I haven’t written in two weeks. It’s not for lack of desire, but lack of mental ability! I am so exhausted. Last week, the servers at work started an arduous maintenance progress. With half our team gone this week, I’ve had to update the websites for everyone with only one other person to help me. Things have been so hectic!
I’ve wanted to spend the last week writing, reading, meditating, finding a new sense of balance. But right now, I feel like all I can muster is work and workouts! I even asked Aaron for us to not spend the weekend at Disney World last weekend because I was too tired to spend two days walking around and eating indulgent foods. I needed a day to rest!
I’ve always wondered if enumerating my stresses would help me face them and alleviate them. I would like to try that now.
- Work is crazy. Everyone is on my case about things getting updated or the status of the server maintenance. It’s all work that I can do, but the volume is immense.
- My food choices are driving me crazy. I decided to do Whole30, which is 30 days of clean eating. I thought my body needed a detox after spending far too many days eating Reeses Cups and Hershey Kisses and… Panera Mac n Cheese. As a result, for the next 27 days (I’m on day 3) I can’t have any dairy, any desserts, any bread products, any legumes, anything processed, nor any products with added sugar. I can’t even make desserts out of Whole30 compliant foods. I feel mental hunger and I can’t do anything about it.
- I need to pick a honeymoon and make sure it’s fun and affordable. I can’t decide what I want.
- I’m too tired to do anything I enjoy, like reading or making time for self-care. My self-care has been WAY off this past week.
- My body is terrible. I feel like I look awful.
- My house is super messy and I’m too tired to clean it.
- Aaron is sick right now.
The issue here is that it’s a lot to handle for one person. A lot of stress impacting my 5’3 body. But let’s tackle them:
- Work is crazy… for now. This maintenance will be resolved soon. The other half of the team will be back Monday. You can handle two more days. You can. If things still haven’t improved by Tuesday, you can meet up with the other team members on how to move forward next week.
- It’s 30 Days. In 30 Days, you will be able to eat Reeses Cups, cookie cake, and all the donuts you want. Who knows? Maybe in 30 days you won’t want to eat that anymore. Your skin will clear up, you may even get more energy.
- This is a wonderful decision to make. You will make it when things calm down everywhere else. This can wait.
- A lot of this is probably mental exhaustion due to the other things in your life. Power through the rest of this week and start fresh on Monday.
- Take a bath. Take time to do your makeup tomorrow. Do something nice with your hair. Pick out a cute outfit for you to wear to work. This weekend treat yourself to a manicure/pedicure and maybe a blowout. Doing self-care this week will help. See how you feel in 30 Days, too!
- Clean one part of your house tonight, then another part tomorrow. You can do a deep clean this weekend.
- Take care of Aaron as much as you can, but take care of yourself. You’re going to be okay.
Whatever higher power is out there wouldn’t put something in front of you if they knew you couldn’t handle it. You most certainly can.
It feels good to say that. I know I can do it, I just wish I could be on an island somewhere. I wish I could just… I have had an epiphany and I’m going to state it thus:
I wish I could just float. There is a floating therapy studio down the street from where I work. I’m going to go.
Update: I made a floating therapy appointment for Friday after work, and a blowout appointment for Sunday. Pretty hair and a relaxed body. I love it already!
I was listening to a podcast yesterday that provided a good mantra: “Stillness, let go, listen, receive, and be.” I’m going to carry that with me moving forward this week, with an addition of “Love and breathe.” I could use a bit more of all of that.
I will be back soon. I’m listening to that podcast now, and feeling such zen. I’m ready to be present and let go of the tension. I feel love and I am love.
