Spooky Season Cinema, Part 5: IT’S ALIVE!!!!

Zombies. I seen it once before in a rat, and I seen it now in men. Once one gets a taste for its own kind, it can spread through the pack like a wildfire. Mindlessly chomping and biting at their own hinds. Nothing but the taste of flesh on their minds. You know the thing about a rat? It’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes like a doll’s eye. Don’t seem to be living at all when it come at ya. Till it bites ya. And then the eyes roll over white. You don’t hear nothing but the screaming and the hollering Where am I.

Today’s edition of horror movie deep-dives looks at the undead. Those who walk among the living but belong in the dirt. Zombie films used to be all the rage, and have had random returns to popularity ever since the first wave died out in the forties. Even recently, zombies took over the zeitgeist in the form of AMC’s The Walking Dead. It even got a spinoff: Fear the Walking Dead. There might even be a spinoff to the spinoff, but I don’t know about that.

I stuck with the classic, early years of zombie films for today, after sticking with more modern wicked teenagers for my last deep dive. Grab your torch and pitchforks!

 

Frankenstein (1931)
Thank you, Peacock. You have provided me with all your classic, Golden Age of Terror films. In a role that would cement itself into pop culture for the rest of eternity, Boris Karloff brings Mary Shelley’s monster to life, but in the thirties, not the late 1800s (this will come back later). Based on the groundbreaking novel, Frankenstein is about a mad scientist who brings a man to life, using parts from dead bodies that he has stolen from corpses. This movie includes an introduction from Edward Van Sloan, stepping center stage to provide a warning of the terror that is about to befell the audience. With that, we go to the Bavarian Alps!
Like I mentioned in my vampire edition, the timeframe of this production shows. There’s the vague crackling/white noise in the audio, and the accents. Vaguely European, borderline Transatlantic accents! I live! As well, the backdrops truly look like film sets, rather than real hills, noble estates, and abandoned watchtowers.The clothing is so timely and beautiful. I wish we all still wore coats like those.
An interesting note about the story is that the monster is made using the brain of a former criminal, after Dr. Frankenstein’s henchman Fritz accidentally drops and contaminates the brain of a good person. It begs the question: is goodness innate, or is it something that is learned? Frankenstein’s monster is confused, and irritated quickly once he is reborn, but in possibly the most famous scene of the film, he is warmed by the childlike innocence of local girl Maria. In a better world, things could have been different for Frankenstein’s monster.
It’s a very pretty movie, and it’s the sort of movie I would turn on on a rainy day. It’s easy to follow, but it’s a sad story. Frankenstein’s obsessed with power, and his monster ultimately just wants to be understood, in a world that would condemn him as an abomination (that will ALSO come back later). True, Frankenstein’s Monster’s existence is a man playing God, and God, at what cost? But once a living thing exists, it should be given compassion, no matter what.

Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
The sequel to the original classic, Bride of Frankenstein is also a classic, and considered to be better than the original. And to that I say: it’s definitely sadder than the original. I was afraid they would be forced to retcon some of Frankenstein‘s bigger plot points. Instead, the film continues the story where the first film left off, with one of Dr. Frankenstein’s colleagues wanting to (spoiler alert) build Frankenstein a friend. Naturally, there are disastrous consequences.
Both films have fascinating opening sequences. The first film opens with a warning, the second opens with a “flashback” to the Regency era, with Mary Shelley, her husband Pryce, and Lord Byron, reflecting on her incredible feat of “Frankenstein.” Byron sings her praises, only for Mary to smile and say “the story didn’t end there.”
Mary has a very fascinating way of describing the central conflict of Frankenstein: “the punishment that befell a mortal man who dared to emulate God.” So eloquent, no?
In the saddest scene of the film, Frankenstein’s monster stumbles upon the hut of a blind man. He was drawn to the man’s hut because he heard music. The blind man cannot see that Frankenstein’s monster is a monster, and treats him with the utmost of kindness. He gives him food, plays him music, and teaches him basic words. It’s very touching, as the blind man laments to him that he had prayed to God for years for a friend. Which makes the ending all the more tragic.
I found myself wondering why the Bride of Frankenstein was so pretty, compared to Frankenstein’s Monster. It’s very sad. In general, this movie is a bummer. A beautiful bummer.

I Walked With a Zombie (1943)
This film had me concerned. I wasn’t aware that the film had plot points related to voodoo. After watching the trailer, I had concerns that there would be microaggressions throughout the movie. The film does take place primarily on a sugar plantation, where former slaves are now well-treated servants. The owners of the sugar plantation frequently comment on the sadness of the situation, and how sad slavery was, and how the island is a sad and tragic place. But. Like. You’re still there. Making sugar. Relying on slave descendants to do your work. So. I don’t know what you want from me.
The principal plot: Betsy, a nurse from Canadian, is offered a position on-site of the sugar plantation, caring for the plantation owner’s wife, Jessica, who has fallen ill. When Betsy arrives, it is clear that beyond the sunny beaches and crystal-clear water, something is amiss.
There are plenty of old-timey accents, and the costuming is beautiful. That said, it feels like some of the depictions of the voodoo sequences are either a tribute to non-traditional, African culture, or it provides Americans with the belief that African people practice black magic and have primitive instincts. I really don’t feel like I have a right to comment on what’s racist or what’s not. I feel like not making a comment on it is ignoring it, or otherwise ignorant.
To focus on the more fantastical elements: the sugar business is owned by Paul and Westley, half-brothers who have underlying tension with each other. A local guitarist subtly not-so-subtly shares with Betsy that Jessica was torn between the brothers, being married to Paul but having fallen in love with Westley. Paul was broken hearted, as was their mother, who took things into her own hands.
This zombie movie is melodramatic, contains enigmatic gaslighting, and has the least depressing angry of these three films. It could have been better, and I’d be intrigued to see it remade for a modern era.

I think there is a big difference between zombies and Frankenstein. For all intents and purposes, they both defy God’s intent and live, without truly being alive. But in the context of this entry, none of the “undead” feed on humans and infect them to survive. One thing’s for sure: what’s dead should stay dead.

Spooky Season Cinema, Part 4: Spooky Little Girl

I had every intention of finishing this movie challenge with spooky, scary skeletons, nightmares and chainsaws.

Then I read “American Psycho.”

It’s all fun and games when it’s Christian Bale murdering people mostly offscreen and talking about his skin care. I’ll talk about this more in my books post for this month, but the violence and sexual gore of the novel is so absurdly extreme that I was genuinely uncomfortable listening to it on Audible. In short, it’s a very good book, but I’m stripping away some of the truly gory, serial killer movies.

So here we are: teenage girl terror. Today we’ll be looking at The CraftGinger Snaps, and Jennifer’s Body. Nothing like teen angst and vengeful bloodshed to take your mind off… yuppie angst and bloodshed. Allons-y!

The Craft (1996)
I said “Let’s go” in French, because this movie practically begins in a high school French class (and I’m pretty sure the higher power referenced in this movie is of French lore, too). The Craft is about a group of high school aged witches befriending the new girl, Sarah, to be the fourth in their coven. They are led by emo witch supreme, Nancy, in a tour de force performance by Fairuza Balk. The fact that she hasn’t had an Amy Adams level of roles in the past twenty years is borderline insulting. Nancy is flanked by Bonnie and Rochelle, who are bullied for their appearance (Bonnie is covered in burn scars, and Rochelle is a perfectly lovely looking girl, but she is targeted for her “nappy” hair). Sarah is seduced (or should I say nearly seduced) by Chris, played by an aloof Skeet Ulrich. IDK when he’s cuter, this movie or Scream, which also stars Neve Campbell, who plays Bonnie!
The coven invoke the spirit of the all-powerful Manon to make their problems go away: Bonnie wishes to be beautiful inside and out, Rochelle wishes for Laura (her bully, portrayed by Christine Taylor, who hasn’t aged since this movie. That’s the real witchcraft at play here), Sarah wishes for Chris to fall in love with her, and Nancy wishes for the power of Manon (but really, to no longer be white trash). Sure enough, Chris begins to follow Sarah around like a puppy, Bonnie debuts burn-free shoulders, and Rochelle watches with delight as Laura slowly begins to lose all of her beautifully bleached blonde hair. Nancy witnesses her violent stepfather strike her alcoholic mother, and her screams cause a cosmic reaction that kills her stepfather, leaving them with an insurance policy big enough to purchase a beautiful apartment overlooking the Bay. All seems well, at first… but as things are with black magic, nothing gold can stay.
I fell in love with this movie roughly seven minutes into it. The music alone is so perfectly nineties riot grrl angst. If I went to that high school, I would have been friends with the coven, honestly. I mean, they shoplift, so I probably wouldn’t hang out with them after school much, but… lab partners? Come to my house to study? My mom will order pizza if you wanna stay for diner!
That said, they’re all a bit mean to each other. All of them bully the witch girls, and the witch girls don’t seem to harbor much kindness to the people around them, either. I guess this was before “A Walk to Remember,” where the bullied rise above the cattiness? Also, I feel like they would need to alter Bonnie’s plotline a little bit, because her scars are almost entirely on her back. They go to Catholic school. No one can see them.
I can see why this movie is so beloved, and why they would want to make a sequel fourteen years later (oh yes, allegedly that’s happening, pandemic notwithstanding). Each actress in the coven did a great job, but they tokenized Rochelle’s character, both within the universe of the film and apparently within our universe. Rachel True (the actress who portrays Rochelle) spoke out after the fact that she wasn’t included in the promotion of the film, and that the other actresses had to say something to get her to be included in press events. I know it was over twenty years ago, but for a film that is so feminist and passes the Bechdel test, I would have hoped for some deeper-level intersectionality.
Nevertheless, we must consider the spook factor: there’s a lot of snake iconography, a couple gross-out moments with bugs, and yes, your classic witch cliches of flying and curses, but this film is honestly more of a dark drama/thriller than a horror movie. Coming-of-age, even, with a mystic twist. 10/10 would watch outside of spooky season.

Ginger Snaps (2001)
You know what’s fun? This movie is about two sisters, and both actresses who portray the lead characters had roles in “Supernatural.” It’s apt, too! The whole movie plays out like an extend “Supernatural” episode. There’s scary monsters. They’re co-dependent on each other. They’re in Canada. It doesn’t get more “Supernatural” than that (okay, “Supernatural” takes place in the States, but it’s mostly filmed in Vancouver and it all looks like Canada. It counts).
In a vein similar to Carrie, the eponymous Ginger’s arrival into womanhood via the beginning of her first menstrual cycle is the catalyst for the events of this film. Considering I’ve made changes, hoping for less gore and violence with the heavy presence of both in American Psycho bumming me out a lot, this film has a LOT of blood and guts. It opens with a child playing with the bloody foot of his gored out dog. There are so many shots of gored out dogs in this movie.
Ginger and her sister Brigitte are isolationists in their high school. Ginger is older by about a year, and Brigitte skipped a grade to be put in the same level as her. They are made fun of for being weirdos, but their attitude, much like that of the coven in The Craft, is equally embittered (it vaguely reminds me of this 30 Rock moment).
Their quiet Canadian neighborhood is being held hostage by a vicious beast that has been killing everyone’s dogs. Brigitte and Ginger sneak out of the house to kidnap the dog of one of their primary bullies as a prank. However, Ginger’s scent attracts the monster! Ginger is attacked, before local pot dealer Sam accidentally runs the beast over with his car. Soon Ginger starts to experience a new kind of change, one that will divide her and Brigitte in ways they never thought possible.
This movie treads the line between black comedy and horror very carefully. The girls are foaming at the mouth with sarcasm. The straight-laced wholesome parents just don’t understand. Sam, who befriends Brigitte, is prepared with a quip. Sam has similar shades of JD from Heathers, only he manages to be the only redeemable male character in this movie, as opposed to a psycho who thrives on chaos. Hey, in 2001, being a drug dealer made you shady. Now, in the right state, you’re making great money and like, that’s not THE WORST money you could make.
Ginger Snaps culminates in a final battle unlike anything I’ve ever seen with this kind of monster. It’s tense, and leaves room for every outcome. The film hits its climax, and then ends, where The Craft had a falling action after its own climactic showdown. I don’t know if I would watch this one again, because bloody animals make me uncomfortable. Still, hats off to them for creativity.

Jennifer’s Body (2009)
This movie is my hipster claim-to-fame. I liked this when it came out, I liked it when people forgot about it, and I have stood nobly by its side as it’s gotten the credit it deserved ten years later. This movie was at peak popularity for Megan Fox. In a manner that is now cringeworthy, all people could talk about back then was how hot she was. She made every attempt to stand up for herself and got labeled “difficult,” and her career hasn’t really been the same since. That said, I would hope that this film is something she is still proud of, because it has since become an iconic piece of feminist horror, and developed a cult following. Again. CREDIT WELL DESERVED.
Megan Fox is paired with Mamma Mia!’s Amanda Seyfried, portraying Jennifer Check and Anita “Needy” Lesnicki respectively, best friends in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. Needy is a red-faced nerd, with dorky glasses and a quiet demeanor. I mean, they did what they could to make Amanda Seyfried seem significantly unattractive when compared to Jennifer. That said, for all that Jennifer has perfect skin, shiny hair, plump lips, and a body to die for (literally), Jennifer has to eyeroll her way around Needy and her boyfriend, Chip (played by Johnny Simmons, who I remember fondly as “I’m Neil” from “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World”).
Jennifer drags Needy to the only bar in town to see Low Shoulder, a band she found on Myspace (yes, MYSPACE), because the lead singer is gorgeous. The lead singer, by the way, was originally to be portrayed by Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy. This casting did not happen, but a Fall Out Boy poster features prominently on Jennifer’s wall as a subtle tribute. During the band’s performance, a fire erupts, and the band quickly bails as the bar burns to the ground with patrons and staff inside (some of the patrons are other high-schoolers).
Jennifer, traumatized by the fire, escapes with the band, leaving Needy to get home alone. From that night on, Jennifer is… different. Turns out, Low Shoulder would do just about anything to make it to the big times… even sacrifice a virgin. But what happens when the virgin you sacrifice to the devil isn’t a virgin?
I remember liking this movie because it seemed mostly void of overplayed high school cliches. Yes, there’s a climactic moment at a spring dance, and it suffers slightly from “I hate this town” syndrome, but the school isn’t super divided by cliques. A jock dies in the fire, and Jonah, another jock, openly cries in class over the loss, accepting a “nerd”‘s sympathetic shoulder touch for comfort. There’s no gaggle of cheerleaders that Jennifer associates with over Needy. Everyone, for the most part, gets along. Despite the obvious unreal plot points, it felt (at that time) like a more accurate depiction of what I felt high school was like for me.
Megan and Amanda have incredible chemistry in this film, and it’s kind of a testament to their talent that they aren’t best friends in real life. That said, Adam Brody sheds his indie loving Seth Cohen prepster look to take on the guyliner and “edgy” tattoos of Nikolai, the lead singer of Low Shoulder. Equally self-involved, with none of the outward paralyzing self-doubt. Sounds like perfect Satan fodder.
Seeing as how this movie has lived rent-free in my mind for the past ten years, I have multiple thoughts on it. For one, Jennifer and Needy attend their spring formal, and they’re both in just… super unattractive dresses. I think the point of Needy’s was to emphasize that they have less money, and her dress was likely second-hand or homemade, and her mom curls her hair to a wild oblivion. Jennifer’s dress is fine, but nothing special. I wonder why that was their choice. Secondly, Needy refers to Jennifer as being “socially relevant,” which I have used to describe influencers ever since the first time I heard the expression. Speaking of influencers, one of the internet schadenfreude girls I try to avoid recently did a cosplay of Jennifer, and while in real life the two look nothing alike, the cosplay was pretty well nailed.
The soundtrack of this movie is all indie and pop-punk, with the likes of Florence and the Machine and All Time Low being featured. Low Shoulder performs a song in the bar called “Through the Trees,” which could be easily placed into any episode of “One Tree Hill,” “The OC,” “Riverdale,” you name it. However, most of all to me, the soundtrack features “New Perspective,” one of my favorite Panic! at the Disco songs.
The ending is incredibly satisfying (the most satisfying of the three films in this post), but the opening line of this movie is so poignant and so perfect that you could place it in front of any of these movies: “Hell is a teenage girl.” The writer, Diablo Cody (who several years prior wrote the critically acclaimed coming of age film Juno), had this to say:

There’s the scene where Jennifer’s sitting alone smearing makeup on her face. I always thought that was such a sad image. She’s so vulnerable. I don’t know any woman who hasn’t had a moment sitting in front of the mirror and thinking, “Help me, I want to be somebody else.” What makes it extra affecting is that she’s stunning.

That thinking transcends so beautifully in Jennifer’s Body, and it can be seen in all of the women in these movies. Hell hath no fury.

Storytime Sunday – One Year in the Books

Let’s take a break from the movie-themed macabre, shall we? Halloween is less than a week away, and I’ll be sure to post the rest of the spooky cinematic deep-dives between now and then! For now, something a bit more fluffy: last Monday was Aaron and I’s one year anniversary! His parents and brother have moved down to be rid of the harsh Vermont winter, leaving us with someone to watch the cats so we could go away for a night.

Cats and family notwithstanding, there’s still a pandemic. We elected for a stay-cation at –you guessed it– Disney World Resort. We stayed at the Yacht Club Resort as opposed to returning to a hotel we’ve been to already. It was huge! It’s themed like a yacht club, as you would expect, with cartography art and carpets. The hotel sits on the edge of Disney’s Boardwalk, which has four hotels and a few bars and restaurants connected along the path leading up to EPCOT. We went for a walk around the boardwalk and then headed into EPCOT while we waited for our room to be ready! 

At the France pavilion, I enjoyed the Escargot (a forever favorite of mine) and Aaron had the duck confit. We split an order of Pão de queijo at the Brazil pavilion and Aaron had some spicy Hummus Fries in Morocco. Morocco also had a tropical mimosa that made my stomach hurt (I am not good at drinking) before we headed into the Japan store. I had wanted to get Jjapagetti and Neoguri to make Jjapaguri, aka Ram-don from “Parasite,” courtesy of Binging with Babish, and hoped that considering they had Top Ramen and Cup O’ Noodles amongst all the traditionally Japanese snacks, they might have OTHER versions of Ramen, too! No such luck.

After that, we went to the America pavilion for me to enjoy a Lobster Roll. While in America, we received word that our room was ready! We headed back to the hotel to drop our bags off at the room and enjoy Aaron’s favorite part of staying in a Disney resort: watching some of the new Mickey Mouse cartoons. They’re like a fever dream and they’re amazing. I took a power nap and then we returned into EPCOT to enjoy some of Aaron’s Food and Wine favorites! We picked up a box of Lapsang Souchong tea for his brother, who catsit for us during the days we were gone. We headed over to the Festival center, where Aaron got pierogies from the Festival Favorites booth. I got the spanakopita (are you seeing a pattern for what I like? Garlicky, savoury breads). We then walked over to Canada, where Aaron got the cheese soup. We then went into the main square, where I got a vegan meatball from their Active Eats booth, and Aaron got a slider from the Hawaii booth.

We walked over to the China Pavilion, where I bought Aaron some egg rolls while I purchased myself a Boba tea, my absolute favorite. That was the last of our day in EPCOT! We’ve been so often that we do not need to go to each booth, nor each ride to enjoy ourselves.

We went back to the hotel and sat by the pool. When I say pool, I mean Stormalong Bay, which is likely the best pool experience in all of the Disney hotels. It has a zero entry “tide pool” with a sand bottom, and a “sandbar” where kids can make sandcastles. There’s also a lazy river, waterfall fed pools, and a separate pool just for volleyball. Did I mention the near-300 foot water slide shaped like a shipwreck? After I went around in a loop on the lazy river, Aaron and I soaked up the last few minutes of sun deciding what to do for dinner. I had booked us at Beaches and Cream, where they have traditional diner food, but the real coup de grace is the heart-attack sundaes and milkshakes. Aaron was fine with the sundaes, but thought our anniversary deserved slightly above average burgers. With that, he put his magic powers to work. He is somehow able to get us last minute reservations, fast-passes at Disney, you name it, every time. It’s a gift. Sure enough, we got ourselves a reservation early in the evening at the Ale and Compass, their New England themed restaurant (which seemed perfect, considering our intention for an anniversary trip back to Vermont prior to the pandemic). Aaron had a maple old fashioned (which was his signature cocktail at the wedding!) and I had a Woodchuck Cider (brewed in Vermont!). I had the catch of the day, he got a strip steak, and we split an order of yummy dinner rolls. We went back to our room to channel surf (Aaron made fun of me because apparently I don’t do a good job), and then we headed over to Beaches and Cream. I got the Fudge Mudslide, and Aaron got the No Way Jose. The family next to us had full on dropped-jaws as they brought over our sundaes. Aaron was horrified, I was enamored, and the husband of the family next to us asked the name of mine so he knew what to order next! 

We passed out watching Mickey cartoons almost immediately after getting back to the room. Luck was on my side, because I had purchased a small roll of Tums in case the combination of food from EPCOT and Beaches and Cream came back to haunt me in the wee hours of the morning. I woke up to my standard Monday alarm, delighted to turn it off and roll back to sleep. Aaron ended up sleeping in while I went to the jacuzzi at the quieter pool on the hotel property by myself for a while before we packed up the room and headed to Animal Kingdom. We beelined to Pandora and waited only an hour to ride Flight of Passage, which I would say is second only to Rise of the Resistance (second to Carousel of Progress, which is the best experience at Disney World, fight me cowards) in terms of best rides at Disney World.

From there, we ordered lunch at Satuli Canteen, the quick service restaurant in Pandora. We were lucky– just as we sat down the skies opened up and it POURED. It managed to lighten up to a light drizzle as we walked from Pandora to Africa, where we went on the safari ride through the on-site preserve. We saw lots of the animals, but it was exciting to see so many rhinos out and about on the ride we did! To boot, we saw baby zebras and baby giraffes. As well, every time we go on the safari, we always see a nest of ostrich eggs but never any ostriches. This time, after being passholders for nearly three years, we saw three ostriches! Aaron predicted, based on the time of day, that we had arrived just as feeding time ended (which would explain why there were so many vultures surrounding the major carnivores in the preserve… hoping to get some delicious, sweet carcass, perhaps?). We then walked through the preserve and saw some of the gorillas. Aaron needed his afternoon coffee, so we walked over to the Asia section where we were hoping to ride Expedition Everest, the yeti-themed coaster, but it had been off-and-on during the day because of the weather. It was still down, so Aaron and I found a little alcove for him to enjoy his coffee. On the walk over, I went to buy some popcorn! The woman selling it smiled at me and handed it over and said “the box is wet from the rain, so it’s on the house.” Disney magic! Free popcorn! 

After Aaron and I had our treats, we decided to head home. We managed to get to the car and onto the main road just as it started to really pour again! I don’t know how we managed to dodge bad weather twice. When we got home we immediately hugged Jake and Rosa. I took a nap while Aaron played video games for an hour before starting on dinner. I had suggested he make pizza, one that was half-his favorite flavor from American Flatbread (a pizza restaurant in VT) and half my favorite flavor from Leonardo’s Pizza (my go-to takeout place the year we started dating)!

We then opened gifts. We stuck to the anniversary gift-giving tradition of paper and clocks for the first year. He got me a watercolor of the state of Vermont with our wedding date on it, and I got him a biking tour guide of the world (he flipped through the pages quickly pointing out the ones he could do now and ones he wanted to do after he got more mileage under his belt). He also got me a photo frame clock set with a photo from our wedding in it. I got him a clock with a backdrop of constellations of what the stars looked like on the night of our wedding when we were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Brunet. Aaron also got me a lovely sparkly card. It made my heart smile. 

With that, we had some of our wedding cake! You read that right. Our cake chef preserved our wedding cake top for us to have a year later. It wasn’t the same apple cake, but it was the same maple frosting. We toasted with champagne, then watched Star Wars together before going to bed. 

All things considered, we had a great anniversary celebration, even if it wasn’t the one we had in our minds. I’m hoping that by next year, the world returns to normal! Then we can go back to Vermont… or maybe Italy. Bueno sera! 

Spooky Season Cinema Part 3: Hitchcock and Hellspawn

We have ten days left in the month of October! It’s hard to believe we’re this far into the game. For this deep-dive, we’re going back in time to the 1960s and into the early seventies. As you can tell from the title, we’ll be looking at two of Hitchcock’s films as well as one of the scariest (if not THE scariest) demon child films of all time.

I’m going to throw in a trigger warning: the films mentioned all involve some degree of s**ual assault/violent misogyny. Knowing he was perversely aggressive with a handful of his female talent, it’s hard to be a Hitchcock fan. A lot of today’s microaggressions are being corrected, and it’s made clear now more than ever that vile behavior of any kind towards any person is unacceptable, but demanding sexual favors was always, and forever will be, abhorrent. I don’t want to put a damper on this edition of Spooky Scary Cinema, but I do think noting the unfortunate truth behind Hitchcock, no matter how talented a filmmaker he was, is important before proceeding. It’s like donating to RAINN before getting down to “Forever” by Chris Brown or “I Believe I Can Fly” by R. Kelly. Whoop, can of worms. Let’s watch some sixties thrillers!

 

Frenzy (1972) 
Thank you, Peacock, for providing me with Hitchcock’s library. Peacock provides this one sentence synopsis: Circumstantial evidence holds an innocent Londoner (Jon Finch) for the work of a rapist who strangles his victims with neckties. The film takes place in London, and opens on a shot of the Thames (which made me miss the city, a lot). Like I said last week (regarding Dracula), I love older movies. Granted there’s more than thirty years between Dracula and Frenzy (give or take), but they all have a certain cadence that doesn’t exist in modern movies. There’s also a scene where two characters are in the back of a cab, and the illusion of driving through the city is so quintessentially vintage. The score of the film is certainly fun, and a handful of the locations are still standing (for example, the Hilton Hotel at Covent Garden was the Coburg Hotel back then, which was used and referenced in the movie).
Being an early seventies movie, there’s hints of the late sixties ( women’s fashion) and the early seventies (Jon Finch’s mustache). I also feel like such violence for Hitchcock was a bit obscene for the time, but would be kind of next-to-nothing by today’s standards. As it is, there is a rape scene and a violent murder, which I found very uncomfortable to witness. There are a few victims of the murderer shown in the film, and they’re each shown with their eyes open and their tongues flung out along their mouths. It leaves me shocked to remember it.
Hitchcock really seems to enjoy violence against women, and between Norman Bates and Robert Rusk, I think it’s all very Oedipal. The movie made me nostalgic for when I used to walk in London by myself, and I found parts of it to be very intense. There’s a great scene of dramatic irony between the penultimate victim and the murderer, and almost immediately after there’s a scene where the murderer is in the back of a moving truck trying to remove some incriminating evidence from the victim’s corpse. The final line of the film is also very gratifying. I wouldn’t put this movie at the TOP of the must-see list for Hitchcock’s films, but it’s compelling for at least one viewing. The crimes against women in this movie are a bit too much for my taste.

stares_in_especially_heinous_law_and_order_meme
Law and Order: Special Victims Unit Meme

Psycho (1960)
A favorite of mine, not even for the horror genre, but in all movies. I think some people would say “Vertigo” or “Dial M for Murder” might be Hitchcock’s finest, but I think “Psycho” is the ultimate Hitchcock film. Peacock’s summary is, in a word, amusing: “A woman on the run stops at a 12-cabin motel with showers.” Good one, Peacock.
The title sequence of the film always reminded me of a James Bond movie credits roll. It’s so dynamic! The score of this film is also good. Between the Norma Bates motif, and the plucking in the iconic shower scene, it’s all just inherently sinister. I also wonder if this film was the greatest twist in a movie until Chinatown/Empire Strikes Back/Sixth Sense. Who could have predicted it? When I first watched the movie, I just thought skinny and a bit off-kilter Norman Bates was so cute. They make him just proper and sweet and nervous enough to be charming. I remember “The Social Network” had just come out the first time I saw it and I thought they could remake it with Andrew Garfield as Norman Bates. I don’t think a remake is necessary though, especially after they made a super mediocre one in the nineties.
I love the tilts and slow pans that Hitchcock employs. There’s a great slow pan when the murderer in “Frenzy” ensnares his penultimate victim, and “Psycho” has two scenes that have always stuck out to me: Detective Arbogast interrogates Norman regarding the disappearance of Marion Crane. He points out the alias she used when checking into the Bates Motel, and like a bird, Norman tilts his neck to view the guestbook with him. Later, when Sam Loomis (who I didn’t realize until this viewing is handsome) comes to the motel to look for Arbogast, Norman is seen observing the swamp behind the motel. The camera awkwardly (but magnificently) tilts and zooms onto Norman’s face as he hears Sam calling for Arbogast.
Then, of course, there’s the final ten minutes, which are the twist, two near back-to-back monologues, and the final shot of the murderer’s smirking face, superimposed into a skull, as evidence is pulled from the black abyss.
I could read books about the making of this movie, about every minute detail that went into the production of it. I think it’s a good introduction to horror movies in general, because it isn’t overly terrifying, but it keeps you on edge. I guess I shouldn’t say that so lightly, because a certain actress would go on to only take baths for the rest of her life after this movie!

Rosemary’s Baby (1968)
THIS MOVIE. WHOO. WOW. OKAY. I was angry watching it. High key, murmuring at the screen, looking for details about a sequel because I wanted to know if vengeance was cast, angry. The one sentence summary (courtesy of me, not Peacock, as this was only available on Amazon) for “Rosemary’s Baby”: A young couple move into a new apartment in New York City, only to become pregnant to the delight of the eerily nosey neighbors. Mia Farrow, who plays the eponymous Rosemary, looks a bit like both Gwyneth Paltrow and January Jones (which has me wondering if the likeness is one of the contributing factors to casting January Jones in the role of 1960s jaded housewife and mother, Betty Draper, in “Mad Men”). Farrow also sang the eerie lullaby that plays over the opening and closing title sequences. The apartment they purchase is gorgeous, and was apparently inspired by (and partially filmed in) the Dakota, where John Lennon lived (and Yoko still lives) when he was assassinated some twelve years after the movie was released. It’s a very New York movie, and the style reflects the changing looks of the late sixties into the traditionally more mod miniskirts and flats (in lieu of housedresses and heels). Rosemary befriends a neighbor named Terry, who has voluminous hair that can only be acquired (presumably) through genetics and a lot of hairspray.
I don’t want to get into the plot of the movie as much, for the sake of spoilers. I will say there is another rape scene in this movie. There’s also internalized misogyny, gaslighting, and I would say emotional spousal abuse. The husband is a piece of work, and I was ready to throw hands every time he came on screen at the hour-and-a-half minute mark (through the rest of the movie really). Rosemary has to deal with everyone giving, and insisting on, their methods of treating her pregnancy, and it made me so sad for women of that time. Rosemary goes to a doctor for help, only to then be placed immediately back into the arms of those who wish to harm her, because she’s clearly a most delusional woman who cannot be believed. The audacity. It truly made my blood boil.
You couldn’t make this movie today, in my opinion, because if any sane woman heard creepy religious chanting through the shared wall of the apartment next door late at night, I’m pretty sure they’d demand to be let out of the lease by the end of the month. I’d quickly say “No, that’s enough of that” and couch surf until we got a new place. Situations like that make me wish realtors would let you spend a night in an apartment before you decide to rent it. What if it’s too cold? What if the neighbors are very weird? What if they have a bird who only sings the same line from “Break My Stride” all hours of the day?
This movie was chilling enough that I don’t know if I’d watch it again. I’d maybe watch snippets in film essays, because I think they’re fun, but I’d almost rather attempt to do what I just said would be impossible, and re-write it with a more feminist spin. I mean, someone has to pay for the consequences of their actions. It won’t be me.

I was thoroughly spooked and utterly content watching these dalliances into Hitchcock and Hellspawn. That said, I’ve barely scratched the surface of either. Hitchcock’s ouvre is expansive, and “Children of the Corn” and “The Omen” had multiple sequels. There’s plenty of material for me to stick my hand into, should I decide to go on another deep dive next Spooktober!

Spooky Season Cinema, Part 2: Vampires

This month, I am taking a deep dive into the movies that gave us nightmares. I’ve decided to go with a different theme for each entry. This time around, we’re visiting the ancient myth of the cold and undead: the vampire.

vampyr
30 Rock . NBC.

When we think of vampires, we think of sucking blood, thick accents, and an aversion to garlic. Interestingly enough, the garlic aversion wasn’t seen in ANY of the films I watched for this category. I visited two classics, and a previously referenced modern meme-ified masterpiece. Let’s start at the beginning… dare I say, go back even further?

Nosferatu (1922)
This German silent film is considered the first cinematic adaptation of Dracula, the Bram Stoker classic. That said, it was not approved for production by the family/estate of Bram Stoker, and despite changing a few key details and names, the company was sued for copyright and later went bankrupt. All copies were demanded to be destroyed, but a few were hidden away and later formally released for all to see.
To summarize the story of Dracula, a lawyer? Real estate agent? Appraisal clerk? However you’d like to slice it, travels far and away to Transylvania (a part of Romania) to assist an isolated count with the purchase of a new home. However, this count, Count Orlok (but really Dracula) is not all that seems. Soon Hutter (Harker) and his bride Ellen (Mina) are pursued by a bloodthirsty creature of the night.
Because of the nature of the film, I found this to be the creepiest film I’ve seen so far in this venture. It’s almost a hundred years old, and the dated music and cinematography make it all so eerie. I was also particularly fascinated/disturbed by the makeup worn by the actors. It made things all the more sinister. I feel like the people who made the film put in the effort to make them all look a bit scary, even the good guys!
Another moment that ups the creepy factor is the boat sequence. Orlok/Dracula goes from Transylvania to his new home amongst the peasantry by ship. I wasn’t aware of the legendary bit of knowledge that vampires must sleep in the earth in which they are buried. As such, Orlok travels in his coffin, amongst other dirty boxes, from which it seems dozens, if not hundreds of rats, come forth and bring “a plague” to the ship and its crew. Ugh. Makes me cringe in discomfort in my seat.
“Nosferatu” is, overall, very creepy, and very useful for some pre-gaming spooks. It shouldn’t be the meat and potatoes of your “watch scary movies all night,” but it can be a good amouz bouche, if you will. Another note about the story in general: IDK why you would move from your creepy castle and isolation to a peasant town where people will DEFINITELY figure out that you’re a vampire and make sure you get a stake through the heart.

Dracula (1931)
Yes, the Bela Lugosi classic made the list. I like older movies from this era. They have gaps where no one talks and you just hear soft white noise in the middle. Anyway, this movie was a bit more my speed. This movie was, I think, more loyal to the book and was less intimidating. I was very surprised, however, to hear the movie open with the theme from Swan Lake of all things (a score wasn’t written for the movie until decades later due to budget constraints).  I also didn’t really read Dracula in my English classes, though I pretended I had in lectures. I paid 120,000 dollars for someone to tell me to go read Dracula AND THEN I DIDN’T.
The performances were all legendary, though it’s bittersweet to know now that Bela Lugosi was scared of being typecasted and faced trouble finding roles that were not that of the intimidating villain through the rest of his career. That said, I hope wherever he lies now, he knows that the world will never forget him for it. Personally, I would pop this in during October again, maybe a triple feature with “Frankenstein” and “The Mummy!” I kind of wish the movie theatre on CityWalk property would do that next year, too. The classic horror films are almost entirely under Universal Studios ownership. I think it’d be a lovely night of cinema!

Twilight (2008)
If you thought for one second that I wouldn’t add this to my vampire movie viewing, you were oh-so-sorely mistaken. After reading the return of Bella and Edward in Midnight Sun, I felt it was my destiny to watch this movie for the first time in years. I saw it in theatres the night it came out, and even wrote the name of the movie in Sharpie on my arm in the iconic font. Fourteen year old me was thrilled to see those pale colors on her screen again. Yes, the whole movie is pale, and cold. LIKE A VAMPIRE. HM.
In a sentence: “Twilight” is a love story between Bella Swan, a human, and Edward Cullen, a forever-17-but-actually-hundred-year-old vampire. This movie is not even close to scary, but it’s got enough bloodthirst to satisfy your needs. I had forgotten not only how great the soundtrack is (the song “Decode” by Paramore was lost in the recesses of my mind), but the score is up there too! The main theme (along with other large chunks of the movie) has received the meme treatment of late, but even the music outside of that theme makes the heart race.
I also forgot that half of this movie is just showing us how awkward Bella Swan is. Between her dialogue with her new friends, Edward, her dad, and Edward’s family, you just have to ask:

did you forget how to have a conversation
“Indianapolis.” Parks and Recreation. NBC. 24 February 2011.

It’s cool to have read Midnight Sun and be able to fill in some of the gaps (Edward definitely heard Jessica talking about him, he went up to Alaska to escape Bella after their first introduction). I also remembered that I had a crush on Robert Pattinson at the time. His smile got me (BECAUSE YOU RARELY SEE IT). As far as vampires go, the take here makes reference to the stereotypes, but offers a more modern spin. For example, rather than dying in exposure to the sun, the vampires in this movie just… sparkle. Yup. Vampires sparkle like glitter. The Cullen family lives in Washington for this reason, because it’s cold and overcast all the time. They also don’t have an aversion to garlic, they just don’t eat real people food. They sustain themselves on blood, but the Cullen family lives solely off of animal blood (it’s implied that almost all other vampires go for humans). In the other films, vampires sleep during the day and come to life at night. In “Twilight,” they just don’t sleep. Ever.
Overall, much like Midnight Sun, this is not scary but still fun. Well, it was fun for me. And I kind of want to watch the rest of the movies now. And as I said last time: this scene is a CULTURAL. RESET.

I had fun watching these movies! Vampires, in general, are fun. Maybe that’s dangerous for me to say, but here’s a fun fact about me: I put garlic powder on everything.

Not sure what category is next, but until I figure it out… vampire push.

 

Spooky Season Cinema: Part Un

Have I mentioned yet that I love Halloween? Once? Twice? Thrice? It might be my favorite holiday. There was a time in my life when I had “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” fully memorized. What’s more fun than autumn crafts, costumes, and candy? You let me know.

I love horror movies. Who knows why? I’m the only one in my family who finds them fun at all times. I decided, what with trick-or-treats and Halloween parties not really being an option this year out of safety, I would sit down and watch some scary movies all month long!

I wanted to have a good combination of all decades and genres, and I think my choices for this month fulfills this desire! This is part one of a monthlong series of spooky movies, ranging from the classic monster legends to the slightly more fun dark and twisted comedies. I also leave room for the late nineties/early oughts of the past decade, because my appreciation for horror comes primarily from that era.

I think that of the 21 movies I’ve placed on this list, I’ve only seen five of them! The rest (including all of the ones from this week’s edition) are all new-to-me.

I divided the films up into categories:

  • The Seventies
  • The Eighties
  • Vampires
  • Hitchcock and Hellspawn
  • Franken-zombies
  • Spooky little (mostly nineties) girl

And then there’s today’s category:

  • Man Crush Monday Monster Mash

I threw in three movies, two of which feature men who are not, let’s call it, hideously deformed. Should Aaron die in a freak gasoline fight incident that kills him quickly and painlessly, after a polite mourning period, I would let both of them take me to a gentle seafood dinner.

Are there shivers down your spine left?

Doctor Sleep (2019)
The movie? A sequel to both the film and the novel, The Shining. I’ve seen the original Kubrickian classic more than three times by now, and it is possibly one of my favorites. It’s so stylish and chilling. I know it was a bear to make, but it clearly worked in their favor. The sequel stars Obi Wan, I mean Ewan, McGregor, so I needed even less convincing to finally sit down and see this one (I had plans to see it in theatres but then life happened and there’s no time like the present am I right). Kenobi McGregor plays Dan “Danny” Torrance, some thirty five years after the events of the first novel/film. A recovering alcoholic using his “shining” to comfort hospice patients in their final moments, Dan is thrust back into the horrors of his childhood when he inadvertently befriends a young girl with the same gift.
I will admit, Doctor Sleep isn’t even half as creepy as it’s predecessor, but I think that’s okay. The film features tasteful flashbacks and homages to The Shining, without hammering it down your throat… or breaking down your bathroom door. Though it doesn’t rely heavily on jump scares, when there’s chills to be had, the same jolting sound effects are used in this movie as was in the original. A few other homage highlights include using the original theme of the movie (I believe it’s either trombone or french horn) when introducing the Warner Brothers title card, and to introduce the climactic third act. While I have an obvious soft spot for Ewan McGregor, the entire cast was incredible. I hope that the young actress who portrayed Abra, Kyliegh Curran, continues to act into adulthood. I was so impressed with her throughout the movie!
The flashbacks feature new actors portraying Danny, Wendy, and Jack (rather than using archival footage). They all do great jobs in capturing the characters’ auras. That said, while Alex Essoe did a wonderful job portraying Wendy, I found that she looked more like Abbi Jacobson from “Broad City,” at least in the face. It was hard to be on her level of terror when I kept thinking about Abbi after her dental surgery.

My Bloody Valentine (1981)
It took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize this was a Canadian slasher film. I thought it was just Minnesota small-town fun, but no, it was Canada! Someone said “So-rry” and I dismissed it! I am ashamed. ANYWAY. This film is the story of a tiny coal-mining town celebrating Valentine’s Day. However, twenty years prior, two coal mining supervisors left six miners in the mine to attend the annual Valentine’s Day dance, and an explosion left them trapped. Five miners died as the sixth resorted to cannibalism to survive. Twenty years later, he’s allegedly escaped from his mental institution, intent on casting revenge on the town that forgot the tragedy that drove him mad.
This film has everything: group showers, dumb twentysomethings, AN ACCIDENT IN A LAUNDROMAT. There’s a tense love triangle between two of the guys, one of whom left years ago, leaving his girlfriend to date his best friend. All I’ll say is: who finds mines sexy? Who thinks it’s fun to go down into a mine? I digress. The film has a few plot twists that let me be surprised by the ending! I like when I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I did fall asleep in the moments leading up to the third act, but I don’t know if that’s boredom or because a cat kept me up with cries for attention at five in the morning until eight in the morning. Doesn’t he know I need my beauty rest?
My Bloody Valentine offers plenty of shocking gore, though I’m sure it was much more shocking back in its heyday. I was definitely startled by a few of the more gruesome moments! I’m not a big fan of gore for gore’s sake, but when the characters aren’t super fascinating, it serves it’s purpose. For all that the characters weren’t as fun to watch as the ones in Doctor Sleep, I immediately felt sad and pity for the characters’ plight when I realized the happiness and excitement they felt at returning to the Valentine’s Day dance, which they had stopped holding after the mining accident, was not going to last. They were just a buncha nice Canadian folk trying to have a good time, ya know?

My Bloody Valentine (2009)
Oh yeah. They got a remake. The 2009 version of My Bloody Valentine stars the one, my one, the only, my only, Jensen Ackles. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but I would die for this man. He could stab me to death and my last words would be a bloody, choked out, “thank you.”

Councilman referring to Chris Traeger as a beautiful man, but it's captioned to reflect the councilman as me, chris as Jensen, and Leslie as Danneel
“Women in Garbage.” Parks and Recreation. 24 January 2013. NBC.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the 3D craze of the early 2000s. This movie was just stabbing after stabbing after gouging after throat rip. They took the gore of the original and kicked it up eleventy billion notches. Speaking of gore, this movie also starred Kerr Smith, who I immediately recognized. A quick Google search and yup, he was Carter in the original “Final Destination” movie, which is just :chef’s kiss: perfect early 2000s gore nightmares. Now THAT is nightmare inducing. It almost feels like a tribute to include him in this remake, since I feel like Final Destination was a benchmark, a blueprint, of what was to come.
This adaptation isn’t a full on remake, though character names and the general backstory remain the same. A lot of things are different in this movie compared to the original. I somehow knew the ending but was also surprised by it! Again, who just HANGS OUT in a mine? Could you remake this movie today? Do we still have tiny mining towns? Do they all just hang out and hook up in the mines when they aren’t working? I also would like to note that the beginning of the movie and the rest of the movie is ten years apart, and they manage to make everyone in the movie look ten years older, except Jensen Ackles. Jensen has looked exactly the same for ten years. Does he feed on souls to keep his handsome looks? Do they take volunteers for this ritual? Is there a permission slip or diet that must be followed prior to being sacrificed? Someone should look into this.

This was a fun way to jumpstart the month of Spooktober! I’m keeping things loosey goosey in terms of the order in which I want to digest each category of movies, but if it weren’t clear, I like not knowing what happens next.

With that, I’m going to start getting ready for bed. Let’s hope my nightmares are psycho spirit and psycho killer free!

 

 

The Hills: A Working Girl’s Lament

As I opened up LinkedIn for the tenth time in the past two weeks, I had a sudden burst of inspiration: put on “The Hills.” For the uneducated, “The Hills” was the tipping point for modern reality TV. After “The OC” dominated the zeitgeist, MTV produced “Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County,” as a way to show the world what it was REALLY like to be a teenager in Orange County, California. Laguna Beach followed the lives of high schoolers Kristin Cavallari and Lauren Conrad, and the drama that comes with growing up, going to high school, and falling in love for all the wrong people. After graduating high school, Lauren Conrad (AKA “LC”) packed up her life and moved to Los Angeles to pursue fashion at FIDM, combined with an internship with Teen Vogue (may she rest in peace).

When I was a tween, going on teen, going on twenty year old, I wanted to be Lauren Conrad. She was the “good girl,” with good sense and great style. I loved that she worked hard, and reaped the benefits that come with hard work in a glamorous world. Spoiler: if you work hard in the fashion industry, EVENTUALLY you get designer clothes and front row seats at fashion week. That said, fashion was never my industry of choice back then. I wanted to be the Lauren Conrad of NBC!

Except, well… did I say “wanted”? I still want that!

So, there I was, sorting through LinkedIn job postings, with “The Hills” playing at the same time. I’ve seen the show at least five times over by now, but I think this is my first time watching in three years. Maybe even four! I don’t know what it was about this viewing, but certain aspects of the show drove me up the wall! I am here to share them all.

  1. “The Hills” is available for streaming through Hulu, but Hulu doesn’t have the rights to all the music on the show. When you’re an MTV show, the music is E S S E N T I A L. How do you get “The Hills” and not have the rights to “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield? It’s ICONIC. In the first episode, Lauren has an interview with “Teen Vogue” regarding her internship, and has to get ready and be there in twenty minutes! Her “get ready and go” montage is set to “Pon de Replay” by Rihanna… but when the scene happened on Hulu, THERE WAS NO RIHANNA. WHERE IS MY RIHANNA? To only have rights to half the music on this show, which went in tandem with it’s inspiration (“The OC”) in terms of defining indie/pop punk music in the mainstream is such nonsense.
  2. This isn’t so much a complaint as it is a notice on the passing of time: back in the early-oughts when this show was popular, LC and the gang were PEAK fashion. They were style icons. Their look now seems so faded! Nothing against them, because again, at the time this style was THE way you wanted to dress, but the eyebrows are so thin, there’s no contouring, black eyeliner on bottom and top, graphics sewn into the back pockets of jeans! I want to dress like this for a week IRL and see what people say. To be fair, I was heavily inspired by Lauren’s look and I think I still carry shades of what she wears even now. I’d say her style on the show is either dated (it was more than ten years ago) or classically pretty (how I attempt to dress now). There’s no in between! “Fashions fade, but style is forever.”
  3. Now let’s get to the meat and potatoes: THE FAKENESS OF THIS SHOW IS H I T T I N G ME THIS REWATCH. In the pilot, Lauren is assigned one job at a Teen Vogue party: guard the VIP table, and don’t let anyone sit there. At all. Not only does she help her bff/roommate Heidi sneak in with her bf and their friends, she lets them sit at the VIP table! She gets caught, and things are made worse when Heidi gets into a drunken argument with her boyfriend at the party. Lauren’s bosses sternly say “We’ll talk about it on Monday,” and she sees no repercussions other than a verbal warning. THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN TODAY. LAUREN WOULD’VE BEEN FIRED ON THE SPOT.
  4. Speaking of, Heidi is a piece of work! I had always liked Lauren more anyway, but this time around I find Heidi’s behavior even worse! Lauren and Heidi move to LA together to attend FIDM and be roommates, but Heidi skips the first day, and even drops out before attending a single class after getting a job. I get that school isn’t for everyone, but to drop out before even giving it a try! If you agree to go to school with a friend, you should at least stick it out for a semester. The job she gets is with a PR firm, and she expects that the role will let her be working in popular clubs, essentially getting paid to be a party girl. She is devastated and shocked to find that it’s a 9-5 assistant job of stuffing envelopes, answering phones, and getting lunches for the boss. At one point, she asks another girl working next to her what she does for the company, to which the other girl responds “I’m an intern, but I go to school full time at FIDM”. Heidi quietly replies “Oh… I just dropped out of there.” It’s just wild to me! She gets so frustrated that her day is spent doing remedial tasks, and thankfully someone sort of puts her in her place and tells her that she has to pay her dues before she gets to the fun stuff. I’ve been in the “paying my dues” phase of my career for four years, and Heidi wants to quit after one day! When she finally gets to work in the club at an event, she balks at it because it’s her and her boyfriend’s six-month anniversary! She’s twenty years old! I would have been thanking my lucky stars and making plans for the night before and the weekend after for my anniversary. The privilege and lack of gratitude. To have MTV connect you with an opportunity and to not send thank you notes for eternity. I CANNOT IMAGINE.

For all of this, though, this show is still just ADDICTING. It’s like a 2000s era time capsule. With that, I’m going to watch one episode right now, and then go do some productive busywork.

The rest? Is still unwritten.

 

Mallory’s Monthly Reads – September

Three books down this month! Two of this month’s reads were inspired by a desire to read some of Aaron’s favorite books. The third was a revisit of one of the greatest literature series of my teenage years. How does that grab ya?

  1. The Once and Future King by T.H. White. Aaron is a big fan of the fantasy/medieval genre. I remember when we first met, I asked him what his favorite book was and this was his near-immediate response! It’s an anachronistic telling on the legend of King Arthur. It’s technically five books in one, and it took me a while to completely finish! Truthfully, I didn’t fully learn the story of King Arthur as a kid. I know what you’re thinking: “Aren’t you a Disney fan? What about The Sword and the Stone?” Yes, I did watch that movie and own the VHS as a kid, but I barely remember it. In fact, it wasn’t until someone I follow on Twitter posted stills of the movie that fit within the context of the book that I started recalling parts of it. Thankfully, I have Disney Plus to re-watch the movie, now that I know the legend from beginning to end!
    I will say that the length of the story made it a little less enjoyable, but I enjoyed the characters and the silly references to then-modern situations (like cars, World War II, etc.). I also never thought I’d ever text anyone “Mordred is a lil’ bitch,” but I’m pretty sure I did that at least twice while reading. I didn’t take note of favorite quotes in this book, because Aaron’s copy is an original edition and if anything tarnished the book I think he’d never forgive me.
  2. Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer. In my younger years, as the story of a young wizard boy and the battle for good and evil came to a close, a new fantasy series was beginning to take fruition: Twilight. A romantic young adult series about a human teenage girl falling in love with a permanently teenaged, yet hundred year old, vampire boy. The novel spawned three sequels and iconic film adaptations, including this scene that is, without question, a cultural reset. Bella Swan, the protagonist, was played by then-mocked-now-adored Kristen Stewart, and we were all bidding for the heart of either Taylor Lautner, who played the second love interest Jacob Black, or Robert Pattinson, who played Edward Cullen, the quietly brooding vampire. While 2019 belonged to Timothee Chalamet, 2020 belongs to Robert Pattinson. He returned to the zeitgeist with the 2019 critically acclaimed The Lighthouse. Between starring in this year’s Nolan thriller Tenet and taking on the role of the Dark Knight in the upcoming Batman film, we all have our eyes back on Robert. How perfectly timed is it that Midnight Sun is released.
    Midnight Sun was in its early stages in 2008 when twelve chapters were leaked, and Stephenie Meyer decided to wait to finish it, leaving us “Twilighters” devastated. It was released on August 4. I downloaded it immediately. It was a trip.
    Midnight Sun returns us to Forks, Washington, to retell the story of Twilight from Edward’s perspective. It’s not the greatest book I’ve ever read, and parts of it were overdrawn out to a degree. I’m also no longer fifteen years old, “quivering” with love for a monster I just met. Some of the mooney-eyed talk of passion and how a girl so plain could be so beautiful had me rolling my eyes… but in the most good-natured way. I had fun reading it! And if they wanted to make a movie of it with Timothee Chalamet as Edward, I wouldn’t object! Let it happen! I’m not in charge!
    Two quotes I loved (one’s an overlap from the original, the other is just a good take on modern dating conventions):“You’re doing it again,” she murmured.
    “What?”
    “Dazzling me,” she admitted, meeting my eyes wearily.

    “How silly humans were, to let a six-inch height difference confound their happiness.”

  3. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Another favorite of Aaron’s! His sense of humor is prevalent in both books mentioned here, as well as what I remember from a Terry Pratchett novel I almost read five years ago (we’ll be circling back around to that in a minute). He calls it vaguely British, like Monty Python, and I’m tempted to agree. This book reminded me a bit of The Twilight Zone, with one big distinction: when the paradigm shift occurs, the protagonist just sort of rolls with the punches (in The Twilight Zone the protagonist often loses their mind and cannot accept this change). It was a quick and fun read, and I imagine I’ll read the other four books in the series some other time! A good-humored sci-fi adventure seemed par for the course, considering my penchant for Star Wars lately.
    The writing of this book is so patently amusing that I could have picked swarths of paragraphs that stuck out to me. That said, here’s a few gems:“I went to Cambridge University. I took a number of baths — and a degree in English.”

    “Mr. Prosser wanted to be at point D. Point D wasn’t anywhere in particular, it was just any convenient point a very long way from points A, B, and C. “

    “On Earth it is never possible to be farther than sixteen thousand miles from your birthplace, which really isn’t very far, so such signals are too minute to be noticed.”
    (I Googled this… it’s true!)

    “I repeat, all planet leave is canceled. I’ve just had an unhappy love affair, so I don’t see why anybody else should have a good time. Message ends.”
    (This has big Chris Traeger in “Operation Ann” energy)

I was also going to read “Pratchett’s Women,” a series of essays on the female characters in Terry Pratchett’s canon. Terry Pratchett is unquestionably Aaron’s favorite writer, having read almost, if not all, of his novels. However, I only got about one essay in when Aaron asked “Why are you reading this when you haven’t read any of his books?” A valid point. He provided several recommendations to get me started, and I’m eager to see how I like them!

Overall, a fun month of reading. However, I am more than halfway behind my reading goals. I have read 22 books this year, leaving me thirty to go. If I read ten books a month, I can pull it off. I don’t necessarily think it’s impossible, but considering how it takes me an entire month to read four books, I’m going to have to really focus! In October, I’ll be keeping to the theme of spooky and scary. I’ll explore the typical Halloween spooks (haunted houses, vampires, etc.), but I’ll also be reading a few true-crime novels, bringing in a dose of real-life horror: the American serial killer. Considering the fact that I play true-crime docs as background noise at work, I think this will be easier. My first dalliance: the Audible version of American Psycho. Ya like Huey Lewis and the News?