Category: Contentment

July Goal-Setting!

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This month, I’m trying something new. I want to set goals for the entire month to help me progress on my personal goals for the entire year. I have six months to get things done, and I want them all done.

I know that some odds are stacked against me: it looks like we’re headed towards another shutdown, which will put going to the gym on hold (which won’t stop my workouts, but will hinder my pull-up goal), and will lead to further job freezing (which will lead to my top priority of getting a new job on hold). I really hope that after all of this, 2021 is a year of prosperity for the world. I hope people go to more restaurants, spend time with their families, and do the dang thing, because life just isn’t that long.

I won’t let the coronavirus (or “Miss ‘Rona” as people who cope with the unending certainty of life with humor have termed it) stop me dead in my tracks. I will keep biking, even if the concrete beneath me turns into hummus.

Here are my six goals for July:

  1. Read all the books I didn’t read last month this month, and four more. I want to do an eight book, “Summer reading” wrap up post at the end of the month.
  2. Stick to my current weight loss plan. I’ve been at it for a few weeks, and I FEEL like it’s working. I want to come back at the end of the month and say “I’ve kept going.” If it’s not as effective at the end of this month, I’ll switch, but I don’t want to switch until then. I often get jaded and quit. Quitters never win, and winners never quit… but those who don’t win and don’t quit are stupid.
  3. Clean out my closet. It will make me happy to finally go through my clothes and see what fits and what doesn’t. It’s going to be a brutal job, but I’ll put together a “capsule wardrobe” of essentials I will keep even if they don’t fit just so I don’t have NOTHING to wear as my progress continues. I’m thinking that will be twelve mix-and-match items. I know I have a drawer of pants that don’t fit anymore, and quite frankly, I think the fact that I can’t shut my drawer is more aggravating than the fact that it’s filled with pants that are too tight.
  4. Call my grandmother twice, call my grandfather once, and email my grandfather once. My communication with them should be so much better than it currently is.
  5. Hold an L-hold on both legs for forty-five seconds (for my handstand resolution), and dead-hang for fifteen seconds (for my pull-up resolution).
  6. Facetime chat with my three “friend groups.” I have a lot of great friends in my life, and for all that Zoom has been having its day with family chats during lockdown, because I’m so used to long-distance friendships, I’ve barely hopped on camera to say hi to my friends! I think this month I can change that.

I’m eager to come back July 31st with these results. I’m committing: Check in post on July 31st on these goals SPECIFICALLY. Go-go-gadget goal setting!

 

Mid-2020: A Resolution Round Up

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We are officially at the halfway point of 2020. When we kicked off the roaring twenties, I didn’t think we’d see a worldwide pandemic, massive wildfires, a watershed moment in the BLM movement, nor as of this past week, a YouTube reckoning culminating in Dramageddon 3. Don’t even get me started on that whole mess.

The things I set out to do seem so meager in the wake of all of this, but I think all I can do is just keep plugging away and doing the next right thing.

I’m going to go over the progress I’ve made this month, and then assess how I want things to change or move forward in the six months to come. I have an idea or two churning in my brain, but there are other things that I need to work through in this space.

Strap on your swimsuits, kids, because we’re gonna dive in now!

1. Read 52 books – I have made it through one and a half books this month. I am unimpressed with myself.

2. Do pull ups – I have made it back to the gym! My gym is open and I can start practicing again… and as predicted, I am back at square one. Drat. I am bummed but will get back to it.

3. Spend LESS. TIME. SCROLLING – I feel like I may have made a dent in this! I didn’t bring my phone with me EVERYWHERE this month, and I ended up deleting Twitter from my phone. Just in the past month I feel like it brought me more exhaustion than joy. I still have a ways to go, but I feel so much better this month.

4. Write 104 Blog Posts – Nailed it. Crushed it. Gonna keep crushing it.

5. Romantic trip with Aaron from Dec. 26 2020 – Jan. 2 2021 – Great news! Even if our cruise gets cancelled because of COVID, my mom says she will reallocate that money into a different vacation for us to take as a family somewhere in Florida. We’ll social distance and wear masks and order room service if we need to, but no matter what, Aaron and I will have a great beach week to end the year. And boy golly, we will have earned it.

6. Stop engaging in schadenfreude – This was an interesting month for internet schadenfreude. I checked in on one of the influencers I made a point to not monitor this year and I was happy to see she was living mostly quietly and not engaging in self-sabotage. I didn’t re-follow her accounts, but I did check in on her. I don’t know if the aforementioned Dramageddon 3 counts as internet schadenfreude, because I don’t know how much joy I find in the betrayal, anger, jealousy, and potentially criminal behavior. If it counts, I know I will indulge in this as a hopefully full-circle moment. If things ESCALATE, I hope that all the internet gossip (again, I don’t like thinking of criminal behavior as “tea” or “scandalous” when criminals should be in jail) just comes out at once and we can start to rebuild. I genuinely think this past week and the upcoming month will be another watershed moment of sorts, only within the YouTube community. I think some parts of the community will break down entirely and have to start to rebuild.

7. Take better care of my skin – I got a sunburn this weekend. I was a full on lobster. And yet, I feel like my acne scarring isn’t as prominent. Progress!

8. Go stargazing – Our curfew has been lifted as of this month! According to this article, there will be three astronomical events this month. I want to see at least one!

9. Get a new job – I felt super fatigued at work this month. I still have my current job and I don’t know if I’m going to get this one finished this year, no matter how ready I feel to move on to the next big thing. A pandemic isn’t the best time to not have a job, or look for a new one.

10. Do a handstand – Back at the gym means back at the wall! I’ve started to move forward with this resolution. I’ve been doing L-stands at the gym to get my sense of balance and the feeling of my whole weight in my palms and shoulders.

11. Go see two of my favorite performers – On the plus side, Hamilton is streaming, with the original cast, on Friday July 3rd. So at least I will finally get to see it. That said, between performing artists and an apparent Broadway blackout until the end of the year, I will not get this resolution completed. I am disappointed, but not beating myself up about it.

12. Lose weight – Progress is being made. That’s all I’ll say.

13. Give Aaron a great 26th birthday – As of now, we have plans to go to Disney on Aaron’s birthday! I’ve bought one present for him already, and I know my mom and sister have, too. I told his parents a good gift idea. His parents are coming to town to cook him his birthday dinner. I’m already excited for him.

14. Be a better friend, wife, sister, daughter and granddaughter – I had a good month with my friends this month, save for a facetime chat that all my friends forgot about until three days after our planned chat date. Aaron and I are stronger than ever. I love him so much. I had a great time with my sister and my mother this weekend, and my dad and I caught up over the phone twice this month. I spoke to my grandfather on the phone two weeks ago briefly, but I didn’t speak to my grandmother. On top of that, I found out this past week that because of a spike in cases, I can no longer go to NY to see my grandparents in July. It hurts my heart. I need to talk to them more.

15. Be happy – This month had a lot of highs and lows. I felt very happy some days, and very drained on others. I want to feel less of the latter in the upcoming months.

Here are some thoughts I have about improving my progress on these resolutions:

  • If I don’t love a book two days in, I stop reading it and find something I’ll actually like reading.
  • Call my grandparents twice a month, email my grandfather once.
  • Assuming the world returns to normal, I will see four live shows next year, either standup, concerts, or Broadway/National Tours.
  • Focus on my arm/strength training to build up my ability to pull myself up and hold myself up in a handstand and a pull up.
  • Do the next right thing. I think that’s the 2020 mantra.

Six months down, six months to go!

 

 

 

 

 

I took a break. Here’s why.

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Here’s a quick rundown of what my week looked like:

  • Multiple coworkers tried to take advantage of me (professionally).
  • My favorite social media influencer left her platform.
  • Her departure sparked a string of demands that people of her calibur on the platform should leave, with some of my favorite influencers being among them, for previous behavior (“she shouldn’t leave, THEY should leave) that I didn’t know about until today.
  • People have come forward with accusations of sexual and racially charged misconduct about people in higher positions of power.
  • Governor Cuomo (of New York) declared that Floridians are not welcome to visit the state without two weeks of quarantine after arrival re: COVID-19 case spikes (about 9,000 cases have sprung up in the past week). That eliminates my ability to go see my grandparents and best friend in two weeks.
  • I’ve made some dietary changes that are yielding great physical results, but the slightest inconvenience spikes my mood from 1 to volcano eruption rage.

I am emotionally and mentally fried. I want more from my job and I want more from my life, and

IWantToStartCrying
Everything is Bonzers! “The Good Place.” NBC. 27 September 2018.

 

My mother, sister and I made plans a month ago to take this weekend to go to Costa D’este in Vero Beach. It’s a midpoint between my home and theirs, and we’ve gone once a year for the past three years. It’s beautiful, quiet, and a good place for us to have girl time.

Our initial plan was to check in at four, to have dinner at 5:30. I told my office that I would be taking a half day to get there on time. Two weeks ago, my mother told me that with my sister’s work schedule and her work schedule, they would be arriving closer to six.

With that in mind, I could have worked a full day of work, and taken my last hour of the day as my “lunch hour.” I didn’t. I kept my half day. I needed those extra four hours.

In those four hours, I had a nice lunch with my husband, took a nice long shower, put on makeup, and drove down to Vero listening to a podcast about “The Office.” I arrived an hour before my mom and sister, and took the opportunity to walk the beach by myself.

It was everything I needed. When all else fails, take to the sea.

The weekend nurtured my soul, and seeing my mom and sister made me so happy. Coming back, I’m still feeling a little drained. I don’t think my big problems can be solved by two days of surf and sun. That said, listening to the sound of the waves, laughing with my family, and chocolate chip pancakes are a great bandage on my heart.

2020 has officially unzipped me. I kept a brave face for as long as I could, and I am by no means giving up, but I officially feel fractures in my soul.

I want to use this opportunity to regroup, retool, and rebuild my perspective. I have a lot of work to do on my mind, and finding out how to move forward in the best possible way. I believe life doesn’t throw you anything you can’t handle, so I’m looking forward to the challenge.

I would just like another minute to do that, please.

In times like this, be an optimist.

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Today, I am overwhelmed. I had something akin to a nervous breakdown twice. My trip to New York to visit my grandparents and best friend has been cancelled due to growing cases of COVID-19 in Florida. To boot, in the past week, the world of stand-up comedy has seen the floodgates opened by way of abuse allegations from underage women against Chris Delia. Delia hasn’t made a public statement regarding the matter just yet, but bits and pieces of evidence have floated to the public eye and the internet is up in arms. One girl came forward, then another, then another. With that, other women came forward about other celebrities who committed acts of abuse, like Ansel Elgort and even Justin Bieber (though, to be fair, Bieber appears to be pursuing a lawsuit for the extent of which these accusations are false, and has files upon files and photographic evidence proving this one girl’s story is false).

Between racial injustice, the makings of a new wave of #MeToo accusations, and the killer virus that isn’t going away no matter how much we pretend it isn’t, I am feeling stressed out about the world right now.

Keeping this in the forefront of my brain, I want to take a minute to name some things that are making me happy. These are some nice things in my life right now:

  1. Last Sunday I made really good banana bread. It was my first time making that recipe, and I made it spontaneously, and it was delicious. I’m proud of that banana bread.
  2. I’ve been going on walks daily, when there’s no rain happening. Aaron has started to join me, and now we’re walking together after dinner. It’s a nice new way to spend time together.
  3. Jake and Rosa snuggle with me at the end of the night. Both last night and the night before, Jake slept on my pillow and Rosa slept near my feet. They are so sweet and loving.
  4. I am healthy and alive.

It is so easy for me to slide into despair headfirst, but remembering the good helps me balance out the bad.

I know things will be okay one day. Until then, I’m going to enjoy the sun (at a safe distance) and hug my family. That’s what counts, after all of this.

A Moment for Me

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I have plenty of talents, and plenty of… what’s the opposite of talent? Weakness? That doesn’t feel right but it’s close.

One of the talents I have is my ability to take a moment to appreciate the little things. To me, the things that, when you look back on a lifetime, might seem like a blip, are everything.

Yesterday, I went for a walk after dinner to meet my step goal. I don’t really like going on walks after work because summer nights are typically sticky and sweaty and buggy. That said, I’ve spent so much time circling laps around my kitchen to get my step goal met, that I decided “let’s just go, I can come back if I hate it.”

I really didn’t hate it. There was a calm breeze and families walking dogs. I found myself smiling and feeling calm at the world.

Between rioting and thoughtless politicians and even more thoughtless citizens, that moment of calm meant something. I wrote this to remember this moment of zen:

I feel grateful tonight. And comfortable. That is special and beautiful. Thank you, universe.

The Quarter-Life Crisis

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A quick Google search and the top result being a Wikipedia article on the subject will tell you one thing: The Quarter-Life Crisis is REAL. Psychologists say that the phenomenon has increased greatly in the past decade, with millenials facing greater obstacles than the previous generations (with high student debt being the major contributing factor) inhibiting them from proceeding with the standard major milestones of adulthood, like marriage, buying your first home, and starting a family.

I’m turning 26 in less than a week, and thankfully, I’ve tackled one of these. That said, by 36, I’ll be expected to be well within the trenches of my career, in a starter home, and two elementary-school aged kids. I can say that it is “expected” of me, but it’s also what I want for myself.

That said, my birthday has me thinking a lot about the former of those “36-year-old” checkpoints. I want kids, a nice home, and great vacations. That will come with time and financial stability. But how can I get that point of financial stability if I don’t have the career I want?

I have wanted to be president of television for more than half my life (earlier career ideas included secret agent, marine biologist, and president of the United States). In the past week, I’ve been wondering if that’s still what I want. I love NBC, and it’s found ways to touch my heart in ways I can’t explain. But when I think about that job, it’s a fever dream of Miranda Priestly meets Jack Donaghy, and I have a gorgeous office and a gorgeous wardrobe and a high-rise luxury townhome in Midtown or a mansion on the Long Island Sound. I have so many details of what I want my home life to be, but I have no idea of what my career looks like. I’m so focused on the end game that I don’t know what the work to get there will be.

When I’m not thinking about that, I’m thinking about how much I don’t like my current situation. I love my family. I love my husband. I love my cats, my friends, my coworkers. But I want to cry at work sometimes dealing with people. It’s triggered me to the point that I spent my Friday night looking up jobs that involve no phone calls and no B2C work. I would even say B2B work included, because technically I don’t speak to the consumer, I speak to people who speak to the consumer. I’m wondering if I should speak to a career counselor, because I want to find something where I get to work with a team with the same goal, without having to deal with buyers or consumers. I want to create a plan for a project, develop the project, and then let someone else handle the logistics of buying and selling the project.

Does that make me a creative type?

While searching for those “don’t look at me please” career paths on Friday night, I just found myself thinking “What if I got a remote job on the west coast in a city that was cool and I was just super happy all the time?” Cut to me looking at houses in Boulder, CO, where I think about moving to sometimes and going to raw vegan juiceries and skiing in the winter. I miss skiing. I haven’t gone skiing in years.

But again: THAT’S THE LIFE OUTSIDE OF WORK. What about the part that pays for that?

The next night I watched “Lady Bird,” and the eponymous character, while finishing high school in her Sacramento suburb, fantasizes about moving to the East Coast, New York City specifically. At a point in the movie she goes into Manhattan and I just looked at the city around her and every time I’m in New York, every time I see it, I just think “Who wouldn’t want that?”

Okay, I think I just had an epiphany: if all I care about is where I live, then maybe I should really go for a remote job that will permit me to live where I want whenever I want. Aaron and I can spend a few years living in different parts of the US, maybe even parts of Europe, until we find the place we like best.

I feel like that feeds into the millenial procrastination Quarter-life crisis symptom of putting off the future, though. But when I think about it, I have so much of life to live, and so much of the world to see. I want to see it all.

Okay, maybe not war-torn countries where they cut off your hand for looking a man other than your husband in the eye, but still.

I have time to think about it, but I don’t want to just think, or dream, about it. I want to live it.

I’m grateful I have Aaron to talk to about this stuff. It is important. It’s my fifteenth resolution, right? BE HAPPY.

I do think I’m prone to melancholy moments sometimes. In general, I AM happy. I just want more.

If there’s truth to the math of the quarter-life crisis, I don’t want to end my journey through life at 104 with any regrets. I’ll regret not taking chances, just going for it, or doing the right thing when I can. I have this recurring joke in my mind that stems from a throwaway gag from “How I Met Your Mother”, in which I thank “past Mallory” for handling things so “future Mallory” doesn’t have to worry about it.

“Future Mallory” should look at “past Mallory” and say thank you. “Present Mallory” just has to get there.

There and Back Again: A reflection on a visit home

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On Thursday afternoon, I packed up my things and drove the two and a half hours down to my mom’s house to surprise her as a belated Mother’s Day gift. To be honest, her reaction and hug to me walking in the kitchen alone was worth the trip! I’ve spent the past three days at home with my family. I had to work Friday, but I got to speak with my siblings during lulls and my mom came home not long after my work day finished. It was just nice to be with all of them knowing we couldn’t really go anywhere, as things in my hometown are still shut down almost entirely until tomorrow (just as I leave!).

While I was home, I realized a few things by being around my family.

  1. I’m funny. The power went out while I was home, and my sister demanded entertainment for the four hours (give or take) that we had no electricity. We played Cards Against Humanity, and I won! We played “Would You Rather” and “Who Would You Rather” (tee hee), and at a certain point I started blaring dance music and prancing around without a care in the world. My sister laughed so hard, to the point that she said my “moves” made the power outage worth it. My mom also said I made her laugh while we played “Clue”. I tend to get dramatic when I accuse people of being the murderer.
    ethelbeavers
    Image from Pinterest. The Trial of Leslie Knope.“Parks and Recreation.” 1 December 2011. NBC.
  2. I miss cooking. When I’m at home during the week, I love to bake, but Aaron is the one who cooks almost all of our meals! In my mom’s house, my siblings and mom take turns making dinner, but my sister is struggling to find things she likes to make. She’s very picky and not a great cook! She’s hoping to change that, and she and my mom were really excited that I had recipes and cooking ideas to offer. Talking about it made me wish I cooked more! I told Aaron that when I come home, I want to make more of our meals. He suggested cooking our meals together. I feel so happy he wants to share the “joy” of cooking with me!

    via GIPHY

  3. I want to work out more. I’ve been keeping an ambitious step goal and enjoying Couch25K, but I want to work on my strength more again. My mom kept talking about how impressive my brother’s body looks after spending time doing laps in the pool daily, and my sister is a petite double negative. I want to be fit, dangit! I’ve honestly started thinking that I might want to try getting fit enough to do a bikini competition. I’ve gone down a Youtube rabbit hole of a fitness influencer I like, and a few years ago she did a few of them (and won at least once!). It’s not a test of how hot you look in a bikini, it’s based on muscle. I don’t really like the idea of getting super spray tanned, and it’s definitely something I have to research more, but I think it’d be kind of cool to be in a fitness competition this time next year! Can you imagine?

    via GIPHY

I had such a great time with my mom, brother and sister. I’m going to do a girls’ weekend in a month with my mom and sister, when things will have become a bit more sanitized! Family time is everything to me. I’m so lucky to have the family I have!

Quarantine Diaries: A to-do list

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May it be said that this month has started off precariously. Firstly, we have been made aware of killer hornets present in North America. This is a new development that has our society wondering who moved what artifact to curse 2020? As well, we are currently seeing the restrictions being lifted in regards to quarantine conditions for COVID-19. Restaurants are opening at 25% capacity, retailers are being allowed to open under specific guidelines, and more “non-essential” businesses are being allowed to reopen (again, under specific guidelines). Most seem eager for a return to normalcy, but others are concerned that the return to normalcy is too soon and will lead to a second spike in COVID-19 cases.

I’ve enjoyed my time in quarantine as much as one can. I’ve mostly been in sweatpants, with no makeup, and snuggling with my cats and Aaron when I’m not at work. I’m very lucky to say this, I know, and I’m aware that most people are struggling under lockdown conditions. With that in mind, there have been parts of life that I have sorely missed while being in lockdown. As such, I have put together a “bucket list” of sorts of the things I want to do when things are truly over and the world has returned to homeostasis.

Here’s a look at what my schedule holds, loosely, when we are officially all done with “quarantime”:

*note: this list does not include stargazing, because that’s already implied with my new years resolution!

1. Play tennis. Tennis is one of few sports I enjoy and do well playing. I used to play somewhat regularly with friends and Aaron a year ago, and I miss it! I found local courts near my neighborhood and I’m hoping that I can get access again for a few games before it gets too hot.

2. Go to Disney. Travelling will appear a fair amount on this list (and for good reason), but come on, fam! How could this not be at the top of the list? I haven’t been able to enjoy Disney in months, missing an entire EPCOT festival with it. I’ve missed the parks so much. Aaron and I have plans to visit at least my favorite Disney restaurant (with an excellent view of the Magic Kingdom fireworks) for my birthday, but I want to do a weekend day trip like the good ol’ pre-COVID days.

3. Play minigolf. I love minigolf. It is so much fun. I went minigolfing earlier this year (coincidentally at Disney) and I had so much fun. It’s just delightful! I want to either go to the Disney minigolf course or go to the one at CityWalk (or the dozens of others in this theme park/family vacation hub of a city)!

4. Visit Boston. I miss my girls (girls referring to Allison and Kelsey, or as we call ourselves, “The Snapdragons”), and I love being in Boston with them. I foresee us going to the Isabella Stewart Gardner museum, the dim sum place we love, and Boston Commons, where we can sit in the shade and I can climb a tree. I can’t wait to see them.

5. Visit Camden. Another Snapdragons trip! We were supposed to go to Greece this year, but I don’t see that in our future anymore with these current travel conditions. That said, there is a summer home in a quaint lakefront town in Maine. It is so Americana and quiet and beautiful, with walking trails, boating, and a delicious waterfront restaurant called Peter Otts. We all agreed that taking a week off from work seems a bit of a stretch this year, but a Friday and a Monday off to go to the family lake house? Doable. Oh so doable.

6. Visit New York. I refuse to say anything about my July trip for my grandfather’s birthday. And my best friend’s birthday. And my Hamilton tickets with said best friend. I’m going. No one can stop me. It’s happening. SssSsSssSSsSsssSsHhhhhHHH.

7. Go to *a* waterpark. I love a waterpark. I love waterslides, I love wave pools, I love feeling something akin to zen on a lazy river. I am thinking I want to go to Volcano Bay, since I could get in for free one day as a perk of my job. That said, I’ve never been to Blizzard Beach or Typhoon Lagoon! I have options!

8. Enjoy a good spa day. I’ve added facials into my monthly self-care routine, but I want more on this day. I want the facial, the massage, a float, and maybe even an eyebrow wax. I also might want to put on eyelashes. Who knows? I will plan something perfect.

9. Go to Gideon’s Bakehouse. This place is the stuff of legends, and by legends, I mean Instagram. Gideon’s Bakehouse is on the far side of Orlando for me, which is why I haven’t gone YET. This bakery has the most droolworthy cookies you could imagine. They have a partner BBQ restaurant in Disney that occasionally sells their cookies, but I haven’t gotten one any of the times I’ve been to that restaurant. The line is almost always out the door for these cookies. I want to make the drive, brave the line, and just… enjoy. I officially proclaim that I will have no cookies until I go to Gideon’s. They are open right now under COVID-19 restrictions (pre order online, contact – less pickup), but I’m not going until this has ended. Where’s the drama in that?

10. Go to Dave & Busters. I am a girl of simple pleasures (minigolf and cookies, clearly). My ideal date? Eighty dollars worth of tokens. Skee-ball. Air hockey. That one arcade game. That other arcade game. Pizza. Maybe laser tag as a pregame. Aaron and I have yet to do a Dave & Busters date. After quarantine ends, that will change.

 

I want public safety, and I want to be able to do these things without picking up or passing on the germs that cause COVID-19. I’d hate to accidentally infect someone, especially someone I love, and I’d be doing all these activities with someone I love (except the spa day. That’s ME TIME). Until then, I will keep my visits to the “outside world” sequestered to grocery trips, my Couch25K runs, and the occasional trip to a local restaurant for pickup. Aaron has already requested bagels for breakfast on Friday. I am powerless before a bagel.

Lockdown Life: Staying Alive

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It’s been over a month since quarantine began, and people have started to protest and demand that life return to normal. I feel so terrible for the people who have lost their jobs since this started. What’s wild is that the protesters I’ve seen have been demanding people return to work so they can get their hair done, go to restaurants, and socialize again. I don’t see anyone protesting to say they miss their jobs and their paychecks. It feels very privileged. I feel like people don’t realize that people are dying from this thing.

Speaking of privileged, my life hasn’t changed much since the outbreak. As a result, as much as I miss the normalities of being with friends and going to Disney, I’m in a chill bubble and content to sit and wait this out until it’s safe to visit my grandma again. A lot of people are in the same situation for me but are not taking this experience… well.

Rather than talk about my favorite things this month, I want to dedicate this post to the things that are keeping me sane during this quarantine. I am keeping my cool and feeling happy thanks to the following things:

1. Deleted scenes of “The Office.” If it weren’t obvious, my favorite television show of all time is “The Office.” It ended seven years ago (wow), but it’s probably the most watched television series on Netflix. I have probably seen it a hundred times by now, and yes, hundreds seems like a small number, but if I’ve watched the show almost every day for ten years… excuse me, it’s time for me to do math.

Okay, if I’ve watched the show 350 days out of the year, for an hour a day, for ten years, I have watched 3,500 hours of “The Office.” Yikes. But not yikes, because it makes me happy!

As a result, I still love it, but I know the episodes practically by heart. In the past month, particularly in the past week, I’ve found compilations of deleted scenes from the show. It’s like watching the show for the first time all over again! It just brings a smile on my face.

2. Baking. It’s not exactly helping my goal to be healthy, but I’ve been taking the whole “studies say baking relieves stress” theory to heart. I’ve made incredible chocolate chip cookies, dulce de leche cookies, and today, I made fried Oreos! I have plans to make “slutty” brownies (I hate that name. Why did we call them that? You could bring these to your bake sale and then your step-grandparent is all “Wow, these are great! What do you call these?” What do you say to that) this Friday, and when they run out I am making M&M cookies. I feel inspired.

3. “Crazy Ex Girlfriend.” Did I start watching this only three days ago? Yes. Do I want to forsake all other forms of entertainment until I finish it? Yes. This show has everything: musical numbers, Jewish moms, that one Disney prince who CANNOT BE TRUSTED. It’s truly remarkable and funny and I love it and I don’t wanna go to sleep until I finish this season. Unless it ends with a cliffhanger. Gosh I hope it doesn’t end with a cliffhanger.

4. “Couch to 5K.” I am “fittish,” which means I work out a lot and would probably be unstoppable if I cared enough to change my diet to match my healthy tastes. I like to walk the treadmill and get cardio from the elliptical and this “gazelle” machine that’s like a stairmaster/elliptical hybrid. What do those things have in common? They’re cardio machines. I don’t have access to such equipment. To get in my cardio, I started jogging with “Couch to 5K.” It’s about thirty minutes, three times a week, of fresh air and exercise. I get to listen to music and think about everything and nothing. I gotta be honest, it feels great!

5. Writing. Between journaling and “escapril,” I feel so creatively channeled into my mind. I’m being honest without being dark. It’s refreshing!

I feel very lucky to be in a situation where I still have my job (which has been busy as of late), my health, and almost 8 years’ worth of long-distance friendshipping. As the Nutella topping, I have Aaron. Getting to have lunch with him and give him hugs throughout the day makes everything even better. I am feeling so grateful to have him through all of this. I have great people in my life. Them, plus these distractions, are making my life livable.

I hope that people respect the current quarantine limitations. I want everyone to return to their normal, but the more we don’t take the rules seriously, the more exposed we will be to COVID-19, and then we will be in lockdown for months. WAY more months than need be. I hope people find better ways to pass the time than yelling at the doctors treating the patients. Or at least, some self-esteem. The most photographed protesters are people with ugly hair (objectively ugly, like too long or natural roots). Hair isn’t everything. Stay safe, love yourself, and please, stay inside.

Because if anyone messes with my “Hamilton” tickets or my end-of-year cruise I will be forced to riot.

Stuck In My Head: Music on Repeat this Week

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Halfway through the month, and we’re on high alert for returns to normalcy vis a vis: COVID-19. More and more it’s appearing that slowly, different states will open up their businesses, public spaces, and more as death tolls and diagnosis counts decrease. However, this is predicted for the beginning of next month, leaving us in lockdown mode for another two weeks, give or take.

I have been coping the best I can, by thinking positively and enjoying the upsides: no plans to make (or cancel), no need to wear makeup, and I get to spend most of my time with Aaron or with our cats. As well, I’ve been enjoying the extra time spent writing!

Between the poetry of the month and the indoor, at-home workouts, I’ve added some new music, particularly in the past week, to my daily lineup. It ranges from the calm, morning yoga flow songs, to the punchy, race-to-the-finish line jams, with a couple of “in my feelings” tunes thrown in to massage my creative muscles.

1. Mirror Lake – Angus MacRae. I heard this song in a very touching scene of the show “Fleabag.” It’s soft piano and ideal for Savasana.

2. Mystery of Love – Sufjan Stevens. Another quieter piece, a “remixed” version of this song appeared in my autoplay recently. It’s inspired a few poems this month. It’s also inspired me to watch “Call Me By Your Name” this weekend. I read the book and loved it last year, and I think I’ll love the movie, too.

3. Blinding Lights – The Weeknd. This song is a perfect way to transition your eighties bops to your 21st-century bops. I’m pretty sure if you took it’s backing track and added it beneath the lyrics to “Take on Me” by A-Ha, it’d be an astonishing mashup. You know. If done RIGHT.

4. Boss B*tch – Doja Cat. I’m not sure how I found this song. It could have been TikTok? Have I mentioned TikTok here? Whoooo boy. It’s a whole other world down there. Anyway, Doja Cat exploded onto the scene last year but I’ve only just caught onto it. Her breakout song “Say So” was everywhere, and this follow-up was on the soundtrack for the Harley Quinn movie that came out this year. It’s very good for walking around like you own this place, whether this place is your bathroom putting on your makeup, or starting up your morning workout.

5. Creep – Michelle Branch. Technically, she didn’t write this song, it’s a cover of a Radiohead song. I still love the Radiohead version, but something about this version is even more… creepy. It’s helped me get into a darker headspace when writing. I kind of love it. I found it in a trailer for “You,” which I’ve discussed at length here.

6. Get You the Moon – Kina, feat. Snow. This WAS introduced to me by TikTok. To condense it: TikTok is a video sharing app, only you share micro videos that last no longer than a minute or so. People upload based on various trends that circle the app. A fairly recent one was dropping glitter (or other aesthetically pleasing things) in slow motion while this song’s hook played in the background. Sometimes it was done ironically with silly things, but the song was still pretty to me.

7. Freedom! ’90 – George Michael. I regularly jam out to this when I’m putting away the dishes. I will scream along to the chorus with reckless abandon. I just wanna be Naomi Campbell. I also want to remake this music video with modern supermodels, but I think there’s no need to mess with perfection. Also, so few can hold a candle to the original icons.

8. Show Yourself – Idina Menzel and Evan Rachel Wood. This song plays at the climax of “Frozen 2,” and it’s a fan favorite from the movie. I won’t spoil it, but part of it makes me cry tears of joy. Sometimes I work out to it, sometimes I just listen to it and cry. Depends on the day.

9. My Oh My (feat. DaBaby) – Camila Cabello. For a while, my favorite song to repeat over and over was Camila’s first huge hit, “Havana.” I also broke the “replay” button on her duet with Shawn Mendes last year, “Senorita.” This song is equally catchy, fun, and good for either working out or giving yourself a kiss while doing your makeup. You really ARE that cute.

10. Lay All Your Love on Me – ABBA. Another bop I’ve known for years, but it’s recently started popping up when I listen to showtunes. I think it’s a great song to work out to, put away dishes, or fantasize about declaring your love for your man while running around the beaches of Greece. Also Meryl Streep is there. Gosh, what a fun movie that was.

I think your mood can be altered instantly with the right music. It can turn a frown upside down, or put you in touch with your soul in the moments you need it most. In times like these, when all we have is ourselves, “if music be the food of love, play on.”

 

^That’s a “Twelfth Night” reference.