Category: Contentment

Comin’ Home (to Me!)

Posted on by maljoylove

I feel like I have two back-to-back happy entries in my pocket. I guess being married will do that to you.

That’s right folks, I’m a newlywed! Aaron and I tied the knot this past weekend in Vermont. Our magical start to Happily Ever After will get its own post later. I would rather write today about today. Today!

All good todays can be traced back to yesterday, so let’s start there.

I was scrolling through Facebook when I passed through the “Your Own Magic” Facebook group, which is a fan community for the “Your Own Magic” podcast. Someone had posted a request for guidance on making a vision board. Someone had replied to make it their “Home” screen on their phone, so they can always see it.

I had time to kill and I had been itching to make my own vision board, and I had always pictured it as a 3rd grade science project with the three angled-cardboard display covered in colorful words and glitter. Lots of glitter.

scienceproject
These bad boys. Photo cred here.

Putting it on my phone had always felt like a “magnet” option, where I had tossed it around but never considered it. Now that I had a desire to work on my Photoshop skills, I could see about creating one using phone dimensions.

So commenced about two hours of work. I knew what I wanted to see every time I looked at my phone, what I wanted to motivate me through my day. I want Miranda Priestly’s Boss Life (maybe without the workaholism, more like the authority, style, and respect), and Jack Donaghy’s office and job title (he later gives it to Kenneth as “President of Television.” Can that be my exact job title, please?). I want to make sure I always remember that with hard work (and, ahem, therefore maybe less mindless scrolling), I will have money, maybe even Jeffree Star money. With that money, I can travel and live in the NYC home of my dreams (I’m talking in-building gym, laundry service, and outdoor garden, with floor-to-ceiling windows and a showroom-style closet). With that money, I can go to London, Bali, Australia, and anywhere else I want to visit.

On top of fruitful dreams, I want to be healthy and strong, both emotionally and physically. I know if I accomplish all of this, I will be happy. If I’m happy, Aaron will be, too. Vice versa!

Boom. Visions for the future, established.

If I haven’t outright stated it, I love the sky in the morning, when it’s dark night giving way to light blue, with the brightness of the sun bringing in a bit of pink. That was a style inspiration, as was Taylor Swift’s 1989 album art.

Several hours later, my phone vision board:

malloryvisionboard
Aaron says it looks like a Myspace background. If that’s a teasing insult I don’t care because I like it.

Creating that felt like an accomplishment! I rewarded myself with Youtube and went to bed with a smile on my face.

I want to take a different approach to my way of thinking. I’ve always dealt with things with a sense of urgency, and sometimes I feel my brain is moving at a million miles a minute. I think slowing down and taking things one step at a time would do wonders for my own sense of serenity.

This morning, I woke up at 7 AM and contemplated doing some sort of a workout. I ended up going for a twenty minute walk around my neighborhood. I don’t know what higher power decided to make that the best decision ever, but the sky was beautiful and there was a cool wind. I passed commuters starting their day, joggers on the run, and a few happy souls with their dogs on a stroll. I listened to happy music that put me in a good state of mind.

Work was quiet this morning so I took care of a few necessary phone calls, and then made myself a cup of vegan hot chocolate! I served it in one of my UVM mugs, because I’m already having Vermont withdrawals. It was low calorie and super sweet.

veganhotcocoa

I’m thinking I’ll head over to the healthy food cafe for lunch in an hour or two to get an acai bowl or a hummus wrap. It depends on whether it’s cooled down or warmed up since I went outside this morning!

I had a very happy morning. My brain feels at peace. I want to snuggle the world.

I’ll be back for a full wedding recap. Until then, here’s the tune that set my morning mood.

Treat Yo’ Self 2019

Posted on by maljoylove

It’s a week before the wedding, and it’s time to start packing the suitcase! That said, the weather in Vermont is about, on average, thirty degrees lower than Florida. So packing the suitcase means I need to buy new clothes to fill it!

Aaron was eager to go shopping for new clothes, and listed off a few places for us to go to for warmer items (and various haberdashery). He wanted to go to Aldo, Ray Bans, J. Crew, and H&M. He was even okay with going to Forever 21, since they recently announced bankruptcy (and I was hoping for an “EVERYTHING MUST GO” sale like what happened with Charlotte Russe).

And then, it happened. Aaron insisted we go to “Abercrombie.”

My immediate reaction:

MichaelScott

I don’t think I had ever impersonated a turtle faster. I downright refused.

For those unfamiliar with the “Abercrombie” retailer, it’s a clothing store that specializes in gorgeous clothes for almost exclusively beautiful people. Former models in Abercrombie campaigns include Kellan Lutz, Jamie Dornan, and yes, Taylor Swift.

In middle school, the cool girls all had the Abercrombie zip-up sweatshirts, polos, and jeans. I was not a cool girl. I went inside their sister store, Hollister, once, and was given the cold shoulder. I knew I could barely fit into their largest shirts, and so did the employees. I was given looks in Abercrombie too, but I never bothered to buy anything. I stood quietly as my friends and family got smiles and pleasantries, and then went into the food court to eat too many Lotus Garden egg rolls.

Abercrombie and Fitch forever represented all my body insecurities. There was no way in hell that I was going in there.

This morning I woke up and checked Twitter and saw that today was the best day of the year: Treat. Yo. Self.

A phenomenon created by “Parks and Recreation,” Treat Yo Self is a day in which you indulge in some of the finest luxuries.

I decided to start my day off with a bagel, and actually buy clothes without worrying too much about a budget. I mean, I have student debt, so that’d be a no on a pair of $300 Gucci shades, but a mini-shopping spree at H&M could be in the cards.

Aaron and I made our way to the mall. By some twist of fate, we parked in the parking lot near the biggest department store… right next to Abercrombie.

Aaron and I walked into Abercrombie, and I went in to be supportive. Instead, he nudged me towards some sweaters.

To their credit, they were cute. I decided to indulge him to prove that I couldn’t fit into their clothes. I grabbed shirts and sweaters and headed for the dressing rooms. An employee who probably weighed ninety pounds walked through me. When I asked for a dressing room she avoided eye contact but did her job.

The energy was there. It hurt, and reminded me why I never wanted to come into that store, or any of the stores like it.

I then started trying on clothes, and I’m not sure if it was the lighting, the music (Ed Sheeran), or me, but it was the first time in a while that I felt truly confident in my clothes. I had to get new sizes for a few items, too. Even one sweater needed to be a small!

Me. Forever a size 14. Needed a small sweater in the ultimate skinny girl store.

What dimension was this?

I had two more encounters with salesgirls, and both of them couldn’t have been nicer. I kind of like the narrative that proves that Abercrombie prefers the size zeros of the world, but for all I know, the dressing room salesgirl was having a bad day. I’ve worked retail. I work tech support now. Helping people sucks sometimes, and holding a smile and being nice to everyone just isn’t possible on days like that.

I spent quite a pretty penny at Abercrombie today, and then got new jeans at H&M, and a tee shirt at Forever 21 (a good white tee shirt is always a must). I am READY for this weekend in Vermont.

We had gotten an early dinner at the food court in the mall; I had gotten a gyro and Aaron got Chipotle, which for some reason completely drained him of energy. He collapsed into bed not long after we got home.

I took the opportunity to enjoy the last bit of my Dairy Free Ben and Jerry’s (chocolate fudge brownie) and the latest season of “Insatiable”. People have taken a lot of shots at “Insatiable,” but I think it’s the dark horse of streaming TV. It’s also the first time I’ve felt like my own issues with body image have been put into words (other shows have tackled the subject well, but I feel like “Insatiable” has been the closest narrative to depict MY personal experience. It’s been helpful).

Between my bagel, my gyro, my ice cream, and my show, I kind of came to an idea for my own eating habits: eat healthy every chance I get, and pick the plant-based option whenever possible. That said, ice cream once a week won’t kill me. Neither will a bagel with cream cheese one day, and one meal where I can enjoy anything I want: pizza, a burger, or yes, a vegan calzone (they exist, and they can be amazing). Food isn’t something I can just quit, nor do I want to think of food as something I can’t enjoy. That said, I think modern American (or even just internet) culture has fetishized food, and “eating” shouldn’t be a personality trait for me. I realize now that I do talk about food a lot. I obsess over it! I think it’s time for a new obsession.

Good clothes. Good food. A little me time. An epiphany, even. I’m getting married in six days, but this totally joins in the running for “The Best Day of the Year.”

treatyoself2019

 

 

And then the panic sets in

Posted on by maljoylove

A week from tomorrow, Aaron and I fly out to Vermont for our wedding. Commence me freaking out over things that I cannot control.

Let me be clear: I am not freaked out about marrying Aaron. I’m most sure of him! That said, I feel this moment from “How I Met Your Mother” (season 4, episode 5, “Shelter Island”) best encapsulates how I feel:

Lily: You wait for the next crisis, you solve it, you’re a hero.
Ted: Yeah, but what if there’s no next crisis?
Lily: She’s a bride. There will BE a next crisis
–CUTAWAY CAPTIONED “LIKE FOUR MINUTES LATER” —
Ted: There’s a next crisis!

In the past week there’s been confusion over vows, hiring a videographer at the last second, a missed line in the contract for the DJ indicating we never ordered a photo booth, and tonight I’m worried there won’t be enough time for everyone to dance long enough!

I blame the sun for setting so early but also not early enough for us to get this ceremony done by 5.

BOTH my parents have told me that feeling stressed is normal at this time, but also silly. This day shouldn’t be about pleasing everyone, it should be about Aaron and I celebrating our love for each other. Everything else is just extra. But come on, everyone’s flying to Vermont for the whole weekend! I want it to be a night everyone remembers as being good and fun.

Whoosh. My brain feels wired. I wish I could just focus on the honeymoon and Aaron and not “what if there isn’t enough ABBA?” I should know by now THERE WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH ABBA.

 

 

A little bit late, a little bit early. I guess I’m right on time.

Posted on by maljoylove

My writing hasn’t been on this blog, but I’ve been doing free verse poetry when inspiration hits, so I haven’t completely neglected writing. I’m ready to be consistent, even though I’ve said that a million times a million months ago. The timing feels right, though, to start now.

Tomorrow is Erev Yom Kippur. Most Jewish holidays start the night before, at sunset. I’ve noticed that I always think of sunsets as beginnings more often than endings, and I wonder if my Jewish upbringing has anything to do with that!

Yom Kippur is a time of renewal, purification, and detox. We fast to break from our daily routine and reflect on the past year, on our mistakes and our failures, our successes and triumphs. Typically, I abstain from work and school to take a day to pray. In the past I’ve slept after services, but it’s felt more like a distraction from hunger than restful. This year, I’m not spending the day in a service, since I’m basically taking a month off of work starting next week between my wedding and the honeymoon.

With that in mind, I’m starting the reflection part now.

I think I’ve said this in my blog somewhere, but Aaron was not a part of my plan. Personally, I think that our paths are predetermined, and that while I may have had a plan in my head, I didn’t have much control over the execution of it. I don’t want to go all woo-woo mystic, but I’ll say this: the life I thought I would lead diverged the day I fell in love with him.

Sometimes, when we disagree (I say disagree, because he’s never legitimately gotten angry with me. Ever.), I think about what I would do if he vanished from my life (as in, packed his bags and we went our separate ways). On a silly note, I imagine going out and dancing all night, binging pizza in my underwear, and singing the typical break-up songs in a karaoke bar.

More realistically, I think about those silly moments as lasting a week, maybe, then carrying on with a bruised heart but clearer eyes on the goals I had before we met. Grateful for the memories, but ready to make new ones. I realize now that’s not the best way to think of my ambitions. I haven’t abandoned them for love; I chose Aaron because I thought he would be the ideal person to have at my side as I chased them down, and I’d be the ideal person to be at his side for his ambitions. I still think of us that way. In fact, I’m closer to my dreams now with his support.

I don’t see why my initial plan has to change because he’s a part of my life. It was silly for me to think that the steps in my journey would have to change because I had someone riding shotgun.

I wanted to make a list of the things I’d do regularly if I were still single. Truthfully, none of them have to do with being stereotypically single, it’s all “being my best self”:

  • Work out more
  • Eat a vegan diet
  • Expand my film knowledge
  • Cook healthy
  • Learn new languages
  • Go to museums
  • Read at night
  • Write at night

None of these things can’t happen because I’m engaged. I don’t know what part of my brain decided that, or why they did that.

This is the year I reset. Retool. Rekindle. Restore.

It’s raining outside and it’s 10:33 at night on a Monday. I want to write down another list of things, but make it a list of little things that bring me happiness.

  • Rainy nights
  • Rainy mornings
  • Warm bathmats and towels
  • Cool mornings
  • The smell of fire pits

For a girl so food-driven, it’s funny to think that there’s no food mentioned there. I think that bodes well for me.

I promise it won’t be almost a month until next time. I might even be back tomorrow. If not, I promise to be writing elsewhere.

Thank you. I love you.

NYC

A Childless Millenial Rants about a Childless Millenial Rant

Posted on by maljoylove

Living in Orlando was the opposite of what I thought my future held. When I graduated high school, I was ready to head up north and take on NYC after college and climb my way up the corporate ladder. Life happens when you’re making other plans.

Aaron got a great job in a town outside of Orlando a month before our graduation from UVM, and I was certain of my future with him. I begrudgingly returned to Florida, assuaging myself with the positives: I’d be closer to my mom and Aaron decided that with our close proximity to the parks, a Disney Annual Passholder membership was imminent.

It’s been three years since our graduation, and we’ve lived separately and together since. We started out in Orlando suburbs but now live in a neighborhood so close to the parks that we hear the fireworks at night as we get ready for bed. We tend to go at minimum once a month, though often more. It’s surreal to think that a vacation that families save up a year to provide their kids is just a typical Saturday for us. We are so very very lucky.

After being a Passholder for nearly two years, I know the parks like the back of my hand. I know all the tricks, how to maximize your time, and will give you random fun facts while you wait in line. Truthfully, my first job out of college made me really sad and I often felt like it crushed my soul. I would go to Disney World and get a little bit of that spark back, get a sense of what it feels like to be happy, before going back to work on Monday (repeat for a little over a year). Now I’m out of that job and even closer to the parks and it truly does spark joy in my heart.

So you can imagine my disappointment when this tweet, and the corresponding Facebook post, made it’s rounds on the internet last month:

donaldducknoise

I don’t particularly love the language used in this post, but if it’s good enough for a toddler mom to share, it’s good enough for a childless millenial to post. Am I right?

There was a lot that bothered me in this post, but I actually started to think about the root of the “problem”: a lot of millenials have been flocking to Disney lately. And my question is: why?

I have never taken a sociology course (though I think I accidentally sat in on the first five minutes of one after mixing up the building names for a different class my junior year at UVM), nor have I done any legitimate research. This is all conjecture, one childless millenial’s theory (or theories):

  1. There’s a lot of millenials out there. Statistically speaking, the generation born between the late eighties and the mid-nineties is the largest since the baby boomers of the fifties. Thanks for the prosperity, Reagan, I assume, because your success sure made for a lot of baby happy parents. There may just be an influx of millenials in all public spaces because there’s just a lot of us. If you don’t like us at Disney, I promise you, we’re at Universal, Legoland, the Tate Modern, the Eiffel Tower, we are in your favorite juice bar both ordering and serving you an acai bowl. We are on the other end of the phone, repairing the internet browser connection for you while simultaneously troubleshooting your printer. We are in your daughter’s classroom, teaching her how to read. Mind your manners. Or should I say:
  2. Millenials hit the technological goldmine: our tiny tot years had VHS tapes. Music went from tape players to Walkmans to iPods. Our tween years had the internet. Our teens and twenties had (and have) social media. We have more access to shared Disney content than any other generation. What’s more…
  3. The sixties, seventies and eighties saw a bit of a slump for Disney. It wasn’t until 1989’s The Little Mermaid that Disney started to get it’s magic back. With releases of the classics on aforementioned VHS tapes, we could spend all day singing to Cinderella and Snow White. Then came the true evolution of the Disney “Renaissance”: Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, Toy Story (and Toy Story 2), Mulan, and Tarzan were all released in the 1990s. We watched them in theatres and then they were popped into our VHS players for us to watch over, and over, and over again. Personally speaking, my mom had CDs of Disney music ranging from the most recent triumphs to the earliest tunes. On hot summer days, she’d play the CDs on our home speaker system so we’d be listening to Disney music by the pool. My privilege may be showing, but you get my point: our generation not only had the most access to Disney, but more quality Disney content was provided to us than that previous generations.
  4. Remember how I said this is all solely conjecture? Here’s my biggest doozy:
    tobias
    The previous generations were old enough to recognize what happened when the planes hit the towers. All millenials could recognize that some scary people with hate in their hearts destroyed some special buildings, and that a lot of people died. Our parents were scared. Family members flew out to foreign countries in camouflage and didn’t come back. Getting on planes took way longer. Grown-ups were just different.

To me, it makes perfect sense that my generation has a stronghold on Disney. It is a crystal clear marker of happier times, of apple juice and dress-up. Playing in the pool (or lake, or ocean) pretending you were Ariel, or wanting to shoot a bow and arrow like Mulan, wanting to grow big and strong like Hercules, wanting to be smart like Belle, wanting to be king, like Simba. Our hopes and dreams, our peace of mind, is tightly connected to Disney.

I feel as though a lot of the same people who would agree with this frustrated mom would likely support the notion that millenials are special snowflakes who got participation trophies and live their lives with kiddie gloves on and a helmet. While some millenials do still have their training wheels (I’m not ashamed to admit that I’d be much worse off were it not for the support system I have), a lot of others work more than one job to stay afloat. Most have thousands of dollars in student debt. It’s likely that a lot of them will be renting until their forties. Some are still feeling the aftershocks of prejudice that is only just now being slowly washed away, and some are still living in the harsh reality that if change is coming, they won’t be alive to see it come to fruition. It’s tough growing up in general, and I’m sure that every person on both sides of the argument can agree with that. Millenials just happen to have found comfort in the memories of their childhood.

Disney World is a truly magical place. It inspires hope, unites families, and reminds you that while emotional maturity makes you a grown-up, you can always be young at heart. One of my favorite traits about me is my childlike sense of wonder. I’ll ask the silly questions, I’ll get some answers, I’ll laugh and smile and sing the songs. Happiness is such a beautiful thing. I will always feel at home in Disney, and I’m not embarrassed by its place in my heart.

A fellow Disney fan posted this note on Facebook, and I think it rings true for me and the other “childless millenials” that roam the parks:

wearethefuture

To my fellow millenials: grab hold of  your dreams, and make them come true.

To the frustrated, tired mom of Aiden: I’ll gladly wait with him for a pretzel, and gently teach him that patience is a virtue if he gets cranky in line. In the meantime, you should sneak over to Tom Sawyer’s Island. In my experience, it’s pretty quiet, and you can get a quick nap in before the afternoon parade. We’ll bring you a Mickey ice cream while we’re at it.

icecreammickey
Photo from here

Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic?

Posted on by maljoylove

Britney Spears wrote “Toxic” about social media and this is an undisputed fact even though I’m pretty sure the closest thing society had to social media when that song was written was blogging (Update: Livejournal had been around for less than five years and Friendster was just beginning, and Myspace was founded in August of 2003).

I went on a deep dive of some of the people I follow on social media, and they’re all women living a more fabulous life than me. Beautiful, blonde, and living in chic homes in places with skin clearer than my future. At this point, I can’t tell if I’m following them in an aspirational way. I feel like when I see their posts, I just think “Wow, they’re so pretty and happy on the coast of France. I wanna be pretty and happy on the coast of France.” That doesn’t motivate me to go do work, it kind of just makes me feel sad that I’m not pretty and happy on the coast of France.

At what point do I clean out and only follow people that make me happy? I feel like if I pretend these people don’t exist, I’m living in ignorance. Contrariwise, being so focused on their presence is sucking the joy out of my scrolling.

I guess the bigger compromise would be that I spend less time scrolling through social media! That way, I spend less time on a screen, and that alone will decrease the amount of time that I see them. I’m trying to eliminate social media past a certain point in my day, as well as start browsing later. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve had to cut down my morning workout because I check my phone in the morning and lose track of time scrolling through Instagram and Twitter! I can be ready in ten minutes for the gym, but when I decide to scroll a little bit before brushing my teeth, I’ve been up for thirty minutes but still in my PJS!

I was definitely feeling the melancholy over the filtered perfection this weekend. I’m sure these women have their bad days where they don’t cry pretty tears or their makeup isn’t perfect. The catch-22 is that even when the girls display their bad days it comes off more performative than authentic. It feels more like they’re trying to compel their audience to lean in closer, you know? I have off days too! I’m just like you! Call me crazy, but while you were sitting in the back of a pickup truck on a spontaneous ride to a mountain waterfall, I was sitting in rush hour traffic. The average person doesn’t get to do that.

I guess I’m also envious that these girls have created this reality for them. They live in a world where they sleep till six so they can choose to watch the sunrise, then either go for a workout or make a nice meal. Sometimes they do both, and a yoga session, before settling down to start their work day at 9. I’d love an extra hour of sleep to get in a workout and show up for my workday with perfect hair and makeup. Even moreso, have no set start time with my day and just go wherever the breeze told me. Climb a tree or swim in the ocean and live only on island time, judging the hours in my day based on where the sun lies in the sky.

I want to be the working girl who gets things done, but I also want to live on the beach and just dream away the hours. I don’t know which one would fulfill me more! What I know for sure, though, is that looking at the girls who do live their lives like that certainly doesn’t fulfill me. Poison paradise indeed! It’s time I find a balance between dreams, reality, and chasing them at the right speed.

August Intentions

Posted on by maljoylove

It’s a new month! I’m in for a busy end-of-summer. We’re moving to a new place, I have wedding appointments, and even tonight, I have to pack for a girls’ beach weekend! That said, it’s a great time for me to set some goals. I don’t mean goals in the sense of “Clean out my closet” (though I did that this weekend!) and “Go on a walk every day”. Those are great objectives, but in this context, I’m thinking more in the abstract.

Long-time woman-crush-Wednesday Alexis Ren shared some questions to ask yourself when setting intentions. They’re a good thing to reflect on every week to keep you motivated! I’d like to share those questions (and my responses) here:

What do I need today/this week/this month?
I need water and more sleep. I would like a healthier mindset (I’ve been engaging in a lot of negative self-talk lately)!

What do I want to manifest more of? 
Kindness and serenity, both towards others and myself!

What do I need to do to continue my progress?
Be empathetic, sympathetic, disengage from toxic environments.

What am I grateful for?
I have a great family! I have wonderful friends! I have an amazing boyfriend who I love. I have access to clean water, a full fridge, and I take a car that I lease to a job I like. I am grateful for the privileges afforded to me in the Western world (“Kim, there’s people that are dying.”).

What do I need to/want to see more of in my life?
I need to see more sleep and less sloth! I need stronger discipline so my time is managed better. Even now it’s 9:40 and I still have to pack my overnight bag! I should have done this earlier. It will get done, and that’s great, but it would be great if I could have been in my room by 9 and in bed by 10. I’ve been able to do that more lately, but I’d rather it be a full-on habit at this point!

What brings me joy/peace/serenity/etc?
I experience joy when I get to be with Aaron. I feel peace at sunrise and night skies. Listening to music to end and begin my day impacts how I go about my routine!

What do I need to do to get closer to my goal?
I think it helps to set realistic expectations. I can’t do five things after work, but I can do two or three. With better time management, I will get more done and get more Zzz’s. Discipline! Efficiency! Yes!

What is my body telling me?
You are low energy and deserve more for your soul. Get better sleep. Have more fruit. Give yourself hugs and give other people smiles. It will go a long way for your own happiness!

What can I remind myself of today/this week?
I am beautiful. I am safe. I am loved. I am grateful.

How will I feel if I implement more ___ in my life?
If I implement more time management tactics in my life, I will feel more confident in my capabilities and better rested. I work out plenty, my physical self is doing pretty well, to the point that it’s a well-oiled machine (even if the oil is occasionally just, you know, olive oil excess left in the wrapping paper of bread sticks). My mental self deserves her day!

What needs to change at this moment/time in my life?
I’m relatively messy and post-work, I’m not very productive. I should work on maximizing my time up until 8 PM during the week. At 8PM I can turn on a show, browse the internet, and start unwinding, but I should try to accomplish some tasks (like read or doing the dishes) after dinner.

What do I need to prioritize?
My mental health! I need to rest easy in my mind. I will have a healthier mindset if I lay my head down to sleep knowing I can put my name on the previous day as a fine day’s work. If I can do that by 9:30, so much the better!

This was a great practice! I now have some decent ideas for this month:

  • Be in my bedroom by 9, in bed by 9:45 Sunday-Thursday. I can stay up a bit later Friday and Saturday, but on “work” nights, I turn in early!
  • Each day, accomplish two tasks, whether it’s cleaning, learning, or flexing a mental muscle through creative methods (reading and/or writing).
  • Social media curfew! No more browsing after 9 PM. I can turn on music while I get ready for bed, but at 8:59 the playlist is curated and the apps are closed. Sweet dreams for me!

I think just those steps will make a world of a difference. Next up: execution! Go!

So, We’ve Established my Wanderlust

Posted on by maljoylove

I’m always on the go! This time last weekend I was taking off from New York and headed back to Orlando for my 8AM workday Monday. Since then, I’ve been booked on another trip back in September, and there are now tentative (leaning towards affirmative, in my head) for another trip in November. Between that, Miami in September, Vermont in October, and my Italian sojourn in November, I’ll barely have time to be at home!

I haven’t met a person who doesn’t have at least some affinity for traveling. Sure, plenty of people have their grudges against airports, and we all have SOME “the person I sat next to on my flight was weird” story, but nothing beats a nice hotel with fresh, clean bed sheets.

I’ve been so many places in my life, and there’s still so many I want to go to at some point. Here’s a few places that top my list of where I want to go next (excluding spots on my Europe trip in November):

  1. Paris. I’ve already been twice, but I only got a taste of everything. I took a picture in front of the Notre Dame, but I didn’t go inside of it. It’s a city of fashion, food, and art, and I truly only had about three days total for both trips. I want to enjoy a croissant inside a quiet corner cafe on a rainy morning. Is my Audrey Hepburn showing?
    LifeWithoutLoubutins
  2. Australia. If reincarnation is a thing, I truly hope I am borne again as a blue-eyed blonde surfer from Melbourne. I would love to spend my mornings on the beach, only to take my surfboard out to catch waves until the sunset. I’ve never been to Australia but my inner-nature girl craves shark diving off the Great Barrier Reef and climbing mountains to get to waterfalls. I think I’d spend two or three days exploring Sydney, then just find a new beach or mountain to explore every other day before getting swallowed whole by a large snake or spider.
    JourneyEraCom
  3. Bali. Every influencer is doing yoga in the jungle, eating acai bowls out of coconuts and enjoying salt-soaked serenity in Ubud. But retreats cost like five thousand dollars and the average Balinese citizen doesn’t have much and apparently doing that “healing in nature” thing doesn’t really help them. I still want to go, but I think I’ll wait until I can do it the way I want, and then matching the overall price of the trip into a charitable donation to an organization that will help their economy. Or maybe they LIKE their simplistic non-Tesla lifestyle? I don’t know, I haven’t thought it through.
    InstagramPinterest
  4. Norway/Sweden/Finland. I want to do a whole Nordic fjord trip, travelling fjords through ice cap villages. I would love to see the Northern Lights!
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    Similarly…
  5. Iceland! This narrowly missed the “honeymoon” choice. I want to visit the Blue Lagoon so much. There’s so much “neature” in Iceland. Very aesthetic.
    FullSuitcase
  6. Scotland. This one was another strong contender for the honeymoon! Aaron got to visit Scotland last year as his first foray into Europe with his family, and I’d love one of our next trips to be a return for him and a virgin voyage for me. I’ve done Ireland, England and Wales, but I missed Scotland. I’d love to visit Belfast, Glasgow and Edinburgh, but I really want to visit the Scottish Isles, too. It’s real “Desktop background” beauty.
    tripstodiscover
  7. Whistler. I was fortunate enough to go on a handful of ski trips when I was younger, but it was always in Colorado or Utah. They were great trips, but I’d love to go to Canada for my first “grown-up” ski trip. I want to visit all of Canada too! I’ve been to Vancouver once before briefly (too young to really remember), and I went to a concert in Montreal five years ago. I’ve still got plenty to see!
    WestJetMagazine
  8. Stowe. Did I say ski trip? Did I say that I went to the University of Vermont but never went skiing? Embarrassing, I know. I went to Stowe to investigate the potential for hosting my wedding, but while it ended up not as my choice, it made me so happy to even walk the canvas. I could picture the smell of smoky air that would come from post-ski fire pits, where people would take off their skis and enjoy a hearty bowl of chili before heading back out to the slopes or heading back to their lodge for a dip in the hot tub. That’s what I remember most about my ski trips as a kid! Stowe is one of the best spots in the US to ski, so I better go get proof for myself!
    stowemtinstagram
  9. Austin. I did a layover in Dallas for three hours once when I was little, but that’s the extent of my time in Texas. Aaron’s family is from Texas (and he was born and raised to the age of six in San Antonio), and they have fond memories of Tejano music and Big Red. Austin now has a great music scene, art, and some of the best barbecue you’ll ever have. Get me a cowboy hat and a nice horse to tend to, stat!
    iloveyousomuch
  10. Switzerland. Picturesque mountains and Swiss chocolate. I don’t think I’d require much else in life to be happy, honestly!
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I know I’ll get to all of these places one day. Who knows, maybe in ten years I can say I’ve been to all of these places! I’ve already seen so much of the world, and I’m so grateful. This list has barely scratched the surface, I haven’t even included my desire to see bio-luminescence! All I need is the money and the time.

And maybe a new pair of snow boots. Allons-y!

 

All images are from Instagram/Pinterest.

I thought of something funnier than 24

Posted on by maljoylove

Today is my 25th birthday. More specifically, at 11:30 PM (just half an hour from now), I will be 25 years old.

I’ve heard playful references to a “quarter-life” crisis hitting at 25, and I can’t say I don’t feel the vibes of it! I don’t look at it as a sudden awareness of my mortality, or a worry that my life is over before it’s even started. I think about it more in terms of a celebration of what is to come.

At 25, I’ve barely started my career. I haven’t gotten married, become a billionaire, and started a happy adorable family. That’s what success looks like, or at least the American Dream, right? I don’t know anyone who’s hit all of those checkpoints at 25, so suffice it to say, I’m certain my best years are still ahead of me.

This hit me in a wave on Sunday, when Aaron took me to a fancy restaurant for a pre-birthday birthday dinner. They were told that there was a “birthday” in our party, so they asked my name before seating us. When I said “My name is Mallory,” they replied, “Happy birthday, Valerie!”

Great songs aside, I get this a lot. Valerie, Melanie, Melody, Molly, I’ve heard every mispronunciation and seen every misspelling you can imagine. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t bother correcting people, and I’m certainly not offended by it by any stretch. You don’t meet many Mallorys, and according to my parents, I was not named after the character from “Family Ties,” they wanted to name me after my great grandfather Morris, and the name “Melissa” just didn’t feel right.

I last wrote about redefining expectations, and I think that my expectations are so ambivalent because I have two diverged dreams of what I want: I want to be that IT woman, the Anna Wintour-esque powerhouse type who has the corner office that gets written about in Forbes. I want to take NBC by the hand and lead it into the world of streaming digital media.

And then there’s another part of me who, if given thirty million dollars, would want to pay off my student debt, donate some of it to charity, and then go move to Australia and just eat fruit and surf all day. I went surfing once and I liked it, but I’d love to learn now and actually stand up on the board. Then I’d walk onto the shore and up to my beachfront house that has WiFi in every room and a coconut tree out back.

I think as far as mid-life crises go, being torn between two ideal universes is pretty mild-mannered.

Rather than focus on the potential, I want to focus back on the present. I didn’t have a big ostentatious party to celebrate my birthday, but I had an office of colleagues and work friends decorate my desk, sing me “Happy Birthday,” and bring me cake and pie and smoothies and balloons. I received a flurry of texts and messages wishing me happy birthday. Voicemails were left, as were letters and mail packages.

I genuinely don’t remember what I did for my 24th birthday, but I think I’ll remember today. The love I felt and the gestures I received made my heart feel so full.

Between the gifts and the well-wishes, I felt very grateful for the life I have. My family is kind, my friends are thoughtful, and the people in my space are open-minded with warmth in their hearts. It makes me want to hug the whole planet! If my life is this good now, at 25, I can only imagine what kind of life I will have when I hit that “mid-life crisis.”

After they had taken my “name” at the restaurant, they took a photo of Aaron and I, framed it, and wrote “Happy Birthday, Valerie!” in pretty calligraphy. It serves as a firm reminder to me of what I want from my future:

At 25, I am too quiet to correct someone who mispronounces my name. At 50, every room I enter will be one where everyone knows my name.

To the world, my friends, my family: thank you for a wonderful birthday, and a wonderful first 25 years. Let’s see what happens in the next 25!

gary

The Root of All Laziness

Posted on by maljoylove

This morning I rolled out of bed and went to the gym. I came home and took a shower. In the shower I thought to myself, “Hm. My stomach kinda hurts.”

I got out of the shower and started making celery juice. Mid-blend I thought to myself, “Oh, my stomach does hurt.”

I finished my juice, brought a coffee to Aaron, and leaned over to kiss him goodbye and thought to myself, “Okay, yeah, my stomach definitely hurts.”

Then I hopped into my car and started off to work. I thought to myself “Good lord. I’m in so much pain. I cannot move. Call 911. I need to go home.”

My poor stomach! I got into the office and went home two hours later, thanks to my understanding supervisor. I can’t describe how much pain I had this morning. I couldn’t talk, I could barely move, it felt like I was being attacked by tiny men in my body banging away at my organs with small hammers.

But! I put on sweatpants, took an ibuprofen, and quickly put a heating pad over my tummy, and by 5PM I was back to normal. It was a tough day but immediately after my work day I got the dishes done.

I sat down to watch Netflix before dinner and I have not really gotten up since!

The epiphany has happened: IT’S. THIS. COUCH.

liz lemon sleeping

I collapse onto it, and then I collapse on myself, getting up only to eat whatever is most convenient in the pantry or the fridge. I fall asleep and then wake up to scroll Instagram, then keep my eyes on the screen until I go to sleep in my actual bed.

I sound depressed. Or tired. I love that it’s both.

I need to stay away from this couch every night except Fridays. I like being productive! It’s just so easy to get lethargic in a sofa this cozy.

I want to start working on my Italian before my trip later this fall. That’s what I should be doing with my lying around time! I need to get off this cozy chair and go do something. It’s almost 9 PM, but in general.

Speaking of, 9 PM my last two brain cells are disintegrating, so I think my mark of productivity for the evening will be a quick bullet journal entry, washing my hair and going to bed at a reasonable hour.