Last week, I took myself on a “Me Date.”
My plan for last weekend was to visit family in New York. Instead, my flight got messed up to the point that I decided to just cancel my trip and rebook for another time. It broke my heart a little bit, because I can’t remember the last time I saw my grandparents. I know it was in the past year, I just can’t remember the actual time.
At any rate, I suddenly had a weekend to myself! I folded laundry, cleaned my bathroom, and caught up on sleep. However, I also went to see “X,” a horror movie that I knew Aaron wouldn’t see with me.
An 11 AM matinee, for a horror movie, paired with an ICEE, “buttered” popcorn, and cookie dough bites. It was amazing. That’s the kind of thing where I don’t mind eating to excess. To clarify, I go in, knowing I’m not going to eat well, and I’m okay with it. A good “Me Date” is worth the calories that come with it.
However, there are times where I know I’m going to eat to excess, and I accept it, but with a frown on my face. I don’t know if other people who have the same food/body image issues I have feel the same way, but sometimes I feel like I would enjoy just basic things, like ordering delivery food or sitting on the couch, more, if I were thin. In clothes that feel like they’ve shrunk in the wash or eating things that made me the size that I am, I feel less at peace with day-to-day things.
That “Me Date” made me realize that there are certain things that I enjoy, no matter what, regardless of how big my body is. However, that list is small. The list of things where I wish I could keep doing them, but in a smaller body, is much larger. At times, I feel like I should just suck it up, push it through for the rest of the year, so I could be a smaller weight and just live a normal life. But then I oversleep, feel lethargic, and want to order a calzone for lunch. It’s a lot. In fact, it’s kind of too much of a lot.
How Am I Going to Make This Happen?
Will things get better if I just sleep nine hours a night, every night? Can I actually achieve my goals if I just get up with my alarm, even if Rosa is asleep on my legs? Truthfully, some mornings, I’m ready to get up, but I don’t want to disturb the cat that’s sleeping on me. It’s not their fault I have to wake up and do things. Why should they suffer?
I keep saying that I want to make my health a priority. If that starts with getting all the sleep, I should be doing that. It all feeds into itself (wordplay!). If I get enough sleep, I’ll get out of bed on time, I’ll get a workout in, I’ll read a book in the morning, I’ll start my day off right, and then my entire day will go better.
My brain is just very off today. At least today, for sure, I need to go to bed early. I owe it to myself to take better care of my body.