all in this together, I’m miserable and feeling trapped too.” I’m pretty sure it’s a lot easier to be trapped in your house when your house is a 7 million dollar mansion with a pool, fitness center, and movie theatre. Simultaneously, much to my dismay, Gal Gadot released an Instagram video of an a capella rendition of “Imagine” (by John Lennon), sung by her and a few other celebrities. Kind of hard to hear “Imagine no possessions” from a multi-millionaire. That’s the kind of thing that led Lennon to be assassinated. My gentle sweet Wonder Woman, no. I know of all things you believe in love, but God bless, this was not it. Still looking forward to “Wonder Woman: 1984.” Love you.
A notable phenomenon has been the hypothetical situations that people have posed during this required quarantime. There are two options: you will either emerge having been productive, written that novel, dieted while saving money on your food rations, or eat all your quarantine snacks three days in and spend your time watching Netflix and Hulu, emerging looking like you’re straight out of Wall-E.
I personally want to find my happy medium. I have finished the first season of “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” and I’m slated to watch “Stranger Things” tomorrow with a friend. A happy plus: Google Chrome has an extension called “Netflix Party,” where you can share screens and watch movies together. I watched “Confirmed Kills” with two friends yesterday, and have scheduled another “movie night” for next Friday. Fun fun!
That said, I am, again, one of the lucky ones who still has work. I will be spending eight hours a day at work, like normal. That said, things have slowed down somewhat. I can use lulls to read, write, and walk laps around my kitchen. I wish I had a treadmill.
I want to emerge with a tight hair and makeup routine, and know how to add individual lashes. I also kind of want to learn French finally. Polish my Spanish, learn French, basic Italian. I know it sounds ambitious, but they’re saying this quarantine could last until July. That’s over three months! I’m also hoping to get better at home workouts, which have never been my strong suit. I don’t want to live off processed food and lose any healthy habits I actually have.
Image from Tenor. “Frank’s Pretty Woman.” It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia . FX. 15 September 2011. TV.
During this time of isolation, I have no excuse to not indulge in some personal growth and mental development. I should not emerge in a thick wave of cheeto-dust. No matter how tempting that sounds. To quote Thomas Paine, “These are the times that try men’s souls.” To quote Shakespeare’s Richard III, “Now is the winter of our discontent”. To quote Salvador Dali, “Whoa, things are getting so weird that it looks like those clocks are melting.”
I read four books this month! I am grateful for the extra day of this month; while it is technically one-2 days shorter than the average month, it is a Leap Year! Leap Day William gave me an extra day to finish the last book of the month before he vanishes back into the ocean for another four years.
I think that my reading strategy might need a reboot; I feel like I didn’t enjoy the last book of the month as much because I was so focused on finishing it today. Nevertheless, I DID finish it today, but I think that I should make more of an effort to read daily and finish each book at a more leisurely pace.
1. The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. This was one of the books frequently mentioned by the zen social media influencers I follow (the ones who seem to live their lives by waking up to a beautiful coastal sunrise, doing yoga, eating a smoothie bowl, reading and exploring their coast of choice, then having a vegan potluck, repeat for eternity with bits of poetry thrown in for good measure). I like poetry, so I figured I’d give this book a read! It’s a series of prose poetry fables in which the prophet Al Mustafa has lived in the city of Orphalese for a dozen years, and when a ship finally arrives to take him on his way, the townspeople ask for his wisdom on all parts of life. He delivers them and thanks them for what they have taught him. He provides straightforward answers on the big questions: how to live, how to love, what is evil, what is good. I thought a lot of the ideals professed by the eponymous prophet were beautiful yet simple, but felt one passage was a bit like victim-blaming: “Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.” I guess it depends on where this is applied. You can complain your day away or you can go out there and continue to be your best despite when the world wants to cut you down and make you feel small.
Bridesmaids. Dir Paul Feig, performances by Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig. Apatow Productions and Relativity Media, 2011.
A few significant quotes I liked:
“And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.”
“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”
“And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.”
2. No Lifeguard on Duty: The Accidental Life of the World’s First Supermodel by Janice Dickinson. I fell down a rabbit hole of “America’s Next Top Model” reruns, in which Janice Dickinson was a frequent judge. Brutally honest for better or worse, Janice was offered the opportunity to judge by Tyra Banks after Tyra read this book. Janice was indeed one of the first models to really conquer the world with her beauty, though her story is not one of infinite glitz and glamour. She came from a broken family and endured a series of failing relationships and alcoholism. Her beauty was not immediately recognized in her time, as the world was enjoying the trend of skinny American blondes. Her tenacity was eventually rewarded and soon she became, in her words, the world’s first supermodel (though this is debated, as others before her time had been given the term “supermodel” even if not famously). Her story is funny, if a bit sad. She reminds me of Rose McGowan and Leah Remini (both of whom wrote memoirs I’ve read in the past two years). Beauty abounds, but what’s truly arresting is their fierce strength.
Image from Google Images. “America’s Next Top Model.” The CW .
Quotes I liked:
“The funny thing is, most people don’t even know what makes them happy. I mean, seriously. Think about it. Ask yourself what makes you happy. Friendship? Good sex? A hot car? Health? Money? Freedom? And when something makes you happy, does it really make you happy for any length of time?”
“Being upset never did shit for anyone. Being angry, on the other hand—that could work wonders. If you used it right.”
“I don’t need another person to complete me, amigo. I need to complete myself. And I don’t need another person to make me happy; I need to make myself happy.”
3. Open Book by Jessica Simpson. A new release from a woman I consider to be a game-changer, Jessica Simpson was the first celebrity whose career I really watched almost from the beginning. She was introduced as a sort of antithesis to the sexy images that Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears had begun to cultivate in the late nineties (as she details in the book, Jessica was part of the group to audition for “The Mickey Mouse Club” and promptly choked after having to follow Christina’s audition). What started as touring the Bible Belt with gospel sets turned into a full-fledged pop music career and one of the first ever reality show series with “Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica”. Despite her vocal talents and on-camera ease (she was very much in on the dumb-blonde jokes at her expense, whether we knew it or not), it became clear that all anyone cared about was her looks. From her “Dukes of Hazzard” body to an unfortunate spiral from a bad-angle viral photo of her in “Mom jeans,” Jessica experienced vitriol from EVERYONE. Between her relationships with various men and relationships with her own self image, Jessica has been to the brink of the abyss and back, coming out stronger and more at peace with herself now than ever. I laughed and cried listening to her tell her stories. She had an unfortunate homophobic rumor spread about her when she was younger, and while I think her experience was much worse than mine, something similar had happened to me. I wished I could’ve pulled 11 year old Jessica Simpson and 11 year old me into a group hug. She inspires me that even on your worst days, if you keep pushing through it, what you’ll get in the long run will be worth it’s weight in gold (for Jessica, literally: she had to pay crazy alimony to her ex-husband, but made it all back, in her words, “give or take a billion”).
This was my month’s “Audible” contribution, but this time I had the forethought to quickly scribble random notes indicating lines I liked while driving. Funnily enough, the ones I saved were all lines from other people that inspired her!
“The best competition is always our own selves.” –Celine Dion
“I know it is hard to understand, but sometimes painful things like this happen. It’s all a part of the process of exploration and discovery. It’s all part of taking a chance and expanding man’s horizons. The future doesn’t belong to the faint-hearted, it belongs to the brave.” — US President Ronald Reagan, when addressing the nation after the Challenger explosion
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” — Joseph Campbell
4. I’m Fine… And Other Lies by Whitney Cummings. I don’t know how it happened, but one of Whitney Cummings’ stand-up bits popped up in my “autoplay” on Youtube. I found myself laughing and realizing “Oh, this is the woman everyone has been telling me about forever!” I feel like my friends, podcasts, and every other mass media source told me “WATCH THIS GIRL. SHE IS FUNNY.” Her book had come up in my Amazon recommends, and I figured that was enough of a sign from the universe! Her book is full of stories, ranging from horrifying doctors visits to dating pro-tips. As the book went on, I realized that she ended almost every chapter with some way of phrasing (and including the phrase) “I’m fine.” She’s not fine. I think she’s been through a lot, from toxic relationships with her family, boyfriends, and herself. It made me appreciate the fact that I met Aaron so soon. I didn’t have to deal with literal psychopaths for boyfriends. Either that or Aaron is a very convincing psychopath. But where would HE be hiding a drug problem or a second family? If it ever happens, I’ll return here with an explanation for such a wildly convincing bamboozle. Whitney does admit that she knows that she isn’t fine, but that that’s okay. She’ll get there. I think that’s what we’re all doing, consciously or not: we’re not okay, but for the most part, a lot of us try to get there.
Quotes I liked:
“Alcoholism doesn’t just apply to cartoon bums pounding bourbon from brown paper bags, it can be used to describe overusing anything to anesthetize discomfort: eating, drinking, fighting, cheating, gambling, worrying, shopping, or in my case, controlling. And by controlling, I mean micromanaging circumstances so everyone is comfortable so there’s no conflict. Why? So I can feel safe, ya silly goose. This behavior kept me safe as a child, but made me annoying as an adult.”
“Turns out jokes are like knives. You can use them to cook a beautiful meal or to straight-up stab people.”
“Protecting people from the aftermath of their choices isn’t thoughtful or benevolent; it just takes away their ability to grow.”
I think this month I want to make my reads almost entirely based on health and wellness, so I can keep my eyes on the prize vis-à-vis my promise to commit to certain resolutions this month. That said, I downloaded a rather famous memoir about a writer from the nineties who struggled with substance abuse… so maybe if I consider it as a what NOT to do, that will count? I kind of want a theme for each month of reading now. Aaron thinks that one of the “themes” should be fiction, since I tend to read memoirs and self-care stories and rarely dabble in fiction. I have TV for that, though!
For now, it’s thirty minutes until the new month. I will be 1/6 of the way through the year. To quote “The Prophet,”
“Ready am I to go, and my eagerness with sails full set awaits the wind.”
Happy Fat Tuesday! Or is it “National Pancake Day?” Maybe it’s both. Either way, it’s the last Tuesday of the month. Time for a full month’s reflection!
Read 52 books – I am on book 3 of the month, and I think I will have it finished by tonight! I am very excited about my progress. I’ll discuss my books later, but for now, I’ll just say that this month’s reads felt a bit lighter.
Do pull ups – I had Aaron “spot” me at the gym to help me improve my form. According to him, I’m very close to getting it! I’ve been using my muscles the wrong way, so I’ve started adding lat pull-downs to my workout. I feel like I’m still using the wrong muscles, but I’ll keep trying.
Spend LESS. TIME. SCROLLING. – Not great Bob. I really need to focus on this one in the new month. I think that my phone is straight up a crutch. I need to leave it at home.
Write 104 Blog Posts – I think I’m doing well with this! I like writing, it keeps me focused.
Romantic Trip with Aaron from Dec. 26 – Jan. 2 – Should I keep writing about this one if I’ve already completed it? Mission accomplished? I think I’ll skip this one moving forward unless something happens and our trip gets cancelled (and therefore need to reschedule/get a new trip).
Stop engaging in schadenfreude – I think I’m doing better with this one! I can’t remember the last “scandalous” or “gossip” video I watched. I may have fallen down one or two twitter threads, but that’s not bad considering how long I used to scroll comments and Reddit forums of passive aggression. I’ve been trying to flip my mindset in general to be focused more on when people do something nice. I think that helps, too!
Take better care of my skin – This is going well! I signed up for a facial membership and got new products. I’ve started using a Neutrogena scrub on my back because for some reason my body has decided now, at 25, is a good time for me to get crazy bad bacne. Lord, beer me strength. I’m using the skincare my facialist provided me on my face and chest, but the Neutrogena scrub on my back and shoulders. I’m going to be rigorous with both and see which side of me looks better. If all else fails and I don’t see results after 3 months, I’ll go to a dermatologist. I got invited to a wedding in December and I’ve got a dress that would look great if I lose the bacne and do well with resolution 12.
Image from Google Results. It’s Kourtney Kardashian.
Go stargazing – Not yet, but it’s still cold outside at night! March and April will hopefully be warmer but not sticky, so I can enjoy it more!
Get a new job – I have a projected timeline of being out by this summer. Hopefully by the end of next month I can say “I’m out cub scout!”
Do a handstand – I had Aaron “spot” me with this one too! He recommended I practice getting closer to the wall to build up my strength. I’ve hit a mental wall because when I get off the wall, my shoes scuff the paint. No one’s saying anything but even if I wipe the wall I just wipe off the paint. You can see the streaks of my shoes if you look at the wall. I think if I press my luck more I will get caught and have to pay for the wall to get repainted. IN MY DEFENSE THAT WALL HAS BEEN BLUE FOR THE PAST HOWEVER MANY MONTHS. WHY IS PAINT COMING OFF WHEN I WIPE THE WALL WITH A SINGLE CLOROX WIPE.
Go see two of my favorite performers – The performers previously mentioned are still not on tour. John Mulaney added dates for a venue in Canada, but I think that’s for taping a live show/Netflix special. The rest are still MIA (save, again, for Billie’s tour next month that would be too expensive). I decided to commit to my January suggestion and aim to see “Dear Evan Hansen” and “Hamilton.” And… mission accomplished! I’m seeing “Dear Evan Hansen” in April and “Hamilton” on Broadway in July! I can’t believe it! I’m finally seeing the two shows I’ve been dying to see for years! I can’t wait! I’m so happy!
Hamilton: An American Musical. By Lin-Manuel Miranda, directed by Thomas Kail, 21 Apr. 2016, Richard Rodgers Theatre, New York, NY. Performance.
Lose weight – Words cannot describe how much I’m tanking this one. I’m still eating too much sugar (and not the good sugar from fruit, like.. handfuls of chocolate chips from the bag), and my body just REALLY doesn’t care that my brain wants me to be healthier. I hope that I can say I’ve made more progress by this time next month. I’m really embarrassed by my lack of progress here.
Give Aaron a great 26th birthday – Aaron and I haven’t fully discussed his birthday yet. I’ve been determining better weekends for me to go up to Boston to see my friends and see my family in New York, and I’ve set aside both the weekend before and after his birthday (his birthday is a WEDNESDAY) to make sure we have a nice time. I think he’d like going to St. Augustine or maybe even Sarasota, but I am not sure he even knows what he wants. I’m taking down random gift ideas he has (basically every time he wants something I write it down somewhere) so I can at least get him a good gift.
Be a better friend, wife, sister, daughter, and granddaughter – I sent my grandpa a nice email yesterday catching him up on life. He doesn’t answer the phone much but I know he checks his email. I saw my dad last week and we talked about the current political climate and his life. I think he’s not taking good enough care of himself because he has chronic back pain. He says his doctor says all he can do is medicate and then when he can’t take it anymore, do a very risky surgery. I refuse to believe that is all “Big Pharma” has to offer. My dad assures me that he knows what he’s doing and he’s doing great for someone his age. I don’t know if I believe him.
Image from Giphy. “Pilot”. Parks and Recreation . NBC. 9 April 2009.
I’ve done a better job of checking in with my brother, but my sister went through kind of a rough patch and rather than keeping in touch with her, I gave her space. She told me that disappointed her and I felt awful about it. I know now when I need to be present and when I need to give her time to herself. In this context, I decided to go home in two weeks to be with both her and my mom for a “Girls’ Weekend.” I think that’ll be really good for us! As far as Aaron is concerned, I feel like our relationship gets better and better with each day that we’re together. He’s working really hard and I’m sharing my encouragement and support regularly. I love him and I ask him regularly how to be better. He doesn’t have many complaints, lucky me 🙂 I’ve made time for each of my friends this month, too! Between birthday parties and future travel plans, I think everyone knows I love and appreciate them. At least, I hope they do!
Be happy – I had a really great month. I wish I were making more solid progress on items nine and twelve. I think if I make steadfast progress on both next month, I’ll be really solid on this resolution!
I think this helps me confirm what my focus should be in March: lose weight and get that end-date! Again, my actual weight right now is NO ONE’S BUSINESS, but it is a goal. I HAVE SPOKEN.
Image from Pinterest. “The Apartment.”Brooklyn Nine-Nine . FOX/NBC. 25 February 2014.
