Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how to find my aesthetic. I partially (if not fully) blame Lauryn Evarts Bosstick, AKA the #Bossbabe behind “The Skinny Confidential.” It appears that she has been a hot-pink lover for years. Her blog is pink,  her office is pink, it’s all cool, LA girl Barbie-Meets-Kardashian. It’s like Playboy, but instead of objectification and misogyny, it’s empowerment and being true to your you.

I don’t really think I have an identifying, signature thing about me. When I think about things I’ve always liked, New York stands out the most. I’ve always loved the streets of Manhattan, the glitz and the glamour and the possibilities. That said, I’m not really sure how I’d build an aesthetic off of that. I’ve always liked the different decades, but you see the plurality? I love the neon of the eighties, the faded but violent seventies, the classy yet youthful sixties. I’m not entirely sure I could build my entire personal aesthetic around that.

IF I were to just focus on New York, I think immediately of classy white with VOGUE font. Crisp, classic, Upper East Side in the nineties, I suppose. That doesn’t really fit me either, because I love pops of color.

Looking back, I think that I truly got sold on New York City when I was seven. I had already started falling in love with Broadway shows, but it was in music class when my teacher put on “Fantasia 2000” and I heard Rhapsody in Blue by George Gershwin for the first time. The vignette takes place in what looks like 1930s New York City, and depicts the lives of a little girl with workaholic parents (relatable. I just realized that. Wow. I need a minute), a construction worker with a passion for jazz percussion, a wealthy couple starving for more –in more ways than one– and an unemployed man down on his luck. It opens with the sunrise over the NYC skyline, which stood out to me as a kid, because it looks like they draw it all with an Etch-a-Sketch, all one line set to the opening clarinet solo. The short has a happy ending (spoiler alert), and it all culminates in an epic finale that fades out with a shot of Times Square, all lit up with majesty.

I get shivers thinking about it. Hearing the finale used for Jay Gatsby eleven years later made me almost burst into tears in the theatre. Who better to symbolize the hope and potential of New York than The Great Gatsby?

I think a lot of who I am as a person can also be attributed to my love of food. Lately, I feel like I should stop being mad at my sweet tooth and just start owning it. I want to find the balance between being a cute chocoholic without… getting type 2 diabetes.

Along with that, I think I’m well defined by my near-childlike sense of wonder. I don’t think of it as clinging to youth, but more like holding fast to the belief that all things in life are possible and beautiful.

Since doing my 30 Days of Poetry Challenge, I’ve been spending more time in Photoshop. I’m no graphic designer by any means, but I think I’m going to try to make a logo of an infinity symbol with my name on the top lip. Is that cliche? I find all things infinite. I bet that every brand specialist would tell me that the first rule is to define myself and to not care what anyone else thinks, but simultaneously, I feel like infinity symbols are very cliche, very basic.

I guess when you get to the root of it, things are basic because they’re relatable. My film professor always hated that word. I love that even autocorrect is giving me a red squiggle for it (it’s also giving me the red squiggle for the word autocorrect, for a little added irony). I don’t think there’s wrong with speaking to something everyone feels. Someone took a mathematical symbol and made it emblematic of the possibilities of life. Possibilities are limitless, the very universe we live in is infinite.

I think this is all part of the process. For now, I’m going to fold the laundry that has been piling up– the Photoshop can wait, that laundry can’t. I’m going to look up some books on how to “Build a Brand.” Maybe I’ll learn something about myself in the process.

Speaking of learning about myself in the process, I turned on “Rhapsody in Blue” while writing this post and wouldn’t you know it: I’m pretty sure the young girl subplot has me in a different dimension.

I will include some final thoughts because I’m Tomi Lahren, only an unsuccessful, irrelevant version:

1. I’ve been obsessing over Emily Ratajkowski lately, and she has the NERVE. The AUDACITY. To post this photo on Instagram:
   

   WARNING: NSFW PICTURE UNDER THIS LINE. SHE IS TOPLESS IN THIS PHOTO.

   

   Get a load of that caption. You see that hair? THAT’S MY NATURAL HAIR. EMILY RATAJKOWSKI CALLS MY HAIR HER DREAM HAIR. TAKE ALL OF IT IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR PERFECTLY FLAT STOMACH, MADAM.

2.  I made shrimp scampi for dinner last night and had the leftovers for dinner– I heated them in a pan and not the microwave and honestly? Groundbreaking.
3. As far as my sweet tooth goes, my absolute favorite is Hershey Kisses. I think if I had an office, the foyer would feature three huge vertical tubes of Hershey Kisses. But then, who’s going to actually go diving in the tube besides me, for Hershey Kisses? Everyone else would just be so blase but I’d be walking people to the door and get caught with my entire arm down the tube of Hershey Kisses. Otherwise the chocolate goes to waste and I would never.
4. I love Ed Sheeran so much but kind of don’t like that he’s BFFs with Justin Bieber. Justin is fine and talented but he’s best buds with Chris Brown and like…
   
5. There is no gif for Tomi Lahren on Google saying “Those are my final thoughts, from LA, God bless and take care” with her spirit fingers esque wave and it’s disgusting. That needs to exist. Do I have to make that? How is this on me?