My name is Mallory. Nice to meet you!
Category: My Musings
Guilty Pleasures (or, Do you, booboo)
I’ll be the first to say it: I get writer’s block all the time. In fact, I’m pretty sure that 97 percent of writing anything is sitting down, realizing you have no idea what to say, and then falling down an internet rabbit hole instead. Rinse and repeat at least seven times before you get anywhere close to started. That said, I give myself the opportunity to succeed: I open up my laptop and wait. If nothing comes, I can always trust Pinterest for “blog post ideas”. Sure, sometimes they can be a bit generic, but there’s nothing wrong with a good list of how-tos or life hacks from YOUR perspective! That’s what makes you YOU.
However, I regularly see these suggestions (or some variants on the subject) for post ideas:
- Be organized and do this!
- 5 ways to cut that bad habit
- Simplify your life in three easy steps!
- X is hurting you. Here’s how!
- Be fit and healthy by doing these ten things!
Posting about those topics always makes me feel weird. Granted, I’ve dabbled in the occasional workout post and written a whole Glam Girl Manifesto on healthy hacks that models and influencers use to look and feel their best. But that’s all sponsor-tested, publicist approved by the goddesses that run the Kardashian empire (the devil works hard, but Kris Jenner works even harder). Who am I to tell you how to live your life?
This brings me to my main point: early on in high school, I stopped supporting the idea of the “guilty pleasure.” Maybe it was because I was teased for loving the Jonas Brothers, or enjoyed spending hours watching reruns of “That 70s Show.” At a certain point, I felt so sick of being told that what I liked was pablum, or stupid, or less than worth my time, or not worthy of being liked at all.
First of all, the people who say that certainly have a lot of nerve. I could go on and on about the inflated sense of self-importance, the superiority complex, that those kind of people have (and I’m sure there’s a research paper about it somewhere, if not thirty), but it doesn’t matter.
Secondly, one of the most wonderful things about this world is that all of us are different, and no two people are the same. There’s no wrong way to be happy. I think everyone gets one vice, and they shouldn’t have to feel guilty about it. If your way of unwinding after a long day is three episodes of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” then go for it! If you’re outside the intended demographic for Marvel comics but a new edition each month is what keeps you going throughout the week, then go for it! If you work out five days a week and eat a vegan diet 30 days, but that 31st day you need an ice cream sundae, I will go BUY YOU ALL THE LACTAID YOU NEED.
I feel like we’re all so quick to judge what people like. I gotta tell you, shutting down people’s passions just makes you a buzzkill. If you think someone’s hobby is weird, you should keep it to yourself.
Granted, there are limits to the “no guilt in guilty pleasures” rule. Your vice has to be something that makes you feel good in the short term, without having the potential to devastate you in the long term. Cracking open a cold one with the boys every Sunday is fine. Cracking eight cold ones three times a week? Not so much. Your vice shouldn’t be an inherent danger to yourself, and it definitely shouldn’t be a danger to the people around you (you need a new stress reliever if the way you relieve stress is by coming home and yelling at your family about it). Truly toxic vices are symptoms of a bigger problem, and indulging them is more like denial than a coping mechanism.
So that’s where I stand. I don’t think I can tell anyone that being tidy is better, being healthy is better, being organized is better. I think we all know that. I think that if we set our own expectations based on barometers that other people set, we’re setting ourselves up for failure. We should only be setting standards for ourselves to meet. Allow yourself to be your own judge and jury. We should all stop the shaming of other people’s indulgences. If we all enjoyed the same thing, life would be pretty boring! We’re in month six of quarantine, and being bored in the house and in the house bored just proves that life can get boring quickly. Have that glass of wine. Enjoy that Monday Night Football. Order the dessert. Just live your life the best you can, and remember that everyone else is going on their own journey. The best thing you can do is be supportive, and share what works for you in times of stress.
There’s nothing to feel guilty about an innocent recommendation!
I need a reboot!
We are one week out from the month of August! I have to be honest, I feel like dog trash. Aaron’s parents have been in town for his birthday, which has meant lots of yummy… fattening food. I am bloated and my skin is terrible. My hair feels dull. My workout schedule’s been thrown off by a mile. I need a detox from the inside out or something!
I’m not talking a lemon, cayenne pepper, maple syrup and water mixture only for four days. I’m in need of a massage, a facial, and like… okay maybe that mixture just to get rid of the salt from the three days straight of meats and cheeses. And a Wonder Woman-themed Blizzard from Dairy Queen.
I’ve been looking at my self care/spa Pinterest boards for ideas on how to bring some glow back into my soul. Of course, “drink water” is everywhere.
Here are a few other commonalities for feeling (and looking) your best when in need of a “glow-up”:
-Exfoliate, shave, then lotion with coconut oil and vanilla extract or cocoa/shea butter
-Ice water first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening
-Put vaseline on where your perfume will go
-Brush your teeth twice daily and keep gum/mints nearby
-Cut the junk food!
Aaron’s parents are slated to leave either tomorrow night or Saturday morning! I’ll miss them plenty, they bring such love into the house and it’s nice for Aaron to get some family attention (I feel so lucky to have my parents a three hour drive away from me)! That said, I’m looking forward to getting back to the status quo. I’ve really been in the groove of a morning workout, work, a snack and a nap, and then dinner and a walk with Aaron before bed.
With that, I’m off to snoozeville… but I think I’ll have some ice water first!
Get to Know Me: This or That Travel Edition
If I hadn’t established this enough yet, let me say it plain and outright: I want to travel the world. If I had it my way, I’d have a remote job that let me work on any and every corner of the world, so I could spend six months in Hawaii, three months in Israel, a year in London, five months in Japan… you get it. I want to see it (and live it) all.
That said, it’s easy to say “I want to travel.” Here’s a closer look at my travel preferences and aspirations, a la “This or That”:
- City or Nature? These days, I’m vibing more on natural locations. I feel like I’d enjoy living in nature long-term and living in the city short-term. That said, I wish I could evenly divide my time between London and Manhattan, so you tell me.
- AirBnB or Hotel? Hotel. Apparently AirBnBs are ruining the tourism industry in a lot of less wealthy nations. If staying in a resort helps the locals, then I will HUMBLY oblige!
- Plane or Train? I love flying, but I think I love trains more. You really get to watch the world pass you by as you journey into the unknown. Also I’ve had food poisoning on a plane, twice. Trains are 0 for 2 in that capacity!
- Art or History? Realistically both, but if I HAD to pick, I’d say art. I think art encompasses history and vice versa, but I think I’d spend more time in the Met than in the Museum of Natural History (note: I should compare my time in the two the next time I get the chance to go to NYC).
- Adventure or Relax? Mathematically speaking, relax. I’m going to adventure out in a big city, and I’m going to climb a waterfall or go ziplining in places more tranquil. That said, when I relax, I REALLY relax. Park my butt in the sand and have someone bring me a snack, because I’m not going anywhere.
- Group or Alone? I love solo trips. I’m on no one else’s schedule, I can follow my every impulse, and sometimes I discover some really cool places and have moments just for me. Travelling with my friends and family is special, but I have a soft spot for heading out on my own.
- Plan It or Wing It? PLAN IT. PLAN IT. PLAN IT. Listen, Linda. Have a day with no agenda. Go out and find something you didn’t think you’d find. But book your lodging, book your flight, tell your boss, and pack up right. Some people don’t plan out where they’re going to stay that night, and I’m so frazzled. What if you don’t find anything? You’re gonna sleep on the street in an unfamiliar place? That’s not being carefree, that’s being irresponsible. You loon.
- Backpack or Suitcase? Suitcase long term, backpack short term. I’m not backpacking through Europe. I see girls go hike the Appalachian Trail with a massive pack on their shoulders. I did that once when I was twelve. That was enough!
- Resort or Cruise? CRUISE. You cover more ground when you’re not stuck to the ground! I love a quiet and clean resort but if given the choice between seeing three tropical locations instead of one over the course of the week, and I’ll set sail. And probably listen to the “Titanic” soundtrack while I pack.
- Sight seeing or Shopping? Sight seeing. That’s not even a question. If I find something a loved one might like, cool beans. I keep souvenirs in the back of my head when I go places, but I value what I see and the photos I take more than a trinket (that said, my mom gets honey in every place she visits. I made sure to buy her honey on the honeymoon. See what I did there?).
- Party trip or Romantic Trip? By default, I have to go with Romantic. I have only been on one party trip. It was fun, but I had a better time on my honeymoon.
- Tourist Spots or Hidden Gems? Hidden Gems! I’m a hipster, I want to find the quiet places that people won’t think of firsthand. That said, hidden gems often lie within a few blocks of the main attractions. See the big-ticket sights, then take a walk. You never know what’s out there!
… So, can this quarantine end now? I’m itching to book an adventure!
I took a break. Here’s why.
Here’s a quick rundown of what my week looked like:
- Multiple coworkers tried to take advantage of me (professionally).
- My favorite social media influencer left her platform.
- Her departure sparked a string of demands that people of her calibur on the platform should leave, with some of my favorite influencers being among them, for previous behavior (“she shouldn’t leave, THEY should leave) that I didn’t know about until today.
- People have come forward with accusations of sexual and racially charged misconduct about people in higher positions of power.
- Governor Cuomo (of New York) declared that Floridians are not welcome to visit the state without two weeks of quarantine after arrival re: COVID-19 case spikes (about 9,000 cases have sprung up in the past week). That eliminates my ability to go see my grandparents and best friend in two weeks.
- I’ve made some dietary changes that are yielding great physical results, but the slightest inconvenience spikes my mood from 1 to volcano eruption rage.
I am emotionally and mentally fried. I want more from my job and I want more from my life, and
My mother, sister and I made plans a month ago to take this weekend to go to Costa D’este in Vero Beach. It’s a midpoint between my home and theirs, and we’ve gone once a year for the past three years. It’s beautiful, quiet, and a good place for us to have girl time.
Our initial plan was to check in at four, to have dinner at 5:30. I told my office that I would be taking a half day to get there on time. Two weeks ago, my mother told me that with my sister’s work schedule and her work schedule, they would be arriving closer to six.
With that in mind, I could have worked a full day of work, and taken my last hour of the day as my “lunch hour.” I didn’t. I kept my half day. I needed those extra four hours.
In those four hours, I had a nice lunch with my husband, took a nice long shower, put on makeup, and drove down to Vero listening to a podcast about “The Office.” I arrived an hour before my mom and sister, and took the opportunity to walk the beach by myself.
It was everything I needed. When all else fails, take to the sea.
The weekend nurtured my soul, and seeing my mom and sister made me so happy. Coming back, I’m still feeling a little drained. I don’t think my big problems can be solved by two days of surf and sun. That said, listening to the sound of the waves, laughing with my family, and chocolate chip pancakes are a great bandage on my heart.
2020 has officially unzipped me. I kept a brave face for as long as I could, and I am by no means giving up, but I officially feel fractures in my soul.
I want to use this opportunity to regroup, retool, and rebuild my perspective. I have a lot of work to do on my mind, and finding out how to move forward in the best possible way. I believe life doesn’t throw you anything you can’t handle, so I’m looking forward to the challenge.
I would just like another minute to do that, please.
In times like this, be an optimist.
Today, I am overwhelmed. I had something akin to a nervous breakdown twice. My trip to New York to visit my grandparents and best friend has been cancelled due to growing cases of COVID-19 in Florida. To boot, in the past week, the world of stand-up comedy has seen the floodgates opened by way of abuse allegations from underage women against Chris Delia. Delia hasn’t made a public statement regarding the matter just yet, but bits and pieces of evidence have floated to the public eye and the internet is up in arms. One girl came forward, then another, then another. With that, other women came forward about other celebrities who committed acts of abuse, like Ansel Elgort and even Justin Bieber (though, to be fair, Bieber appears to be pursuing a lawsuit for the extent of which these accusations are false, and has files upon files and photographic evidence proving this one girl’s story is false).
Between racial injustice, the makings of a new wave of #MeToo accusations, and the killer virus that isn’t going away no matter how much we pretend it isn’t, I am feeling stressed out about the world right now.
Keeping this in the forefront of my brain, I want to take a minute to name some things that are making me happy. These are some nice things in my life right now:
- Last Sunday I made really good banana bread. It was my first time making that recipe, and I made it spontaneously, and it was delicious. I’m proud of that banana bread.
- I’ve been going on walks daily, when there’s no rain happening. Aaron has started to join me, and now we’re walking together after dinner. It’s a nice new way to spend time together.
- Jake and Rosa snuggle with me at the end of the night. Both last night and the night before, Jake slept on my pillow and Rosa slept near my feet. They are so sweet and loving.
- I am healthy and alive.
It is so easy for me to slide into despair headfirst, but remembering the good helps me balance out the bad.
I know things will be okay one day. Until then, I’m going to enjoy the sun (at a safe distance) and hug my family. That’s what counts, after all of this.
A Check-In, Before the Check In
Today, I’d like to take a look at my current ideas, plans, and growth potential, in a way that doesn’t reflect on my New Year’s Resolutions and my typical end-of-month check in. It’s not so much a life-update, but a statement of intention.
With that, let us salute… to General Breakdown.
- COVID-19: More and more people are rebelling against the face mask… and more and more people are begging them to not. Most restaurants are operating, as is my gym, and movie theatres are planning on reopening next month across the country. Social distancing is being practiced, and wearing face masks are required in most places. I am hoping that people will be strict on the face mask policy. Spikes in cases are being seen with the reopening of society, but that’s too be expected. We can only hope that it doesn’t expand too much.
- Makeup Experiment: I’ve been working on the makeup, sharpening each look to make it look better with practice. I’ve had very positive results with contouring, lip reshaping, and better foundation coverage. Along with that, I tried one of the tutorials for eye makeup earlier this week and it was IMPRESSIVE. I am excited to see the end result!
- Fitness Goals: I’ve completed Couch25K, and I’ve continued to do a 5K twice a week. I’d like to bump it up to three. I discovered at the gym that running on a treadmill is so much different than running on the road. I am not good at running on a treadmill! I’d like to change that. On a similar note, I’d like to start reincorporating strength-training into my routine. I’d like to go to the gym to muscle train three to four days a week, at least the three days where I do my 5K runs. On the non-5K days, I want to do bodyweight strength training at home, and then start Couch25K on the treadmill at the gym. I think that will put me in even better shape!
- Quarantine Productivity: It’s been mostly non-productive, and here’s a kicker: I’m okay with that. I want to focus all my energy into two or three things, not ten. I do want to learn new languages, and new skills. That said, I set out to hit fifteen thousand steps a day while I’m twenty six (excluding sick days). At my pace, that’s about two and a half hours of stepping! This past week I managed to hit fifteen thousand steps by taking a walk almost every day after work. It was lovely! If I take an hour to enjoy dinner, do some chores and relax with Aaron, along with taking an hour long walk, that gives me about an hour and a half of free time. If I use that half hour to wash my face, that gives me an hour to kick back and enjoy some “me time.” That will really help my mental sanity. Maybe I’ll take another look at those goals if we have to go back into a hardcore lockdown. Never say never!
- American History: I just want to take this down for prosperity’s sake. The Black Lives Matter movement has gone full force. There are riots and protests and marches demanding justice and police reform. The police officer who killed George Floyd was charged with murder, but Breyona Taylor’s killers remain at large (one has been fired. For killing a woman. He was fired. Not arrested. Fired). That said, yesterday was June 19th, or “Juneteenth,” a day commemorating the day that slaves in Texas were told of their freedom, by way of the Emancipation Proclamation… two years prior. It’s looking like it might become a federal holiday! I would like to see that happen, in exchange for Columbus Day. Most people on the “left” side of the things are in opposition to our president, Donald Trump, and his handling of the demand for police reform. Many are eager to vote him out in November. The current frontrunner is Joe Biden, who was Barack Obama (our previous president)’s vice president. Joe Biden has a past of both being too handsy with female associates (even one going so far as to accuse him of assault), but was also an instrumental part of sexual and domestic violence reform as a senator. I’m interested to see how the coronavirus impacts the election season this year. I keep seeing a Biden ad when I pull up Youtube videos, and in the ad the subtitles say (I’m paraphrasing), “I am asking you to vote” when Biden clearly says “I am asking you for vote.” A lot of people say Biden is too old to be president, and that ad makes me concerned, too. Like… you didn’t want to get another take of that? That says more about Biden’s team than Biden, though. I want to see Biden’s sexual assault allegations addressed, and I want to see how President Trump evaluates his time as president the past four years, and how he wants the next four to play out with him continuing with a second term as president. We will see.
And that’s what you missed on “Glee!” OH, SHOOT. “GLEE.” Lea Michele, best known for playing Rachel Berry on “Glee,” was outright declared a “diva” and borderline racist. After tweeting out support for the BLM movement, a woman of color who was part of the supporting cast called her out for micro-aggressive behavior and bullying her on set. Two other women of color who co-starred with Lea subtweeted confirmations of witnessing this behavior. Lea apologized for previous actions, but other stories trickled out of occasions where she was unkind, condescending, or rude to other people in her line of work. A few weeks ago I shared how much I loved Rachel Berry’s wardrobe on “Glee,” and I always had a soft spot for Lea Michele. After hearing these stories, I am bummed. I figured that she would have some sort of superiority complex, for being the little girl with the big voice. A rightfully earned ego, like Mariah Carey. Being aware of her talent and expecting excellence at all times was something that would make sense. THIS out-pour of unkindness was not what I had expected. I hope she turns the other cheek!
That’s it for a check-in/life update. I’ll see how things progress!
A Moment for Me
I have plenty of talents, and plenty of… what’s the opposite of talent? Weakness? That doesn’t feel right but it’s close.
One of the talents I have is my ability to take a moment to appreciate the little things. To me, the things that, when you look back on a lifetime, might seem like a blip, are everything.
Yesterday, I went for a walk after dinner to meet my step goal. I don’t really like going on walks after work because summer nights are typically sticky and sweaty and buggy. That said, I’ve spent so much time circling laps around my kitchen to get my step goal met, that I decided “let’s just go, I can come back if I hate it.”
I really didn’t hate it. There was a calm breeze and families walking dogs. I found myself smiling and feeling calm at the world.
Between rioting and thoughtless politicians and even more thoughtless citizens, that moment of calm meant something. I wrote this to remember this moment of zen:
I feel grateful tonight. And comfortable. That is special and beautiful. Thank you, universe.
Story-time Sunday: BIRTH!
Happy Flag Day! It can only mean one thing: Yesterday was my birthday!
Actually, side note: Flag Day commemorates the adoption of the first United States flag in 1777. It had 13 stars and 13 stripes. Apparently at the time credit went to Francis Robinson, NOT Betsy Ross, who didn’t get credit until like 100 years later. Apparently Betsy had an idea, told it to George Washington, then Francis was the one who actually made it or something? NO FREE CLOUT MAN. Kenny at the drive-thru did not INVENT the Big Mac he’s just putting it together for you and throwing in an extra serving of french fries in the bag for you because from the sound of your voice it seems like you’re going through it.
EXTRA SIDE NOTE: Today is also President Donald Trump’s birthday. Our president’s birthday is the same day as an important American holiday. Hm. I share a birthday with Chris Evans, who plays “Captain America,” the nation’s greatest superhero. So. Double hm.
ANYWAY. I’m 26 now! We kicked off the birthday celebration on Friday. I had to work, but my mom had flowers and chocolate covered treats delivered to the house! I wish she could have been here, but I know I’ll see her in a few weeks. After work, we enjoyed a birthday dinner at my favorite vegan restaurant. They make a very delicious vegan calzone, and if I haven’t said it yet… I love calzones. I just. I love them. I ate every bite and also split an order of bruschetta with Aaron. I did something I rarely do, too, and got a soda! It was my first root beer in forever and it tasted great, but my stomach wasn’t used to it. Super wacky!
When we got home from the restaurant, Aaron went online to play Call of Duty (apparently this is a special weekend for COD, you couldn’t get me to tell you what it is or why it’s special, I have no idea) while I ate some Ben and Jerry’s. Funnily enough, two weeks ago I made chocolate ice cream with crushed up oreos because I was craving a certain kind of ice cream, one that I’d had recently, but I didn’t know what it was. I made that ice cream to see if I could capture the fun (and I did), but I still had no idea what flavor of ice cream I’d had in mind. On Thursday I went to the store to get ice cream and on a whim I picked up “The Tonight Dough,” the flavor inspired by Jimmy Fallon. Of course, I took one bite and realized I found the flavor! A new favorite!
I went to bed relatively early, but I was too excited to sleep well. Between that and an active birthday, I am super sleepy today! We woke up early and made our way over, masks in hand, to Universal Studios. Disney is still closed for quarantine safety, but Universal was operating under specific conditions. In the parks, you had to have a mask on unless eating, you had to maintain a distance of six feet from your party, and employees were wiping down surfaces regularly.
Another fun detail: they only had about 50% capacity. Think about it. Small crowds, no one can be near you… that’s an ideal way to experience a theme park.
We rode Rip-it-Rock-it, one of the biggest coasters in the park, back-to-back! Keeping your mask on while riding a high speed roller coaster is TOUGH. Aaron and I both had to readjust at least once. After that we went on the Men In Black ride, which is a shooter game that I’ve gotten better at over time and visits to the park. I pushed the “Little Red Button” first so I got more points than Aaron, much to his chagrin! I love the aesthetic of the Men In Black ride because it’s very themed on retro-futurism. It’s so neat!
After the Men in Black ride, we went to Diagon Alley, the “Harry Potter” themed section of the park, to ride “Escape from Gringotts”, which was also tough to do with a mask on but in a different way. When you cover your nose and mouth and wear special ride glasses, the glasses fog up when your breathing has nowhere to go but up and not out the normal way!
Part of the “Lore” of the ride is that you go down to the bottom of Gringotts Wizarding Bank. To get there, you take an elevator. However, to avoid keeping people in enclosed spaces for too long, they instead had people walk through the queue. I was thunderstruck that it wasn’t a real elevator. I know how silly that sounds but I thought it was an indoor coaster! It made perfect sense for us to have to take an elevator down, and then walk up stairs to get to the ride at a normal height above sea level. Apparently that’s not the case. Aaron made fun of me to another employee that I didn’t know, but I chimed in “NO, IT’S AN ELEVATOR, IT’S JUST NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW TO KEEP PEOPLE SAFE.” The employee understood and said “Yes, the elevators are down right now, we have to travel by magical portals.” Aaron was caught and I felt victorious.
We had lunch at The Leaky Cauldron, and I got a delicious chicken sandwich and a Butterbeer (which is just cream soda with a fancy topping. Still, IT’S SPECIAL).
After that, Aaron got us a spot in line to ride the new Harry Potter ride, Hagrid’s Motorbike Adventure, but we had to powerwalk to the other side of the park to get there! The line was immense, but so worth the wait. It opened a year ago, literally, on my birthday last year, and it’s still the biggest line in the park!
The ride itself is a roller coaster where you either drive Hagrid’s motorbike or ride in his sidecar. I rode in the sidecar and it was so fast! I couldn’t believe a non-upside-down coaster could go that fast. It was the coolest ride in the whole park, for sure!
After the coaster, we split up briefly for Aaron to get his afternoon coffee. I wanted to ride the Hogwarts Castle ride, which Aaron didn’t enjoy, so we agreed to split up for me to ride the ride. However, the wait was too long so I instead decided to wait for him to return with his coffee while watching the hourly show in front of the Castle (a dance/stunt show welcoming the other wizard school competitors in the Tri-Wizard Tournament. If you’ve seen the fourth Harry Potter movie, it was just that). I realized “Oh my gosh, I’m alone at Hogwarts. The dream.” It was a nice moment, but then I realized I hadn’t had any water yet and it was ninety degrees outside at that point in the day.
Aaron found me as I bought us waters, and we made our way over to Jurassic Park. Aaron didn’t want to ride Jurassic Park, because at that point the sun was starting to get to him and the line was longer than we expected. We decided to sit down near the splash zone area of the Jurassic Park ride. I got splashed a couple of times before we sat down though, because I wanted a nice sprinkle of refreshment. Aaron then surprised me by getting us another spot in the new Harry Potter ride! He sat and recharged his mental batteries while I rode the Jurassic ride by myself.
A fun note about social distancing in a theme park: less people in each car REALLY helps you enjoy the ride more. It’s less noisy, and you can hear all the sound effects and musical cues a lot better. That was definitely true for the River Adventure ride. Because it was just me, I got the whole front row of the car to myself. THE FRONT ROW. Of my favorite ride. TO MYSELF. I just. So good.
After I got off the ride, Aaron and I went back to the Motorbike Adventure, and this time I rode the bike with him in the sidecar. It was even cooler the second time. After that, we took the “train” back to the other side of the park. Riding the train, even if it isn’t a real train, made me miss London. It’s special.
When we got off the train, we made our way over to “Animal Actors,” a live show with tricks and moviemaking secrets about training animals for movies and tv. I don’t think Aaron would outright say it, but I think it’s his favorite part of the parks. He always wants to go when we visit Universal Studios. It’s so genuine and sweet. The show was different since they couldn’t do the usual in-audience participation, but it was still fun!
It started to rain, so we went over to the ET ride. What I love about the ET ride is that it’s so essential and if anyone tries to get rid of it I’ll annihilate them. How dare you even think about it. The ET ride is so weaved into the fabric of the park that I genuinely can’t imagine it not being there. It’s so wholesome and fun, the most I’d be okay with them doing is updating it.
It was 5PM at this point, and we were starting to get tired and miss the cats. We decided on one final ride: Jimmy Fallon’s Race Through New York. I love the NYC theming of Universal Studios. It reminds me of what I’m working toward every day. So does the ride itself, as it’s modeled after 30 Rockefeller Plaza. It was a nice way to end our day in the parks!
On our way out, we stopped at the NBC Sports Grill (where I get a discount, yay!) and Coldstone Creamery. I didn’t have a birthday cake this year, but I did get their Birthday Cake Remix ice cream flavor. I truly love ice cream.
When we got home, Aaron told me to go check the front door. When I opened the door, there was a beautifully wrapped present, and a friend from work was waiting in her car up the street filming my reaction. I threw caution to the wind and sprinted over to give her a hug. It was the first friend I’ve seen in months. It genuinely made my day even better.
Aaron and I then sat together while I opened my presents, a lot of which were from his mom! I got a few gift cards, some beauty products, and a new pair of Converse, courtesy of Aaron. My friend from work got me a smattering of sweet things from TJ Maxx, including a photo frame and two bags of my favorite chocolates (we’ve been over this: Reese’s Cups and Hershey Miniatures).
It was about 8PM at that point, and the cats had missed me. I took a moment to write some thank you texts, and Jake immediately jumped into my arms. I wasn’t awake for much longer.
Between the day at the parks, the yummy food, and the presents, I felt so loved yesterday. My heart is full thinking about my birthday. Aaron was such a big part of making it such a great day… I better follow through with that New Year’s Resolution to give him a great birthday too!!
Offhand Notes:
1. I’ve been working on “The Experiment,” but with different methods. Yesterday I tried contouring based on one of the tutorials, and applying my foundation and eye makeup based on another. The overall goal is to put together a new makeup routine for when I go back into the working world of offices, so I don’t anticipate doing ALL of one look each day. More on this as it develops!
2. I finally went back to my facialist, and she gave me a new product to use at night. It’s a light pink mask that I leave on my face and chest all night. I put it on last night after wearing makeup all day and being in the sun all day and probably not drinking enough water all day, and I woke up feeling gross, like I had slime on my face. Then I looked in the mirror and was thunderstruck at how great my skin looked. Little victories!
The Haunted Mansion: For Kids?
Disney Plus has been a fun little addition to the world of streaming services. Though missing a few things from the archives, it’s still got most of, if not all, the old classics. Since logging on for the first time by myself (ie not watching a movie with Aaron), I’ve watched three of the live-action “family” movies that came out when I was around eight to ten years old: “Freaky Friday,” “Cheaper by the Dozen,” and “The Haunted Mansion.”
“Freaky Friday” holds up to my memory. The Chad Michael Murray plot is awkward considering the age difference between him and Jamie Lee Curtis’s character Tess, but still, it’s a Disney movie. There isn’t much there by way of “they put THIS in a kids movie?”
“Cheaper by the Dozen” is almost better now that I’m older and can see things through the eyes of a twenty something. Of the dozen Baker kids, I’m closest in age to the oldest daughter, as opposed to when it came out and I was closest to one of the middle daughter’s age. Also, pop punk. AND BABY JARED PADALECKI. He had a lil’ accent and everything.
Today, I turned on “The Haunted Mansion.” Inspired by the eponymous Disney ride, this movie scared the heck out of me when I was a kid. Now that I’m older… I’m still scratching my head at how some of this was put in a kids’ movie. High key violence and racism? Okay that’s a watered-down summary of “Us,” but I digress.
Here are a hundred thoughts I had while watching “The Haunted Mansion.”
1) The opening credits are on tarot cards, and they just showed two nudes in a tarot card. Like full frontal nudity. To quote Vine, RIP, “Is this allowed?”
2) I think I don’t remember what the origin story is here. I also think I do remember.
3) This movie freaked me out so much growing up, but I think that made me fascinated with it. I like being scared? More on that story as it develops.
4) And BOOM, violent death in a kids movie. A KIDS movie.
5) After being on the ride so many times, I love recognizing the music!
6) Cut to Eddie Murphy! He’s a real estate agent with his wife! That’s great!
7) “I don’t like this house.” “I want a divorce.” BIG yikes.
8) Oooop Eddie Murphy (Jim Evers) and his wife (Sarah Evers) are good at their jobs!
9) Okay now Jim’s at a tiki bar (maybe a nod to the tiki room) with two… REALLY white people who insist he stay for a drink. ON HIS ANNIVERSARY.
10) He comes home late. Sarah is upset. KIDS DON’T CARE WHO PAYS FOR THINGS THEY WANT THE ONE WHO’S THERE FOR THINGS. Oh gosh, here comes my CHILDHOOD.
11) We meet the kids: son Mike and daughter Megan.
12) Mike is too scared to kill a spider, Megan slaps it dead without a second thought.
13) Cut to Sarah receiving a mysterious call: THE MASTER WISHES YOU COME ALONE TO THE HOUSE? DOESN’T LIKE THE LOOK OF YOUR HUSBAND? That is two back-to-back red flags. It’s 2002 I think, right?
REGARDLESS. In this economy? What guy is like “Yes, pretty black woman. Come to my fancy house in the middle of nowhere by yourself.” Absolutely not.
14) Jim is very good at his job, clearly, they do well for themselves and have a nice car, but to the point that it’s affecting their family life.
15) The house only looks kind of like the house used for the Haunted Mansion ride.
16) OKAY THE GATES JUST OPENED UP AFTER BEING PADLOCKED? WHY IS IT THIS DARK AT 3PM.
17) It is a gorgeous house though, when you strip away the creepy. It looks like it has a greenhouse and everything.
18) Dad likes the car. Loves the car. Noted.
19) Massive cemetery. “Hey honey you know they have dead people in the backyard.” At some point you realize “You know what, this isn’t right. We’re going home.”
20) OOP Creepy guy lets them in the house. His name is Ramsley. Bad guy from “Get Smart.”
21) The house is owned by Edward Gracey (I thought it was Grady this whole time. That’s on me).
22) Edward Gracey is here, and this is AWKWARD.
23) All of this gives me the heeb-jeebs.
24) I’m SO uncomfortable. Imagine if Jordan Peele remade this. I know it’s a Disney movie but still.
25) Sarah’s looking at Edward like she likes him. The plot is vaguely coming back to me. I can’t remember if some part of her knows him or not, like “Dracula” or something.
26) It’s so cool to hear the Grim Grinning Ghosts theme in the score. It’s something else.
27) See if this were a NOT-Disney movie the whole family would have said “So this guy’s like low-key racist right?” Okay, if it weren’t a Disney movie, they wouldn’t have even entered the house.
28) Jim and Sarah have argued about work and Ramsley has separated the two.
29) Ramsley pours Jim a scotch. That’s gotta be a 200 year old Scotch. DANG. MONEY.
30) Ramsley says being a butler means attending to every detail and -LOOKS AT JIM- “knowing one’s place.” WOW.
31) Jim just seems like a nice guy.
32) Oop there’s a marble bust that looks like one of the ones from the ride! IT UNLOCKS A SECRET PASSAGEWAY and now Jim is locked inside the passageway WONDER WHO DID THAT.
33) The kids have discovered a music box that has SUMMONED AN ORB. a GHOST ORB.
34) Follow the ghost orb. Ghost orbs are nice, if I remember correctly.
35) Sarah is REALLY pretty and RAMSLEY KEEPS SNEAKING UP ON THE FAMILY.
36) Sarah is like “I can’t find my husband.” “Your husband’s in the library,” Ramsley lied.
37) Sarah walks in and EDWARD GRACEY IS SITTING IN THE CHAIR LOOKING CREEPY.
38) How can Gracey look totally creepy in one scene but totally charming seconds later. THE JOE GOLDBERG EFFECT.
39) WOW things you don’t pick up as a kid. Gracey says “Elizabeth,” and then it cuts to the kids following the orb. NICE. FIVE POINTS.
40) They have an old fashioned elevator. Like I would live in this house if it weren’t so spooky.
41) AAAAAY THE PORTRAITS THAT CHANGE!
42) AAAAAAAAAAY THE BUSTS THAT MOVE.
43) The house is breathing. It’s time to leave.
44) THE TELEPHONE. MADAME LEOTA.
45) Jim is startled by a crow. WHY is it always a crow?
46) The kids are in the attic now! They found the wedding dress… and a portrait THAT LOOKS LIKE THEIR MOM.
47) Suddenly WALLACE SHAWN APPEARS!!!!
48) Wallace Shawn is like “GET OUT OF HERE” and his scullery maid cohort is like “Do you guys want a cookie?”
49) The kids are hiding while the scullery maid and Wallace Shawn cover for them while Ramsley complains about the kids and Jim. “Nothing further shall interfere with the master’s plan.” Creepy.
50) THERE’S MADAME LEOTA. With that eerie Disney evil queen GREEN.
51) This scene makes more sense when you have been on the ride fifty times, but also the lore of the ride is different than in the movie. We’ve established through spooks that there’s a curse on the mansion.
52) Jim reunites with the kids, Wallace Shawn, and his maid friend. The kids know they’re ghosts. And there’s a curse. And they want to help!
53) So Elizabeth, the original Sarah, “killed herself” because she could never be with Gracey. IT’S RACISM.
54) Madame Leota says things aren’t as they seem, and they have to find the key to the curse in the crypt behind the house.
55) TWO REFERENCES TO THE RIDE: the kids want to know how to get out of the house and to the crypt. Wallace says “THERE’S ALWAYS MY WAY….” then BOOM they escape by carriage drawn by ghost horse.
56) Now all 999 ghosts are in the cemetery hanging out and doing ghost stuff. Including the hitchhiking ghosts! Neato!
57) Gracey is creepy but I would feel a lot less creeped if he were played by Matthew McFadyen. I guess they wanted to capture the energy of a dead man haunted by the ghosts of his past.
58) THE SINGING HEADSTONES. One of them LOOKS LIKE WALT DISNEY. YAY.
59) Megan, the daughter, marches towards the dangerous crypt. Mike’s ready to nope out of there.
60) How does Jim still have his suit on? In pristine condition? It’s been rained on, he’s gone through spooky pathways with cobwebs. At the very least he should’ve lost the jacket.
61) They keep referring to Leota as a gypsy. IDK if we can say that anymore. Can we?
62) Megan has followed Jim into the crypt. Fearless.
63) Aw, Jim explains that he works hard so the kids can have everything he didn’t. Megan says “I didn’t know you had a bad childhood.” He says “I didn’t.” And she says “So why do we need to have everything you didn’t?” WOW. MEGAN. COMING IN HOT.
64) Now they have the key… and they’ve awakened the ghoul holding the key.
65) JIM DROPPED THE KEY.
66) Okay on the real though Megan kills spiders, knows latin and dives underwater in creepy crypt to get a key and then resurfaces to demons? Imagine being that cool.
67) And now they are trapped in the crypt… with spiders in front of the door. Mike has to face his fears to open the door.
68) MIKE OPENS THE DOOR WITH THE HELP OF AN EMOTIONAL PEP TALK FROM JIM ABOUT FEAR. GREAT. They’ve got the key.
69) Leota’s like “great job getting the key, go put it in the trunk.” THAT’S NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
70) Now everyone is in the attic, and they’ve found the spooky trunk.
71) Trunks are cool like they look spooky and they’re tough to carry but I would still travel with one if I had an assistant to carry my things.
72) THEY FOUND A LETTER. ELIZABETH WANTED TO RISK IT ALL AND MARRY EDWARD. SHE DIDN’T KILL HERSELF BECAUSE THEY COULDN’T BE TOGETHER. GRACEY WANTED TO RUN AWAY WITH HER AND RAMSLEY WAS LIKE NAH TIME TO POISON ELIZABETH INSTEAD MWAHAHAHA.
73) And now he wants to KILL SARAH THINKING IT’LL LIFT THE CURSE.
74) The kids have been locked in a trunk… and Ramsley has thrown Jim from the premises. Through glass. Onto the greenhouse, landing on the car. And shuts all the windows. Jim survives?
75) Gracey has shown Sarah the ballroom and is asking her about forgiveness… THIS IS SO WILD. I REMEMBER THIS SCENE. This was so creepy but I really liked it. The ghosts are dancing and Gracey is begging her to remember him, and Sarah runs away. He’s so sad, but confused, like “WHY DOESN’T SHE REMEMBER?” And of course Ramsley is like “She will don’t worry.” GAH.
76) Crazy that the car alarm is going off and and no one can hear it.
77) Jim is trying to break a window but it keeps repairing itself.
78) Ramsley is threatening to kill the kids if Sarah doesn’t marry Gracey.
79) “There are worse things than purgatory madam. I can assure you.” THAT was creepy.
80) AND THIS PART RIGHT HERE IS WHY I DIDN’T WANT TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE TO “HERE COMES THE BRIDE.” THIS OUT OF TUNE, MINOR ORGAN VERSION HAS BEEN FOREVER CEMENTED INTO MY BRAIN.
81) Gracey KNOWS something’s up because Sarah is crying and he’s like what is that about and Ramsley’s like “Oh it’s tears of joy.” MMM.
82) Jim is sitting against his car and Madame Leota literally rolls up like “Wtf are you doing. Get up and fight for your family.”
83) This is a nice line: “You try, you fail, you try, you fail. But the only time you really fail is when you stop trying.” “What do you want me to do?” “…Try again.”
84) Sarah’s wedding attire is really pretty I would wear that.
85) Update: Jim drove through the window with Madame Leota’s crystal ball riding shotgun. They make it into the house and crush the piano in the process.
86) Jim is fighting medieval knights. Why did we as a society have medieval knight armor as home decor for a minute.
87) SARAH’S ABOUT TO DRINK A POISONED CHALICE?!?!?
88) Jim barges in with the kids!
89) Oop Gracey is all “GET AWAY FROM MY WIFE.”
90) Gracey has a sword! BUT JIM HAS A LETTER FROM ELIZABETH SAYING SHE WOULD MARRY HIM. THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD. THE BETRAYAL IS REVEALED
91) “Your union was unacceptable.” RACIST.
92) I remember this part: Ramsley screams “DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL” AND THEN THE EVIL SPIRITS COME OUT TO PLAY.
93) And now the ground is disintegrating to make way for a… fire dragon? It’s not a Disney movie without a dragon.
94) Oh but the dragon swallowed Ramsley and is sinking back into hell… but Ramsley grabs Jim! THEN GRACEY SAVES JIM!
95) Ramsley’s disappeared into the abyss but Sarah’s passing out… she had one sip of the poisoned wine.
96) GHOST ORB TAKING OVER SARAH’S BODY… and now the gates of heaven are opening and Sarah’s… turned into Elizabeth!!
97) Elizabeth and Gracey kiss and the rest of the family is like “… okay I get it that’s not Sarah buuuut wrap it up”
98) Elizabeth’s spirit leaves Sarah’s body as Sarah regains consciousness.
99) Gracey thanks the family by leaving them the deed to the house, and he, Elizabeth, and the rest of the spirits float up to heaven.
100) With that, the family is off to the lake for the weekend… with Madame Leota in the back and the singing headstones strapped to the back window.
This was a fun hour and a half of my time. I like silly spooks, they feel non-threatening. Also, I thought it was a fun way to readapt the Disney ride into a modern atmosphere… for kids. Again, if Jordan Peele remade this movie it would be a lot different.
Apparently when “The Haunted Mansion” came out it made twice it’s budget, but was panned for being neither funny nor scary. Reviewers can’t be trusted though, if you ask me, because apparently “What a Girl Wants” got mixed to negative reviews and it’s one of the FORMATIVE movies of my childhood. FORMATIVE.
What streaming platform has “What a Girl Wants”? I think that should be next on my “cinematic masterpiece deep dive!”